OH MY GOSH! - I called the school
Maddie&EthansMom wrote: She was LYING TO ME!!!!
Okay...I need serious help. Why would she lie about something like that???? I'm LIVID!!
I need to calm down before I go in there and talk to her. I need some suggestions please. I sent her to her room and told her to think about what she did.
For those of you who didn't read my other post, Maddie told me that Mrs Brewster had to give her some medicine for her tummy ache today. So I called the school to verify it. It wasn't true. She was never sent to the office.
Kaitlin'smom replied: Oh gosh Amiee I am sooo sorry she lied. I dunno what to say. I guess I woudl want to know why she lied. Shoot I hoep someone has advice for you.
BTW did you ask the school there medicine policy for future reference?
Maddie&EthansMom replied: The school said no way, no how would they EVER give medicine to a child. I know from last year that they call you anytime your child enters the office. That's why I was so shocked. It's not like the school is big or anything and I know the office staff personally so I couldn't imagine them NOT calling.
UGH!!! She did this last year at the beginning of the school year. Maybe she is trying to make her day seem a little more exciting? It's just wrong, but I don't know how to nip it in the bud.
5littleladies replied: I wonder what her thought process was in this situation. That's quite an elaborate tale for a 6 year old to tell! Have you calmed down enough to talk to her yet? We've had our share of lies to deal with, and always try to deal accordingly, but lying isn't always the easiest situation to fix. I hope you find a way to deal with this. Parenting isn't easy sometimes.
Kaitlin'smom replied: Kait has been caught in 2 lies so far and the first one I did nto do muchthan talk to her about it, second time she knew mommy was mad and very hurt, she also lost something that she loves she had to hand it over, she HATED that. Now we find her confessing when she thinks she did something wrong or bad.
Deffinalty talk to her find out why she woudl lie, what happend at school that would make her want to get her teacher or principal in trouble.
I dont know how you punish in your home so that part you need to figure out.
BAC'sMom replied: I am not sure what to say Aimee.
Maddie&EthansMom replied: That's the problem with Maddie..she's very creative and can tell the biggest stories. I talked to her and tried explaining that she could get someone in trouble by telling lies. I also told her that she will get kicked out of school if it continues. Which is true if she lies to the wrong person.
Earlier in the summer she told me that Ethan went to the potty. When I kept questioning her her story got bigger and bigger and she NEVER even flinched. I would have never known she was lying until she told me he pooped in the little potty chair. She said "Yeah, I cleaned it out and everything." I knew that was a lie.
When she was younger we just assumed she had a very active imagination and that it would pass. She had an imaginary friend, etc. We thought it was too soon to say that for certain these were lies, kwim? Now I think maybe we were wrong. This girl is the queen of lying. You can never tell she isn't telling the truth. When I catch her in a lie she is punished..she gets plenty of attention, etc.
Not to point fingers or place blame, but Scotty lies a lot, too. Seriously, he lies when the truth would fit better. I'm not sure why he does this...maybe to make himself seem more/less interesting? Or to keep me from worrying in certain situations? White lies, nothing big or serious (yet )
He's a whole other issue, but what am I going to do with her???
luvmykids replied: I don't know either, don't stone me every body but Kylie went through this phase where she lied about everything, and I mean everything, I finally put soy sauce on her tongue (better than soap or tobasco, right?!) and told her that was what would happen every time she lied from then on.
Doesn't fix the issue of why, but at least stopped it.
luvbug00 replied: I always give Mya a talking too when she lies. Nice and therough I tell her taht she may end up hurting somone or make up a story that isn't true that can efect our whole family. heaven forbid she makes one up about domestic issues or somthing. Lying is somthing i know alot about and used to what i thought was to my advantage as a teen so I can read threw liers really well. But my lies hurt alot of people and so I don't want Mya to do it and hurt people she cares about. Which is why we take it VERY seriously. I hope Maddie can learn to stop. for you.
