Sad Day

Maddie&EthansMom wrote: Today marks 5 years that my MIL passed away of breast cancer. I try not to think about it, but now that I have 2 children that never got to know her it makes me even more sad. I would like to do something nice for DH without making a big deal out of it. He has mentioned it several times and he knows I acknowledge the day, but sometimes I get the impression he thinks I don't care. It has been really hard for me to think of her without crying since I found out I was pg with Ethan. I guess b/c he is a boy and he looks so much like his daddy. She really would have loved the kids. What is even more strange is that out of the blue Maddie asked DH last night what his mother's name is. I guess she is at the age where she is realizing my mom and dad are around and she knows their names and she knows my FIL's name, but she is questioning where my MIL must be.

DH didn't get much sleep last night. Should I just not mention anything to him? I think I will clean the house and fix him a good meal tonight. That should make him feel a little better. What do you think?

Sorry to be a downer.

amynicole21 replied: I'm so sorry How does DH deal with it? Does he get upset when you talk to him about it, or just ignore it altogether? I think if it upsets him, just being extra sweet to him and making a nice dinner would be perfect. He may be receptive to talking about it though... and maybe you can sit down with Maddie and him tonight and look through pics of MIL and tell her stories about her and what a wonderful person she was and how much she would have loved Maddie. It might be a healing activity for him. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts

jem0622 replied: What was her name? Have you looked to see if there is a flower or a rose bush with her name? You could plant it and when it blooms it would be a beautiful reminder.

How about signing up for the Race for the Cure walk?

HUGS

Lily replied: Those days are always hard. I still get all weepy around the day my stepdad died. I think doing something special to remember MIL is a good idea. Maybe a poster with a bunch of pics of her for the kids to see? Something like that? Or a scrapbook of her? Just what came to mind.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I'm so sorry for your loss!

juliajaj replied: My dad died 17 years ago from a heart attack. There hasn't been a day in those 17 years that I don't think about him. Do you have any pictures of your MIL in the house. I have a couple of my dad, and we always refer to him as Grandpa or Mommy's Daddy who is up in Heaven protecting us when Olivia sees the pictures. Olivia will always know that she has 2 special grandpa's, it's just that one is in Heaven. Nobody in DH's immediate family has passed away (excluding grandparents), so part of me feels like he doesn't understand the loss I feel 100%. He's very understanding when I talk about my dad & how much I miss him. I love the idea of planting a rosebush in her memory. Also, maybe you could get you DH a "thinking of you" card & write down your feelings. You could give it to him & not make a big deal out of it if DH is having a hard time with the memories.

DansMom replied: Just saying to DH that you miss his mom, that you've been thinking about her and wishing she could be here to enjoy the kids would probably mean a lot to him. Sometimes just a simple statement of understanding and sympathy at the right moment can mean so much. I think a note or card is also meaningful. You should definitely communicate your thoughts on this, in whatever way feels right to you---it is an opportunity to connect deeply about a grief that you both share. I'm sorry that you lost such a special person.

coasterqueen replied: I wish I had some advice but I don't. Dh doesn't like to remember when his grandfather died and he never knew his grandmother. He won't even go to the cemetary to put flowers on his grave every year.

I like Julie's idea of a flower or bush or tree to plant to honor her. We have a lilac bush in our front yard that DH's aunt planted a long time ago. I love the bush, but it's in a VERY HORRIBLE location, but we chose to keep it there to remember her by.

kimberley replied: i'm sorry for your loss. hug DH extra close that day.

Mom2Boyz replied: I'm so sorry for your loss.

kit_kats_mom replied: I'm very sorry. I have no advise but I did want to send some hugs.

Insanemomof3 replied: I am so sorry. I have no advice for you, but just be there for DH. HUGS!

mckayleesmom replied: I would get him a thinking of you card or something and maybe just let him know that you love him and know that he is hurting at this time. Also it might be nice if you write him a funny story his mom told you about him when he was a kid.

Elle replied: I'm so sorry
Just try to make him know you're there for him.

A&A'smommy replied: Oh I'm so sorry! ((((BIG HUGS)))) I think you are/did a wonderful job of trying to cheer him up! You are a great wife and mother, and I'm so sorry she can't be with you guys!