What would you do? - Daughter's income check came

Bee_Kay wrote: My daughter's state income check came in the mail yesterday. It's about $100.00.
She will be also getting approx. $200.00 from federal.

So, here's the dilemma. She isn't speaking to us (although she was awfully sweet when she came over and had my husband do her taxes for her).

Her and BF both agreed to pay the co-pays on the prenatal visits. When my daughter first talked to me about her taxes, she asked that we hold onto it for her because she knew she would have bills. When her and her BF came over here and she told him that she would be getting about $300.00, soon thereafter she changed her mind about us holding it onto her. I am sure HE is waiting to get his hands on it.

We recieved the bill from the clinic yesterday, so what, if anything should we do??

** Go ahead and deposit it and pay her part of the clinic bill??

** Hold onto it until she speaks to us? (I know darn well if I call and leave a message saying it's about money she WILL talk to me then)

** Just give it to her, knowing the BF will p*ss it away on cigarettes, booze, games and movies??

So far, from a few friends and family members, they say to pay the clinic and make her take care of her responsibilities.

What do you all think????


EDITTED TO ADD: My friend (who had children young) told me that if we go ahead and make a payment on her part of the clinic bill, would teach her about responsibility and having a baby (any money you have goes to that baby first before booze, cigarettes, junk spending).

gr33n3y3z replied: call her and tell her its there
You cant hold her money bc its not yours unless you want to go to jail lol
And change all the bill addresses to go to her and not your home bc she isnt there either.

If she wants to do this on her own give it all to her bc your not responcable for her bills.

TeagansMom609 replied:

Bee_Kay replied: A know a parent can legally sign a minor childs checks.

A parent can sign their childs name followed with " *parent name* parent of minor child".

gr33n3y3z replied:
well if you do that your playing with fire

PrairieMom replied: i would call her and tell her that its there in hopes she will accidentally show up to get it with out her boyfriend, then you can corner her and talk to her.
It isn't your $ to do anything with, and spending it for her may make her resentful to you.

MamaJAM replied: Even though you think she and/or her BF will throw the money away...you need to get her check to her. If you want there to be any hope of a relationship in the future - you need to show her that what's hers is hers. Call her to let her know the check is at your house....if you can not reach them - either drop it by in person....or mail it to her via certified/insured mail.

My3LilMonkeys replied: IMO you should not cash her check and you should not pay her bills. That will not teach her responsibility - that will teach her that she doesn't have to worry about that sort of thing because Mom will deal with it.

What I would do - and others will probably disagree with me - is call her and tell her the bill is there. If she doesn't call back or come over for it in 2 or 3 days - then I would call and let her know the check came in. If she doesn't come for the bill but comes by immediately for the check I would try to talk to her about her priorities and the importance of managing money.

I second Judy's idea also - if she won't come over or return your calls, deliver it in person or via certified mail.

Daisymom2 replied: It's here money AND he bills. Make sure she gets that check and give her the benefit of the doubt. Show her the bill when she picks up the check.

Bee_Kay replied: OK. Thank you for the input and advice.

I called her and, not surprisingly, they didn't answer, so I left a message that we recieved one of her income tax checks and also the clinic bill and asked that she call or stop over to get them both.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: ITA with everyone else! As someone who did not always get control of my $$$ growing up,I can tell you that controlling her $$$ DOES NOT make her more responsible-it makes her not know how to control spending and still have enough for the necessary things! Also if she got income tax back I am assuming that means she worked and that is her return...that means she earned it! If they do "waste it" that is HER prerogative

Bee_Kay replied: I wrote already that I called and let her know it was here

punkeemunkee'smom replied:
Sorry about that-I was posting when you were I guess! It happens sometimes!

amynicole21 replied: FWIW, I think you did the right thing. She'll never learn if things are done for her and she isn't allowed to make her own mistakes. I know it must be difficult for you though.

fashionmumofboys replied: Good for you for calling her and I hope she calls you soon.

Good luck.

luvmykids replied: I would've been tempted to pay the bill but if she's so determined that her and her boyfriend can handle this then thats what you have to let them do, hope she does the right thing but if she doesn't you'll have to chalk it up to one of the many mistakes she's going to make. Not only b/c of the BF and all, but b/c she's young and sometimes it takes a few boo boos for the light to come on.

MyLuvBugs replied:
You're a good mom, and I think you did the right thing. It really stinks, but it will all work out in the end.