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Parents of girls...... - Birth Control--yes or no....


kayla's mama wrote: What is your opinion of giving Birth Control to young teenager girls that still live at home? Do you think it is a way of condoning (sp?) pre-marital sex?

BAC'sMom replied: Well my DD is only 6 so birth control is something that I really want to think about at this time. But I would have to say yes I think that giving her birth control is condoning pre-marital sex? Just like I would say handing my Sons condoms would be saying the same thing. JMO

MyBlueEyedBabies replied: It might be condoning sex but I would rather have my daughter on the pill than pregnant if she was going to be having sex regardless.

mckayleesmom replied:
dito.gif

Im hoping that she waits till she is older, but I don't want to judge. My mom had an open door policy. She always told us that we could come to her no matter what, birth control, drugs, pregnancy...etc. Whatever problem we had, we would handle it together. I always loved that about my mom. When I was 17 and started having sex, I went to my mom and without judging me, she made me a doctors appointment. I don't think its condoning sex. Your child is going to chose to have sex when they want, regardless of wether you buy them condoms or put them on birth control. Your wishes for them are not always the choices they make. I would rather my child be safe.

I would also like to add that out of 6 kids, none of us had babies in our teens.

ZandersMama replied: I always had to hide things like that from my mom, and I hope that if I have a daughter she will be able to be open with me. As KEB&1MVB said, i'd rather have her on BC then come home preggo and just a kid herself. If they want to have sex, they will have sex.

luvmykids replied: I'm curious about something .... My parents just flat out said "You won't have sex while you live under this roof" and guess what, I didn't. ohmy.gif Is there anyone else who just took their parents word for it and didn't do it?

BAC'sMom replied: Yes, Monica I did. I was told to keep my little legs together. AND I DID! End of story

A&A'smommy replied: I am going to have an open relationship with my daughter I'm going to teach abstinence but if she does decide to have sex I want her to know how big of a decision that is and I want her to be prepared and on bc because no matter how hard we try to tell them not to have sex they are still likely to do it and probably will. My parents were open and honest with me they told me not to have sex (while also being open and honest) and I had sex anyway and didn't tell them or at least my mom about it... and I think we are going to have me talk to the girls and jeremiah talk to the boys (we are only having 2 more and I don't know what they are going to be) so we will see.. I agree with though I would much rather her be on bc then getting pregnant at a young age.

Jeffs Wife replied: My daughter is 16 and I would rather she be on the pill than to come home pregnant. I would prefer neither one, but if I have to decide I will get her birth control.
I was 16 when I got pregnant with my first child and I know how hard it is to be a mom when you are still a kid yourself. I do not want that for my daughter. She lives with her father and comes to my house a couple of times a week and I pray they keep a good eye on her. I tried to talk to her dad once about 2 years ago and he told me "rachel knows right from wrong". This coming from the man, well he was 18 at the time I got pregnant, who couldn't understand why my parents were upset when their 16 year old daughter was pregnant.
Her stepmom was a teenage mom also so I know she doesn't want my or her daughter to have to go through the hard life we did as young mothers so I'm sure she'll help me keep this from happening. Rachel is pretty close to her, she calls her mom also mad.gif but that's a whole nother story LOL

luvbug00 replied: Mya will have pills/condoms as soon as she asks for them. I don't think it's condoning the sex. ITA with "if she's gonna do it then she better be protected." For me I'd be hypocridical to say No pre-marital sex. I would try my best to educate my child about sex but that's it.


i was too rebelious to want to listen in fact in hindsight I still wouldn't. there would be no Mya and regardless of my bad experiences with sex, I found most of them to be relationship lessons learned with people i cared about.

mckayleesmom replied: I would also like to add that I would also give my child condoms if need be....A pregnancy you can overcome, but AIDS is something you can't take back.

Jeffs Wife replied:
that is a very good point

My3LilMonkeys replied: I agree with many of the others - if my daughters are going to be having sex, I would rather they be protected against pregnancy and diseases than unprotected.

Now if you were to ask DH, he'd say they're not having sex until they're 30. rolleyes.gif

AlexsPajamaMama replied:
me too
If my daughter was going to be sexually active Id rather her come to me and talk about getting on birth control rather than sneaking around having sex possibly unprotected

Brias3 replied: I used to think that parents who arranged for their children to be on birth control or educated them on condoms, etc. were ok'ing pre-marital sex....until I had kids of my own. Now, I look at them and see their willful personalities, their wise-beyond-their-years antics even now as little ones. I can only imagine their teen years. I have to own up to the idea that they might just make their own decision no matter WHAT I tell them so I think when the time comes, the "lesser of the two evils" decision for me will be to properly educate them and provide them with the resources they need to stay safe.

