The Duggar Family

skinkybaby wrote: I LOVE watching all of the different shows on them. They fascinate me. I can't imagine having 16 kids and being so efficient at everything. That woman is my hero

luvbug00 replied: I've seen them when they were at 14. TBH I don't think it's healthy or fair to the kids and I don't think it's right. JMHO.

skinkybaby replied: I don't think its healthy either. Her poor body has got to be exhausted. But they all seem to be happy and incredibly well adjusted, so whatever works for them. As long as they can support them, more power to 'em

luvbug00 replied:

I agree it's good they can support all 16 of them . But my prblem is with the older children having to raise the younger ones and their need to have time with their mom. i'm sure one on one time is probaly far and few between. It's not fair to the older childeren and it's not fair to the babies. I know they practice their religon by not useing protection and that's ok. But would it be soo hard to use the hull the anchor method?? really. Well I sure hope they are done already!

BTW Thanks for sharring your point of view though i respect and enjoy your opinion.

Brias3 replied: I'm happy that things work so well for them but don't necessarily agree with their choice. I think its unfair to their relationship and their children to have such a large family. In that situation, you can't help but have the " older kids raising the younger kids" scenario in some ways. I knew a girl growing up who was one of ten siblings and it was really sad how much was placed on her shoulders as the second oldest.

Not trying to offend anyone AT ALL, I just honestly don't believe humans are meant to have "litters" of kids like that. I hope that didn't sound harsh, I just hope everyone in that family is having their needs fulfilled in all aspects.

MommyToAshley replied: I've seen a few shows on them, and I am always amazed. I agree, that IS Supermom!

I am sure the kids all make sacrifices, but look at all the love they receive in return. No family is perfect, and I am sure there are times when the kids wish they were an only child, but I also bet that there are also times when they realize how blessed they are (16x's more)!

CantWait replied:
I agree, I don't think she's super mom at all. Super at planning how her older children are going to carry the burden her and husband made. Not that children are a burden, but to a teenager that needs their own time and space, I would certainly think it is.

Geez Robbie has a hard time getting away from 1 younger brother, nevermind 15 of them.

mckayleesmom replied:
I agree...I watched it last night and although I am amazed at the whole thing...I find it kind of sad too....Especially when she explained the "buddy system" and said that right now her "buddy" was the baby of the family which would soon be passed off to another child and the new baby would be her buddy. Although the kids seem happy, you have to remember that they are on camera and I don't think they would say anything anyways....The parents have drilled things into their heads...Did you see the part where the kids told about the family rules?.

mckayleesmom replied: Another thing I noticed. The mom mentioned that they don't have a TV, computer or technical stuff, which is fine...some people don't. The oldest son mentioned at one point that they didn't realize that their family was so different until the media started in. I also notice that the kids do not go anywhere or do anything without the parents. Personally, it looks to me like they keep all outside influences out so their kids won't know what they are missing as teenagers. If they did learn about that stuff..the kid might get a new hobby and the mom would have to take care of her own children. What would happen if 5 of the oldest kids decided to get a life of their own? Mommy and daddy would have their hands full because most of those kids take on the most of the work. I notice that whenever the dad is dishing out jobs and responsibilities...he always says "mommy and daddy will dictate what we want you to do with this or that".

I realize that in any family most of the older children do help take care of a younger sibbling, to an extent. These kids take on what looks like 98%. I only see the mom toteing around the infant...The infant shouldn't be her only responsibility.

coasterqueen replied:
ITA!

Brias3 replied: COMPLETELY AGREE with the last couple of postings. Just wrong IMO. Those kids deserve a life of their own too.

mckayleesmom replied: The oldest son just turned 18 and he doesn't even seem to know that he has the right to leave now... . At least as far as I can see....does he know that he can go to college?

redplaydoh replied: My great grandmother had 21 kids total. There were 3 sets of twins in that bunch. The older ones did have to take care of the younger ones, but that was "just how it was"... all of them grew up happy, healthy and successful. For a while our family reunions were HUGE. Sadly most of them have passed away now, but maybe it was the time back then but that's just how it was done. I don't think in this day and age that it would be AS appropriate... jmo. One thing I never heard any of my relatives complain about having to raise their younger siblings.

I really wish I had the chance to know my great grandmother, she died before I was born, and the family always joked that she died from Maternal Exhaustion, which now seems like it could be true!

TANNER'S MOM replied: Well, they are from this area. They live here in the town I work in. They are a huge family and to see them at Wal Mart is something.

But, I still have my doubts that they can AFFORD these children. He doesn't work daily, he ran for State Rep last term but didn't get it. She can't work b/c of all she does. I know they state they previous jobs.. but unless they made millions..how can you afford an $800.00 grocery bill in one sitting.

I agree that the buddy system is sad. I guess I didn't raise my kids right.. I say... Brittany do this for Tanner.. and she has said.. is he mine or yours.. Half kidding half joking.

I wondered how much of an opionion those children are allowe to express?
And I wondered about the shock of the real working world.

Oh the new house you saw in construction, it is no completed. They could never finish it..so one of the shows..TLC or something came and completed it for them!

mckayleesmom replied:
Yes...I saw the show where TLD offered to finish it and they did.

