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The Ferber Method - Have you tried it?


EvesMom wrote: My pediatrician suggested using the ferber method on my 5 month old daughter because she is not sleeping through the night. I can't help but feel that it is cruel. I was wondering how others feel about it as well.

1moremakes4 replied: Is that the one where you let them cry it out?

EvesMom replied: Yes it is.

1moremakes4 replied: My brother is 10 years younger than me and I remember when he was a little less than a year old, sitting in the living room with my mom and grandma and we were all crying while listening to him "cry it out". It was the most horrible feeling! I don't think I could bring myself to do that to my girl. sad.gif

Kaitlin'smom replied: it was not for me however I did do a modified version of it, more of a waite and see does she really need me. I got real good deciphering the different cries.

kit_kats_mom replied: fireman.gif Hot topic! LOL

No, I never did. I just couldn't do it. It seems unnecessary IMO. Of course, I'd never bash anyone for choosing to do it but do your homework. There are TONS of links out there about the pros and cons to Ferberizing.

I have to say that if my situation were different, I may have tried it. My best friend works outside of the house and she wasn't sleeping at all. She finally resorted to it after some other things didnt' work for her. Who am I to judge? I may have done it if I WOH but since I don't I never had too even consider it.

There are gentler methods but they probably take more tenacity from the parents, and they most likely take longer to be successful. We used a lot of tips from "The no cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley, and a lot of patience and our 3 year old is a great sleeper now.

coasterqueen replied: ITA with Cary on this one. thumb.gif

Nope, haven't done it, wouldn't ever do it.

FWIW, sleeping through the night for an infant under one year is considered 5 hours of sleep. Is your baby giving you even a 5 hour stretch? If so they are technically sleeping through the night.

Also, FWIW happy.gif my 3 year old still doesn't sleep through the night unless one of us is sleeping with her. My 11 month old gave me a one week stretch where she slept all night long, that's it.

They go through too many milestones to where a lot of times they don't sleep through the night.

~*Just Me*~ replied: No. It's inhumane. I couldn't imagine putting a child through that.

EvesMom replied: I can't do it either. If I can do something to make my daughter feel better I will. Isn't that what mommies are for?

EvesMom replied:
She was sleeping well. But lately she's been waking every 2 hours or so. Maybe because of teething? I did get a whole week that she slept 9-10 hours straight, but that's now a distant memory.

MyBlueEyedBabies replied: We didn't do Ferber but did similar. We read Babywise and basically followed that. It worked great for us and both of my kids are awesome sleepers and have been sleeping through the night. since we started them on it. Katy we waited because I couldn't stand listening to her cry...not in a nice my baby must be so sad way, in the it's piercing my eardrums and I can't handle it way (I'm mean i guess) but for her CIO was the only way she was going to learn to sleep on her own. It took 3 nights and very minimal crying and she was good ot go sleeping from 6-6 and now (3 years) 7:30-7ish. Matt was younger (6 weeks) but we waited longer before going in to him and he learned at at much younger age that every sound he made we wouldn't come in to pick him up. He was sleeping through thte night by 8 weeks or so (also 6-6) and at 2 he is on the same schedule as Katy. sleeping is definately something that needs to be learned and as parents it is our responsibility to teach them proper sleep habits.

TeagansMom609 replied: I did it. Best thing I ever did. Every night I would put my daughter in her crib and she would scream her head off as soon as I started to lay her down. Screaming because she didnt want to go to bed and wasnt getting her way. Finally I tried letting her just cry herself to sleep and for about 3 nights she cried for about an hour when i layed her down and she would finally go to sleep. After those 3 nights she would go to bed without crying. I no longer had a problem with her going to bed. She was 12 mos. when I did it. Im a working mom and dont have the option of staying up with her all night and then napping during the day. When she would wake up at night and start crying I wouldnt go in and she would just fall back asleep. Does she hate me for it now at 23 mos. old? No, lol. Does she trust me any less? No. Does she think I love her any less? No. Does she even remember any of that? No. She is in no way scarred because I let her CIO and that would be silly to even think that she was.

