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anxiety issues...


kimberley wrote: ok, so i have had the weekend to let my happiness of getting 2 jobs sink in. now, i am having total anxiety about leaving Jade bawling.gif . why is this so hard?! i have butterflies in my tummy already and feel like i want to cry because i am leaving my baby so young. i still haven't worked out the daycare situation. the lady i wanted to do it is hesitant because i get off so late. hopefully she will call me back today and let me know. the boys are taken care of for a sitter. i just feel like i am deserting her just when she needs me the most sad.gif. and that i am going to miss out on everything now that she is just starting to talk and be so funny and learn so much bawling.gif bawling.gif . how do you WOHMs do it???

and we are still nursing on demand and she won't take BM in a bottle. she really doesn't nurse that much in the day anymore. just when she first wakes up and then around 2pm naptime. working in a bar means that i might get 20minutes to eat something while i watch the bar, but i don't get an actual lunch hour so i could go see her sad.gif. she will take whole milk in a bottle but not when she's tired. i need any advice you all have for me. i know this is something i have to do, but it just feels so wrong bawling.gif bawling.gif bawling.gif

Maddie&EthansMom replied: It will all work out. grouphug.gif It may even be good for Jade to be around other babies/kids. I can imagine how hard this must be for you. I left Maddie to go back to work when she was 6 weeks old. blink.gif sad.gif bawling.gif Gosh it was so hard. You won't miss anything. I know you feel like you will, but you are giving her the best you can by going back to work. She needs that support just as much as she needs you to be at home (maybe more). You will make it through this sweetie. We are here for you. Hang in there. grouphug.gif grouphug.gif

texasp3 replied: grouphug.gif Ohhhhhh.. big hugs! It is tough, I know, I've done both.

You're probably going through the worst right now ... you don't have a sure thing lined up for daycare (stress!) and you don't really know what it's going to be like when you do start this new life (stress! stress!). It's all that unknown stuff... it's got to be tearing you up. And I think we always have a feeling of "wrongness" when we have to give the care of our children over to someone else... I think that's just programmed into us. It doesn't mean it's a bad or wrong thing... just that it trips old wiring and triggers an ancient response.

I left Michael when he was 3 months old. He ended up loving his caregiver so much I came back at home three months later because I was jealous and I didn't want him closer to her than he was to me! rolleyes.gif

Then I had to go to work full-time when he was about two-and-a-half (got divorced sad.gif )and stayed in work, or full-time graduate school+work, until November of 2003.

Both worlds have their pros and cons and I always tell people - there are SO many ways of "being there" for your children. Sometimes that means providing financial stability for your family. Right now DH is working a job in Portland, Oregon (we live in Texas) and it's a big sacrific on his part to be away from his baby son so much... but it's a HUGE career move and, in the end we had to balance everything out and he truly feels he is doing what is best for our whole family in the long run. He will say, "Sometimes, what a Dad has to do is provide."

You'll make it, and Jade will learn all sorts of new and wonderful things by broadening her horizons.

coasterqueen replied: The only real advice I have is that it WILL get better. I remember leaving Kylie, but of course she was much much younger than Jade. It was much harder on me than it was on her. I remember being so freaked out about her taking ebm while I was gone and how she'd do with the seperation but she did great.

Just give it time and it will get better. grouphug.gif As far as how do I do it being a WOHM....well it's tough but when you don't have a choice as to whether you can stay at home or put food on the table you just try not to think about it. I just make the best of our time when we are together.

momof2girls replied: You are not alone, I work out side the home 3 days and week and my hubby watches the baby and he is very good with her, but when I went back to work and left her I was a mess!

Its really hard at first but once you get into a routine it will be ok!

hugs to you I know its sooo hard!!!