Like I said before...I think they don't have TV, internet or let their kids do things without them for a reason....They keep them sheltered so outside influences don't make them want to do things outside the home.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I think it's sad! I've watched 2 episodes of them and the last one seemed to be edited from when I watched it the first time. The father seems to dictate everything and it doesn't seem that the mother has any voice in anything that happens. In Thunder Bay there is a family like this, I'm not sure how many children they have but last I heard the mother was pregant with there 10th. She had them all at home with the help of a Midwife. The husband is a trucker so he is always on the road. They own a farm and live in the country. All the kids are homeschooled until they reach highschool. After what I went through after Claudia was born, I couldn't imagine having that many children!

Halo42101 replied: Perhaps, they'd let me adopt one of their kids if they have so many. Maybe they wouldn't mind sharing one.

mammag replied: I didn't see the show so can't really express an opinion on the family. I do think that that would be excessive and would more than likely put too much burden on the older kids.

However, I would be hesitant to judge. After all, she might say it is unfair for someone to have only one kid and rob them of a sibling relationship. This is not my opinion I'm just saying that each person make their own choices for their family and as long as the kids aren't being abused and neglected and seem content with things, then it doesn't bother me.

Again, not having watched it, I can't really say but it seems to me, if the oldest hasn't left it can't be so bad there. Maybe it's because he was so sheltered but if it were so awful, he would know he could leave.

There is a family here in Canal Winchester that has adopted 22 kids who range in ages from 2 to 18 years old. All have disabilities. I think it is a wonderful thing they are doing.

Another thing that may affect my opinion is that I was the youngest of 4. Not a very large family. The thing is, we were very much fending for ourselves many times. There was never planned alone time with either parent. It happens in small or large families. It's more about whether the parent is there emotionally or not. It certainly becomes harder the more you have but then you have siblings for emotional support too. And they probably have to have quality time more as a group but I don't think that is too big of a problem.

Anyway, that's just my opinion based on posts and not having seen it but having seen shows on other large families. Just think of the support they will have behind them when mom and dad have passed away....

skinkybaby replied: My dad came from a large family and they had something similar to the buddy system. According to them, he said they didn't mind it all. It's just how life was. Maybe that's why I don't have a problem with it.
They're not living off the government, they're getting an education, and they're fed and clothed and obviously very loved.
So it's not what you or I would do, but it obivously works for them. There's not right or wrong way to raise children, just like there's not any right or wrong number of kids to have. To each their own.

Brias3 replied:
Wow! What a coincidence....my great-great grandmother also had 21 kids and four sets of twins in that family. Of course, older raised younger too I'm sure but that's just the way of it "back in that day". I couldn't IMAGINE!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: My dad is one of 11 living children, 2 more had died at birth - and my MIL is one of 14 chldren. They too had the buddy system...and they're all very close to each other today.

It's not that big a deal... frig... *I* have the buddy system. I'm sure most of us have used the buddy system. How many of us have told our older child to play with our younger child, so that we can get some online time, or time to do the dishes, or take a shower, or whatever? I know I sure have. And I wouldn't change it for the world.

I take my hat off at her - she manages to have a well organized house, well behaved children, who certainly don't seem to be lacking in any department. So what if they don't have a tv? We have one and we hardly use it. And when we do use it, the kids whine and complain that they want this or that from the comercials. Her children will most likely be, when they go out onto their own, the type of person you'd want your son or daughter to be with. Self-sufficient, educated, caring, understanding, sensitive, aware of the needs of others, self-sacrificing, ability to teach others, patience, responsability, and manners among many other qualities.

I wish that my children learn to do things on their own half as well as hers seem to.

holley79 replied: I don't think it's fair to the other children. JMO and all I'm going to say.

TANNER'S MOM replied: Yes I have said to my children play with you brother and sister.. and many times I have felt very guilty for it.

Them not having a TV or Internet doesn't bother me.. except in the fact that is a politician.. and I always wondered how informed he was about things.. hence he dind't get my vote. But to me it has nothing to do with the kids. The TV is a plus.. but the strict regime and the children not being indivuals is what I got from the little bit I saw.


I will tell you right now.. I have 4 kids, 3 of my own and a step child. I started out with 2 kids..and didn't want more. But my life suddenly changed..and I was blessed with two more. All my children are almost 5 years apart..b/c in my mind I thought well one will be in school and I can give Justin all the time he needs, or Justin will be in so Tanner will have the attention he needs.. Guess what.. NOPE.. I still never have enuff time to give my kids all that I want. I give so much away that I have nothing left for anyone.

Maybe she is just more of a woman then I am. It's her choice I think it's wonderful how she is so organized and effiecent. But, I don't think I could do that for my kids and feel good about it. But then again.. I can't afford the 4 I have.. but they are blessed and loved.. so I guess who cares about the rest!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I'm sorry you feel guilty about it Mel... I don't!!

ps - i'm not saying she's more of a woman than any of us... we all do the best we can with what we've got. I just wish I had her organizational skills!

