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Oh, I am so torn! - Do I let them move in?


BabyOwen427 wrote: My DH used to work with this guy Joe and they are good friends and such. Joe and his family is getting booted from their rental place and need a place to stay until they find a new place. DH wants to offer them to stay at our house until then which he says would be like a couple of weeks to a month. Joe is married and they have a 5 month old. I have met Joe once but it was brief and months ago. I am all for helping out others and helping out friends but to me these people are complete strangers to me but to DH they are good friends. I am torn on whether or not to let them move in. I am a SAHM right now so I would be spending a lot of time with them, in that sense it might be good for company and adult conversation. I am meeting them tomorrow. So, what do you guys think, would you let friends of your SO move-in?

redchief replied: I don't know what I'd do either. My gut tells me this is a bad idea, but my Christian side says you have to help out a friend in need. I honestly don't know what I'd do.

CantWait replied: I guess this is an issue you have to put a lot of trust in your dh since he knows them. If they really are good friends (like best of friends), then yes, for a couple weeks to a month I would let them stay.
Of course there are other options to weight, such as do you have the space, will they be providing to the household etc...

Good Luck.

BabyOwen427 replied: Oh, Ed I was glad to see you on because you always have great things to say... not today huh? tongue.gif Your thoughts are exacty mine.

We really don't have much space we have a two bedroom house, one and a half bath, living room, sitting room and kitchen. If I say yes then we'll have to move the spare bed to the sitting room and it will be tight fitting for us. DH wants me to figure out what would be fair for them to pay us while they are here. I will defantly have to set some rules for them. This whole thing hinges on wheather or not I say yes.

luvmykids replied: I don't envy you at all, I hate situations like this where it's all on me blush.gif

I'm not much help, I try to find ways to help people but when it comes to living in my home when I don't know them well it would be difficult for me to say yes.

I'd say meet them and then just go with your gut but then I'd feel so bad if I said no, like I wouldn't want them to think I hated them or something....on the other hand, if it were me with a five month old and no place to live I'd be so grateful.

Best wishes with your decision, KUP! hug.gif hug.gif

Calimama replied: Honestly? I would not. We've tried this and honestly, in my opinion, 9 times out of 10 it doesn't work or end well. wacko.gif

redplaydoh replied:

I would add that if you do I would have some very clear understanding (in writing) of how long they are allowed to stay, what they are responsible for etc.

hoosier momma replied: That is a tough decision and it sounds like you would be pretty cramped up. If you do say yes, make some serious rules. And like said above I would get everything in writing. Also make the money situation and a timeframe very clear up front. Good luck with your decision.

gr33n3y3z replied: How did the meeting go?
what did you decide to do?

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I've had several people stay with my family over the years.

The only one, really, that didn't work out, was my aunt - she came to live with me for a few weeks while she searched out an appartment, after splitting up with her SO... she ended up staying with us for 8 MONTHS. I didn't mind all that much, because she was giving us some cash, and helped out quite a bit with the kids who were 2 yrs and 6 months old at the time she moved in... It worked out in the sense that she was great company, helped with money and the kids, but had I known she'd end up staying with us for 8 months rather than a few weeks, I would have likely set up a few rules, which I didn't because she's my aunt and authoritarian... lol

I think as long as you have the ground rules set, like meals, cash, bathroom, going ins and outs, messes etc... it wil lbe ok.

I would do it - because I can't turn someone away when they need my help... even if I don't really WANT to, I find myself telling them I have the room for them, even if I KNOW it will be a strain on me. What's a few weeks out of my life to help someone out?

lisar replied: Me and my DH have this rule that no one is allowed to move in with us. Unless it is my sister and thats only if something bad was to happen and her and her dh split up. No friends or anything. It will be a burdern on your relationship. And what happens if they cant find a place in a month? Do they have any other family they could go stay with and just dont want to or something? I say you do what is best for your family. If you dont know them, then that would make me worry. KWIM? And this is just my opinion.

hopefulmomtobe replied: NO WAY!!!!! If my family got the boot...noone would bring us in, we would have to find a hotel to stay at. I do not offer up my home to anyone, unless it is family...then they too have a very limited time to get there act together, unless of course I would be taking care of a sick family memeber. But, for a friend...uhhh NO, they are adults, they can find a temporary place so your family isnt put out.

mummy2girls replied: I did it once wheni was living with one of my ex's. It was only for a brief time but it lead to more and other bad things too.. I wouldnt do it again but it may be diff with your situation... good luck in what you choose smile.gif

Crystalina replied: I am so sorry you're having to make this choice. There is no good answer. On one hand you may upset your dh if you don't do it and on the other hand you may lose your sanity if you do. Does you dh know that this may interfere with the friendship he has with this family? I mean usually it does. I've had my sister live with me once and I almost killed her before it was over. And then we didn't talk for awhile. Wasn't pretty. dry.gif I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. If you do decide to do it don't forget you can always come on here and vent. We'll listen. hug.gif

CantWait replied: .

How did everything go?

Boo&BugsMom replied: If it was close family (and I mean CLOSE, like immediate family) or close friends (again...close) I would, but not if both me and my hubby didn't know them very well.