Maddie&EthansMom replied:
This is just what I was going to say. happy.gif

ShezMyLilBubbleGrl replied: Thats a hard one. You might not know what they are doing behind your back and its better to be safe than sorry. But if you give them BC its kinda like saying Ok you are gonna have sex but just be careful. In a way I think it also depends on age. If my daughter is 15 years old and tells me she wants BC Ima freak. If shes 18 years old I might not freak out as bad seeing that she is getting older and most likely shes going to end up doing it. If my daughter comes home pregnant I will NEVER disown her though...so to me whatever is gonna happen is probably meant to happen. Thats just my opinion.

C&K*s Mommie replied: same here but for Chris (my DH) it would be when they are in their 40's. rolleyes.gif

kayla's mama replied: To answer my own question.....

I don't think I would freely hand out BC to Kayla when and IF that time comes. IMO it condones that sex is OK. I was always taught as a young child to wait until marriage, which is not the norm these days. But I have to say....my parents gave me the pill, not because I was wanting to have sex, but because of medical reasons. The more I relationalized with myself....I thought hmmm, I have pills....I can't get pg.....so have at it. But that was my way of thinking.


Thanks for all the input thus far.....this is rather interesting!!!!

Bee_Kay replied: We have been considering putting Ashley on birth control pills..... but not for "birth control" reasons.
She has very irregular painful AF.

But, when the time comes that she chooses to be sexually active (hopefully later than sooner) I'd make the choice to put her on birth control. I'd rather have her protected than to be a teen mom.

Jackie012007 replied:
yeppers... my parents put the fear of GOD in me about having sex or getting pregnant while under their roof... it worked (except for a situation where I didn't have a choice in the matter sad.gif ) And HEY I made it to 22 and living under my own roof before I got knocked up! blush.gif

But I actually went on BC at around 17 because I had started my period at 8!!! and it had gotten really heavy and practically unbearable... and Barb I highly reccommend it for your DD if she is having a bad time with the wench AF... when I was put on it, I never saw it as an invitation to get freaky!

Nina J replied: I think birth control is a good idea. I'd rather have them safe than sorry, plus, controlling becoming pregnant isn't the only upside. Regular periods and less heavy periods are a good thing for young girls, I think. My period always came at random moments, I would have liked the pill, regardless of whether I was sexually active or not.

I was sexually active as a teenager, and I will discourage my girls from having sex a a young age. But, I can't control there every move, at 13, 14, 15, 16, I can have a high chance of making sure they don't have sex, but can I stop a 17 year old girl from sex? I would rather they didn't, but I did at that age, so better safe than sorry.

mammag replied: This is a tough one for me.

I think though that I'd be more inclined to give her condoms because I would be worried that if she were on the pill she would be more inclined to let the guy skip the condom and not be safe.

My parents told us we better not be having sex and did put fear in us (not that they would disown us). It worked until I got with dh and I'm so glad because I would not have liked to have slept with any of the losers I dated before him. One thing I do plan to tell her is that if you really want to get a guy who cares about you, don't sleep with them. It is an easy way to weed out the guys who just want sex. I knew dh was serious because he waited until I was really ready, which wasn't easy for a 22yo guy to do.

Man I'm dreading her getting older.......... unsure.gif

mom21kid2dogs replied:
Worked for me. I didn't have sex till I was married!

3_call_me_mama replied: I think we've had this discussion before tongue.gif
No i won't be buying or providing my children (not only daughters are responsible for this ya know smile.gif ) with birth control. I wil provide them with information and resources about abstinance and safe sex. The have their own minds and will make them up, hopefully according to the upbringing they have been raised with. IF they choose to becoem sexually active before they are adults, then teh BC is their responsibility to obtain. If they are mature enough to have sex then they are mature enough to see their DR or get condoms at the drug store. I will not pay for it or buy it for them or arrange for them to be on it. Responsiblity has to start somewhere. If you are buying condoms for your son and his girlfriend ends up pregnant, are you responsible? you purchased them.. therefore giving teh greenlight and taking on some of the responsibility. IMO. Same with a duaghter on BC. We need to remember that nothign other than abstinance is 100% effective, So HOPING that by putting them on the pill will keep them pregnancy free, is like shutting your eyes and expecting the best. STD's and AIDS arent' prevented by BC and improper condom use. If they are using teh pill as a BC method, make sure they are well ware of the other dangers that may not appear for 10-20 years or longer.

gr33n3y3z replied:
thats what was wrong with Erin also
She missed school almost every month from it and in pain for so many years I just bit the bullet and took her to the Dr. So now she is pain free.