Maddie&EthansMom replied: I've calmed down some. My mentor called me and talked to me. It made me feel so much better. She told me to talk with Maddie, but to not get angry b/c she is going thru a lot of changes and she doesn't take to change very well. Once I thought about it, I realized how true this is.
She doesn't have one friend in her class this year. There are a lot of kids she knows in that class, but not one that she really gets along with. This is a good thing and is in her best interest, but it's hard to watch all your friends playing with each other in another class. She feels very isolated.
I'm not making excuses and I will deal with the lying....I've already talked to her, but maybe since this is the first day of school I shouldn't have been so hard on her. I tend to overreact. I just don't want to see this continue and become an even bigger problem.
DansMom replied: That's interesting what you say about Scotty. My dad exaggerates the truth for entertaiment value and tells people things he thinks they want to hear rather than the truth. Although he didn't raise most of his kids, 3 out of 5 of us possess this same trait and have from a very young age (like Maddy) (of course, I like to think I'm one that doesn't ) I have often wondered if tale-telling is a genetic trait---seriously. As to motive, in our family it's a combination of wanting to please people and wanting to amaze people, springing from some insecure feeling that the plain old truth won't be interesting or pleasing. Maybe letting her get involved with theater when she's a bit older will give her an outlet for some of that creative energy. Also story writing. Otherwise, it sounds like you have no choice but to make her think about her actions like you're doing.
One of my sisters says she got caught in a lie as a teenager, and lost a lot of respect among her friends. She wishes she had learned the lesson much earlier (she's been making a conscious effort to change, especially lately).
Maddie&EthansMom replied: Tracy I'm glad to hear you say that. I mentioned it b/c I wondered if it was a genetic trait. Scotty's mother was the same way.
You had some great suggestions. She will make excellent grades in English and Lit b/c she will be an awesome writer. That coupled with her great ability to read and spell. (okay, I'm trying to find some humor in the situation ) Drama clubs are a must for her as well. Those are great outlets....I will definitely look into something to cater to her personality.
Thanks you guys. I appreciate you being here for me.
coasterqueen replied: She could become a great politician or lobbyist if she keeps that creativity up. Seriously, my boss is so good at it I wonder if he knows he's doing it most of the time. I've had to become a master at knowing which is a lie and what isn't . He keeps my work life interesting, that's for sure.
Tracy had some good ideas to help her with her creativity.
CantWait replied: I'm sorry Aimee. I can't imagine why she would do that. it is very elaborate indeed. Let us know how the talk goes.
Hillbilly Housewife replied: Well with Zach, I don't think he quite "gets it" with regards to lying... but he understands "pretending"... so when he says something that I suspect is a lie, I ask him if it really ahppened, or if he's pretending... and then he will tell me. When he is "pretending", I don't make a stink about it... I don't give lots of attention, because it will get worse next time. Instead, I just try to explain to him that when mommy asks a question, no pretending. We only "pretend" when we're telling stories!
It works, for now.
jcc64 replied: I think it's natural to become alarmed when your child reveals a tendency toward lying ( I have one myself), but you have to make an effort not to over react, Aimee. It's easy to forget that we are still larger than life in our childrens' eyes, and our disapproval is still pretty devastating to them. It sounds like she's having some pretty typical beginning of the year adjustment issues, but not yet having the sophistication to express that, she came up with what seemed to her an acceptable excuse to get out of doing something. When she got caught in a lie and she saw how angry you became, she had no choice but to perpetuate the lie to prevent the situation from escalating further. I am in no way excusing the behavior- and of course you have to speak to her and take the opportunity to teach her about the importance of telling the truth, but I wouldn't pathologize her behavior. It's pretty developmentally predictable, and not a sign that she's training for a life of crime.
Brias3 replied: Wow, I don't really know what to say. I think part of it is just the age but I don't have any remedies as of yet. Aliyah's lied a handful of times and I usually know right away and she's been punished for it but I haven't yet come up with a useful way to get her to see WHY a lie is so bad yet, KWIM?
How did the talk with Maddie go?
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