3_call_me_mama replied: I could NEVER do it sad.gif I cannot and will not justify letting my child cry them selves to sleep feling liek no one is responding to their needs. While some may swear by it I really feel that children have enough time in their lives to become independant. grown up adn do things for them selves. Infancy is not the tiem for that IMO. If someoen else uses it that's their personal choice, I just cannot even begin to think it is ok for our family.
I kne w that with children came the expectaiton of sleepless nights. (Not always teh case but for most it often is) We knew full well going into it that we might be up all night and letting them cry alone in teh dark without comfort of a parent that they so depend on was just not the way to go. The no cry sleep solution has worked well for several we know. I'd try that before any of Ferber's methods.

coasterqueen replied:
It sounds like a milestone of some sort. If she's teething that could definitely be it. That is exactly what is happening with my little one. She slept a good week all night long and then bam, up again. And I know she's teething for sure. rolleyes.gif

Here is a good link of a good friend of mine's website. She's a BF guru on another board, and if you don't BF this link will still be helpful to you IMO. Sleeping Concerns

I don't know about anyone else, but the thought of my child screaming "mommy" or whatever else for an hour is just unnerving. My child is crying because she needs me and I gave birth, brought her into this world promising to be there for her when she needs me. Even if that is at a time when it's not convient to me. I WOH and am up all hours of the nights with my babies. Am I tired? Yes. Did I except this responsibility? Yes. Will I never get to sleep again? No. My coworker always asks me how I do it and funtion at work....you just do it. Plain and simple. After a while you don't even know you are missing sleep. happy.gif

Anyways, more importantly you have to do what feels right for you. Even if I don't understand why someone would do CIO or Ferber, if they feel comfortable with it, can sleep at night knowing their little one is screaming for them and it doesn't bother them I say more power to them.

hug.gif

coasterqueen replied:
Carrie - you always say it well, too. ITA! thumb.gif

booey2 replied: From my experience of letting my boys cry for even 20 mins. straight and having them puke puke.gif everywhere I could not in my right mind even consider trying to let them CIO or deal with the pukey mess everynight. It may work for some famillies but not for ours.

moped replied: Too hot of a topic for me to touch - LOLOL.

luvmykids replied:
I actually have never looked at the ferber method but from what I understand I did a modified version of it. I used a book called "On Becoming Babywise" and still swear by it.

eta: This book is really more about getting a sleep pattern established, its more on the parents to figure it out and help the baby not just letting them cry until they fall asleep. Not at all cruel in this method like I've heard ferber is.

kit_kats_mom replied: Babywise:

http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/9108.html (regarding babywise and the potential dangers of it)

just so I'm fair & balanced rolling_smile.gif

http://www.ezzo.info/babywise.htm (ezzos retorts to the claims about babywise being dangerous)

kind of pro ferber
http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/7755.html

anti cio
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T051200.asp#T051205

harvard study about cio
http://www.sleepnet.com/infant3/messages/534.html

More my style
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp

discussion of different styles

http://www.beansprout.net/content/article....entType=article





luvmykids replied:
First of all, any parenting advice should be combined with your own common sense. Secondly, we didn't even attempt any kind of schedule, sleep, feeding or otherwise, until they were eating enough to know they could make the stretch (6-10 ozs at a time). My problem with the anti-babywise article:

I never got the impression that you should starve your child from one feeding to the next, only that at some point on demand feeding can potentially create a "snacking" type of eater. I know even that view is controversial but I do agree to a point. None of my 3 kids were deprived just because they didn't eat enough at a set time. Also, Ezzo is not a doctor but the book is co-authored by one. JMHO, this review is like any, subjective to the authors point of view. They pick out the parts they don't agree with and find someone to back them up.

Maybe I just got lucky and all three were excellent and easy babies, but all three were sleeping 8-10 hours a night by about 8 weeks and I never had to actually let any one of them cry it out.

kit_kats_mom replied:
Hey now, I included his response to the critics as well. wink.gif

I received my degree in Library and Information science. I know how articles (especially those on the internet) can be slanted to support any number of views on a subject. I tried to be fair even though I personally tend to agree with the findings that the AAP support. The OP asked if we did it, my answer was no. But just in case she was asking so that she could make an informed decision, I provided links about the pros and cons of each. There were more pro's but that just happens to be because they were in my favorites folder and I had easy access to them.

