Would you allow your teenager

mysweetpeasWil&Wes wrote: Question (I'm full of them today): Would you allow your teenager to smoke at your own home? Perhaps he/she is already a smoker amd tells you "Mom, I'm just going to do it somewhere else then", so would you permit them to smoke in your presence?

There is a teen boy across the street from us that I see smoking on the front lawn of his parent's home. I'm not positive, but I believe the parents are home while he's smoking, which doesn't mean that they permit it, but maybe they do.

DH and I don't agree...DH believes that teenagers will smoke regardless if you tell them not to and that he would much rather have his son smoke where he can see him, than to do it where there may be drugs. I understand that teenagers will do things regardless if you tell them they shouldn't, most of the time, but I just can't see myself saying "well if you're going to do it anyway, do it here". I guess I don't really know how I would handle this one. I know I would give them all the resources out there as to why smoking is bad for you, but again, how do you stop them when buying cigarettes is so simple? And I guess it's true, I would much rather know IF and WHERE my child is smoking....but....I just can't see myself allowing it at my own home. Tough one!

1lilpeanut2love replied: I HATE SMOKING, but most everyone I know--friends and family they all smoke. I am like the ONLY ONE WHO DOESNT. I pray to God that my child doesn't smoke. It is so bad. Michael--my SO has been smoking since he was like 10!!! HE HAS NEVER EVER SMOKED INSIDE OUR HOME OR IN THE CAR WITH KAYLEE. Smoking is so bad for kids to be around. It can cause them to have health problems too!!

I think most teenagers smoke to look cool and to fit in!! JMHO!!

luvbug00 replied: When my parents found out I smoked at 12 they bought a pack and made me smoke the whole thing in one sitting. Never smoked again, was violently ill and will use that tactic on mya .

kayla's mama replied:

My parents did the same thing....but I started up again at the ripe age of 14

I don't know where I stand on this I can see both points but I'm in the middle.

JP&KJMOM replied: Well, I have mixed emotions on that. I am a smoker and NEVER smoked in front of my parents until I was 20 yrs old. Why? I don't know. My friend in high school use to sit and smoke with her mom before school.

Now I have a 17 yr old stepson that has gotten 3 minor in possessions for tobacco (2 for cig and one for snuff) in the last 3 years. He is still on probabtion for the most recent one and when I caught him sitting in front of our house last Thursday smoking with one of his buddies I went nuts. Mostly for him still being on probation but mainly because the cops were down the street for some reason and if caught he would have lost his drivers license and I would have gotten a ticket for 'letting' him do it. Either way in August he will be old enough that I will not have a say in it.

As for my little ones......not sure but I guess I will cross that bridge when and if I ever get to it. I do not think I would ever allow them to be so open to do it in my house all the time but I still have some years before I have to worry. Thanks goodness!

My2Beauties replied: I hope to God that Hanna makes good decisions and never ever tries a cigarette or if she does, she doesn't like it and decides not to smoke. But a lot of the people she is raised around does smoke so she sees it on a regular basis. I will have to cross that bridge when/if I come to it I guess. I don't think I could ever see myself saying go ahead and smoke in my house - I hate to think I would ever do that. Honestly. I'd probably do the smoke a couple packs all in one sitting trick and make her sicker than a dog. I'm not looking forward to the teenage years

~*Just Me*~ replied: No I wouldn't. Who would be buying the cigarettes for him/her? I sure wouldn't! That's almost as bad as letting them drink alcohol at home. Sorry, not letting my kids do that!

Edward's Mommy replied:
That's what I would do because that's what my parents would do. I never smoked to begin with, but I won't tolerate it! If they're 18 and live at home, I can't tell them they can't smoke, but they'll have to do it outside or in the garage.

ediep replied: well, I'd really hope that my son does not smoke but if he was over 18, had a job and paid for his own cigs, I'd try to talk him out of smoking, but if he still wanted to smoke I guess I wouldn't forbid him from smoking outside

ZandersMama replied: My parents never let me smoke in the home OR around the house where they could see me. I spent most of my time at my highschool boyfriends house, where I could not only smoke cigarettes, but smoke pot and drink to. I dont smoke anymore, but my DH does. I hope my boy doesnt decide to smoke, but if he does i'd rather him do it out on my step rather then somewhere else where I dont know whats going on.

