petty feelings?

boyohboyohboy wrote: ok, so tell me if you think this is just me and my hormones, or if I have a right to feel hurt.
My girlfriend adopted twin girls a month or so ago. She is having a baby shower this weekend, thrown by her sister at her request. she just called and told me that, and I was not invited. When I got kind of silent on the phone, she asked me if she had done the wrong thing, if my feelings were hurt, and I wasnt sure how to respond. she said she didnt invite me because we had already gotten the girls a gift and she felt that by inviting me it was asking for another gift.
I feel like I have been there with her thru the entire process of trying to get preg. and the tears, and then the adoption, and I was the one doing all the running getting her ready when the twins came home, at 9 months preg. myself! and I at least feel I could have been invited to share in her day.
am I wrong?

moped replied: NO you are not wrong and I think that is really sad they didn't invite you - I would say something!

My2Beauties replied: No, hon I'd be very hurt if I were you. You probably wanna seriously tell her your feelings. Even if she doesn't expect you to bring another gift then you should at least get to come and share in her joyous occasion. I'm sorry, but that was really rude of her!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: WTH??! That just seems crazy thinking on her part. Yeah, so she is concerned that you may feel obligated to get her a second gift, but for petes sake, the shower isn't all about the GIFTS!! Its about sharing in the joy of a new baby! She should invite you and then said casually, please don't get me another gift. Wow, really sorta selfish thinking on her part IMO. You are not being petty in the slightest. Besides, if you wanted to get her another gift, who cares, it's your choice! Wow, some people.

A&A'smommy replied: oh honey I would be hurt too, I think that was really rude of her she should have invited you anyway!!!

Insanemomof3 replied: How rude! I would have been really hurt. I would talk to her and tell her how you feel. So sorry hon.

indywndy_04 replied: Ohhhh that is terrible, you poor thing. No, you are not wrong in being hurt. I would have been crying! I am so sorry, I think you should talk with her. I understand her point about the whole gift thing, but I think she should have said..."Please come to the shower but please do not bring another gift ... you have done so much for me as it is, I just want you to help me share in the day with everyone"

That stinks. When is the shower or did it already happen?

holley79 replied: I dont' think you are wrong at all. My feelings would be seriously hurt if it were me.

Calimama replied: She should have invited you regardless.

tammyhopkins replied: It was not nice not to ask you BUT i do not think that she meant it in anyway to hurt you. I think that it was exactly what she said she did not want you to feel tha tyou had to buy another gift. It was wrong of her not to just call though and say Hey i am having a shower do not buy anything just come and share my day.

boyohboyohboy replied: the shower is this sunday. when she asked me if she had done the wrong thing, i said "well, its your party and you can do what you want,".
I also felt so slighted,because I wanted to be a part of the girls celebration. She is one of my best friends, so I dont think she would intentionally mean to hurt me, but she sure has.
she called and told me that I am welcome to come, but now I dont want to go because I feel like if she had truely wanted me there, she would have told me about the shower, and the date sooner then today. also now i feel like i had to invite myself by throwing a fit.
Its hard to put these things aside and get on with a friendship, but I guess thats what i have to do. its done now...

Boo&BugsMom replied: I think her excuse is lame and if she were really a friend she would an invited you and told you to just not get her another gift.

ETA: the way she worded it sounds like she only invited people who didn't give her gifts, and that to me just sounds like she's greedy.

mummy2girls replied: no hun iw ould be insulted as well. Thats awful hun!

avory&samsmom replied: I agree with the others. It was very wrong of her not to call and invite you, especially since you have been such a good friend to her through it all. If anything it should have been, "no gift needed, but your my friend and I want you to be there," kind of thing. I'm feeling for ya, hon. Take good care

DansMom replied: I agree with Tammy---I tend to think the best of people when something "goes wrong" like this in a friendship. The fact that you are so close, it's almost like with sisters perhaps. A lot is taken for granted and assumed without checking. She assumed incorrectly, and wasn't thinking through how you might feel. If she were intentionally excluding you, though, she wouldn't have mentioned it on the phone in the first place. It sounds like she was trying not to overstep, and instead misstepped. You both have a lot of stress on you right now. As far as attending the shower---I wouldn't, unless you feel very differently by Sunday. I'd be very disappointed too---she really didn't think this through.

My2Beauties replied:
Exactly. For both of my showers, my wedding shower, and my kid's b'day parties I have this best friend who has a pretty horrible financial situation and I always ask her to come and she always says but I can't bring anything and I say I don't care I just want you to be there, it's not about gifts, it's about sharing a special day with a dear friend and someone who is close to you when something exciting is going on in your life. As far as my kid's b'day parties, I ask her to come so her kids and can come and play with the rest of the kids becuase they don't get out of the house very much! I could care less about presents, my kids get enough as it is.

luvmykids replied:
Totally agree. Sorry hun

lovemy2 replied: I think she should have invited you and called and told you not to bring another present if she felt that strongly about you not bringing a gift.....I would be upset if I were you - sorry she was a terd....

CantWait replied: I'm so sorry, I'd be upset also. I can't imagine what was truly going through her head not thinking you'd at least want to be part of such a special day.

gr33n3y3z replied:
I agree also

Anthony275 replied: yeh id be mad. you don't say something like that to somebody you've been good friends with

msoulz replied: Yep, I agree with everyone else who said she should have invited you and just stated that you were not to bring a gift. But her heart was probably in the right place, not wanting you to be financially burdened, but her execution was off. So I'd skip the shower but forgive her for just not thinking. She's probably pretty darned tired too!!

And you still have all of us even if you feel you don't have her for a while!!!!!