But I feel just bc someone is on BC doesnt mean oh joy I can go have sex
thats B.S. bc let me tell you something they would have done it either way with or with out it.

Like all parents we can agree on one thing here we will discourage sex
But the bottom line is this they will choose what they want in the long run.


MyLuvBugs replied: Hmmmm....How "young" of a teenager are we talking about? 12, 13, 14? To me that's too young to be taking drugs that effect your hormones. KWIM? However, at 17 and 18 if my daughters come to me and say they'd like to take the pill....well then that's their decision and I'll support it....but only after we talk long and hard about why they want to be on it. wink.gif

I was a virgin when I started taking the pill at 19, and the only reason I started taking it was b/c I was having extreme bleeding and cramping each month.....the dr's thought the pill would help that.... rolleyes.gif If my girls need the pill for a medical reason like that, then I'd be fine with it too.

I don't necessarily believe it condones premarital sex or teenage sex.....That is a decision that the kids make on their own usually. Personally, I would hope that my girls could find it easy to talk with me or DH about sex before they make any decisions, and then be responsible about everything in the end. It's a hope anyway. smile.gif

gr33n3y3z replied:
I'm talking about 17yr.
And if she wasnt in pain she would prolly not be on them

Unless she came to me and told me she wanted to be on them for other reasons and at that so be it and the talk woiuld be long.



boyohboyohboy replied: I have sat here and thought about this, and wonder when the time comes how I will really handle this situation, but this is what I think. I know that a teenager my mom put my on bc when I was 14. I really didnt look at it as a free ticket to have sex. But my mom had me when she was 14, and she constantly stated how "I ruined her life". I heard that forever, and heard how hard it was to be a single mom, and she made sure we knew that if we ever got pregnant, it would be a disgrace, and we were kicked out. But honestly I did have sex as a teenager, it didnt deter me, as a matter of fact when I think back now, it made me less likely to use condoms, because I was only thinking I was protected, when in fast I wasnt protected from disease.
I also think that teenagers tend to think that nothing is ever going to happen to them, and I would hate to think one careless act of affecting them for the rest of their lives, like a teenager having a baby does.
although getting a deadly disease is just as bad for a teenager..
so I guess in the end I dont know what I would do. I know I will keep talking about how God doesnt want us to have sex before marriage, and try to keep my kids from situations where they are alone and sex might happen.
thats one other thing my mom did, was keep us from dating until we were 16 and even then she picked us up and dropped us off....
this is a hard one.

TheOaf66 replied: well I don't have girls or teenagers but I was one once, whether or not you give it to them, reality states that before they get out of high school they are probably going to do something to that effect. I don't believe in putting a girl on BC but I would warn them that they should be safe if you cannot keep them from doing the deed. I don't encourage it in any way but I was that age once and I remember what it was like. Same way with drinking, will I encourage it NO, do I think it will happen...probably so let them know DON"T DRIVE, call me or stay where you are.

jcc64 replied: This issue came up in my little town this year. Several parents of the girls in my 13 yo ds' class began distributing condoms to their kids- the girls apparently are having sex of some kind, whether or not it's intercourse is sort of beside the point, imo. To me, 13 is simply too young to fully understand all of the ramifications of being sexually active. My reaction to that was simple- If I knew my 13 yo child was sexually active, I would do everything in my power to prevent her from being in situations where it would be logistically possible for that to occur. At 13, I still have almost total control over my child's whereabouts. If he were unable to control his sexual impulses, I would do it for him by not allowing him to be alone anywhere. I'm sure most of you who know me are a little shocked at my less than liberal ideology on this point.
Flash forward to age 15. My position changes entirely. Like it or not, sexuality is an integral part of the teenage experience. And while I would hope that my child would have the self control to refrain from having sex until he was mature enough to handle it, I am not delusional enough to believe that my wishes are always going to be his commands. At 15, I do believe he will have plenty of freedom and opportunity to engage in sex if he is so inclined. For that reason, I would provide whatever tools he or I felt he needed to be safe, and the same goes for my dd when she gets there (she's only 3). I have no issue whatsoever with premarital sex to begin with. I only wish they would wait until they're old enough to make it a meaningful, safe experience that will not irrevocably screw up their futures.

MyLuvBugs replied:
I really hadn't read your posts Lisa, or anyone elses. So the question wasn't really ment for you directly. It was more for the person who made the original post, b/c she was asking about "Young Teenagers". But glad to know what you're doing with your girls.


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