My2Beauties replied: I haven't seen the show so I don't know how I feel about the way their house is ran - because I just have to see it for myself to comment on it. Personally I don't see how any one person can handle that many children and have time with each one of them and play with each one of them etc... I think that would be sort of unfair. My cousin has 5 kids and she never really gets "alone" time with each individual child ya know, I mean she said it's so hard. I couldn't imagine 16 of them. They have to be getting some kind of government help? I mean there's no way

skinkybaby replied: They had some episodes on last night. They mentioned how they have so much time to spend together- they're homeschooled and they have no internet or tv, so she spends all day with them teaching them and playing with them. That makes sense when you think about how other moms have to factor in the kids going to school or daycare, or whatever it is.

To each their own. I personally think its pretty silly to condemn someone for choosing to have a bigger (albeit MUCH bigger) family than you do. They have it down to a science, and if it works for them more power to 'em.


Regardless of the amount of kids they have, I admire them for their organizational skills and for doing what the majority of America can't seem to do- live without any debt.

mckayleesmom replied: Im sure that my house would be organized and run smoothly if I had older kids to do a vast majority of the work too. Im sorry, but I think she just likes having infants and once they get past the infant stage...she passes them on to one of her kids.

As for my tv and internet comment...Im not saying that its bad not to have them...Im saying that because they don't...the kids are very sheltered and don't even realize what regular teenagers and kids do. The parents don't let them out of their site....they accompany them everywhere. They do everything together....When does the child get to be independent? Doesn't seem like they get a chance to be dependent at all and they seem to want to keep it that way...WHY? because if there kids start wanting to do things on their own...They won't have the extra help.

They talked about the kids dating saying they don't let them alone with other kids of the opposite sex and always occompany them on group outings with other families....They believe that their is one special person for their child out there when the time comes...How are they going to find that person if they are never given the chance to venture out on their own a little?

skinkybaby replied: And that's a large part of their religious background. Who the heck am I to knock someone else's religion?

This is a silly argument. I will never understand why people have to knock the way someone chooses to raise their family, so I'm done arguing it.

My2Beauties replied:
I have to agree with what you are saying Brianne. I think you are right. I mean they do need a little bit of freedom. I don't think it's fair that the older children are left to tend to the little ones all the time.

mckayleesmom replied: Ok...Imagine a family that didn't have this religion having a ton of kids and expecting their older children to take care of the younger ones. It probably wouldn't work or fly right with the older kids. They would want to have lives, go to movies with friends, date, be involved in sports...Not raising their younger siblings who they didn't chose to bring into the world because in the mothers words "she can't watch them all". If you can't watch them all, then its time to stop. Why keep having more that you can't watch or keep an eye on as parents?

They keep their kids so sheltered that they don't know any different and that is wrong..They should be given a choice.


I had 2 children....Do I ask Mckaylee to keep an eye on Russell....occassionally if I have to go to the bathroom and perhaps babysitting in the future, but I do not expect her to raise him and guide him into his furture. I gave birth to them and I will take care of them and watch them.

I have 2 kids and its hard to watch them and give them attention all the time...I know that very well so I am pretty sure that those older children take on more then their fair share of the responsibility for those younger kids.

skinkybaby replied: The point is that while I am sure there are a million ways you raise your kids that I would disagree with and there are a million ways I raise my kid that you would disagree with, it works for your family, just as it works for my family. Their way obvioulsy works for them. There is no right or wrong way to have a family.
So we'll just have to agree to disagree.

luvbug00 replied: What religon says that older children have to care for the younger ones??

Their religon states one should not prevent pregnancy when one may occur. There for they can't use protection. But there are other methods of "finishing" where a baby wouldn't result and they don't have to use pills and such. I'm not saying she should go on a pill but I see no reason why they should keep having all thease kids that arn't getting that one on one atttention. BTW I would have mya watch her younger sibling ( if she had one) for a min. as well but I would never hand my other children over to her exclusively and be like "here's bob and he's yours until you marry and leave my house" which is essentally what she is doing.

CantWait replied:

I think you're taking this just a little to personal. Brianne is only commenting what she feels, not arguing with you. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, even if it is different from your own.

mckayleesmom replied:
And my point is..it doesn't seem like they are doing a whole lot of raising themselves....they are leaving it to the other kids to do...She raises the baby until the next one comes and then passes it off to another child. She homeschools her kids and takes them on fieldtrips, but so does a regular teacher....Other then homeschooling....what does she actually do...

1 child is in charge of laundry
2 children are in charge of dinner
2 kids are in charge of trash

and so forth.....Tell me exactly what these people do as far as parenting?? Because it looks to me like the kids are pretty much in charge of the vast majority of what a parent does. She just takes care of the littlest child. In all the shows they have showed so far...she is telling them what to do, they obey and she just takes care of the youngest member of the family.

mckayleesmom replied:
Thanks Marie.....This is MY OPINION and I am entitled to it....I did not say anything about religion....This might be their religion, but their children didn't chose to come into a family of this religion and they didn't chose to spend their childhood raising their younger siblings...and that IS MY OPINION.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: What is it hurting those kids to do chores and help out around the house? It teaches responsibility and respect. That's how things were done as little as 50 years ago and that was the hardworking, respectful generation. My grandmother raised her younger siblings and cooked dinner every night while her mother helped her father and brothers in the fields. She is not bitter, she still speaks of the love her family had for each other and the respect she has for her parents and she is 94. My FIL worked in the cotton fields his entire life. The women worked in the home. Scotty's cousin was cooking from the time she could stand on a crate and reach the stove. She is the hardest working woman I know. And again, she's not bitter. (she's 55, btw) I know times have changed, but I don't see that it has ever hurt any family to put a little responsibility on the kids. Maybe it is to our kids detriment that the times have changed. This is such a spoiled generation.

