what do you think? - my brother and pot

Hillbilly Housewife wrote: ok so my 18 year old brother smokes pot.

Recently, he told me that he's "taking over" his friend's "clientele" to make some extra cash, because his friend got "busted".



My mom knows he smokes pot...and although she cares that he's doing it and rather he wasn't, she also rathers he do it in the basement, rather than being outside and stirring trouble and getting picked up by the cops.

She's had me talk to him a lot, because he "listens" to me more than her.

Anyways last night after our karate class, she asked me to go talk to him, because we walk in the house and it reeks of pot. So I go in the basement to see him... and he lights up a joint. So I went upstairs to get myself a drink. I go back downstairs... and he's right there...and blows a crap load of smoke in my face.

So I get annoyed at him, since he's laughing at me, and I go upstairs to see my mom...and tattle on him about what he'd told me about dealing. She said that he's out of the house as soon as she finds "proof" (yeah right - she's such a pushover), and then I start to feel nautious...so I told her I was going home.

I get home and I go downstairs where dh and naomie are...and I sit on the ground, since N was sleeping on the couch and dh was in the lazyboy... and I tell him what happened... and he asks me if I'm feeling ok - i tell him no, i'm a little sick feeling.. he laughed at me and told me I was high.. I told him no way, no how. He told me I was talking funny, and fast. And that my pupils were dilated... anyways my head started swimming and I knew I was high.

I went to bed... it was 8pm, and I slept through to 1am... I woke up with a pasty mouth, got a drink, and went back to sleep until 6:15am.

I can't believe this. What do you think I should do? I want to call the cops on my brother for a "bust" but I don't really want to at the same time, because he's 18 and that would be on his record, since he's been busted before at 16 and at 17.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Sometimes getting busted as an adult is the only thing that will turn people around. If your mom is as big a pushover as you say, even if she finds proof of your brother dealing, she'll probably turn a blind eye. If it were me, I'd call the cops.

C&K*s Mommie replied: IDK, we have friends that do that at parties, but I could never fathom calling the cops on them for it.

That is a tough situation.

CantWait replied: That's a tough decision you have to make. Unfortunetly I don't have the advice for you. Dealing pot is going big time, and sooner or later he's bound to get caught or wind up in some kind of trouble. Once you deal with deal drugs things get worse and worse. I have no respect for dealers when I think of lives they ruin, young and old.

Many people say that pot is no big deal, but speaking from experience when I did it as a kid, I ruined a full year at school by missing 4 credits, and done other things that I wish I hadn't, all because of a little pot, and of course my own poor decisions.

ETA: I guess you have to sort of think about what would you want done when someone offers your children a little pot in the school yard. That should put it in perspective for ya.

Best of luck.

mckayleesmom replied: You say your mom is a pushover, but maybe explaining to her that if he does start dealing and her house gets raided and they find drugs.....she will go to jail right along with him.

holley79 replied: I nkwo plenty of people who smoke it and I would never call the cops on them. (Hence, I work for SO so that's kind of bad mentality maybe.) Anyway, if he is dealing then I would have a problem with that. I would also have a problem with him comprimising your mother's home. If he were to get majorly busted in her home (well in the state of Florida) she would be held accountable also.

cameragirl21 replied: idk what the rules/laws are in Canada, Rocky but here in the US, if your brother were to get caught dealing or even in possession of drugs then your mother would also be arrested as the owner of the home in which this is happening.
idk exactly what i would do but i usually go for the tough love approach and would likely report him to the authorities and let them know that your mother doesn't know he's dealing drugs, although that may or may not save her...the only thing that could save her for sure is if SHE turned him into the authorities and even then I'm not sure she'd be free of blame in the eyes of the law.
i can tell you that things like this only get worse, not better and maybe the sooner you nip it in the bud, the better.

lisar replied: I say put a stop to it now before he gets int worse things. Like heavier drugs. Try anything you can. And as for you waking up with dry mouth last night. Thats cause he blew it in your face. Pot causes dry mouth and the munchies.

