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What You Have All Taught Me - Still In Shock

Kirstenmumof3 wrote: sleep.gif These past few years, since my diagnoses with a mental illness I had really given up on God. I was told by a friend who is a priest that because of what I had done (I'm not going to go into detail), that I was going to hell. So that pretty much had written me off of God and my Religion. But you have all shown me just what prayer can do, you have all prayed for Spencer and I believe that it is because of all those prayers that he is getting stronger.

I really have not felt good about myself, as a mother, a wife and a person. I've never really had the confidence in myself, or believed that I had any strength in me at all. You have all seen me through my darkest days, you cried with me when Spencer got sick, stuck by me through the many tests that he had to endure and you all believed in me. Several of you have written about the strength that I have, that you admire me and you tell me what a wonderful mother I am. I never really believed it, but it's all true. I am a strong person and a good mother and it's because all of you have shown me that.

I don't know how I would have gotten through all of this without this board. In those late hours when really no one was around to talk too. I could always come here and just let it out. Even if just one person read what I wrote, it didn't matter, it was just knowing that you were all here for me, that made all the difference in the world.

You all have really outdone yourselves. I know that a lot of you had asked what you could do for me, but it was my pride that got in the way. I didn't want to ask for help (yes I'm very stubborn), that's just not something that I've ever done before. I know that for a lot of you it was hard to give, but you did and I can't Thank You enough. You all went above and beyond. You are all such a compassionate and caring group of people, I'm just still in shock. I will never look at the world the same way again. The generousity, the support, the love and the prayers that you have all given to me and my family, I Thank You! sun.gif

ashtonsmama replied: hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif
I'm so glad that this board has been so helpful to you, and I know that we will always be here for you in the future, so don't forget it.
And I'm so glad to hear that you are starting to feel better about yourself, I don't know the whole situation, or what all you've been through, but from what I've read, you are a WONDERFUL loving mother! You seem very capable and able to take care of your kids and give them what they need, and you seem like you know exactly what you're doing.
So never forget, we are here for you 100%, hun. I'm always available (I usually check in here once or twice a day) so if you ever need something from afar, or just need to talk or get support, don't hesitate to PM me.
hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif

kimberley replied: bawling.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif

i am glad you finally see what we always have about you as a person and a mother. we will always be here for you and your family. this really is a special place and i think has touched many many lives... i know my life will never be the same either. the people here are truly wonderful. wub.gif
we will continue to pray for Spencer. there is power in prayer. hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif

luvmykids replied: bawling.gif You move me more than you'll probably ever know, and it's so strange to hear you say you didn't think well of yourself because I draw so much from your strength, courage, grace, compassion, you name it. hug.gif hug.gif

And FWIW, I'm sorry a priest told you otherwise but I don't think God gives up on anybody and is there for you to call upon. hug.gif And if you don't feel like you can, others of us are doing it on you and Spencers behalf. hug.gif

EvesMom replied: hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif grouphug.gif
You are a dear, sweet, kind person, and don't ever forget it. wub.gif
You and your family are continually in my prayers. hug.gif hug.gif

Bee_Kay replied: Kirsten-

Reading the first couple lines of your post had me crying.

Although I've only been here a fairly short amount of time, you and your son are two people in this world I think about everyday. Often I pray that "today" will be Spencers shining day, whether it be that he can eat, take a step, smile and laugh. Eventually, prayers of him going home will be answered, I have faith in that.

Of all the people on this board, I can honestly say I admire you most. The strength and determination I see in you as a mother is indescribable.

The way you put your words together for us to read, truly allows us to see a glimpse and feel, even a fraction, of what you must endure as a mother every single day.

You have shown me so many things. You've taught me the strength, of not only you as a mother, but the strength of a very special little boy, Spencer. You've taught me to hold my children a little more tighter each day and to hug them "just one more time". For that.... I truly thank you.

You and Spencer are forever in my thoughts and my prayers. hug.gif

ETA: Kristen.... you have taught all of us a great deal also wink.gif

~Roo'sMama~ replied: bawling.gif hug.gif Kirsten you are a wonderful mom and I'm so sorry you ever felt differently. hug.gif hug.gif I'm glad we're able to help you through this hard time ~ I wish that I personally could do more, but I've been praying and will continue to pray for Spencer's full recovery, and also for you. hug.gif

ITA with Monica. I'm sorry that your friend said that to you, because it is NOT true!

Bee_Kay replied:

Nobody, and I mean nobody has the right to judge anyone when it comes to where they will go in the afterlife. I believe that it is only up to God. Shame on your friend for saying such filth to you. hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif

NEWMOM05 replied: Kirsten, I can't believe how strong you are. You are such a compassionate and caring and warm person. What an amazing mom you are. You have been unbelievably brave and courageous throughout all of Spencer's illness.