Why did they get booted out of their place? That would be what I would want to know for sure. I wouldn't want someone who is going to mooch off of me and take advantage.

holley79 replied: I would ahve to ask why they are getting the boot first off. It would be a hard decision for me to make. I'm with Ed on this one.

A&A'smommy replied: IMHO it is probably a VERY bad idea before its over your dh could up loosing friends. Maybe if you set some bounderies, and alloud them to stay only for a certain amount of time and helped them find a new place. I suggest doing some serious thinking about this.

BabyOwen427 replied: Well so this is how today went:
They called around noon to arrange a place to meet and since they were comming to my house to use my driveway to work on their car anyways I just gave them directions to my house and waited for them to get here. Three hours later (when it should have taken one) they showed up. They said they stopped at their church to talk to their pastor about help finding a place to stay. They are the oddest couple I have ever seen. She is like 28 and not much smarter than my 7 yr old niece and he is younger than me and incredably sweet and smart. So she and I hung out all day in the house playing with our babies and talking while Joe was outside working on his car. She has four other kids. She had her first baby when she was 19 another a year later and another 9 months later then she had her fourth with her exDH and now this fifth (Lily) with Joe. She said she gave her second and third up for adoption but I am not sure where her first and fourth are. Maybe with their dads?

They are staying the night tonight because their only other option was to sleep in their car in some parking lot and I could not let that baby sleep out in the cold like that. But first thing in the morning I am taking her around town to look at apts and rent houses. I am going to help them but I am going to push them to get their own place I probably won't be able to stand them for longer than a couple of days. My major problem with them is awful to say but it's social class. I live in a clean, well-maintained home, college educated and they have been living in a one room motel room, they smell like pee and BO and I am not sure if she even went to highschool. (Please don't read that they are bad people, simply not what I am used to being around). The reason they had to leave their last place was that they were living in a motel room and were having to come up with 800 a month and they couldn't come up with it this time. I am hopeing to help them find a small place for 3 or 400 a month and Joe needs help finding a job because for the last 2 months he has been finding people who need their car worked on and doing basic maintaince for them. There are a few automotive places hiring here in town so I am going to take him to them tomorrow. I'll let you know how that goes.


I am sorry this got long but you guys listen. Thank you.

luvmykids replied: I understand what you're saying....mainly I think it boils down to the fact that they don't seem to have been stable in the past so you could get put in a very bad situation of them not leaving.

I'm sure with your help something will come along that works for them hug.gif

eta: Is there a reason he hasn't been regularly employed? Or that they were spending $800/month on a hotel room instead of an apartment?

BabyOwen427 replied:
He was working for Wal-Mart but because of car trouble he couldn't get to work for a few days in a row and he got fired.

I have no idea what put them in the motel.

moxee24 replied: I totally feel for you and the situation that you are in right now. I too, am going through that as well, only the tables are reversed. I currently have my best friend (DH & DSx2 to arrive later) staying with B/F and I. Normally I would not let anyone other then family stay with me, but the fact that 1) she is my best friend, 2) they have lived with me before & 3) I have lived with them before, are the only reasons I have been willing to let them stay here. My B/F had only ever met my best friend once before and had only been around her DH a couple of times. We made sure that we talked everything out first and that there were some ground rules laid down before we even said yes to them staying with us. I feel very lucky that my best friend is so motivated. She has only been staying here one week and has already found a job! Congrats to her! I can't say that I would ever do it again but depending on the circumstances I might. Hope all goes well for you and that they get on their feet really fast so you can have your house back. smile.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif

gr33n3y3z replied: I'm glad you are helping them out by taking them around for a job and looking for a place to stay.
hug.gif

CantWait replied: Glad you're helping them out. Hopefully it's not something that will be taken advantage of.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Well that's fantastic that you're helping them out!!

I know what you mean about social class... I can't stand being around people who don't seem very smart, and don't take care of their personal hygiene (although in those ppl's case, could be due to the fact they'd been living in a motel... lol). And please don't mistake being educated for being smart... lol laugh.gif

luvbug00 replied: very kind of you, hopefully they will take advantage of the job and house opertuinities and THEY will WANT to be out very soon.

BabyOwen427 replied: Well today I took them around town and Joe filled out three job applications and picked three others. We went to the community action agency and they picked up an application for section 8 housing. And we picked up a newspaper to look for rent houses for them to stay in until the section 8 is either approved or not. This has been a very long day and I am tired. Good night to all.

Cece00 replied:
Honestly, no. I would probably not let even good friends stay with us. We just dont have the room, and I value my privacy and alone time too much. One or two nights- MAYBE. No way for a few weeks.

BabyOwen427 replied: Well, they got a hotel room for tonight. They said they didn't want to impose on us anymore than they have. I think it is more of a pride issue but at the same time the need to save their money and not get hotel rooms, that's what got them in this problem in the first place. But, it is nice to have my house back to myself. They still owe me some money and I will see them tomorrow for that and to ask if they filled out their job applications and if they had any callbacks on the ones they already put in.

Thank you guys for listening on all of this, it seems to be working out for the best and a lot quicker than I had thought. I had thought they would be staying for weeks but I guess they were as uncomfortable with that as I was. I still want to help them out where I can but I don't think they want to stay here (it probably smells too clean here tongue.gif ). I am going to go do some laundry and if I feel like it I may just sleep nude cuz I can! laugh.gif


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