Kaitlin'smom replied: I would say NO, I just cant see saying well if your going to do it here. I hope she never takes it up. My oldest sister tried to tach me with a menthol and it grossed me out, never took it up. She is not around smokers so I am hoping she wont mess with them. I do see the point in having them do it infrount of you but if you do it for smoking are you going to let them do other things as well? I also like the odea of smoking a pack all at once to hopefully deture them but it mgiht back fire also. I am not totaly sure what I would if the time comes, so many things scare me I just hope to raise a decent child.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Well - it's like the age old sex question... do you put them on birth control or not?

I think that if they're smoking, they're getting:

A ) money from somewhere
B ) help buying the cigs
C ) Someone to smoke with

Kids don't usually start smoking on their own, alone, for no reason, with nobody else doing it around them. I hope to send out all the info I can to my kids about the health risks of smoking... but who am I kidding? I smoke now and then. My mom smokes. There will be others who smoke in the kids' lives... so I can't totally control their influences...

But if they are to smoke - they can not do it in my home nor anywhere where I can see them. Especially not while under age. If they can afford the cigarettes,. and get them themselves... then it's their issue, not mine - and I will not be held accountable for their misdemeaors by letting them smoke around me. I don't want to be "aiding in a crime"... lol

I don't know. I can't relaly give a 100% accurate answer - I don't really konw until I get there

kimberley replied: no way, no how!!! as long as a child lives in MY home, they follow MY rules. i have no interest in being their "buddy" by allowing toixic behavior.

jcc64 replied: Absolutely not. I would do everything in my power to make it as difficult as possible for them to do something self destructive. While it may be true that where there's a will, there's a way, especially with teenagers, I simply could not tolerate seeing it right under my nose, nor would I want to faciltate it in any way shape or form.

luvmykids replied: Nope. I know that's a popular route for some families, wether it's sex, drinking, smoking what have you. "They're going to do it anyway, might as well be here at home." No way Jose! JMHO thats sending a message that you're "flexible" and personally would make me as a teen wonder what morals, beliefs, and values weren't flexible. If a kid is going to do it anyway I think my only hope as a parent is to be very clear where I stand on it and not contribute to it by allowing it in our home where we have the power to set the standards.

gr33n3y3z replied:
I couldnt agree more

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
Well said. ITA! But my DH is one of those parents like you describe, because that's how his parents did it. He was allowed to drink in their home and his dad gave him condoms when he was like 14. I imagine they told him the consequences and that they would rather he wouldn't, but they still allowed it for the reason I described: "they're going to do it anyway".

The teenage years are going to be hard for DH and I because we don't agree, but at least we're good at compromising. We both don't smoke and DH doesn't drink, so I'm hoping that helps.

luvmykids replied:
DH and I disagree a lot on parenting stuff and I worry about the teen years because of that too. The one thing I do know is because of his history (and his parents contribution to it) there will 100% guaranteed be zero tolerance for drinking or drugs, period, home or otherwise. Thats the only thing I'm not sweating about parenting teens for us!

ilovemybaby replied: I would tell him/her to smoke outside. No smoke in the house. I don't want to be exposed to it nor do I want my hubby or other kids to be exposed to it. If he/she wants to possibly die from lung cancer that's his/her choice. Because second hand cigarette smoke can kill too.
And I would make him/her buy their own cigarettes definitely.
I am pretty allergic to it. It makes my eyes sting and makes me cough. I had to put up with sitting in the staffroom (on lunch/morning tea breaks) at work with 10 or so smokers when I was pregnant with Abby for the 8 months of my pregnancy I worked there. And was told that if I didn't like it to go outside. How do you do that when it's pouring with rain? And if the bench on the hill is taken (the only seat outside) where would I sit?
I have nothing against smokers ... I just think there are the odd few that have no consideration for people who don't smoke.
No one wants to have cigarette smoke blown into their babies face right?
JMO

Edited because I was thinking when they are old enough to buy them (18):
If underage NO WAY. I would do everything in my power to stop them from purchasing them or smoking. If that means picking them up from school and dropping them off and not allowing them to go to any friends houses after school or in the weekends so be it.

ilovemybaby replied:
That's what my grandfather did to my mother LOL But I don't think I could do that to Abby. I don't know... I'm pretty soft when it comes to discipline. A smack on the hand or bottom or Timeout or taking away toys/treats/luxurys is probably as far as I could go. I can't imagine cleaning her mouth out with soap for swearing or anything.
Mind you, my granddad used to use a belt for discipline and would leave big welts on their backs.

