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What would u do - touchy situation


flirtycuddle wrote: A good friend of mine has 2 children that are 18 months apart and the oldest is 3. She was told after the last pregnancy that if she was to have more children it could cost her her life or the life of the baby so of course she started on birth control right after the last baby. Now she thinks shes pregnant and doesn't know what to do. Her husband and her have talked about it and he wants her to have an abortion so that she's not risking her life when she has 2 kids at home with her. She just doesn't think she could. I really don't know what to tell her when she asks what I think. All I can say is to do what she feels right and she can live with.

stella6979 replied: Personally, I wouldn't take the risk, especially if I already had two young children. However, this is one of those things that only they can decide. I hope everything works out for them. hug.gif

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I wouldn't take the risk. Why doesn't her H have a vasectomy done?

grandma replied: She should have another talk with her doctor and tell him/her that she's pregnant and see what advice they give her.

Kentuckychick replied:
And this is exactly what you should do. Don't offer suggestions of what she should do just tell her that no matter what you will support her.

We all have our own personal beliefs, and that's fine. These are the situations in which we keep our own beliefs to ourselves.

edited to add -- own beliefs = whether you agree or disagree with abortion... I think it's best to just be supportive

Calimama replied:
Yeah, or her have a hysterectomy?

Anyway this isn't one of those things you can get advice from friends about IMO. This is something she needs to sit down with her DH, and her doctor and talk about.

For me personally, I wouldn't risk it.

flirtycuddle replied: I personally wouldn't risk it either and I haven't said either way just that what ever she decides im here for her. She is only 21 with 2 kids so they won't do a tubal because she is to young they say. I guess some states have laws that u have to be a certain age or have so many children before they will do a tubal or whatever

holley79 replied: I would first find out if I was for sure pregnant before I started stressing then I would talk to my Dr.

Calimama replied:
Even if her getting pregnant is life threatening? huh.gif

flirtycuddle replied: Yea it's not really fair. I went through the same thing when I had my second but they wouldn't do a tubal either. She's taking her test today but says she knows she is since she can tell.

Calimama replied:
I would get a second opinon. blink.gif Surely there is SOMETHING that she can do other than BC. hug.gif

kimberley replied: i would see specialists and know all my facts with multiple professional opinions before termination but that is because *i* do not agree with abortion.

for her, i would just let her know that you are there to support her and are not sure what you would do unless in that situation. that's tough sad.gif.

and i don't know about anywhere else but they are VERY adamant and discourage hysterectomy or vasectomy under the age of 30yrs old here unless it's life threatening at the moment.

kit_kats_mom replied: If it were me, I'd have an abortion but either choice is agonizing. I would feel like I already have a responsibility to be a good parent to my existing children.

Kentuckychick replied:
I don't know that there is an age here in Kentucky. I'm sure there is, but I don't know what it is. My best friend had her tubes tied after Caydee was born and she was 25 at the time. I was actually pretty amazed that they allowed her to do it.

mommy~to~a~bunch replied: I'd get a seconf opinion for sure! That other doctor could be wrong. I'd NEVER terminate under ANY circumstances.

flirtycuddle replied: She took the test and it's positive so she's going to see high risk doctor next week before she decides what is the next step. She had 2 different doctors for her children and both told her that having more would risk her life. We're going out to dinner tonight just me and her just to help her deal some.

grapfruit replied:
You would risk your life and the life of the unborn baby instead of ensuring that you'd be here for the other 2?


I personally would get a few different opinions and if it was all the same terminate. I think in this case it's just important that you support her decision. Why I don't like or agree w/abortion and *think* I could never have one myself. I would never want to, or feel it my place to make that decision for another woman. Support. Support. Support.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Ok. I'm 25, 3 kids, completely 100% healthy... and I'm getting a tubal. I just had to fib a little and say I don't take well to synthetic hormones from the BC pills.

