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WWYD - Babysitter question (longish)


Mom2Boyz wrote: I know I havn't been around in what seems like forever. I've been busy with the kids, and going back to work and everything. But I'm in need of some advice, and since this board is FULL of mommies I figured there really isn't a better place to ask.

I went back to work last Monday (March 3rd). I don't make a lot of money, I bring home around $300 a week. The cheapest daycare I found is $290 a week for all 3 boys. $140 for Lucas $100 for Caden and $50 for Conner. DH is dead set on me going back to work regardless of the fact that I will be working just to pay daycare
Well I found a lady that watches kids in her home. She has babysat for my best friend since her daughter was a baby (now 8). Since my friend trusts here so much, we decided to give her a shot since she is only charging us $125 a week for all 3 boys.
Ok, so she watched them all last week and everything went great. The boys like her and the other kids there, they were all clean and fed and all that good stuff. Well, she calls me last night and says that she is not going to be watching any of the kids today. She watches a little girl who is 3 months, and yesterday she quit breathing while she was watching her. She called 911, but they were unable to save the baby. She said she had put her down for a nap and went to check on her about 20 min later and she wasn't breathing.
Now here is my question. I KNOW she didn't do ANYTHING to harm that little girl, but I can't help but wonder. Would you continue to take your kids there, or would you put them in daycare regardless of the cost.
I've tried talking to dh about me staying off work through the summer since Caden will be in preschool next year as well, but like I said, he's set on me going back NOW.
DH and I had a long blown up "discussion" about me going back to work when Lucas was only 3 weeks old. I flat out refused to go back, and even put it all on paper and showed him that we would not be making any extra income with me working. He threatened to leave if I didn't go back So I reluctlently agreed to go back if we could find someone to watch them for less. I explained to him that I don't have a problem going back to work, what I have a problem with is going back to work just to pay someone to raise my kids when I could be doing it myself.
His reasoning for wanting me to go back to work is because we are trying to get our credit cleaned up so we can get a bigger house. He says that it will look better on the application for a home if we are both working
The only benefit of my job is the health insurance. We have VERY VERY good coverage through them for only $58 per month for the whole family. With just his income we make enough to get by, with a little extra each month. Also, if I'm not working we qualify for reduced insurance for the kids through the state.
I'm going to try to talk to him again and see if maybe I can talk to my work about going back in August. By then Caden will be in headstart, and we would only have to pay for Conner (half a day) and Lucas.

I just don't see how I (or dh) can comfortably send our kids back to her.



Kentuckychick replied: ohmy.gif Wow... bawling.gif
What a horrible experience for everyone involved and something that truly terrifies me working with infants everyday. If you truly trust the woman and know and believe that what happened was what it sounds like (SIDS) then honestly in my opinion there's no reason to take the children out of the arrangement. I can't even begin to imagine what the woman is going through having lost a baby in her care, but again if it was SIDS there's more than likely nothing she could have done.

I'm sure there will be an autopsy completed and an investigation to see what happened with the baby, so if god forbid it were anything else, or if it would calm any nagging feelings (which I think even I might have) I'm sure you'll know soon enough. If nothing else this woman may need a few days to recover herself before babysitting again.

I was wondering how she responded to the entire ordeal? Did she call you right away after it happened? Did she wait to inform you when you picked up the children?

Mom2Boyz replied:
Actually, the kids weren't there yesterday. Conner and Caden have both been sick with a stomach flu, and I stayed home with them yesterday.
She called me last night and told me what happened. I'm not sure how she reacted when it happened. I know she is extremely upset though, but that is to be expected. I called her tonight to see if she was going to be watching kids the rest of the week, and she said she is.
I'm just trying to decide if I want to go ahead and take them there tomorrow, knowing what just happened.

luvmykids replied: Oh wow, how sad and what a tough situation all the way around.

I have a friend who had a nearly identical experience, except that her baby is the one who passed away and she was 9mos. Everyone was still willing to let her watch their kids but the daycare provider couldn't handle it. We all tried to talk her into giving it another go but honestly, at that time I didn't have kids and if it were to happen to me now, I really don't know that I could do it.

