8 yr old not yet enrolled in school - would like your opinions

boyohboyohboy wrote: ok, so my dh has a middle brother, who is not motivated, and has no initiative in his own life. He is a nice guy, and seems to love and care for his son. the son, alex, is now 8yrs old. his mother has no desire to care for him. she has 5 other kids at this point, from 5 other fathers, and she is a drug addict. her parents have her other kids.
he had lived with his parents when alex turned 5. he was to start kindergarden in pa, when the brother met someone on line and decided to move to indiana. so he didnt start kindergarden because he said he would just start him when he moved to indiana...well, while there he told his mother that alex was diagnosised with dyslexia, and that alex was having a really hard time with school. so the mother sent money for a private tutor for the past three yrs. well, it turns out, that the middle brother has not worked the entire time he has been gone, he has been living off this "tutor" money. and he has not ever enrolled alex in school. he is now 8 yrs old and can not read or do anything that a kindergardener can do.
so now we think that the brother isnt able to make ends meet, and has once again moved home to live off his parents, he is 32 yrs old.
the mother does not know any of this...(my mother in law) the brother is telling everyone that the school in pa isnt enrolling him because indiana isnt sending his school transcripts....but the middle brother confided in the youngest brother, so thats how we found out..now we dont know how much of this story is true either..

my question is what would u do? my dh said he is just angry right now. he doesnt want to turn him into child welfare services because he doesnt want a stranger to get alex.. we could take alex, but only if he allows us to adopt him, and alexs mother would never sign off on him. i wanted to tell my MIL i think she would make him get his act together for alexs sake...but my dh wont let me. and its not my place to tear this family apart..but someone has to stick up for alex. he is 8 and already has low self worth, and he has no manners, and he usually just seems like he is in a shell, not real talkative. our kids get along great.
he is well taken care of other wise, although i do suspect that he never takes him to the dr either..he is always complaining of stomach pain and doesnt eat well, and throws up..i dont think they have much money for food.

what can be done for alex..?

ZandersMama replied: WOW, i have no idea what to say but That's a tough situation.

Mommy2Isabella replied: That is very sad!

I understand where you are coming from as far as wanting to tell his mother. There isn't really much you can do, other than offer to help out with alex since you don't think the mom will sign off on her rights.

Middle brother needs to be sat down and really talked to about the situation in my opinion! I hope you get things figured out!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: how awful. i don't know what i would do.

luvmykids replied: Oh wow, I don't know. That would sure torment me but I don't know if I could turn them in Sorry you're in the mix

Now that they're back with MIL can she do something about it?

My3LilMonkeys replied: What a terrible situation. I think something has to be said or done by someone, because I'm pretty sure that it is illegal to not have him enrolled in school (unless of course he's being homeschooled, but it sure doesn't sound like it.)

PrairieMom replied: I think that ultimately someone has to look out for the child, and if some adults have to be hurt / angered in the process then so be it. Some one has to step up to the plate. Can you turn them in anonymously? Or, maybe just take the boy in until the father straightened out?

I don't know if child welfare would automatically place the child with a stranger, don't they usually try to place them with family first?

AlexsPajamaMama replied:
Yes I think they do place them with family first, that is the way they do it here in Maine anyway. And I agree, the well being of this poor child is what is most important. I feel so bad for kids who are brought up like this. My bil and his g/f are raising their child in about the same manner and it's very sad when a child acts a certain way because they do not know any differant.

I hope it all gets worked out soon.

Boo&BugsMom replied: Stacy, he isn't being well taken care of if he is being this neglected. Neglect is abuse! I know it's hard, but hubby really needs to gain the strength to go and get someone to intervene. This child will have a LOT more issues if something is not done. He needs to think of the child first, not his brother. I really hope he can find the strength to do something, or else this child will have an even longer road ahead of him. He is 8...he should be in 2nd grade by now!

holley79 replied: I have no clue what to say. I would probably have to go to the authorities because I'm sorry the child is being neglected. I know it may cause problems in the family but the adults will get over it. My first and foremost concern would be for the welfare of the child.

boyohboyohboy replied:
we live 2 1/2 hours from my MIL and alex. so we cant do something on a daily basis for him. I am waiting to hear this week if the brother actually did go to the school and get him started..
someone mentioned to me, that the school itself might just turn him in, when no school records are shown..
my husband seems to think thats its pa law, that kids are not required to start school till the age of 8. but i have never heard of that. i just assumed when you turned 5 you went to school...

does anyone know if you can call child welfare without giving your name?

mom21kid2dogs replied:
Yes. It's Federal statute that you can make a report to any child welfare agency anywhere in the US and not release your name.

boyohboyohboy replied:
I wouldnt do that, make the report without releasing my name, in other circumstance, but I am afraid of doing anything that might upset my marriage. I know this is going to devaste my MIL, and she isnt in the best of health. I also know that very few people know, so it might come out and just ruin the family relationship, I do feel that is a loss worth taking to help save alex, however I do not know for sure that is how my dh feels. and if i am going to do this, i cant very well ask him....

it really has me between a rock and hard place...

and most of you said you dont know what you would do.

DansMom replied: I think the authorities should be notified without delay.

Crystalina replied: Sorry if I repeat anyone but I don't have time to read all the other posts.

I would turn him into to child welfare! That poor child will be behind the rest of his school years because his father doesn't want to "father". He's only hurting the child.

Child welfare (if approached by the family) should give the rest of the family the option of stepping in (if only temporary) before sending the child outside of the family. If you can get the parents to agree on who in the family should take that position it works better. I guess that may also be what kind of system is in your area. I've called children services on my sister before (for good reasons) and she was given the option of where her daughter should stay and she picked me. Either way, that child should be in school by now. That's a very sad thing. If he is not given to someone else in the family maybe it wouldn't hurt him to be seperated from those parents.