jcc64 replied: You're talking about several different issues here, Rocky.
I personally feel that pot is NOT a gateway drug. I think, if used moderately and responsibly, it is no more or less harmful than alcohol, and that one being legal while the other is not is a big fat contradiction.
But this is not a conversation about whether or not pot should be illegal. Like it or not, it IS illegal, and the choice to use it is an act of civil disobedience that is of little consequence UNTIL it crosses over to dealing. Here in the States, I think the law is more often than not inclined to "look the other way" with casual usuage, but once it becomes an "intent to distribute" (aka dealing), everything changes. Your brother is absolutely playing with fire, and it sounds like he is lacking the maturity to fully understand the consequences of his choices.
Having said that, I would never, and I mean never, take what is at this point a family matter and take it to the authorities. Blood is blood- and there are ways to make your point, in your chosen "tough love" style without resorting to the police. I would without a doubt demand that your mother throw him out of the house so that his dealing doesn't implicate her and/or her property. Let him know that should he remain there by virtue of your mother's weakness and/or inability to enforce his eviction, that you retain the right to turn it over to the police at any time should his dealing continue. Either the ongoing threat, and/or the loss of a place to live should get his attention, and should it not, the law will eventually catch up with him. Either way, he will fall of his own weight, rather than being thrown in front of a train by his own sister.
Bad situation, but I wouldn't make it worse. Sorry, Rocky.

amynicole21 replied: Is this the brother that physically attacked you and your mom a while back? I seem to remember several issues going on with him. I wouldn't take it to the authorities, but I think he needs to be stopped one way or another. I have no idea what to tell you though.

PrairieMom replied: I would deffinately turn him in. Maybe that will get him the help he needs, before he gets himself into more trouble. He sounds totally irresponsible. Can you do it annomously so your family doesn't have to know?

jcc64 replied: One other thing to consider Rocky-
Let's concede that your brother's life has gotten off track. That's not so uncommon for a person his age. Has his life gotten so irrevocably out of control that he should pay for his poor decision making with a HUGE chunk of his life wasted in jail? Because here in the states, with the advent of mandatory minimums for drug dealing, whether or not he is a first time offender, or only a small time, inconsequential dealer, he could be looking at 25 years (YEARS, not months) or more behind bars. I have very strong feelings about these laws, as do many people in the legal system, but that is the current reality. He may pay a huge price for a relatively modest crime. Educate yourself before you pick up the phone.
He may be a jerk, he may be out of control. But there have to be other choices between acceptance and incarceration.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I'm with Kelly. Illegal is illegal no matter how "harmless" it is!!! I would turn him in before things get out of hand. Sometimes you gotta use tough love. He needs to grow up!!!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Thanks everyone.

Amy, yes, it is. He has a "history" of violence and of pot... I don't think he's taken anything harder.

Jeanne, I agree... I don't want to make things worse. He didn't talk to me for MONTHS after I called the cops on him for his attack... but he did take anger management classes and has toned down since then, by quite a bit.

The other thing is, yes, I don't want to get my mother in trouble either... I mean, yes, she's allowed him to smoke up in the basement... but in her position, I'd probably do the same thing. Especially if I thought my son was going to hurt me if I got in his face to much about it.

He's 18... and I believe it's a misdemeanor here, depending on the amount found. I've been talking about it with my mom... and she doesn't want me to call the cops, and I don't think I will...but it would be a hard lesson to learn for my brother, one that may be for the best.

On one hand... throwing him out might make him realize that this is ridiculous and he needs to straighten up... or, it could make things worse and he could start doing worse things in order to "survive" on the streets. I sure as heck won't be the one to take him in... not at least until he proves he's smartened up. And, jail time isn't very nice for his record. No good jobs, etc etc...

When I was talking to him, he mentionned that he doesn't care if my mom throws him out, he'll just go live with my dad an hour away... my dad who he hasn't even seen or spoken to in years and years...other than the passing by at my wedding. And that was just a "hi". My dad is an alcoholic and smokes pot also... so it's not like it would be a better environment for him there.

And Lisa, I know dry-mouth is from the pot... I just didn't want to say I woke up with the "pasties and was jonesing for some munchies"... I have smoked pot in the past, so I'm not a stranger to the effects... it had just been so long that I didn't realize it until later on.