Kaitlin'smom replied: I totaly know what you mean and while Kaitlin was much younger when I went back to work it was so much harder on me than her. I am sure everything will work out. I will take some time to adjust, but I am sure Jade will be fine. I will tell you somedays are so much harder than others. like for me today I went in to get Kaitlin up and dresses and I told her we got to get dressed so we can go see Chasity and she said 'no mommy stay here with you' bawling.gif wub.gif totaly broke my heart. I so wish I could have called in but I could not with boss out of town and no one to run the office. Its so hard for me today and i have to work late, the only thing that keeps me going is knowing how much she does love her sitter and her kids.

SO I know it will be hard but in the end your doing what you need to do for your family, she will be fine and the time you will get with her will be all the more special.

kimberley replied: thanks for the support ladies. i guess i am just having a really emotional day. Marie, your post made me bawl like a baby lol. i am such an emotional wreck right now. you are exactly right, that it is all the unknowns that are making me nuts. part of it too is that she doesn't talk yet, so how will i know if someone treats her badly, kwim? i do trust this lady but you never know. james was in kindergarten when she watched him so he was easier.

my dad called and i just started blubbering about how he thinks Jade will do in daycare. well, he just fed into my anxiety by saying that i shouldn't take the bar job and that Jade won't deal with this very well and that Jamie should get a second job sad.gif . gee, thanks Dad. that sure makes me feel better rolleyes.gif dry.gif

i actually took my sleeping daughter out of bed and have been holding and kissing her for the past half hour. she is still sleeping. ach! i am gonna need therapy after all this lol.

texasp3 replied:
Snuggling your sleeping baby sounds like good therapy to me!! So does crying. Seriously. Nothing's worse than bottled up stress.

Once you KNOW what you're dealing with, it will be so much easier.. even the aspects of it you don't like will be easier to cope with because at least you will KNOW what they are.

I understand your concern about the not talking yet thing. DH is determined to keep Gabriel home with me until he can achieve at least basic communication. DH doesn't want someone else taking care of HIS BABY before Gabriel can at least tell people what he needs. So far, so good... but this August we have to start paying on our student loans again and then all bets are off... yipes. I'm praying for HUGE 2nd & 3rd quarter bonuses. And I mean huge. We owe a HOUSE worth of student loans.

Josie83 replied: Oh Kimberley . . . hugs because I know EXACTLY what you're going through. I know how hard it can be, like everyone has said it does get better. It is worse for you than it will be for Jade! At first CAssie didn't like me going to school and got ocnfused but she soon got used to it. now she's always so happy to see me and so excited to tell Jason and I about whatever she's been doing. Like Aimee says, its a chance for her to be around other children. Just to let you know that I'm thinking of you, although I'm sure it wil be okay. Let us know! xx

A&A'smommy replied: Awww Hun it will work out and once you get into the groove of things you and Jade will be alright! I would be really nervous too though ((((BIG HUGS)))

Kirstenmumof3 replied: grouphug.gif I know exactly how you are feeling. I didn't leave Emily and Spencer until Emily started school when she was 4. I had a wonderful babysitter and they both adored her. But I had a harder time with Claudia starting Daycare for the first time. She did really well and she adjusted to things at the Daycare. I think Jade will be okay, she will miss you, of course, but she will be okay. The first few weeks will be the hardest. Just be there of her as much as you can when you get home from work and treasure every minute with all 3 of them! grouphug.gif

loveydad replied: After what happened to matthew, I would not let my kids go to any form of daycare. The twins were 4 and a half before I left them at a daycare for any amount of time. Tracy was less than a year. But I knew the place . I have such bad anxiety about it sometimes I feel i must drop what I'm doing and go get them right that second.

But it'll get better. I know it's hard at first, but if I can do it, you can! I know it's rough at first, but it'll work out.

Boys r us replied: I know it's hard right now...but like Marie said, I think it's the uncertainty of it all. Once you get everything worked out it will be a lot easier on you. It will probably take a couple of weeks to get into a good routine and for you and Jade both to settle in! As hard as it is Kimberly, just know that what you're doing, you're doing for her and for your two boys! Being a parent is about more than physically being there for your child, it's also about providing and making sacrafices..and I know in your head you know that, sometimes it just takes a little while for our hearts to get the message.


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