want to cry

MED102301 wrote: Hi, I am on the verge of tears right now as I type this, knowing that its almost 1am and i have to get up for work in 6 hours. My 15 month old son has been going to sleep between 11pm and midnight the past 2 weeks, so naturally by that time i'm exhausted, and as hard as it is for my husband to understand that after getting the baby to sleep and tidying up the house a little bit, there are a couple nights a week that i dont even have the energy to shower before i go to bed. He just called me dirty and disgusting for not cleaning the house or myself enough and I want to cry. I wish he could understand that caring for our son, and me getting at least a decent night's sleep (by the way, our son is also teething like crazy and has a cold which means he's been getting up at all hours on top of everything else) is more important that an immaculate house. Am I going crazy?? Is it just me?? If it is please tell me, but i dont understand how it is even possible to keep a house that clean when there is a toddler living in it. Please let me know if it is possible and how I could go about that to make him happy. Thank you!

paradisemommy replied: i think your dh sounds very rude and if he doesn't like it, then you should leave the baby in his care for one full day and just leave and do your own thing - give him a taste of what you have to go through -

i am totally blessed with a dh that says he could care less if the house is in shambles - as long as the baby is taken care of - after all, they are only small for so long - the house has lots of time to be cleaned later when the kids can fend for themselves.

Alice replied: "Dirty and disgusting"??? What a nice guy!!

I have 3 kids under the age of 7, and am very lucky the Board of Health has never seen my house. It's a disaster area. Pretty much the only thing I can get anything done is when my 2 year old is taking a nap; otherwise she'll write on the walls or drop eggs from the fridge while I clean the tub.

Some strategies for you:

1) Keep up with the laundry. I know my husband doesn't mind the clutter until he wakes up and can't find a clean undershirt. Consider keeping a set- undershirt, handkercheifs, dress shirt-- whatever-- on the side for those mornings.

2) If he gets home from work shortly after you, you've got to leave the house kind of tidied up in the morning. I don't mean clean, but at least leave the living room uncluttered, so he doesn't walk into "Oh no!!" first thing. Put a laundry basket in there, and throw all the toys and stuff into it before you leave-- you can deal with the basket when you get around to it.

3) Start a file of quick, easy meals &/or crockpot meals you can put on before you leave in the morning. That way it will relieve the pressure on you when you get home. Actually plan out your menus for the week, and see what you can do on the weekends to make the week run a little smoother.

4) Aret there any teens or pre-teens you could hire as a mother's helper a few hours a week? You would still be at home, so they would just have to be old enough to keep an eye on your son and know when to yell for help. But it would give you a chance to get a step ahead and maybe even take a nap.

If his comment was just the result of an incredibly bad day, he owes you dinner out and an apology. If it was part of a pattern, maybe you should look into counseling?? No one should be spoken to like that.

There are lots of websites that deal with de-cluttering your house. Maybe spend some time on them, to find things that will work for you.

Let us know how it goes. (And, by the way, welcome )

ediep replied: wow, Alice gave you some great tips!! I just wanted to say that if I had to go to work, take care of my son, and take care of the house....I would definately be lacking in 1 or 2 areas. That is 3 full time jobs!

I would let your DH take care of your son for a full day and see if the house is clean when you get home.

Hang in there

gr33n3y3z replied: Good Idea Alice

Oh and Nice to meet you

Good Luck

mom2tripp replied: Wow, those are really harsh words from your husband--I hope that's not a habit. As for some advice JAYMESMOM gave me some really good tips. Keep a journal of what you do everyday and then one day make him watch the kids and do everything in your journal---I doubt he will be able to pull it off and when you come home and he hasn't had a shower then you can ask him, " now do you understand a little better?" I hope it gets better for you

JAYMESMOM replied: What he said was really rude. I have a 16 month old, work full time, and have to do most of everything around the house since my husabnd is gone 5-6 days a week.

He has never called me dirty or disgusting even when I don't have the energy to shower. He hasn't always understood everything I did. As "mom2tripp" mentioned about the journal of what you do, he has begun to realize after that what I do.

I would wonder if he has ever talked to you that way before. It may help to get some marriage counseling so that he can better learn how to relate to everything you do.

As for your 15 month old not sleeping. I hear you. Hang in there. You may want to cut out his last nap (as hard as it may be) so he will go to bed earlier. I have to watch that with my daughter and for example she was up from 2:30-5:00 this monring. Precious angel that she is.

Good Luck Hon. Feel free to PM if you want.

moped replied: I guarantee you that unless you have help the house will never be clean. Mine sure isn't, as much as I owuld like to clean when Jack goes to bed it just doesn't happen................and I always get down on DH about not helping out in that department.

They have no idea what goes on throughout the day and maybe he should have a full day, see how clean the house is then

Very disrespectful to say those things to you as well.....I am sorry you are feeling this way, it is upsetting.

stanleygirl replied: If it bothers him that much maybe he should clean the house while he watches the baby, and you go have a long shower!
That would be my response anyways JMO

MED102301 replied: Thank you so much EVERYONE for all your support and all the REALLY great ideas. I am so glad I stumbled upon this site!! You all made me feel so much better, like I'm not alone in this!

MED102301 replied: And btw, i have to clarify...i work part-time. I work from 9am-12:30pm as a pre-school teacher, so i spend my mornings with 15 three-year-olds, and then come home to my son while my husband goes to work in the afternoon/evenings as a cop. So after spending a FULL day with children I am just very tired. On his days off, my husband does help with the cleaning but its alot easier to get cleaning done when I'm watching the baby.
He apologized today for being so mean and just explained that he was annoyed and didnt mean to take it out that badly and hurt my feelings like that. I think he saw that this website was left on the computer and when he read all ur posts realized just how hurtful he was. Thank again!!
I hope i can help all of you as much as you've helped me!

gr33n3y3z replied: I'm glad he said he was sorry
I bet things will look alot better for you

Alice replied: I can see how a bad for a cop is unfathomable to the rest of us. I'm glad things are better between you.

uwishucudfly replied: That was really cruel of your husband to say that to you! Tell him that it is not only YOUR house and that if he wants something to be clean.....he should clean it himself! You work out of the home and in the home......why does that mean that he can't help out? Some nights I don't shower before I go to bed either! It doesn't mean you're dirty or disgusting! It means that you have a job, a home, and a teething baby to take care of. I doubt that he could take on those same chores with an insulting spouse! He's not being fair to you, and you aren't being fair to yourself! You're a great girl, and you shouldn't let someone who really doesn't understand your position get under your skin.