puberty woes with my two girls
Breeana13 wrote: Hi everybody! I really need some advice on something so I went to the ol' search engine and here i am!
It's about my two DDs, ages 12 and 14 and puberty (ahhhhhhh!!). My eldest DD i guess you could say is a bit of a late bloomer. She has precious little in the way of breasts and hips. Her younger sister on the other hand is in full fledged puberty, hitting a growth spurt over the past year and sprouting breasts and moving up to "real bras". My 14 year old is tramautized because last week her younger sis started her period. She has yet to get hers. She came to me in tears because her sister is "becoming a woman" before her. I try to console her, telling her her time will come soon enough and there is nothing wrong with her. I explained that all girls have diffferent time tables with puberty, Even sisters. What else can I tell her? She is having a really hard time. Any similar experiences anyone can share? Thanks, i sure appreciate it!
luvmykids replied: I'd start off by telling her she isn't missing much and enjoy what time she has left before it starts  But seriously, I think what you've told her is fine, it's one of those things she'll get over. Are they competitive or jealous of each other in general?
TeesaŽŠ replied: Something similar happened between my mother's daughter and I [I can never bring myself to call her S*****].
She was so ticked when I got my period before her, I was 9 and she didn't get hers till she was 17!! 
I don't know how she got over it/dealt with it, and honestly, I couldn't give a crap. I guess that doesn't help you at all.
I think you said ALL the right things  but don't forget that teenangers hear what they want to hear and they believe that parents tell them certain things because they "have to" [like when we tell them they're beautiful or handsome]. Sometimes, we can pretty things up all we want, but it just doesn't make them feel any better.
Give her some time, and if she's like any other teenanger out there, what's a Life-and-Death-Situation-I-Wish-I-Was-Dead-and-I'll-Never-Be-Able-to-Show-My-Face-at-School-EVER-Again today, is total WhatEVER tomorrow.
Maybe you can perk her up a bit by going to a movie together or getting a manicure. Totally assuming here, that as a teenanger, she wants to be seen in - *GASP!* - PUBLIC with her MOM
Breeana13 replied:
yeah, they have always been sorta competitive with one another but no more than the average sisters I think. My eldest DD has always been pretty self conscious about her development. Her body is still quite child-like and she hasn't really grown out of the training bra yet. Meanwhile lil sis is wearing an A cup and is even a bit taller. The whole period business was sorta the straw that broke the camel's back on that one. I agree though that she should enjoy this time! Kids are just so eager to grow up, aren''t they?
Breeana13 replied:
Ha ha. Yep, you've seemed to capture the teen dynamic perfectly.  Thanks for the feedback. I've also tried to reinforce the idea that there is more to being a "woman" than boobs and a period. My eldest DD just has trouble getting past that.
momofone replied: The teen years are tough with all the changes they go through. Maybe you could do something special for the 14 yr old like go shopping and lunch to lift her moods. Good Luck!
luvbug00 replied:
  that's teens to a "T".
I agree special mom daughter time may help
TeesaŽŠ replied: I do have a teenanger, he's a boy though. On the other hand, I have a niece who's a total Drama Queen! EVERYTHING, and I do mean *everything* is the total end-of-the-world. She's in it for total effect and attention. the worse it is, the better for her.
She stayed here last year for March Break and I swear having her here was the end of MY world!! She told me two stories of note. One started, "What would you do if you found out your nephew was touching your niece?" Well, I FREAKED!! It took an HOUR of questions to find out the TRUTH: she ticked off her brother and, in frustration - which I TOTALLY understand now - he punched a wall. I was like, ?!?!?!?! And HOW is this someone "touching" someone else???? I told her to watch her mouth and how she words things.
2nd story: "Did you know that my mother hits me?" Again, after an hour or so of questions, I found out that she picked a fight with mom - my SIL - and when SIL was getting upset, she dared SIL to hit her. Still more questions... no, SIL hadn't made a fist nor even lifted a hand towards her. I told her that if she EVER lied to me again that she would NEVER be allowed in my home again. She hasn't been back since.
I did talk to SIL about it, I felt she had a right to know what garbage her DD is saying. She just laughed it off. But, ummm.... about 2 months ago??? SIL told me that her DD had told Grandma, Grandpa, DD's dad [they've been separated for years due to abuse] and anyone that would listen, that SIL beats her. Well, Grandma went up one side of her and down the other, totally tearing her a new one in the process. Grandma doesn't take crap from anyone [when she found out her DD - my SIL - was being abused by her DH, Grandma hunted him down and chased him with her car's snow brush!!] and she made it VERY clear that DD had better NEVER open her mouth to talk trash like that again.
Despite how it sounds, the family isn't as horrible as it seems They're actually very close and loving. They do curse and swear a lot, total opposites of MY family... which is why, even after 17 years of being together, neither family has ever met each other My dad will occasionally say the D word, mom wouldn't say the S word if her mouth was full of it... but DH's parents even say the MF word  DH's mom says the N word quite a bit, and that's one word I really HATE!!!! 
Well, that went totally OT, eh? 
Breeana13 replied: Whoa, Teesa. YIKES!  My DD can certainly be a drama queen sometimes, but your niece makes her seem like an angel. So thanks for the perspective i guess.  We do have a pretty good relationship though. I will certainly take some of the advice given here and have some special one-on-one time with her. I don't know what else to do really.
TeesaŽŠ replied: I'm glad you have a good relationship with your DD. It can be hard to come by once they hit the teen years.
My DD - who's 8 now - and I have a great relationship now.... and I sure hope it continues into her teen years *crosses fingers*
Kirstenmumof3 replied:  We are having simmilar problems with Emily and her cousin. They are only 6 mths apart. Emily started her period when she was 9 and was right into ladies bras when she was 10. It was hard for Emily to adjust, but it's been really hard on her cousin. My sister has talked to my neice, but I think she's embarrassed because Emily is so much more mature looking. I would continue to reassure your oldest daughter and remind her that periods, really are not that much fun! Sorry I had to add that!
Breeana13 replied:
Ha ha, yes. Give it a few months and I am sure it will be my younger daughter who will be the envious one. 
Breeana13 replied:
Sorry to go a bit off topic, but ladies bras at 10?!  That must have been really hard considering most kids her age are in training bras, huh? Wow, I can't imagine...
Kirstenmumof3 replied:
Yes it was hard for her to accept that the training bras just didn't fit anymore. Right now she's a B cup (and almost ready for a C). She's going to be 13 in April. She has always been very mature for her age, but DH and I were very shocked when it all started when she was still so young.
austins mom replied:
I agree. Well said. Man I am happy I have a boy.
Breeana13 replied:
Yea. My daughter complains about being a late bloomer but I would have to think it would a lot harder in the long run being the first one in the class to be wear a bra rather than the last. Naturally, she doesn't see it that way, of course. It sounds like you handled it well though...
Breeana13 replied: Thank you so much for the help, everyone! My daughter and I did go out for some "mother-daughter" time over the weekend (shopping, etc.) and it went really well. She seems to feel a lot better about things.
TeesaŽŠ replied:  YAAAAY!! I'm glad to hear it
Breeana13 replied: Yep! But I'm sure she will be due for another mini-crisis in... oh... any minute now.
Breeana13 replied: Hey, everybody. UPDATE!! My eldest started her period yesterday. She was quite happy about it... we'll see how she feels about it after a few months. lol Anyways, just thought i would let you all know...
momofone replied: 
TeesaŽŠ replied: YAAAAAAAAAY!!
You think she'll be utterly mortified to find out that you just announced that to the world?!?!?!
I won't tell anybody
Breeana13 replied:
Heh... indeed!
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