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Who here checks DH's or SO's computer - now and then for "bad" stuff?


Hillbilly Housewife wrote: I don't usually...but I have before. Especially beause one day, I accidentally deleted something off my computer that he's sent me and couldn't get it back for some reason, so I went into his sent items in his email, and tried to get it, because I needed to send it to work for myself the next day, so that I could work on it.

Zach (then only about 3 months old) started coughing, so he startled me and I clicked on the email above. It was an email to a friend of his from his old work, and there was a pic called CHA1.jpg, so I got curious and opened it, thinking it was a pic of my cat (chat in french).

Lo and behold..it was a picture of his excited self.

I was so furious with him, we had one heck of a long talk/fight/discussion, and ever since then if he leaves his computer on, I casn't help but go through his emails and stuff. I don't care if he watches porn, heck I do to occasionally..... but sending that kind of crap around to others I will not tolerate.

So either he's real good at covering his tracks, or he's smartened up. I hope he's smartened up.

Does anyone else go through honey's things?

kit_kats_mom replied: Not on purpose and never again. I found some porn pics on his computer when I was looking for an old jpg of us that I had lost when my computer crashed. I was preggo and he really didn't find me very attractive then, which really stunk because for once in my life, I had the libido of a 18 year old male LOL. I never brought it up but I was really hurt and a little bit offended. I just try not to think about it anymore. My ex was WAY into porn though and I had a discussion about it with a male friend of mine. He said "well, what if he ran accross some huge vibrator in your room? would you want him to bring it up or just pretend that he never saw it" I kinda live by that theory now...As long as hes not into kiddie porn or snuff stuff, he can do what he needs to do.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Yeah...the porn he looks at isn't disgusting.

I think what bothered me the most about him sending a pic is that I was also preggers at the time, and he was always staying up past 2 am, didn't want to make love, was kinda avoiding me, you know? So a couple times I<d wake up to go to the bathroom, and I'd *catch*him scrambling to get the videos off his comp, and get back in his shorts.

What hurt...is that here I was, all the time, always willing (I felt like an 18 year old male as well...) and he refused it, he'd rather look at porn tha nbe with me.

After 5 months.... I was very very sexually frustrated! emlaugh.gif

So seeing that picture was just unbelievably hurtfull. After our *discussion* on the subject, He now knows that if ever EVER he dos that kind of crap again, he's OUT OF HERE. It's MY house, MY stuff, he ain't getting ANY of it. Sounds mean, but to ensure all that, the hosue *I* bought is under my mother's name. I put the entire 30K down on it, I make all the payments, there is no way he's getting half should he cheat and I make him leave.

So I'm mostly over it, but I still get bitter abouit it sometimes. Porn..who cares. When other people are involved without my Okay.... no way.

shelrae00 replied: My best Guy friend from high school has been having trouble with his marriage for a few years now but things have gotten really bad lately. Well, he just decided yesterday to check his wifes e-mail (never had before) and found reply to an e-mail she had sent to a guy she works with. So he went into her sent folder and found her e-mail to the guy. While they were in Disneyland this week with their daughter, she was going to "check" her e-mail in the mornings and had been actually e-mailing this guy.

My friend printed out the e-mail and confronted her and found out that she has been sleeping with the guy. ohmy.gif Needless to say, my friend is devistated. I had my suspisions (sp) all along. I am actually glad he checked her e-mail and found out so he can get on with his life. He is still trying to get her to stay in the marriage and work it out but she has geen thru for a long time. But he is now kinda forced to move on and if he had not found this e-mail he would have just continued to go on being in a miserable marriage.

I want him to be happy and he deserves so much better. So I am all thumb.gif for spying on a spouse if they give you reason to feel you need to.