I really admire you. I also hold my family a little tighter and Thank God for one more day with them. wub.gif

I sometimes get on the board just to ckeck on how you are doing each day. My family knows and is praying for you and Spenecr as well. I am so sorry that you have felt that way about yourself and am so glad that YOU finally see what we have seen all along.

It amazes me that you go through all the stuff you've been going through, but you always have time for others. You are such an amazing woman and the words you write to us are exactly what we need to hear. (At least they are what I need to hear)

I hold your family in my heart and pray for Spencer's full recovery. I rejoice everytime he has a new achievement as small as it may be. biggrin.gif I cry for every letdown or backstep that you have experienced. bawling.gif

Thank You for sharing you feelings and emotions with all of us.
You are forever in my prayers and thoughts. hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif

Maddie&EthansMom replied:
I couldn't have said it better. hug.gif

Love you, hun hug.gif Stay strong

Edward's Mommy replied: I am always here if you need to talk. You are a wonderful mother and a wonderful person. People stray from God everyday, but God doesn't stray from them! Ask God for forgiveness and you'll more than likely have it. I don't see God turning away from His people! I hope you find Him again. And I will continue to pray for all of you! hug.gif

MM'sMama replied:

I am seriously over here bawling my eyes out that was such an amazing post! bawling.gif hug.gif You are in my thoughts and prayers always honey I think of you all so much. Stay strong and positive and know that we are all here for you. hug.gif hug.gif

Nina J replied: I havn't been here very long, but your strength and courage is something that I have admired since I read a post of yours for the very first time. Your kindness, strength and courage always shines through in your posts. I catch myself thinking about you and Spencer at the most random moments, like in the supermarket, and I always say a prayer.
You are an excellent mother, woman and friend. It is not only our prayers that are helping Spencer, but your strength and your love. I'm extremly glad that you are taking pride in yourself hug.gif

I will continue to pray for you and Spencer hug.gif

holley79 replied: hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif

Sweetie you don't have to say thank you. You are a huge part of this "family". I may not get to post that day but I always look for updates on Spencer. I think he is just such a brave child. I wish that we all lived closer because I would love to just walk up and give you the biggest hug there is. Of course reserving a little extra for Spencer. You should be proud of yourself as a person, a mother, and a wife. You are the greatest. hug.gif

I had a preacher say somethings to me when I was only 10 and it too me 16 years to realize that man was not right. What happened to me was not my fault and God still loves no matter what. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

We all love you here. hug.gif hug.gif

gr33n3y3z replied:
You gave more strength to ppl. here including myself
continued prays for Spencer and lots of hugs for you smile.gif
hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif

MommyToAshley replied:
iagree.gif I couldn't have said it any better.

I am glad you are starting to see the good in yourself that we all see.
We love you!

I am sorry that a person that is supposed to be a spiritual leader said such a thing to you. I know what it is like to wonder when you are in such pain. When we lost Joshua, I wondered if I was being punished for not being as good of person as I could be. I felt abandoned. Eventually, I realized it was God that carried me through the whole ordeal and put the love and people in my life I needed to make it through.

C&K*s Mommie replied: well said!

Matter of fact everyone needs to be quoted here by me for putting my words/thoughts into written form. I wish I could take your place, even for a day, but I in all honesty I do not think I could carry half the strength that you possess. What an inspiration you are to me, truly you are! wub.gif You are loved, Kirsten. hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif God bless your dearheart. love2.gif

lesliesmom replied: I can't believe a priest would actually say something like that to you.. How unfair and UNCHRISTIAN (IMO).

That said, I have only been on this board for a short time but YOU have taught me a lot about myself. Reading your story has made me look deeper into myself and my lift and draw out the important things I was overlooking. You are an inspiration and not a day has gone by when I haven't thought (and prayed) for you and your son. You truly are a wonderful person (mother, wife, friend, all inclusive).

Kaitlin'smom replied: hug.gif I cant say it any better than its already been said hug.gif you are an inspiration to so many. hug.gif I am so glad we can and will always be hear for you. hug.gif

jcc64 replied: Kirstin-
I am so glad that you are finally seeing all of those special qualities in yourself. I hope and pray that you continue to draw strength and faith from both yourself and those that care about you, including us! hug.gif hug.gif

My2Beauties replied: I think I need to quote everyone on this board to say what I needed to say! You are an inspiration to us all, you are so strong and all of us look up to you! You couldn't have held it together any better during this time, you are a wonderful person and mother! God Bless you and Spencer and your entire family! hug.gif

Kirstenmumof3 replied: bawling.gif Thank You everyone! bawling.gif

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