In the end, it is the parents who are raising the children in the Duggar family. They seem to be well rounded individuals and the older kids will just be better for it, IMO. It is not my personal choice to have 15 children and my religious beliefs differ from theirs, but I don't see that they are doing anything wrong. Just going against the norm for 'these days.'

mckayleesmom replied:
You yourself said that you can't imagine having that many kids...Neither could I and why is that? Because that is alot of work that we probably couldn't do by ourselves.....And that is my point...She is not doing it herself...Shes not even doing most of it.....her kids are. I don't know about you, but if my mom expected me to raise my little brother and sister...I would be kind of peeved.....I would want my own life. These kids are not exposed to many things outside their family and families like their own....so they don't even really know their options in my opinion. I don't know about you, but I have to check on my kids about a million times a day and track them down to see what wall they are writing on, if Russell is sticking things in the toilet and so forth....times that by 16 and Im sure its impossible without help.

Im not trying to argue with you, that is your opinion and I have mine. Im just asking you to put yourself in those kids positions.

mckayleesmom replied:
And that is your opinion and I respect that. I think its great for the kids to do chores and have responsibilities...but based on these shows it seems that the kids have all the responsibility and that is something completely different to me.

skinkybaby replied: Maddie&EthansMom summed up everything for me. Thank you.

ashtonsmama replied:
My thoughts exactly.
At first I was slightly shocked, and although I don't agree with some of their strict beliefs , I do definitely admire (read: bow down) to that woman for birthing all 16 children and carrying them, taking care of them, etc. And homeschooling all of them. Kudos to her. I am impressed to the fullest. And I appreciate that even she has a meltdown every once in awhile, I thought she was invincible and then I read something she wrote on their website about breaking down at night in the laundry room and thought-maybe that's something all of us moms have in common, no matter how many kids or what their ages, we all are human, and just doing our best.

Can you tell I've thought about this one?
I need sleep!


Let's just let everyone have their own opinions, eh?

That's mine.

MommyToAshley replied:
I completely agree with Aimee here. I don't see anything wrong with chores and helping to take care of the other family members. I am the second oldest of 5 children and you bet I had to babysit and do chores around the house. Of course I complained about it, but in the end, I couldn't imagine my life without my brothers and sisters. The personal responsibility and discipline helped to shape my values and I am thankful for that. I worry sometimes that Ashley will be missing out on some of what I had. Sure, she won't have the extra responsibility of taking care of a sibling, or miss one day of going out with her friends because she has to baby sit. But, she also won't have an extra person in her corner when she needs it, she won't have someone that looks up to her and is her own personal cheerleader, or someone to stay up late chatting under the covers after we think she's already gone to bed. Like I said, we all make different sacrifices based on how we choose to live our lives, but one isn't necessarily better than another. I would not choose to have 16 children, but I would never judge someone for doing so. If the Mom were mistreating them, that would be another story. But, as Aimee already said, they seem to be well-rounded, educated, and loving. Why don't we ask one of the children if they wish there were only one...two.. five siblings... (whatever the magic number is) and see what they say. I'm willing to bet that they think the benefits outweigh the sacrifices. I'm not trying to offend anyone, just wanted to give another view to think about.

DillsMommy replied: I think I've seen that show before, they had a TON of kids and they were building their own house, the kids did alot of the work. Is this the same show or am I thinking of something else? When does it come on and what chanel? I would like to watch it sometime.

mckayleesmom replied:
Yes...that is the show we we are talking about.

mckayleesmom replied: I also came from a large family...I am 1 of 8....My mom lost a set of twins at birth. We also had a couple cousins that were at our house alot...they pretty much lived there. Did I have to babysit? Yes. Did I have to do chores? Yes. Did I sometimes have to take care or help a younger sibling? Yes. Did I resent it? Not all the time, but sometimes I didn't feel it was my job. For 95% of the time my mom raised and took care of us. She cooked dinner every night, cleaned, and spent individual time with us, but we had responsibilities at her house too. My parents were divorced when I was 4. When I was at my dads house....I was expected to take care of the 2 younger kids and cousins alot of the time and it use to tick me off. I had to cook for them, clean, and make sure they didn't get into trouble or get hurt. I was just a kid myself. We would go to an amusement park and I would have to stop having fun to take one of the younger siblings to the bathroom or get them a drink, change their clothes because they peed themselves....etc. Sometimes I didn't mind, but sometimes I just wanted to be a kid. I can't imagine having to take care of my younger sibling on a regular basis. Do I love having alot of siblings...yes....but I didn't like taking care of them on a regular basis...Which was every weekend at my dads......If people have not caught on by now they would know that my dad is a pretty useless guy. I usually couldn't wait to get home to my moms where that burden was not on me.