Shelly

mckayleesmom replied: [B] Im guilty! bawling.gif but only while I was pregnant. He never has ever given me a reason not to trust him, but he has girls on his yahoo friends list that have some dirty names. So when I was pregnant I would look at his message archives to see what he was talking about. Never found anything but this one girl that kept telling him she wanted his **** and if he wanted to meet her at a hotel, he just laughed at her and then just stopped talking to her and she got pissed and started telling him to stop being mean and answer her and that she thought he was a nice guy but she guessed he was wrong...bla bla bla. But I should have known better then to go snooping cause when I was about 3 months pregnant him and some army buddies went out to a club and he walked home totally plastered cause one of the married guys was doing naughty things with some girl and he left because he didn't want to get in trouble and because he said he lost respect for that guy cause his wife is a sweetheart, and that he doesn't know why guys get married if they are going to cheat.....then he told me that the girl the married guy was with flashed them her boobs and thats when he left ( keep in mind that he was completely drunk). The other day we were talking about him going back into infantry and what would happen if he went to Korea and we got to talking about guys that cheat on their wives while they are over there and I told him that if he ever cheated on me I better not find out about it, and he said that he would never cheat cause the one thing that he takes pride in himself is his integridy and he doesn't plan on ruining that. And like some women I porn doesn't bother me, but don't try to hide it from me,,,if you hide it, it makes you look guilty. My husband doesn't have any cause he thinks all porn these days have trashy women in them, but either way if you have it, don't hide it. And I don't mind strip clubs if you are going out drinking with the guys or to a bachelor party or what not, but if I find you there alone, then your history. Sorry this was so long.

mckayleesmom replied: Oh yeah , also my husbands ex girlfriend instant messages him all the time and he hits ignore on the messanger list and she makes up new names to log back in under, so he has to keep deleting her. When we got married in september she had the nerve to ask if she was invited. Before moving her my husband was stationed at Ft. Cambell Kentucky and so to get rid of her he told her that he was getting sent to aphganastan, little does she know that we actually got stationed about 20 miles from the town she moved to....what luck huh?. Anyways one time while I was snooping I went under invisible like always , but the invisible thing booted back to available and she started talking to me...lol, I just logged back out but she figured he was back, this was like 2 months ago and the other day he logged in after not logging in in months and she started talking to him again and he hit ignore and its a good thing cause she probably would have asked him why he didn't answer her that day and I would have been busted...lol... rolling_smile.gif

supermom replied: No, but I used to have my XH check mine - roflmbo! And I never gave him a reason to either. I have a feeling he was guilty, as I found out after we were divorced, but by the end of our marriage, I really didn't care whether he did or not. By then we pretty much had seperate lives, him at the bar, and me with the kids.

But no, I don't have any reason to check my DH computer, and I probably never will......he's a very special guy, he would have to be to put up with me and all of the kids - laugh.gif

MomToMany replied: mad.gif soapbox.gif banghead.gif banghead.gif banghead.gif We've had MAJOR fights about this! He thinks there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, and I think that it's absolutely DISGUSTING! I caught him looking at it once when we were all home (all the kids, too!). I don't want MY sons looking at that s**t!This was while I was PG with Hannah. He promised he would never do it again; stupid me, of COURSE he did. Now I have the computer password-protected so he CAN"T even USE it unless I type the password in. I usually sit and supervise him, too, because I don't trust him at all. He was even looking at work, too! I think they should've fired him on the spot, but he lied and said that it was someone else logged onto his computer, and they actually BELIEVED him! The times checked out, and it was while he was working. It's pretty bad when he'd rather look at pretty girls than be intimate with me! He says everybody gets those e-mails; I said I don't THINK so! He also USED to get catalogs in the mail, too, and I'd have to open them to get the phone # to have his name deleted off their lists puke.gif ! He says he's never called them, but I know he's a BIG FAT LIAR!

sad.gif Now you can see why I have such a problem with my weight ans self-esteem! He says there's nothing wrong with me, but I really wonder what he thinks sometimes sad.gif .

So I have every right to check; makes me wonder what's on his computer at work dry.gif . I can't do anything about that, but I don't care at this point mad.gif !

CantWait replied: I know when my dh is searching for "bad stuff" on the internet cause all the history is deleted as well as the cookies. smile.gif rolling_smile.gif

mummyof2boyz replied: mad.gif Oh, yes I have and still to check up on DH. I caught him one time. It was in October of 97'. His mom had just got the comp a couple months earlier. DH was addicted to it. The chat room and all. We were getting married in Feb. of 98'. Well he had ICQ on the comp and I was just checking some stuff out in his ICQ achives. I came across something that I didn't like! He was chatting with this girl, who was 14. DH was 18 at the time. There was another girl too. He would actually tell this girl that he loved her and she was the only one for him and other stuff. He was in the living room when Iwas looking at this stuff. I was ready this stuff getting angrier and angier. I just could not believe what I was reading.