ITA with you that any advice should be combined with your common sense. The problem is, many parent's do not have much common sense and they follow what their peds, books, parents...whatever, tell them to a T. That's where the trouble lies. Some people just don't have the resources or the smarts to realize when something is harming their child or even when something is not working for their family and they don't know where to go for other options. KWIM?

I follow attachment parenting and Dr. Sears' advice on most child rearing topics & would consider myself an AP parent, but there are some things in the AP philosophy that just don't work for us and we've used modified approaches and experimented with what does work.

Anyway, I do agree with you for the most part and I'm a little jealous that your babies are such good sleepers. biggrin.gif Like I said, who am I to judge?

coasterqueen replied: Thank you Cary for providing links on both sides of the subject. thumb.gif

luvmykids replied:
I hope I didn't sound defensive, I was hoping to come across as a sensible person who can take the bits and pieces that work and not throw it out as a whole, KWIM? What we did was not only a very modified version of ferber but also modified babywise. You were very fair in the links you posted. hug.gif

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: I used the babywise book too. And Logan after his surgeries, teething and everything else, sleeps like a baby now. Pun intended.

5littleladies replied: I haven't used the ferber method, but I have on occassion let my babies CIO. I don't just let them lay and scream-I will go in and verbally calm, but I won't take them out. Luckily I've been blessed with good sleepers for the most part so I haven't had to resort to this too often. I'm still waiting to see what Lissie has in mind-She kind of goes back and forth on the sleeping thing. happy.gif

Tylersmommy replied: Tyler was sleeping through the night by the time he was about 3 months old and never really had any problems with him. I'm not sure if I could just let my baby cry though maybe for a little while (like 5-10 minutes) and if he didn't get over it by then I'd have to step back in

LilaGrace'sMom replied:
Oh my! You have that right!

Personally, I think it breaks down trust between child and parent. Crying for a limited amount of time to see if they settle, okay... but to leave them there upset for extended time is cruel IMO.



Our Lil' Family replied: I used BabyWise as well and Thomas is a GREAT sleeper, even through ear infections! He's been sleeping through the night (minus the occassional night or two with teething) since he was 5 months. And before then he woke only once at night to be fed and went right back to sleep. Granted, that's later than the book claims most babies will, but I still think that was good. We can put him to bed now wide awake and he knows how to put himself to sleep and to me that's the greatest accomplishment that we got from BabyWise.

IMO, a little crying is ok, wailing for an hour on the other hand means something is wrong and they need to be tended to.

mom2tripp replied: rolling_smile.gif I agree with Jen on this one

I will tell you that the first time I let Tripp cry it out, he only cried for 10 minutes and has been sleeping through the night ever since. I think they need to learn to sleep on their own---it's good for them and I think they sleep better JMHO!!!!

Of course if Tripp wakes up in the night now I KNOW something is wrong bc he never wakes up!

moped replied:
thumb.gif

My3LilMonkeys replied: I think it depends on the child and the family. I personally couldn't let my kids cry for an hour or even 15 min. unattended. I will let them cry for a short period though - 3 min. unless it's a scared or hurt cry, then I respond immediately.

I was blessed with two excellent sleepers though so it was never really a big concern in our house.

Edward's Mommy replied: It kills me to hear Edward cry at 7 months. Crying too much and too hard is emotionally stressful for an adult, I can't imagine that it's good for a baby. Besides, Edward sleeps with us anyway!!

blue72 replied: Who has time to read! I'm not familiar with any of the methods. Unless our boys were sick, we never rocked them to sleep. They all were placed in the crib and cried themselves to sleep. I could tell from their cry whether we placed them in bed to early. Most nights within 5 minutes they were asleep. If they started screaming, we picked them up and held them for a little bit. We started this with them very young.

We struggle more with night waking. Teething! I couldn't stand to let him scream in the middle of the night. So, we get up and comfort.

His cry tells me a lot. I know if he will go back to sleep or if he means business.


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