But, I haven't taken BC pills in about 3 years. blush.gif

My3LilMonkeys replied: As long as she is well informed (I agree, definitely see at least 2 doctors and if they didn't agree, I'd personally see even more than that) I think she needs to make the decision that is best for her personally.

Regardless of whether she decides to terminate or not, I would say she should also ask around and see if there is anyone who will do a tubal. I know my former OB told me that you couldn't get a tubal or a vasectomy in our state if you were under 28, but DH asked his Dr. last week and he said a vasectomy would be no problem and that there was no age requirement at all. rolleyes.gif

Cece00 replied: Here is what I would do

a) get 2 or 3 different opinions about the situation (just out of curiosity, why are they saying she cant have more kids?)

cool.gif personally i'd probably have the abortion if it REALLY meant I would MOST LIKELY die

c) find a way to get around the law to get a tubal or hysterectomy, whether that be getting some sort of exemption, or going to another state or whatever.

grapfruit replied:
Don't forget, you are in Canada.

I do know a girl that has 3 kids and has had an abortion and they STILL won't give her a tubel b/c she's healthy and under 24.....Personally, I think it's stupid.

Cece00 replied:
I had a tubal @ 24. I was even offered one @ 23 if I wanted it, but I declined, and had Jack instead. thumb.gif

mommy~to~a~bunch replied:
Yes, I would. I could never kill a baby. I'd do whatever it took to ensure that we would be healthy.

grapfruit replied:
Ok, but what if there was NO way. You AND the baby would die if you kept the pregnancy and it was 100% certain.

And you have 2 little kids that count on you already.

mommy~to~a~bunch replied:
If I was told that after my last pregnancy, I would've made certain to never get pregnant again. If I *had* to terminate (meaning that SEVERAL doctors/specialists, even though I loathe them, said that I would for SURELY die), I might as well die too, because I don't know if I could ever get over that.

Boo&BugsMom replied: I am completely pro-life, so having an abortion would not be a choice for me, no matter the circumstances. I believe God doesn't give you anything you can't handle, but not everyone has the same belief system as I do. This is something she really needs to figure out on her own. Just a side note though...many doctors are wrong on a regular basis. wink.gif Miracles DO happen. smile.gif

Kaitlin'smom replied: well first since I dont know why they have told her this, its hard to say.

but if it was me and I did get PG againts my docs advice I would find out everythign I could before making any decision. Then depending on all the reasearce I would make my decisison. If it came down to me losing my life and I had 2 small kids at home I would terminate. it would be very hard but something I woudl have to do then find someone to 'fix' me.

CantWait replied: I'm not big into religion, but honestly I do believe it is in the hands of God. He'll do what he sees fit. I'd continue on with the pregnancy.

flirtycuddle replied: In AZ where she is from the laws are 24 or 3 kids. In UT and Nv its right around the same age or kids. I was there when she had the first baby and it just about cost her her life. She went into shock from the medicane and the baby was to big to deliver and the doctor didnt realize it almost killing the little girl. With her son she was told to have a c-section and never thought she;d have more complications liek the first. The first doctor told her having another could kill her also. WIth their son she was on bed rest from week 20 on becasue she kept going into labor. When she had the c-section her body didn't respond right to the meds and she got sicker then anything and the doctor even said having another would more then likely kill her or the baby wouldn't make it to term or close to term. She is only 21 so having a tubal was out of hte question even though both doctors said she should have one but would not do it. She begged and went to about 15 different doctors to have it done and even tried here in NV where I am and not one would do it cuz of the legal risks if she changed her mind. It's stupid and now she has appointments set up with the ob that delivered her son so that she can get into see specialists to make an informed decision. I told her no matter what I would uspport her but its something her and her husband have to do together.

Kaitlin'smom replied: its a hard decision, but its theres to make and good for you to tell her you would support her no matter what they decide is right for them.

on a side note its sounds like its more about how her body reacts to the meds given then anything. wonder if she could go drug free. just thinking out loud there.


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