Tell me I am right

lisar wrote: Okay Lexi got her report card. Keep in mind this girl is smart and has always made straight A's. Well she got a D in math on her report card. She had a D- on her progress report, and I have been working with her ALOT on this. When we are at home she does GREAT. But apparently she is messing this up really bad at school and just cant seem to get it right at school. I had told her that if she didnt get A's and B's on her report card that she wasnt going to have her birthday party at Sweet and Sassy. Well I called to cancel the party and I cant get my deposit back. (alot of money) So me and dh decided to let her have her party there but after we get back home we are taking away all of the presents she gets until that grade becomes atleast a C+. Is this wrong? Either she doesnt get a party at all and gets no presents or I take the presents until the grade comes up. I have been catching alot of crap from certain family members about this. Some support me but some dont.

TheOaf66 replied: is there a reason she is doing so poorly?

lisar replied:
My guess is she isnt paying attention at school or something. Cause when we do the work at home she gets it all correct the first time. Or she is rushing it at school or something. I havent talked to the teachers yet. I have called to schedule an appt with them.

mckayleesmom replied: I can see what your saying, but if she is an overall good student...Maybe she is just struggling with math. I don't think I would punish her on her birthday or take away her presents.

If she was getting bad grades in everything...I would do what you have in mind, but if its just one area...that just sounds like she needs extra help with that subject and perhaps a tudor. I know she is very smart and all, but even really smart kids struggle with some things from time to time.


I use to get all A's and B's in everything BUT MATH...for some reason when I was doing it one on one with somebody I got it....but make me do it myself and I struggled really bad.

MommyToAshley replied: I think it depends on why she is not getting it right at school. It seems odd that she can get it at home but not at school. It also seems so out of character for her. Have you been able to figure out why she can't get it right at school? It seems like there must be something else going on. Is she distracted by something going on at school? Does she sit by a disruptive kid during math? Can she see the board? Is there something else going on in class that is bothering her? Does she have enough time to finish her work? What does the teacher say, especially since this is so out of character for her.

If she is doing her best and just not getting it, then I don't think you should punish her. If she is not trying, goofing off at school, and not doing her homework... by all means I think she should be disciplined.

ETA: I see I was typing the same time as everyone and you already stated that you have a conference scheduled to see what the teacher says.

TheOaf66 replied:
before you take anything away find out...maybe she has anxiety or something. If it is because she is goofing around then fine but I would get the facts before hand. I would feel like a meanie if my kid was having a problem and I was punishing them for it.

lisar replied:
I just called the school again but the teachers wont answer the phone during class time, so I am sure she will call me back. She/he (she has one of each) always does. Se will call around 3 when they get out.

I print things out for her, and have 5 workbooks that we work out of, and I never have to help her with them. She gets them all right the first time. The rule is she has to do atleast 3 pages a day to go outside and play plus her homework. I am trying to get this grade brought up. She got A's on everything else on her report card. But when she does this at home every single question is correct the first time. So I know she knows how to do it. Thats what is bothering me. I guess I will learn more after I meet with the teacher. KWIM? But as of right now, no presents until I know she is truly struggling with it. She has always been good at math until now.

kimberley replied: you are right!!!

wait a minute let me read ur post first... lol

i would definitely talk to the teacher and find out why she thinks your dd is doing so poorly before punishing her. i was very disappointed with Jacob's "careless" mistakes in math and was hard on him for them. a couple of years later we learned that he has visual perception problems and orally, his work was 100%. doing work slowly, one on one with someone, it was good too. but left on his own, it was atrocious. i felt pretty bad for harping on him when we learned he has a learning disability. good luck!

mammag replied: I agree, I would find out exactly what is going on first. For my kids, they will definitely be grounded for any D's.

I would talk to her though. The problem I see is that you told her a punishment and now that is not happening. I would probably have stuck to that or else have a conversation about how you were maybe too hasty when you had decided on the proper punishment. I would hate for her to think that the $ is more important than her grades. I think it's best to not say you are going to do something unless you have every intention of following through regardless of the cost.

Could it be that they are teaching them a different way to do the math problems and it is their way of doing it that is confusing her? My nephew had that issue. My sister would explain it the way we were taught and he would get it but then when the teacher explained it the "new" way, he got really confused.

lisar replied:
But is it just one subject? She has all A's in everything else.

Spelling
Reading
Language Arts
Science

All A's.

lisar replied:
Ya know I thought of that because I had that problem. They arent making them show their work, they think if they can come up with the correct answer then its fine. Its so simple math.

2 + 4 + 3 + 8=

8 + ___ = 12

thats what she is failing. And I know she can do it.

mom21kid2dogs replied:
I had a significant math disability as a child (still do). Other than math, I was an A/B student in every other subject. It was apparent pretty early, only affected my abitity to learn and retain math facts but obviously I went to school way before anyone ever looked at disabilities other than the obvious MR issues.

It could be many things including rushing through, time of day that they do math, other classroom rewards linked to finishing work, etc.