If you have to assign another individual to take care of your child or "buddy" them up with another sibling...then that should be the moment that you realize you need to stop....but that again is just my opinion.....My dad for example...should have never reproduced at all.

5littleladies replied:
Thank you Aimee for saying this so much better than I ever could. I have much I would like to say on this subject, but I would most certainly offend people, so I won't.

A&A'smommy replied: I agree the shows are amazing they facinate me too!!!

msoulz replied:
That's what I wonder about. These kids have no "outside" experience at all. I hope they will do OK if they go to college and once they are on their own. We are all so different that they may be in for a shock to find out the way the rest of the world lives.

A&A'smommy replied:
I COMPLETLY agree with both of you how THEY choose to live their lives and how THEY choose how they raise THEIR kids!!!

ALso about the dating thing I think its awesome I may not choose to do that with my kids or my parents do that with me but that is because we live differently and its good BECAUSE their kids wont be having sex when they shouldn't be. And I'm sure the oldest KNOWS he can leave when he wants to but I don't really see that heppening I would love to ask each and every one of the kids when they are alone off record whether they are happy or not it seems to me that they are. I actually have a friend who kinda lived this way but she only had one sibling she helped take care of her sister they both did chores, they were homeschooled, they weren't alloud to watch a lot of tv or go on dates until kendra turned 18, she went to church everytime the door was open and now she is engaged to be married, she is in college and very happy. And I don't see much different except more siblings and each child has one sibling to help take care of....wrong I don't think so. I had to do the same thing with my little brother I had to do lots of chores and I NEVER minded babysitting him.. except on ONE occasion. Anyway that is jmo

mckayleesmom replied: I would also like to know what the kids would say off camera. I had 2 friends in highschool that were Penacostal. One was a freshman (same age as me), and one was a Junior. They were homeschooled up until that point. They grew up with no tv, were not allowed to go to movies, friends houses, etc. I think their parents were alot more strict then the Duggars...but in any case....They were very sheltered like the Duggars. The girls were very involved with their religion, respected their parents, etc...Debbie the sophmore was very shy and respectful...just like the Duggar kids. I remember Sophmore year....her sister (who was now a senior) turned 18 in the middle of the year....packed up her stuff, moved out, chopped off her hair and showed up in school wearing Jeans. Everyone (especially her sister Debbie) was shocked. I just spoke to a friend from my old school recently and found out that Debbie too changed just as dramatically after I moved.

I know this has nothing to do with having 16 kids, but more about how sheltered they are. Once Debbie and Brenda got a little bit of freedom from being sheltered, they formed their own opinions and wants. The Duggar kids are very sheltered from what they portray on tv...so they probably don't realize that there other outlets for kids. Things to do...and things typical teenagers and kids like to do.

luvbug00 replied:

ITA! for me sheltering is just a whole new debate too.

mckayleesmom replied: I guess I just see alot of my friends in these kids....Debbie especially...At the time I was friends with Debbie....She would have never said or did anything her parents didn't approve of. She was a parent pleaser....She wouldn't have said anything against her parents, even if she thought it. I don't think the Duggars would say anything even if they thought it.

coasterqueen replied: I don't know....I only have one sibling and yes, I had chores to do as well and being the fact that my sister was 5 years younger than me I watched her as I got older, BUT I still think these parents have gone overboard. They are the ones who decided to have that many children, their older children shouldn't be taking on responsibilities a grown adult with children would have. They need to let their children BE children. I think they've taken the "chore" thing a bit too far IMO.

I think people expect way too much of their children. We are constantly trying to make them grow up faster from the time they are born. Let them be kids, geesh. My parents were able to balance letting me be a kid and teaching me the responsibilities of how to live in this world/values/morals/chores, etc.

My dad was family of 13 brothers and sisters. My dad being the oldest. He had to be a father figure to all his siblings as a child and now as an adult. It was/is a Huge burden to place on someone. My grandmother died 5 years after her last child was born, her body just couldn't take it anymore (she was in her 40's when she passed on). My grandfather died at 56 leaving my father to father ALL of the kids on his own. So I know, too, personally how just because it doesn't affect one family that it can affect another. Sure all of them would tell you they wouldn't change it for the world but I've seen first hand the stress that has almost killed my father many times having to be a parent to so many kids. When he was 18, that was when his mother died, he still doesn't forgive himself for working to help feed the family when he should have been at home to take care of her. Instead of having the opportunity to go to college or have a real life my father was working 24/7 to feed his brothers and sisters.

Do you SERIOUSLY think that family isn't receiving ANY governmental assistance what-so-ever? And if they aren't they sure are getting the helping hand of communities and nation-wide. Why? Should I feel like I need to help them more than Jane Doe in another state just because the one has a family of 15 so they need it more?

