sex-offenders therapy - no cure??
ohstonha wrote: Most people dont think therapy works for sex-offenders? I would be interested in your views. Sex- offenders are a major concern to most of us parents. 
Cece00 replied: I do not believe sex offenders can be cured. Ever. Most especially pedophiles.
Nina J replied: I also don't think that sex offenders can be cured. I saw a pedophile on Oprah once, he said he will never not be a pedophile, he can only distance himself from children so he won't hurt them.
I think sex offenders can stop committing the crimes they do, with alot of hard work. And while I don't condone the things they may have done, I think it's nice to see people like them admit they have a problem and activley work to keep from hurting innocent people.
On the other hand, I think sex offenders who don't do anything to stop are amongst the lowest people on this earth. They should be ashamed of the crimes they have commited, especially pedophiles. I will never understand why a human being can commit such a disgusting act against an innocent child.
Edited to say: Yes, I think the site is serious.
Jackie012007 replied:
 well said... I agree, I think it is GREAT to admit you have a problem and to seek help, but I feel that without the intense lifelong therapy and an ongoing support system (along with close supervision) a pedophile will generally cycle back. Even if they can learn to control themselves with proper treatment, they will never be "cured" and the temptation will always be there.
punkeemunkee'smom replied: No,I don't think that a sex offender can be rehabilitated especially a child offender as the founder of this site admits to being. I think it is disgusting to use the excuse that you were sexually abused as an excuse for the fact that you-presumably as an adult (he/she says they spent 10 years in prision) abused a 5 year old child....and now for $20 we can talk about how to stop....  The only thing I think this site is serious about is making $$$ for a man/woman who should still be in prision IMHO! 
CantWait replied: Nope I absolutely don't think they can be cured.
And also, which site are you refering to?
punkeemunkee'smom replied:
Marie, the post and website name was edited. Don't worry you did not miss anything! 
Thank you,Karen! 
Bee_Kay replied: Interesting FIRST post. 
coasterqueen replied:
Yes, and I did edit the first post, but it's a valid topic so I thought it was ok to leave it . Many posted some good views so I don't see anything wrong with it.
Bee_Kay replied: OK 
As far as therapy, then I have a question also. (true story)
What about the 18 yr old boy that has sexual intercourse with his "almost" 16 (age of consent in MN) year old girlfriend? That is technically chargable sexual assault. EVEN THOUGH THE GIRL FULLY CONSENTED.
The boy got charged (He got held back in highschool, so he was only 1 grade above her), spend time in prison and has to publicaly register as a sex offender. As soon as he moved back home, his picture was plastered in the newspaper.
Now tell me...... if he was in love with this girlfriend and "made love" to her.... how the heck can you "feel remorse" "regret your actions" "admit the act was a sexual offense", ect..... THAT is required in sex offender "treatment".
What do you all think about that?
mckayleesmom replied:
I agree...IMO I think they need to raise the age of being LEGALLY an adult....Most of these kids at 18 are still in high school with "kids". How can you tell a 18 year old that he can't date another member of his school or he is a pedophile?.
I also think that in these cases they need to start taking in to consideration the age gap between the 2 individuals....For example...if a Girl is 17 and a guy is 19....That is not exactly a huge age gap......
Now a 14 year old and an 18 year old I can see...That is pretty big gap in maturity.
Bee_Kay replied:
Exactly my point Brianne.
This guy, is 2 years younger than I am. Heck of a nice guy. After I graduated, (he was in my sisters grade), he got held back a year...... a few credits shy of the required graduation credit.
I feel so bad for him. I truly think that situations have to be looked at INDIVIDUALLY rather than "by the book".
get this.... the other day, I heard that there is a girl Ashley's age (15) that is OPENLY dating a 24/25 year old man. WTH is up with that?
BAC'sMom replied: I'll COOL my jets on this one too.
My answer is NO!
punkeemunkee'smom replied:
In cases like that I think that the spirit of the law not the letter of the law should be used. I do not think however that the majority of cases involve this situation. I am not saying this kid is a pedafile at all but I do believe lots of the laws we have are in place to protect the majority of sex offense cases...
Of course the arguement can also be made that the 'child' in this case the 16 year old was not the age of consent and so therefore could not have consentual sex with anyone....The post was acually started with a website attached that was started by a sex offender of a 5 year old child so the main jist of the post was can a child offender be rehabilitated....to which my answer is still a resounding NO!!!!
holley79 replied: It is incurable IMHO. I feel once a sexual offender always a SO. There have been many SOs to state it as a fact. They can go through therapy, pass off the evals but still have the "appetite".
ETA: I just read through some of the other posts. I totally understand about the 18/16 year old deal. I think what is mainly the question here is when someone commits a hanious act.
coasterqueen replied: This is a very interesting subject and my first reaction is to say NO WAY, no they can't be rehabilitated. BUT when BeeKay responded with that scenerio, gosh I'm not sure what to say. I have been there, in highschool, course it was with an older man, so it was not the same scenerio. I'm not sure what I'd say in that situation.
