TICKED OFF!!! (again)
A&A'smommy wrote: Im getting so tired of my dh he is hardly ever here and when he is he is asleep!!!! He hardly ever takes care of alyssa and that bothers me but im learning to except that but now he is trying to tell ME how to take care of my baby!!!! He talks to me like im stupid and im really really tired of it i almost told him on the phone today because yet again he was telling me how to take care of alyssa (and before that how to drive which is VERY hypacritacle of him!!!) he has been doing this for a while now and im tired of it!!!!! I dont think im stupid i would never do anything to hurt her i love her SOOO much!!! He is making me feel like crap and has been a LOT lately and that is crap because i already dont have any confidence if i loose confidence in taking care of my baby then what kind of mother will i be!?! IM REALLY REALLY ticked of and tired of this im tired of yelling at him and telling him that im NOT stupid, why does my husband the man i love more than anything talk to me like im stupid? All he is doing is making me feel stupid and even more scared of college!!!! Thanks i just needed to get that out...ugh
MommyToAshley replied: I am sorry
Men seem to think that they have all the answers until they have to do it themselves. (Not all men, but most) I think what your DH needs is a weekend (or at least one whole weekend day) alone with Alyssa. You should go out and take a day to yourself and have DH take care of her... Insist upon it. I am sure when you get back that he will have changed his tune and have a greater appreciation for what you do!
mummy2girls replied: Oh Hun....i am so sorry(((HUGS)))
I agree with Dee Dee.... Aron did that to me ALOT when Jenna was little and he still does just not as badly. So what i did is i told him he is to take Jenna overnight by himself without me there. And he did take her and man did he ever change his tune! I got a call at 7am in the morning begging for me to come and help with jenna(jenna was 3 months at this time). At first i wasnt going to but i heard jenna in the back ground screaming so i ran over to be withg her. He apologized to me and was practically in tears. He says he knows how hard it is for me to be doing it on my own. And that what im doing was an awesome job and that he will not criticize me again!He now knows how hard of job it is...he could not settle her at all and he ended up feeding her 8 bottles of 8oz of formla in one night. EEK! Poor jenna she was defentily full when i arrived.
So leave Alyssa with him for the day and im quite sure he will cahnge his attitude towards you.
I totally agree! My dh was like this, until I went back to work and he had to take care of Jaci himself! You should take a day off- and leave him to take care of her for awhile.
A&A'smommy replied: i would love to but what would i do?? i dont have any friends unfortuantly and we dont have anywhere close i can go shopping (i cant drive his truck and our car wouldnt make it anywhere!) do you girls have any ideas?
mummy2girls replied: maby you can go somewhere with your mom? have her pick you up and have a girls day together. I love getting that time just with me and my mom... you can talk and such. That is if you are close?
paradisemommy replied: how about a movie? you can go relax and see a current movie...is there one of those close?
aspenblue1 replied: I agree you should get out and do something and let him take care of her for a little while.
amynicole21 replied: I agree with everyone else... he needs to be forced to take some responsibility and to see that it is a really difficult job. Go to the movies, the park, anywhere where you can just relax and breathe and not worry about "life." It's a difficult thing to do - to just let go for a while. But it is so liberating!
My DH helps some, but only with the easy stuff like playing with her and getting her dressed. I do the majority of the "work" when it comes to Sophia. Believe me, the resentment doesn't get any better as they get older. If you don't nip this in the bud now, it will fester and you will really have a major problem on your hands!!!
Kaitlin'smom replied: yep he need to see first hand how hard it can be to be doing all the work. I hope things turn around for you.
Beccas_mom replied: Jessica I was in the same spot as you when I first had Rebecca. I am a SAHM and Dh goes to work so to him when he came home it was just to sleep eat and rest. Then I would get a lot of the you should comments. I hated them. Finally one day I sat him down and told him I could not do everything by myself and that I needed help when he was home! After about 3 of these talks and me crying he finally got the Picture. When we moved here in September I TOLD him that 3 days a week he was watching her for an hour or two so I could go to the gym! He is great about that. I agree you should get out. If you don't have any friends(which I did not either) Take a walk or go to a gym. I think and hour every couple of days is not too bad. At first I tried to plan it where I would put becca in bed and then leave so that he did not have much to do, but now he can handle anything! Good Luck Hun!
Maddie&EthansMom replied: I'm so sorry. I think everyone else is right about you leaving her with him for awhile. My DH is the same way....Maddie is almost 4 and it hasn't gotten much better. He doesn't want to take responsibility for her: He says that is my job. It is hard when your DH is at work all the time and then comes home demanding food, etc. I know my DH will not be ANY help when Ethan gets here. I suspect he will only work more (if that is possible). He just had rather be somewhere where he is the boss and he calls the shots. He can't even help me out when I am sick...he just distances himself and becomes more of a jerk. I already told him that when Ethan is born that I am going to have a buddy day with Maddie and leave Ethan with him. He just rolled his eyes. Be strong and take up for yourself. I never did when Maddie was younger and I needed to. Hang in there sweetie.
jen replied: I agree! You need a day to yourself and to be pampered! Do something for yourself and don't let Dh get to you. He needs to get a clue in what your day involves and how much hard work you do. As for going back to school, when you get started you have to believe in yourself. Half of the battle of college is making yourself show up for every class and not missing any, then it is easy. I thought for sure I was going to fail my Micro-Economics class when I went to college, that was the hardest class I ever took. My teacher told me if I showed up every day he would NOT fail me and he didn't and I ended up with a B! You are a strong woman and you need to knock DH off his high horse and make him realize what you are worth and how stupid he would be to under-estimate you! I mean that will all my heart.
juliajaj replied: I agree with the advice that everyone else has given to you.
The toughest time for me with DD was when she was a newborn, up until she was around 6 weeks old. I took a 12-week maternity leave, so I thought that I should be 100% responsible for Olivia’s care. Needless to say, I was very frazzled by the end of each day. I thought it was my responsibility to take care of the baby, clean the house, prepare the meals, handle the grocery shopping/run errands, do laundry, etc. DH & I had a long talk when Olivia was 6 weeks old & he questioned why I thought I was solely responsible for Olivia’s care. To me, I thought this was my “job” since he was working. He told me that he felt like I didn’t trust him around Olivia. That night, we developed a schedule for Olivia. I know some people frown on following schedules with newborns, but it really helped all of us. While I was still off on maternity leave, I would take care of Olivia during the day, and DH would take care of her when he got home from work. This typically involved playing with her, rocking her, giving her a bath, putting her in her jammies, giving her a bottle & putting her to bed. At first, it was hard for me to give up this time, but I couldn’t believe the difference it made in such a short time. DH had his private bonding time with Olivia & I had some “me” time. Usually, I spent the time reading, working out to an exercise tape, going to the library, or some other activity that was just for me (I tried to have it not cost any money either). I tell all new moms about how much this meant for me.
I’ve been back to work since Olivia was 3 months, and we continue the same routine. I get her up in the morning, get her dressed & ready for daycare, play with her/read to her, and then DH takes her to daycare on his way to work. I pick her up from daycare & then I play with Olivia off & on while preparing dinner. When DH gets home from work, he focuses on Olivia so I can get dinner ready. DH handles the nighttime routine.
coasterqueen replied: Agree with everyone else! Pamper yourself. Go see a movie or go to a spa. Something for YOU!
A&A'smommy replied: thanks girls!!!