I'm rambling here, but I agree with a pp who asked what this family is going to do when the oldest want to go away to college or somewhere else? I know my father felt like he HAD to stay around and help out. That's a HUGE HUGE burden for a kid, IMO.

mckayleesmom replied:
Ya...I find it hard to believe that they don't have any debt or recieve funding form something either....Their grocery bills are 800 dollars....House payment, electric, gas...etc.......I believe that he is in real estate and they do some insurance sales types Stuff....But it doesn't add up to me.

skinkybaby replied: They talked about that on the show last night. They don't buy anything they can't afford. They pay cash for everything.
I'd be surprised if this wasn't true because it would be bound to come out in the press if they really were getting government assistance. WHo knows.

jcc64 replied: I'm pretty fascinated by these people. I watched the little marathon on tv last night. The most striking thing to me was how utterly sweet the mother seemed (although she is most definitely in need of a new hairstyle ). The cynic in me wanted to dislike her pollyanna thing- but I don't think it's an act- I think she's a unique woman. The kids all seem very intelligent and well mannered, if not a little stifled and repressed. Idk, I don't think I'm raising a bunch of savages here, but we can't go more than a few hours w/o someone complaining, fighting, disobeying, something, anything- that I wouldn't necessarily want aired on TLC, and I only have 3 kids, not 16. Either the editing was VERY kind (perhaps a contractual agreement between the family and the producers? i.e.- you can film our family, but we have final say over what makes it past the final cut) , or else these kids swallow ALOT of feelings. Haven't we all wanted to haul off and smack either our siblings or our parents or both?? Not that we act on these feelings, but it's evident that we have them from time to time. I don't get the sense that it's ok to express strong feelings in this family. Being a self respecting Italian, god knows that's an alien world to me!
The father- frankly he freaks me out. Not sure why- but I'm thinking he wields way too much power for my comfort level. But- it's their house- if it works for them, more power to them.

Jackie012007 replied: I've never seen the show but WOW sounds liek the people who live next door to my parents. They are religious and therefor do not use BC... they have had a kid once a year for the past like 12 years! They live in this tiny house with 3 or 4 to a room, they are marched around like little robots, and they are homeschooled so they really have no contact with the outside (especially since they and my parents live in the middle of NOWHERE, about 20 minutes outside fo the city).

I would see them in the store and they just look so sad... I've caught them staring at other kids running around in the store and they just seem so sad because they are like a little line of robots. They get massive amounts of aid from the state (I used to be a cashier and had cashed them out a lot) yet they continue to procreate. I think it is great that they have such strong religious convictions, but that really isn't fair to the kids or very responsible... keep having more and more kids rather than recognizing your situation and abstaining from sex. There's my

Jackie012007 replied:
your story reminded me of my best friend from high school... she was soooo sheltered, I wasn't much better but I got into stuff and was pretty sneaky so I had a little bit of knowledge about the world. Kelly on the other hand never had a date, never left her house on a firday or saturday night, never got her licesnse, was simply a homework and parent pleasing machine.

Fast forward to this, her senior year of college... she is a HUGE coke head, a known slut on her college campus, she is practically failing out of pharmacy college and she has been pregnant 2 times since her freshman year of college (she terminated each)... needless to say we are not friends anymore. She literally like EXPLODED when she got so much freedom when she went to school. It was sad to watch/hear about

martzfam27 replied: Cant believe 16 kids? Sometimes I can barely handle Lucas, how do they do it? She must be a VERY special mommy

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I've read everything everyone has had to say. I know I've commented already but felt there were a few things I needed to say. I don't come from a large family, there were only 3 of us. I remember at the age of 8 cooking dinner for my family, doing the laundry and being home alone with my sister who was only a year older than me. Both of my parents worked. My mom worked until 9:30 every evening and my dad, well lets just say he was a workacholic and was never home. I was a latch key kid. Around the same time that Adam Walsh's son went missing. I would come home with my sister and brother after school and let us into the house. I never stayed at school for lunch, always came home. I never had a good childhood, for many other reasons. I remember being locked out of the house many times. And where could we go? There was no one!

It's sad the way those children are raised, because they don't get to have a childhood. They don't get to be children. They need to grow up so fast. Yeah the mom is always there, but children need independence and too. They need to have friends and be able to experience all the things that "normal" children experience. If they were allowed to have everyday experiences, like going bike riding with there friends, going to the movies with there friends, sleepovers and Birthday Parties.

Maybe I see alot in that family that I missed and there parents are there!

jcc64 replied: I was thinking about this thread last night, and had one more thing to add. C'mon, didn't you feel just a little well, embarassed for the teen-agers when they all had to go out in their little matching outfits??? Don't you remember how self conscious you were at that age, and how the last thing you wanted to do was be associated with, let alone, gasp, dressed identically to not only your 2 yr old brother but also your parents? Isn't it just a little, idk, cult like?

mammag replied:
Exactly what I was going to say. As many people (as evidenced in this board) that are against them just living their lives the way they choose, there is no way it would not have been found out. Especially with him being a representative and running for Senate. No way it would not have come out.

It's possible that people give them financial gifts but if that is the case, that's up to the giver and I have no problem with that. If someone wanted to give me donations, I wouldn't turn it down....why should they?

Now, don't get me wrong....I'm not at all taking this personally so I want to set that straight right away but I'm just wondering.....how many are making judgments about my family for homeschooling? Believe me, I've heard the "sheltering them" comments many times, including from my own family. I happen to know better because it is my family and I know what I'm doing and why so it doesn't bother me. It just makes me extremely sad that people have to criticize decisions a family make for themselves. There are many worse parents I would first have to look to when deciding to criticize another for their choices in parenting.