Hopefully Abby will never want to smoke. Neither Paul nor I have ever tried it.

Brias3 replied: Nope, I'll have nothing of it in my home. IMHO, allowing it in the home is just another way of saying its OK. The same with drinking and the like. I would hope that when it comes the time for my kids to make the decision, I will have taught them properly but you never know. I hope to God they won't make such decisions but either way, I won't allow it in the home under any circumstances.

MamaJAM replied: We live in a no-smoking house. No one may smoke in my home -- even a chain-smoking friend of ours is to go out to the corner if she must light up (I won't allow anyone smoking on my door-step either).
I would never allow my children to smoke in my home -- at any age.

Momtoatween&teen replied: Neither my husband nor I smoke, so it probably helps with the "practice what you preach" issue, however, that is not always the case with the teenagers who are going to do or try it regardless!

We are fortunate to have a great teen who abides by the rules, and quite honestly, has no desire to try it, and if he ever did I would not allow it in the house or on our property.

MyLuvBugs replied: Nope. I wouldn't allow it anywhere in my home. not even in their room b/c the smell travels EVERYWHERE, and I'm an asthmatic. If the kid wanted to slowly poison themself, then fine, but NOT in my house. JMO.

ashtonsmama replied: I wouldn't let my kids smoke, PERIOD. At my home or anywhere else. It's illegal, it's HORRIBLE for your body, and it's a major addiction. I can't believe a parent would actually allow their child to ruin their body like that.

So for me it's an adamant NO.

redchief replied: I often wonder if my parents had NOT allowed me to smoke in the house as a teen, whether I would be smoking today. I say do not allow a teenager to smoke in your home; and ground them if you find them smoking outside the home. If nothing else, you stand a chance of keeping them from becoming addicted to nicotine while they figure out that it's neither cool nor in their best interest.

This is coming from a thirty year smoker who no longer smokes in his home due to the health ramifications of secondary smoke on the children.

Cece00 replied: I WILL NOT allow this.

Sorry, (not to offend) but I DO NOT think that is responsible parenting. JMO.

My husband's mother allowed him to do this...I happen to think this (and many, many other reasons) contribute to why she is NOT a good parent.

ilovemybaby replied: I just found out yesterday that 50 percent of smokers that have smoked from their teen years onwards will die. So if you have smoked since you were 16/18 or younger and are still smoking at age 50 onwards then you have a 50 percent risk/chance of dying from it.

Heather77 replied: I will definately try to discourage my children from wanting to smoke... but I am one of those who believe, if they want to try it, they will regardless. I really think it's impossible to control whether my kids smoke or drink etc.... so I'd rather do my best to discourage, but not be controlling about it and say "you will NOT ever smoke...". I think if I go that route, they could still do it, only it'll be sneaky and I want them to feel we can talk about everything... even if I don't approve. I want my kids to feel they can be honest with me. I'm not saying those who are more strict won't have kids that are open with them.... but this is just *my* approach.

I grew up with a father who drank, and had no problem with me drinking at home. I however, never cared for it...so even though I could have, I didn't. That's why I say if they have the desire, they will regardless, whether it's at home or elsewhere.

Dh smokes, but outside only. I wouldn't let my child smoke inside b/c I don't allow anyone too.. and I also would never purchase cigs or alcohol for my kids.

My3LilMonkeys replied: No I wouldn't. I can understand the logic behind it - it's just not the way I will choose to parent my children.

Nina J replied: It depends. If my child was 14, I'd say no. But, I know that they would probably smoke at parties, etc. I wouldn't approve, but it's not something I can absolutly control, KWIM?
If Emily was 19, and she was a smoker, I wouldn't let her do it in the house, but she is basically an adult. What could I do?

I really can't say what I'd do, because I've never been in the situation. But, as an ex-smoker, I know how hard it can be. Smoking is addictive, and it's hard to give up. I think that some kids do it to look cool, but they get hooked. I can't be angry at someone for having an addiction, they don't control it. I can only try to help them quit, but in the end, if they don't want to quit, they're not going to.

NEWMOM05 replied:
I agree with you 100% Kimberley.