Parenting Club - Parenting Advice, Parenting Message Boards, Baby Message Boards, Pregnancy Message Boards, TTC Messge Boards
Shop for Baby Items | Parenting & Family Blogs

ohhh MEN! - so hurt and angry right now(kinda long)


ZandersMama wrote: DH and I have been married for almost 3 years. We have a son who is almost 2 and another due in the fall. He is working a job on the opposite side of the country so he is gone from a few weeks to a few months at a time. Heres the problem.
When we first started dating, he was trying to get out of using drugs. I really have a problem with drugs, I simpley cant handle it. So, he has been gone for 3 weeks and i find out through a mutual friend ( he slipped up, did not mean to tell me) that he has never stopped. I called and confronted him and he admitted to it. Now he is apologetic and insisting it will never happen again. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. I am just so lost.

My3LilMonkeys replied: Sorry, no advice, just some hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif

gr33n3y3z replied: dont turn your back on him now
help him out by helping him get help
Maybe you can insist on him staying home closer to work.

redchief replied: Drug addicts can almost never quit without help. They will swear they can handle it. They will swear they're clean when they aren't. He has way too many opportunities to slip up, being away for a good portion of the time. What drugs does he take? How long has he been using?

MommyToAshley replied: hug.gif I'm sorry. I know that must be so hurtful. I would insist that he gets treatment, but he needs to make the decision to do it. I wouldn't want my kids to grow up around drugs (and it sounds like you don't either)... hopefully that's enough to make him seek help.

Let us know how it goes, and we're here if you need to talk.

BAC'sMom replied: No advice just hug.gif

amymom replied: hug.gif hug.gif

CantWait replied: Sorry, no advice. I wish you and him the best of luck though.

groovy_mommy replied: hug.gif

Just make a decision that will give positive effect for the whole family (he's included).

If I were you, I would give him another chance, and would support him with all I can. But if he doesn't change...it means, he doesn't love me and the kids, and I can't live with someone who doesn't love me and the kids.

mammag replied: I'm so sorry! hug.gif

I think the first thing you have to realize is that this is going to be a life long battle. He has a disease and if you let your guard down it can come right back. I agree he needs treatment. It may mean a drastic lifestyle change for all of you including finding a way to be where he works or him working close so that he isn't away and easily able to go back to that lifestyle. You have to decide whether you are willing to go through this with him and he has to decide whether he's willing to change.

I would just caution you against taking his word that it will never happen again. If things continue on as usual it is almost a certainty that HE will continue on and will just be more cautious of not getting caught again.

I wish you all the luck in the world....you've got a long and bumpy road ahead of you. hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif

DVFlyer replied: You said he was trying to get out of using drugs when you were dating and now you've been married for almost 3 years. Did he ever tell you he quit? I can't imagine someone who is totally against drugs would have stayed with someone who was a user for this long, so it's important to know whether or not he told you he quit.

luvmykids replied: hug.gif BTDT, he probably didn't quit for two reasons:
1)He can't
2)Figures you don't know the difference (sounds like you may not, unfortunately)

There are many reasons he needs to quit, they're illegal for one, but no matter what list you give him he will only do it if he truly wants to. Hiding it from you is a whole separate issue. hug.gif hug.gif

C&K*s Mommie replied: Great advice from some of the members in the above posts.

Many hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif

ZandersMama replied: thanks everyone for their advice. First, he did tell me he quit before we were married, well before we were married, I would never have married or had children with him had i known. He is coming home Sunday and I told him I wont decide anything until I can talk to him them. I really feel so stupid for not knowing, like I should have noticed, but I just believed him.........thats what I get for gettting married so quick I guess, we were only together a year before we were married. Thanks all for the hug.gif

aspenblue1 replied: hug.gif hug.gif

flirtycuddle replied: I don't know exactly what you are going through but I have been in a similar position. I was 16 when I met my ex and he swore he wasn't using anything other then pot. I was 16 and he was 18 and I really didnt see a problem with pot but by the time I was 18 he was using meth. I didnt find out about it for 4 months when my step-dad slipped and told me about his usuage. I flipped out and couldnt belivie I didnt see it. I mean we lived together and spent all our free time together. He was doing it when I was sleeping out in the garage. Unfortunlatly he got me into it also...I was young and stupid and wanted to see what the big deal was. That was the begining of the end for us. He swore he'd never let me get addicted and that I would never be pressured into it. Long story made shorter I ended up getting arrested for stealing so we could get some more crap and he ended up going to jail numerous times for it. Finally in Oct 2003(I met him Oct 2000) I said I was done and when he was sitting in jail I packed all my stuff and called my mom to come get me. That was the last time I ever touched the stuff but he showed up at my house with a gun saying he was gonna shoot me if I didnt come back with him. I was pissed being woken up at 2 am for that crap and told him to do everyone a favor and use the gun on himself....luckly he didnt and I just got my step-dad and we called the cops on him..he ran off befoer they showed up. He was saying what ever he had to to make me think he'd stop or that he had and everytime I turned around he was arressted with a baggie of meth or something like that. If he really wanted help he would have done something to get it...he was just telling me what I wanted to hear. I have been personally clean going on 3 yrs in Oct and did it for myself....I was on it for 18 months at the time to. I now have a healthly lil girl and a baby boy on the way. If your husband really wants to get clean and be there he will find a way to stop. Dont feel bad for not seeing it....he was the same way when u met him as he is now.....you never really got to know him when he was clean so you coulndt se any changes. I mean I knew my ex for a yr and a few months and never picked up on the signs he was back into meth.....If u wanna chat more feel free to email me at flirtycuddle@yahoo.com

Jackie012007 replied: awh hug.gif drugs are so hard, I have lost several friends because of my severe dislike of them. I was in college and it seems like the thing to do, I guess. However, I smoked cigarettes for a long time, and please DON'T feel stupid for not knowing, as addicts are VERY SNEAKY!! My DF has been with me for almost 4 years and for about 3 of them he never knew I smoked - I kept it from him because I knew he didn't like smoking. When someone is addicted to a substance, they will do anything to avoid any roadblocks (IE you) that will stop their usage... none of it is your fault and I agree with the others here, he needs help and he needs support! hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hang in there


CommunityNewsResources | Entertainment | Link To Us |Terms of Use | Privacy PolicyAdvertising
©2024 Parenting Club.com All Rights Reserved