I will say, it was stuff like this that made me send my kids to public school in the first place....afraid of the comments I would hear. Afraid of others judging me. Then it just came to a point where I knew I had to do what was best for us and not care anymore about what everyone else had to say about it. Why even as adults to we have to deal with peer pressure and trying to fit into what everyone else considers normal? I thought those days ended when I graduated high school.

mckayleesmom replied: I have another add....I know..ANOTHER ONE... . I know that the kids are very smart and intelligant, but I don't think they are very up to speed in their years as far as maturity goes if you ask me......I don't know if any of you noticed the 18 year old son playing hand clapping games with the rest of the kids....And some of the older kids playing on toys......To me that is another Sheltered point out....they don't even realize that a kid their age more then likely wouldn't be caught dead doing those activities.....But they are so sheltered that that is all they have.

mckayleesmom replied:
Im not judging them for homeschooling...GOD BLESS the woman that has the patience to do that....They are more patient then I could ever be. But you, Jennifer and other homeschoolers I know allow their children to interact with other kids, go on activities with other kids....etc. Not to mention that they probably watch tv, go to movies and know different types of families in the world.

The fact that the Duggars homeschool, and only allow their children to accociate with members of their church with family dinamics like theirs is what I am talking about. They don't allow the children to associate with anyone but each other. On the show...everytime they went somewhere fun...the parents were right there with them...When does the child get to experience anything on their own?

I seriously give props to homeschooling...I really do.. I have thought about doing it myself, but I don't have half the patience it takes, not to mention that Mckaylee listens to other people better then she does me.

CantWait replied:
You bring up a very good point.

I wanted to add that I'm all for helping out family. I come from a family of 2, being the youngest. DH on the other hand grew up in a large LATIN family, and as the second oldest was depended on a lot to help out, babysit, etc. He grew up to hate it. I know this isn't the way all children grow up to feel, but it's just another side of the spectrum.
I should also say that he was able to go out with friends, and be a teenager also, so it's not like he didn't get to experience childhood.

punkeemunkee'smom replied:

First of all as the oldest of 9 children I take HUGE offense to this comment! Nobody asked you to help them more. Nobody asked anybody to help them at all! You seem to be stating that nobody could possibly provide for a large family without assistance and that somehow negates the fact that they have the right to have a large family....My dad worked (owns his own business) and my mom stayed home-we were not on and they still(with 8 kids left at home) never have been on any kind of government assistance. My father provided for us...we were fed,we were warm in the winter and cool in the summer and believe it or not we even went out to eat and did fun things as a family...I don't know why it seems big families are singled out as an oddity-I am sure there are plenty of things in each of our own homes that can/should be looked at before we pass judgement on the choices-especially the ones that are not hurting anyone-of another family! JMHO!

ETA~ I could not agree more with Aimee's comments! Thank you Aimee! You summed it up perfectly!

jcc64 replied: I can only speak for myself, Jeanie. My criticisms or comments about this family have nothing to do with the fact that they homeschool- b/c I wasn't even aware that they were homeschooled- the show I saw they were on vacation.
I guess for me- if the only way you can keep track of your kids is to color code them, or keep them sequestered from the chaos of the world at large, maybe you have a few too many kids. That is their prerogative, of course, but the kids, well, they didn't get a say in the matter- which I think is why everyone's having a visceral reaction.
And finally, the thing about judging their choices- it would be one thing if they were just doing their thing quietly- but they chose to put their family and their lifestyle out there on tv for everyone to scrutinize, which is what people do when they watch tv. I'm certain they profited in some way, and just like any other celebrity, fame comes at a cost. Maybe to them, the criticism is worth whatever payoff they're receiving.

kit_kats_mom replied: http://www.jimbob.info/mothers.html

Above is a link to her "advice for mothers" section on their webpage. So, she dosen't do it all alone, she does have help in the form of people outside of the home.

coasterqueen replied:
I'm sorry you took offense to that. I never said they asked me for their help but they are asking for help when they go on these shows, IMO. I am not stating, you are implying that I think big families get assistance. Like I stated before, my father came from a family of 13 brothers and sisters and they never got government assistance, but many of them had to work to help provide for the family, which IMO is the parents responsibility....not the children's. Now I have no idea what-so-ever if those children are doing that or not and I really don't care. I simply stated I think they get some assistance of some kind whether it be government or the helping hand of those who feel sorry for them when they see them on these tv shows.

