Parenting Club - Parenting Advice, Parenting Message Boards, Baby Message Boards, Pregnancy Message Boards, TTC Messge Boards
Shop for Baby Items | Parenting & Family Blogs

Need your help - loss mentioned


mysweetpeasWil&Wes wrote: A mother in my mom's club was pregnant with twins and when she went in to find out the gender of the babies, one baby had died in the womb. I feel so awful for her and I'm wondering what is appropriate to do in this situation. She is not really a close friend, but someone in the club that I've seen at a few events. She is so sweet and my heart truly aches for her. I ran into her last Friday and without knowing the news yet, I was excited and asked her what she was having. And I kept telling her how great she looked with twins! sad.gif Of course she had to break the bad news and she was crying. I asked my playgroup if we should go in together to get her something....But what is appropriate?? We typically make meals in our club for new babies or a death in the family...But I just can't figure out if giving her something is just a reminder of her loss, that BTW, she is still carrying (she will of course have to carry it to term). sleep.gif Help.

luvmykids replied: Oh gosh that is so sad bawling.gif

I really don't know, maybe just a card that says although you don't know that kind of loss she's in your thoughts? Are you close enough to call her and just ask what you can do for her? Maybe call her and ask her to lunch, I know it sounds kind of corny but she may appreciate an invitation just to get out and be distracted.

I'm no help, I'm at a loss but I think even if the group doesn't do something I'd want to do something personally. I think no matter how small it seems she would appreciate the thought.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
Thanks Monica. I'm really not close enough to call her, but I think a card is the least I can do and it's always a safe way to say "thinking about you". So I think that's probably what I'll do. And maybe flowers, but I'm not sure. As far as dinner, that may seem like a reminder. Its so hard to know. I should have just come out and asked when I saw her, but it took me by surprise and I really didn't know what to say at the time except how deeply sorry I am. We hugged and I tried to just remain positive since her oldest daughter was there.

Keep the idea coming if anyone has more...TIA.

luvbug00 replied: I agree. a card would be nice.
I'm sorry to hear of her loss.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: bawling.gif OMGosh! I did not realize they would have her carry both babies to term...I guess it would be too dangerous for the remaining twin to do anything else. I can't imagine how hars and disturbing it would be to have to go through that (My best friend had to carry a baby for over a week that they knew was gone in an effort to allow her body to go into labor) I am so sorry Rae. I don't know what I would do...even though you are not close to her a phone call may be just what she needs-maybe a way to start a new friendship (and she will need plenty of friends) and just let her know that you are there for whatever she needs...sometimes it is easier to unload with someone you are not so close to....Your listening ear may be just what she needs to let it all out right now hug.gif As far as something tangable I found a beautiful small Angel holding a baby for my friend-it is a reminder to her that her baby was/is loved and missed by others as well as her! bawling.gif

jcc64 replied: That's so sad, Rae, I'm sorry for your friend. My best friend lost her baby in her 36th wk of pg, and had to deliver him knowing he was already gone. That was New Year's Day, and she is still completely devastated. My girlfriends and I chipped in and got her a Tiffany charm bracelet engraved with her son's name and birth/death date. She wears it every day. I can also suggest a mosaic memory stone- you can buy complete kits at craft stores like Michael's- and she can make a stone with her child's name on it and put it in her garden. Another idea is a flowering or fruit tree that she can plant in her yard. The idea is to mark the baby's presence in her life, even though he/she's no longer on the planet. I think moms who've lost their babies really want to keep their baby's existence a reality. They don't want people to forget.

gr33n3y3z replied: that is so sad sad.gif I will say prayers for her
I would do what is typically done for something like that

Jackie012007 replied:
I was just going to suggest a similar thing, One of the ladies on my DDC on another board lost her baby at 42 weeks. We all chipped in and got her a ring witht he name of her daughter engraved on it. Perhaps the members of your mom's club could all chip in and order something like that - it would be a nice keepsake. What a terrible loss bawling.gif

Sam & Abby's Mom replied: Wow - how sad. Its so sweet of you to want to do something and I agree doing something is the right thing to do.

My niece lost her baby at 36 wks and had to deliver him, too.

I bought her a silver cuff bracelet with the baby's initials on the front and his full name and date of birth on the inside. There are alot of beautiful, sentimental items you can purchase for your friend. The website I ordered my niece's bracelet from is: labelledame.com


All of the ideas from the other posters have been great, too. I dont think you can go wrong.

A&A'smommy replied: hug.gif hug.gif that is so heartbreaking bawling.gif I really like some of the ideas above!!!

mummy2girls replied: I think moms who've lost their babies really want to keep their baby's existence a reality. They don't want people to forget. [/QUOTE]
yes.. and still to this day 8 years later i still feel the same way.

Losing a child is the worst ever to even try to get through. What i suggest is hjust something small and soemthing to remember the child by. The charm bracelte is a wonderful idea. When Jordan was in teh hospital and we found out he was dieing ( brain death) my friend got me and Jordan matching necklace with a charm of a small cross. I have mine and jordan is wearing his right now. I buried him in it. And also let her if she needs to talk you will be there for her. dont push it just be there when she needs you.

To this day i still want people to speak his name and talk about him and even wish him a happy birthday on his birthday. but no one at all does this and to me it makes me sad because i feel they have forgotten about him. I know they feel they may bring bad memmories to me but in reality it brings memories of him that are good. Good luck !

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Thanks for everyone's advice. This really helps. hug.gif

I'll run them by my playgroup and see what they all want to do. smile.gif

TANNER'S MOM replied: Wow I am just now reading this. I am sorry for her loss. I think it's wonderful that you want to do something for her. I say a card is a wonderful idea. I know some things mentioned are very personal and it would be hard to do if you didn't know her well. But I think all the idea's are great.


CommunityNewsResources | Entertainment | Link To Us |Terms of Use | Privacy PolicyAdvertising
©2024 Parenting Club.com All Rights Reserved