Ok I need help - New baby vs Family issues
mom2my2cuties wrote: Ok I'm beginning to have an issue here with my family and I don't know how to address it with them. I will start off by saying, I am NOT an assertive person at all. I tend to let everyone just do what they want and I don't say much, just do it my way when I can.
Well, I'm really starting to worry because they refuse to follow my rules regarding Elizabeth. Lets start with a petty one, I say my nephew can't hold her without washing his hands. He wont do it so I wont let him hold her (he's at school all day around all kinds of kids and even I wash my hands constantly when I'm going to be holding her). My mom ignores this and allows him to. Then I tell him he HAS to sit down with her and at least once, she has let him stand and hold her which I said something about immediately and she just kept on. Or because I'm breastfeeding she keeps asking "What's the big deal about breastfeeding?" and will say things she KNOWS will embarrass me about it in front of people because she doesn't like it that I'm nursing and has gotten to where Lizzy gets bottles every so often.
Well then fast forward to some of the BIG issues I have with them. She refuses to follow car seat laws. Thinks Lizzy can face forward in her carseat or doesn't need one or something. And she'll get mad if I put her rear facing like she should be. Or if I don't allow her in the front seat of the car because DUH! you don't do that with an infant!!!! And then tonight, her boyfriend almost dropped Lizzy because he fell asleep holding her. We have made it clear that he needs to put her down when his medicines start taking effect, because they make him so sleepy.
Any ideas how I can force them to follow my rules? Keep in mind I live with these people for now and they are family. And I don't want to burn any bridges. But I really don't like that they don't respect my wishes for my daugther.
Sorry if it sounds like I'm whining, I just don't know what to do but my heart is STILL pounding about him almost dropping Lizzy, and now he wont give her back to me keeps telling me "she's alright" and I'm like yeah but I want to see for myself.
austins mom replied: you are gonna have to put your foot down.. she is your child you are the one who will be taking care of her if she is to get sick, you will be the one taking her to the dr. you will be the one paying for it also. not them. you will be the one staying up with her all night also. so you are gonna have to put your foot down.
stella6979 replied: Wow, I really don't know what to say. The car seat thing REALLY bothers me though, so I can imagine how you must feel. I know you live with them, but honestly....I would flat out tell them that she's your daughter and if they don't want to do things the way you want them done, then they don't get to hold her, or take her in the car. The most important thing is Lizzy's safety and I can't believe they would be so hard headed.
grandma replied: Sorry you are having trouble making your family realize the importance of your new infant's safety, but she is new fragile life and you are her mother.
First off I don't know how old your nenphew is, but I'd never let other kids hold my infant, dirty hands or not. He really doesn't need to hold her and God forbid not standing up.
As for the car seat isssue, the isn't a thing you made up, this is a law. It's in place to protect your baby. It's a matter of life and death, if your mother doesn't understand that she needs to go and talk to someone at the police sation and see if they can explain it to her.
Next, her medicated boyfriend...he doesn't need to hold the baby while he's on meds - period.
You are gonna have to stand up for the safety of your baby. I don't know why your mother and friends would even question you about this.
Also, it is a big deal to breastfeed, it's good for the baby, it's a bonding tool. Stand up to anyone that questions about it,, even your mother. What she is doing is just wrong.
I understand you are living with these people and that's nice of them to let you be there, but that gives them no right to disrespect in regards to mothering your infant.
I hope you find the words and actions to defend your feelings
luvmykids replied: I'm not at all assertive either so I feel your pain But I think in this case I would start off by saying "Listen, mom, it doesn't matter if you don't understand why, this is just how I want things done with MY child. You raised yours, you did a great job and I still learn from you, but these are not negotiable."
mom2my2cuties replied: Thanks. I definately put my foot down last night about the medication thing. Her being dropped scared the bejeezes out of me. The other stuff we haven't approached just yet, but we will. I just have to do it delicately.
I have faith in ya, I know you will become assertive to protect your new precious baby
A&A'smommy replied: oh goodness I would ticked.. I'm also not very assertive either!! I hope they start to listen to you those are BIG issues!!
Well actually all I did with the almost dropping her thing was called my mom in my room and told her what happened and she talked to him about it. Told him that after he takes her medicine, he can not hold her.
Chicken of me I know to pass it off, but even my mom said this morning, don't worry about making someone mad, she is yours and you are responsible for her....I was thinking Yeah just wait until we have a discussion about the other stuff.
That's good that you talked to your mom first, I would have done the same.
And now she's already said she 'knows' it's your baby. Just keep the lines of communication open like that! Good going!
bawoodsmall replied: Good luck with the carseat thing. Can you just say it would blow to get a seatbelt ticket for her not being backwards? How old is she again? I wish you luck..it must be hard to be around people all the time who dont want to live by your rules on parenting.
mommy~to~a~bunch replied: You have to stand up for your daughter. She's depending on YOU to take care of her & to let no harm come to her. I would DEMAND that MY rules be followed, or no one will see her. They have to respect YOUR parenting choices, and if they don't, they don't need to see her.
Maybe you missed the fact that she lives with these people, so it's not that easy.
Sorry, I guess I did. But they should still follow her rules. I'd be looking for a new place to live too.
Sometimes you have to live where you are, moving is not always an option. Still, I agree she just needs to set some rules regarding her baby.
HuskerMom replied: Good luck with however you handle it. I'm not very assertive either so I know how that is. But I would make it clear that since she's your daughter you make the rules when it comes to her.
Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Sometimes life sucks that way... but you do what you have to do... Tish, is it something you're willing to put up with while you're living there? If moving is not an option... I'd consider sitting everyone down and telling them what's not acceptable behaviour.. or you will find yourself in a worse position a month down the road.
I realize that, and if she can't move, then she can't. But it sounds like her daughter's life could be in jeopardy if she's not in a car seat properly, or if she gets dropped.
I would risk living on the streets than allow harm or death to come to my child.
~Roo'sMama~ replied: Wow Tish that's a tough and scary situation! I hope that talking with your mom goes well and she can understand that she needs to follow your rules no matter what she thinks. We have problems getting my in-laws to listen to us when it comes to how to handle the kids, but we don't see them very often, let alone live with them. If it doesn't get a lot better I would seriously start looking for another place to live... maybe with a friend or something. Good luck!