I just stood up from the comp. went to the living room, threw my ring at him, told him that the wedding was off and started to head out the door. He asked why, I told him to go look at the comp, I left the window up with the chat on it. I saw him starting to read it. I started to walk home. He came running after me and said that he had no clue what that was, said he never said that stuff to this girl, had no clue who she was blah blah blah. I was just so hurt. I had e-mailed this girl and told her she better stop talking to him and that we were getting married in a few months and said I would tell her mommy and daddy. She told me he told her that we had broke up and such. A couple days later I checked on him again. What I found made me even more mad. She had sent him a quote from the e-mail I sent her, and she said what the hell is this? He said I have no clue what that is, I love you and I swear you are the only one for me.

Again, this time I just walk out of the house and slammed the door without saying a word to him.I was a block away before he caught me. We were across the road from a collage party and I remember the collage kids watching us(well me)scream at him. This time, DH best friend was in the house at the time also. DH said that peeps can hack into stuff and take your name and use it. This is how he tried to get out of it and of cource his best friend was also saying this is what happened. DH kept saying how much he loved me and that he would never do anything like that. So he went into the house and uninstalled ICQ. And to this day we still don't have it on our comp. He was off the comp completely for about 6 months after that to prove that he did not do it, But I still don't believe his story. We just don't bring it up anymore. So I think I have a right to check up on him. There is another story about the online game "Everquest", but That is long too, so I will tell at another time. Thanks for reading this long.

Insanemomof3 replied: I never look. Mostly because when he does look at that stuff, I sit right behind him at my computer, so I am right there. I don't have any worries though, at least they are just pics and he is not out looking for real life fun somewhere.

Jamie replied: ...

MommyToAshley replied:
I'm sorry Jamie. Just a quick question...Are these emails dated from when you first started dating, before you had a commitment or got married?

Jamie replied: ...

jdkjd replied: I'm sure it was just the remnants of a relationship. If she didn't want to be with you, she would have chosen him.

Obviously, he wasn't enough. Remember that you are her husband now and that relationship apparently ended pretty quick if the emails are dated late August...

Hope that helps... grouphug.gif

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I'm sure that since the emails were dated so shortly after you 2 started being together, she CHOSE YOU, so I wouldn't worry about it.

kit_kats_mom replied: I agree with Jenn and Zach's mom. I'll admit, I had about 6 different guys queued up as suiters when I met my DH. I wasn't about to let any of them go until I was sure of my DH's intentions. He was my main squeeze but I did keep a few of them hanging on for awhile. A girls gotta keep all of her bases coverd and I was getting too old to go out and try to find a new prospect if my DH didn't work out. LOL tongue.gif

MommyToAshley replied: I know it must have hurt to read those emails, but the emails were sent in the very beginning of your relationship. As the others have said, it sounds like it was the end of something .... she must have realized how special your relationship was and she chose you over this other fellow! If I were you, I would just let it drop and enjoy your wife, your marriage and the anticipation of your new baby!

mckayleesmom replied: I wouldn't worry about it too much, I still talk to my Ex fiancee on the internet even though I hate him, (only cause he talks to me and then talks behind my back) and I talk another ex boyfriend all the time and we are still good friends and my husband knows, my husband has even talked to him a few times and met him, and we do talk about why our relationship ended because hes still not really over it and I give him advice about the girls hes dating and what not to do. So maybe you should ask your wife about it , but don't make a huge deal about it, and maybe there was a good explanation, maybe they were just talking about the past. As much as you don;t like thinking about your wife with someone else you have to realize that she had a past before she met and became your wife. Hope that helps, try not to worry so much.

ashade75 replied: No, I have never checked to see what DH does on the computer. I think that is like going through someone's purse or wallet. It's just a big NO NO!

Besides I might not like what I find (haha)


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