If it were me, I'd wait until I heard from the teacher before I made a final decision on anything.

ETA: Is her issue sideways math? (Math problems that look just like the ones you typed, not the up & down addition?) If so, that concept poses a problem for tons of kids when they first see it and for a while afterwards for many. The switch from up and down to sideways really freaks them out~go figure.

kimberley replied:
it wasn't just in math for Jacob but after working with psycho-ed workers, OT's, and a myriad of other special ed teachers, i know it is possible to have difficulty with numbers and not with letters. worth checking into anyway imo.

Nina J replied: If she has all A's in everything else, or at least good marks in everything else, I wouldn't want to take all of her presents away.

Have you considered getting her a tutor? I tutored a young girl about Lexi's age when I was 18, and her mark came up from C's to A's.

I personally struggled with math. I had to work hard, and in my final year of high school math was my highest mark.

It is totally your choice, though. You're the best judge of what will help her to achieve a good grade. Personally, if I put Emily in Lexi's position, Emily would be extremly upset with having presents taken away, and she would be more likely to blame the maths. If you kwim.

Has she had her birthday yet? Usually someone always give my kids money in a card, maybe if she gets money you could use it to get a few sessions with tutor?

Good luck though, she seems very smart. I'm sure she can pick up her math grade soon

redchief replied: I agree with others that punishing for poor grades without knowing the reason may be hasty. There's obviously something at work here if her grades are only poor in one area. We had similar problems with Ricky and after going through a whole bunch of tests in which he performed well, a teacher hit on his real problem by accident. He didn't have difficulties in any subjects, which is why he tested OK. It turned out that he was terrible at organizing himself and setting aside time for certain activities. In other words, he needed a journal to help him make his day make sense. After that, all of his grades came up.

moped replied: Lisa, I need to think on this one before I comment!

Edward's Mommy replied: I didn't read all the responses, but I did skim through and I would do the following if it were my child:

1. Since she's obviously doing well at home, ask her if something is going on in school that making her grades so low.

2. Set a meeting with her teacher. Alone. Get insight on what goes on with your daughter while you're not around. Not always, but sometimes, kids act differently around peers than they do around their parents. And sometimes they act differently around other adults than they do around their parents.

3. After finding out what the teacher has to say, bring your daughter in and discuss with her teacher and her what the three of you can do to solve the problem.

4. Then set a punishment, if it so deserves.

That's just me though!

CantWait replied: Math was my really really weak subject in school. Find out first from the teacher how she is inj class before making any final decisions. If it is because she's goofing off etc.,... then yes, I would agree to take her things away until she bucks up, but in all honesty, I doubt that's what it is, it sounds more like anxiety.

gr33n3y3z replied: Sorry but I dont think any person should hold grades over a childs party.
What that is saying for all the good you did also wasnt good enough

Joak replied: Hello! New to the board so just trying to figure all this out...

I can understand your disappointment as we all want to absolute best for our kids....but despite being raised by FANTASTIC parents the one drawback was that I was a perfectionist and hard on myself to begin with, when my parents added in the stress of asking "what happened to the 2% when I got a 98%" I slowly adopted the anything less than perfect is not ok" mentality......granted it made me very successful in school but deep down I have always longed for someone to tell me that it is ok to not be good at something....it is VERY common for kids to be great in other subjects but struggle in math, just suggesting that you try to get to the bottom of what the issue is before selecting a punishment as otherwise she may feel as she cannot win and that is actually demotivating...

Just some thoughts.....is your daughter already tough on herself? If that is the case the embarassment of the D is likely hurting her more than a b-day present being taken away would....

I applaud your empasis on grades, and the work that you put in with your daughter, many parents do not put the time and effort into it at all, you should be so proud that you care so much and the teacher's know you!

DillsMommy replied:
I agree.
I think to take her presents or party away seems a bit harsh. Imo. Especially since she's doing so well in everything else.

jem0622 replied: First, I ask that you read this article. I got it from a friend who is an educator, and it was really helpful for me.

My oldest DS is in 3rd grade. He has always been at grade, and usually above grade. Well, this year has been a mix for him. He is doing super duper in social studies and composition/language arts. Loves science. He has a D in math too. They are pushing him so hard because he tested into at/above grade for math...so the pace is fast. And they are dealing with a lot of abstracts now. They are doing things I don't remember doing until much later! Ugh!

If (a big if) they don't move him to another math team, then he will be at grade. If they don't do this, then he will need a lot of extra help from us. I talked to his math teacher, and she said that she would send me some links to things, and said he definitely has to practice more on math and not just complete the homework assignments.

Every child learns differently, so it could also be that the pace or the way they are teaching is not connecting with her.

HUGS

mom21kid2dogs replied:
AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME article!!!! Thanks for posting that!!!

redchief replied:
That was a very good article. I think it shortchanges talent quite a bit, but I agree with its core tenets. I'm not sure how to suggest putting the information to work with Lexi, but I do agree that some contact with the teacher is in order. Perhaps you should bring with you to a meeting her work done at home and see if something is causing confusion.