And can I ask why you think I or anyone else is singling large families out as an "oddity"? Hun, you have no IDEA what I think. I'm all for large families, I've always thought it would be great to have one. My dad came from one. My husband has 5 other siblings, albeit from different mothers/fathers (too complicated to explain). I just think the parents in this case are asking TOO much from their children and aren't letting them be children all because they ARE a big family. It isn't that they are a large family, it's how the parents are choosing to raise a big family

Please do not imply or infer I'm thinking or stating something I'm not. I'll extend the same to you

Boo&BugsMom replied: Wow, lot of opinions here. I don't have much to add as others have pretty much said enough. As far as sheltering them, I don't think they are sheltered. So they don't pick up the bad habits of our society. Has anyone seen the way our world is today? It seems the family is happy and that is all that matters. I would be willing to bet those children will turn out to be some of the most respectful children I've ever met or seen. Just because they don't live like some of us, doesn't mean they are doing things wrong. Where is it written anywhere they are doing things wrong? Sure, it's not my cup of tea. Lord knows I'd really miss my computer and tv. But, in a weird way, I really admire them and what they are able to accomplish and acheive. Those children are probably more mature than other children their age. What's wrong with maturity? I know adults that are probably less mature than some of their children. Kudos to them! I couldn't do it, more power to them!

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Just want to clarify, I am very religious and we use BC. I know you didn't mean it that way, as there are many religions and denominations who do not believe in BC. However, many people who are very religious do use it. But I know what you mean. Just wanted to clarify that fact though.

Boo&BugsMom replied: Hey, just to add a little...did anyone see the Wife Swap last night where the mom of 8 children who were homeschooled swapped lives with a woman of 3 who spent extravagant amounts on clothes every season? I think the woman with 8 children was way more normal, sane, and down to Earth than the woman with all the money, to be honest. Just curious if anyone else saw it. I love those shows, seeing two opposites seeing the other side of things. I think it opens people's eyes.

TheOaf66 replied:
I think you desperately want to go on there

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I'd be too afraid I'd be swapping homes with a mom who does witchcraft and doesn't take her shoes off in the house.

Oh and about a child being a parent pleaser...I don't know about anyone else, but I want my children to listen to ME, not their friends. It's called obeying their parents.

luvmykids replied:
Summed it right up for me Aimee!

My2Beauties replied: Again, like I said they can do whatever they want to do, it has no affect on me. Kudos to her if she wants to have 16 more children....BUT she needs to learn to do it herself and not depend on her older children to do all the babysitting, cooking, etc. It's ONE thing for a child to have chores (I am all for that) but another thing for them to take on full responsibility of a household! That's all I'm saying! They need to learn how to be kids. I didn't see the show but by the "hand clap" thing Brianne said and the dressing alike thing Jeanne mentioned - I'd bet a million bucks they are way too sheltered and have no idea what it's like to be a normal teenager!

skinkybaby replied: But what's a "normal" teenager? Being a teenager in America is much different than being a teenager in, say, Africa or China or India. Who are we to say that our ideas of how to raise a teenager are the right way?

luvbug00 replied: we are talking about America, they live here in america.



a normal teenageer should be one that thinks for themselves and expresses themselves and can voice their own opinions. Thease kids can't do that becuause they are soo sheltered and kept away from so much that. They have the right to know about and have an opinion about our country and the real world today. If you pulled one of thease kids and explained to them the bills trying to be passed about controvercial issues like abortion or Gay marriage do you think they can answer?? ( if religon couldn't be a factor in their answer) I highly doubt it.

skinkybaby replied: I don't agree. If our way was the right way would we have such problems with teen pregnancy, drugs, etc etc etc?

My2Beauties replied:
Many countries have the same problems, we just don't know about them!

skinkybaby replied: Exactly. And why? Because there is no perfect way to raise your children!

luvbug00 replied: U didn't answer my question. and teen pregnancy to me is not a problem. I was a pregnant teen as were many other moms on this board and our kids are well ajusted and healthy. IMHO with a certin "drug" leagalized there would be less of a drug problem as it has been a proven start for most hard drug addicts. Not to mention the numbers for teen pregnancy is down.

Thase kids are sheltered and that's all there is to it. Computers are an essintial part of todays business world, how are they gonna get a job in a century when all we use are computers??

skinkybaby replied: They do have computers, they do not have internet.


And I think it is wonderful that teenage moms do such a good job raising their kids. But you can't tell me that 14 year olds gettting pregnant is a good thing. And we'll just have to disagree on the drug issue

luvbug00 replied: I'm a pet sitter one of the most Basic jobs out there. (although it pays quite well ) ALL of my job bookings and payroll and EVERYTHING is on the www! They need to learn it if they want to be lawyers or doctors or whatever they want. Heck even dog walkers.

My2Beauties replied:
OK I'm DONE with this thread. First of all my Step-daughter's mother was 14 when she got pregnant, my DH was 16. They have done a WONDERFUL job raising my step-daughter. They were together until she was 6 years old, they both worked and did what they had to do to raise her with no assistance whatsoever except fopr WIC when she was a newborn. They get along as well as I get along with her to this day for the sake of their daughter, she is a wonderful person, a very smart young lady and is a wonderful mother and has done exceptionally well raising a child. She made a mistake as did my DH as teenagers and they owned up to their responsibility. I'm not saying as you said that it's a wonderful thing, but it's a reality in today's world, not just in America. Heck in foreign countries it's nothing for a 14 year old to be married with 2-3 kids already. You just really hit a nerve with that one and I'm going to stop before I really say something that I shouldn't because I'm getting butterflies and getting too riled up about this whole thing.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Let's all agree to disagree. We aren't in the mind changing business.