2nd child anxiety..

paradisemommy wrote: dh and i have always talked about having 2 or 3 children - i totally agree and want the same amount that he does. we had planned on spacing them out 3 years but are contemplating now spacing them out 2 years.

i'm having mixed emotions and i can't quite put my finger on exactly what it is. i absolutely LOVE being a sahm to taven (15 months) - he is our whole life and so much fun to be around. i cherish the one on one time that we have together and i know that once we have another, that that will be gone. i know it will probably be so much better but i'm almost sad because i won't be able to spend all that quality time with him.

anyone else feel this way?

aspenblue1 replied: I do I know that I want at least 1 more child but I am so torn on when to do it. I just don't want to miss the time that I have with Isabella.

Heather replied: We are actively TTC bambino #2 and I sometimes worry about it, because she is the center of our attention now...but then I see her with other children and she is soooo happy to be around them and "playing" with them. I don't feel so bad. It will be a tough adjustment but I think, being Mothers we find ways to go around things like that and, naturally it just might come to us!! Good luck if you decide to start baby dancing...best wishes!! You will do great once the time comes!!

MomToMany replied: Those feelings are totally normal. I feel this way now with the new baby coming. I don't know how Hannah's going to react or how it's going to work with 5 kids in the house. Yes, it's true you won't be able to spend as much one-on-one time as before, but you have to make the most of what time you do have alone together. You're going to have to find some special time each day for just him, even if it's just a half-hour. I'm sure Taven would be an excellent big brother, and it's all about preparing him enough for the new arrival when it's time. Kids understand a lot more than what we give them credit for, so it's good to explain everything that would happen with a new baby. And he would absolutely love helping take care of the baby, too. My kids sure did! Having them get a diaper or toys makes them feel really special, which makes them feel really good, which makes you feel good. And when he sees the new baby smile or laugh at him, I'm sure it would really make him feel like the "superman" of big brothers. My kids loved it when the baby smiled and laughed. They thought it was the greatest thing in the world!

I hope some of this makes sense to you, and that it helps a little bit.

jem0622 replied: When I was pregnant with Gabe and it was nearing delivery time DH & I had lots of angst about not being able to give enough attention to Nathan (now almost 4). Adjusting was hard, but you know what...Gabe laughed out loud for the first time at his own big brother. He loves to climb into bed with him for stories and give him kisses. They play chase (by crawling). Nathan tries to help Gabe practice walking. They both have their moments of jealousy and give me attention now, but the love between them is priceless and once Gabe is a little bigger they will be inseparable.

As one of four children (my eldest sister passed when I was 3) I cannot tell you how much my siblings (an older sister and younger brother) mean to me.

Julie

kimberley replied: Hugs to you!!

I know exactly what you are feeling. I went through the same thing when I was pg with #2. I actually was a little depressed about it and thought this new baby was going to break that close bond between me and DS #1. As a typical mom, I worried for nothing.

Yes things change, but not for the worse. At 18 months, Jacob loved his little brother and the bond didn't break... it just grew bigger to include the new baby. The art of multi-tasking comes in handy here. Jacob was my little helper and when my hands were full we did things like sing songs or read books. He was always beside me when I was nursing his brother.

The quality time is still there, it just may have to be altered. If he wants to play pat-a-cake while you are nursing, suggest singing a song or have him color a picture beside you. They don't usually mind... as long as they are with you.

Good luck with TTC and to add my 2 cents... i found it a lot easier having them closer together. my boys are 18 mos apart and my older one adjusted quite easily to the arrival of his brother. when Jade was born, my youngest son had a harder time adjusting.

HTH,

jcc64 replied: I understand the anxiety. I have 3 kids, and before the births of #2 and #3, I spent a considerable amount of time mourning the loss of my family as I then knew it. While it's true that you will have less time with each individual child, the gift of a sibling is immeasurable. Your kids may not always see it that way, but there is no other way to teach sharing, patience, playing, and all of the other life skills they will need. I know many families with only children, and while the parents spend much more 1on 1 time with their kids, they are always actively seeking playdates and activities with other kids. With siblings, you have a built in playdate, 24-7. Trust me, once the kids are old enough to really interact, your life will be much fuller and easier. It's sooooooooo worth it!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I'm righ tin the middle of that anxiety..... DS is just about 14 months, and will be about 15 1/2 months when this baby is born. I feel awful sometimes, because I can't just get down on the floor and play with him like I used to a efw months ago, and also I don't carry him as much, and i think he missed that, because whenever I sit down, he tends to climb up on my lap and cuddle.

But...on the other hand....one of the reasons I agreed to get pg with this one is so that I could spend MORE time with DS. I work full time, so I only haev a few hours when I get home from work to spend with him, and weekends. If I'm home, at least I get a few more hours to spend with him....

so it's a win/win/lose situation. I win 2x, because I have another baby, and I get to spend more time with DS...but I lose a little too, because the new time I get to spend with DS is not as much time as I'd like it to be....

all in all, I think it was a good decision for us.

paradisemommy replied: thanks everyone!! you guys totally made me feel better...i'm like being totally emotional this week...just got af so as i'm reading all your replies i am just

Maddie&EthansMom replied: We wanted 2 children 4 years apart and I thought for sure I would be ready before then, but surprisingly enough, the older Maddie got the more I enjoyed her and wanted it to be just us. We finally decided to start TTC this past summer and weren't sure about it still, but we are pg now and so excited. We think we did the right thing for us by waiting until she was older. I think she is more independent and can help us more than she would have when she was 2. At 2 she just needed so much attention. She is very excited about the baby.

For me personally I just didn't want 2 in diapers and bottles. We thought it would be hard to start over with diapers and bottles, but we are both so excited and ready for a baby. It seems like we have more energy and time since Maddie is a little older. So, really you pretty much know when you are ready and it ends up working out just fine.

MommyToAshley replied:
This is exactly how I feel.

MomToJade&Jordan replied: I am feeling the same way. I think my big thing right now is that I'm so far away from my family. It was hard enough getting Jade this far all by myself. I don't think I could handle two without my Mom. Yes I have DH to help me, but I wanted my Mom so bad right after Jade was born. It was so nice when I was home because she would just watch Jade and I could get away for a couple of hours without worrying too much (yes I did worry I couldn't help that). I really do want another, but I think I will wait until I'm closer to home.