I'm sorry DH isn't being more understanding, I've BTDT with the why go to work just to pay for daycare hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif

mckayleesmom replied: Is there any way you can work when dh is home? I think that would be my only option to return to work personally. I couldn't see working to pay for just daycare alone.

mckayleesmom replied: Or maybe you can watch a couple kids to bring in some income and pay taxes on.....That way you can stay home with the boys and actually see some of that money.

sparkys2boys replied:
That's a great idea! I feel so bad for that lady.. wow, I can't imagine.

Kentuckychick replied:
I think the thing I would be most concerned with right now would be that this lady is taking on too much after what just happened. Of course I'm not in the position so I cannot say for sure, but I don't think I'd REALLY be ready to have children back under my care that soon... after something so emotionally tragic.

I think the best you can do is go with your gut. Your heart, like mine may have the feeling that this woman has just gone through a lot and it may be hard to pull your children at least for a week or two to give her time -- but I also know your heart is thinking of your children and that makes the decision a million times more difficult.

I agree with the other posters -- have you ever considered doing an dayhome with your children and several others -- you may be able to easily make a few hundred dollars per week!

Boo&BugsMom replied:
ITA! This is one reason I never took infants when I did childcare and preschool. Taking in children is a big liability enough as it is, then to throw the chances of SIDS in the mix...no way. SIDS does happen, and if she is completely innocent I feel really bad for her that she had to go through that experience. I don't blame her for needing a break.

This situation, IMO, to me wouldn't be about feeling uncomfortable taking the children back because of the situation. As long as you can confirm that it was SIDS and nothing more. The situation for me would be about what is logical. I never understood why some parents work soley just to pay for daycare, unless to take them very part time for social reasons. I don't know, that's just me. I would LOVE to not "have" to work at all. If you don't NEED to work and you want to be home, I think the logical thing to do is to take that opportunity to spend that time with them before that precious time is gone. I don't see the logic in working just to pay daycare, especially if the spouse is bringing in enough income to live off of. It just puts added stress in the mix that is not needed. I am happy Troy sees the importance of me being home for my family and not sending the kids to daycare. If he DID make enough money, he'd want me home. But because I do "need" to work, I work evenings so I don't have to take my children to daycare and fork over most of my check.

Another thing you could look into would be to work at a daycare yourself. Depending on your state you may not need many qualifications. Even if you start off as as assistant, most states allow you to gain your experience and classes while you work somewhere, and most daycare centers offer discounts on childcare....good ones will at least.

Personally, if my DH were your DH, I would ask him this..."What is more important right now...working on our credit to get a bigger house, or your children being home with their mother?". wink.gif You will always have time to get a bigger house, but you will never get that time back with your children. hug.gif

MommyToAshley replied: Oh how sad. I can't imagine having a child die under my care. It does sound like everyone involved feels it was not the daycare providers fault. However, I would be reluctant to send my child there simply because there is no way the daycare provider could be in a good state of mind. She's obviously upset, and things just tend to happen when people don't have their mind on what's going on. It's a sad situation all around, and I feel horrible for her, but I probably wouldn't send my children back... at least not this soon.

I agree it doesn't make sense to work just to pay for daycare. There were some good suggestions about finding a job that is the opposite schedule of your DH, or finding something you could do at home or take the kids with you, like child care. I hope you DH is able to understand your point and you can come to a compromise. hug.gif

:.Mrs_Mommy.: replied: Like most said on here, I wouldn't take my kids back because of what she just went through. It has got to be tearing her apart and to add more stress of having to care for more children so quickly afterwards...I wouldn't want to put my children or the provider in that position.


hug.gif

My3LilMonkeys replied: ITA that it seems silly for you to work just to pay for daycare, but (to me at least) the idea of working to get the really good health insurance could make it worth it.

If you really trust her, I don't see any reason to hold what happened against her. I would want to have a talk with her to determine her emotional state of mind before making a decision about sending the kids back.


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