Bee_Kay replied:
Ohhhhh, thank you Abbie.
I didn't see this post until after it had been editted, so I had no clue about a website, 5 year old or anything.
Thanks!
coasterqueen replied: Let me ask this, or give you something to ponder.
I, personally, dated a 30 year old man when I was 17. I was still in highschool. We worked together for many years before *I* pursued him. Yes, we did eventually have sex, too. I never and still don't think he is a "sex offender", although under the law he would have been. He was a great person the only reason why I "let him go" is because I could see we were wanting to go down different paths at one point in our lives. He didn't want children "some day" and I did, yes at 17 I knew I wanted children some day. Anyways, as a parent now I would probably want to scream sex offender if someone of that age was with my child, but as a person I could never consider him that. I loved that man and not as a naive teenager. Thank goodness my parents never knew.
Anyways, I'd be very sad for him to this day if we were caught and he was labeled a sex offender. I think that's why I have such an issue expressing how I would feel on this subject. Although as a parent, I'd feel totally different. I'm kinda two-faced on this subject, I guess.
redchief replied: I null voted. I think rehabilitation can be done in some cases, especially where treatable mental illness is discovered.
mckayleesmom replied: For the origional post....No..I don't think they can be rehabilitated....IMO once the thought process is there...its there. To me its like a chemical imbalance.
Me and dh recently borrowed some movies from a friend. One of the movies was called THE WOODSMAN....It has Kevin Bacon and Kiera Sedjwick in it and its about him being released form prison. He was a sexual predator and now he is desperatly trying to stay out of trouble and away from kids, but the temptation is still very much there.
In reference to the teenager thing....My thing is...How do you determine a teenager is a sexual predator when the person was not only consenting, but so close to his own age. I dated my highschool boyfriend for 4 years and I was 15 and he was 17 when we started dating....Does that make him a predator? Not to me....it just makes him a kid that dated a girl he went to school with.
Bee_Kay replied:
Karen,
Those are my thoughts exactly.
This is a tricky subject, especially when "age of consent" is brought up.
Here is Minnesota, a 16 year old can have sex with ANY age person, and that is OK. (age of consent)
But, that poor guy (that I talked about) did hard time. Was sent to prison as a sex offender. Oh yeah, I fogot to add....
This guy and his girlfriend had sex DAYS before she turned 16 years old...... HER parents found out and pursued the legal avenue. He was charged and sent to prision.
I think, in some situations, "AGE" can also be a tricky thing. Some 15 year olds are MUCH more mature than some 20 year olds (or 30 year olds for that matter)
Bee_Kay replied: I want to add something else (sorry) that ticks me off.
This guy, is also labeled a Level 3 sex offender. HIGH RISK to commit a sex crime again.
Get this.... while in prison, apparently he got into ALOT of fights. Guess what? Those are smudges on his record.
Because of those fighting offenses (NONE were sexual in nature).... THAT is what raised him up to a Level 3 offender.
Also, he got another strike against him because he didn't abide by all the conditions of his release...... He consumed alcohol ONE time. So, how in heck does THAT make him a HIGHER risk to be a repeat offender?
Isn't that crazy?
luvmykids replied: I voted undecided, I think in most cases not, but I do think that it is in some ways like alcoholism, it never goes away and can rear it's ugly head but with true remorse and committment, and the right therapy and support, be avoided. Don't get me wrong, I don't at all think sexual offenders should be taken lightly or treated lightly but I do think that in some cases if the person is committed to it the same way an alcoholic commits to staying sober, they can choose not to commit an act like that again.
Again, I don't think that applies to most cases but I think it can apply to some.
Cece00 replied:
I think that is a different situation.
When I hear the word "sex offender", I think of TRUE sex offenders.
However- I think any ADULT should not have sex with a minor. He/she knows the laws and should, perhaps, abstain from sex with their boyfriend/girlfriend if they would like to avoid the risk of going to jail and/or having to register as a sex offender....JMO.
Anyway...I believe true sex offenders will reoffend, no matter what...I think a rapist will ALWAYS rape again, a pedophile will ALWAYS molest a child again, etc....even with "treatment".
Personally I think TRUE sex offenders should spend their lives in jail, and even face the death penalty in some cases. Again, JMO.
luvmykids replied: Also, I forgot to say this regarding Barbs story, if a minor knows they are not of legal age, then I think they should be held accountable as well. I understand that part of the laws regarding that are to "protect" minors but why don't they get in trouble for breaking the law also?
Boo&BugsMom replied: I don't have much to add, but will say I do not think anything like that is realistically curable. It's one thing for a 19 year old to date a 17 year old, and examples like that, but for someone to molest a 10 year old and so forth? Mental illness or not, you just can't cure that if you ask me and you especially can't do it without the grace of God, IMHO. Sure, anything IS possible, but not realistically if you ask me.
I have been watching those programs "To Catch A Predator" on Dateline lately, and I have to say, it's a real eye opener how common this is and wide spread. Sick!
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