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Need opinion of other parent's - This is so long, sorry!!!


momof2girls wrote: I will try to make this as short as possible, I just would like some advice.
2 years ago my oldest daughter came home sick from school, she had thrown up and she is not a kid that had thrown up much, anyhow we took her to the Dr it was on a Tuesday afternoon, the Dr we saw was a pedi in the group not my fav one that she usually saw. He said that it is just a virus give it a few days.

A few days later she was getting worse and worse no fever just very tired and sleeping off and on, and this was not my child.
I called the Dr, they said no fever dont worry give a few more days.... I could not get her to eat and this is a kid that loves to eat.

Sat am we took her into the Dr and she saw a Dr that usually did not work at this office but was filling in, I told her that there is really something wrong with my daughter she will not get out of bed, she will not eat... I can hardly get her to drink. She listened to her lungs and did all the stuff they do, she asked me to get a urine sample, we were there for over a hour and I could not get her to pee but a tiny bit, so we waited and tried to get more urine... never could.
The Dr told me she had a bad virus and to give it to Monday. I told her I KNOW something is wrong with her, she is not at all herself, she is 6 and never been this sick! She acted like I was over-reacting. On the way home I told DH she is sick I know its something else.

That night I just KNEW something was not right I could not get her out of bed... she slept with me and she was breathing a lil weird so I took her to the ER, my hubby was working nights and I thought we would beat him home.
I took her in at 4 am just to be safe.

The admitted her on the spot, said she had pneumonia really bad and may have a collapsed lung, put oxygen on her and doing all kinds of tests. The ER dr's had asked me if I had taken her to the Dr? I said yes just Sat am, and earlier in the week too. They looked kinda stunned but you know how Dr's cover each other's butts.
Anyways she was in the ICU for 4 days and spent a total of 21 days in the hospital and she went thru Hell with all the tests and they tried to drain her lung, it was so scary.

Well this Dr came in on that Monday (the same Dr she saw on Sat am) and said "oh I hear how bad it is now, I did not hear that on Sat" I wanted to kick her butt because my daughter was in the ICU because she did not hear anything.
I spoke with many resp therapist in the hospital and they basically told me it could not get sooo bad in a few hour period.

So they were basically telling me that the Dr that saw her on Sat am missed it.
I stayed with her in the hospital for 21 days, we never left she could not be out of the bed except for the last few days, she was so out of breathe! and on oxygen.
Her hospital bill was insane and our portion was about 4500.00 which we had to make pmts on, we had to follow up with specialist for months to make sure her lung was functioning well.
THANK GOD she is ok now.
They told me if I did not bring her in that am she could have had collapsed lungs and died, to think of that kills me.
We saw an attorney and since the Dr did not kill her or she does not have perm damage we could not sue.

This is my question, I want to write the Dr a letter and explain to her the hell she put us thru in a professional way, and to tell her in a nice way to be more careful in the future. If she would have taken a xray she should have seen it.
One part of me wants to tell her off
one part of me says just let it go, although I really cant. Im so thankful she is ok, and I dont blame the Dr for her getting pneumonia but I do blame her for not catching it, when other professionals gave me the impression she should have....

what would you do? I ALWAYS try to see the positve and in this situaltion the positive is that she is ok, but I cant get past this Dr, she did not even say anything else to us.

it has been 2 years but this is somthing I think about all the time.

I mentioned earlier in the week my FIL had a heart attack and its the same hospital so going there to visit him reminds me of when my daughter was there...


sorry sooo long!

amynicole21 replied: OMG, that is horrible! I'm so sorry that you and dd went through all of that. I am so glad that you followed your instincts though, and took her in. Isn't it amazing how a Mom just *knows* when something is not right?

I think you should write the letter. Even if you don't send it. It will make you feel better to get it all written out. Good luck grouphug.gif

MommyToAshley replied: I would write the letter. If you send the letter and let the Doc know how you feel, this doctor just might think twice the next time she examines a child. Your letter could save another child's life because the Doc just might take Xrays the next time. I know everyone makes mistakes, but it just sounds like this doctor wasn't thorough enough.

I am sorry for everything you went through, how scared you must have been. I am glad your DD is ok now though. grouphug.gif

momof2girls replied: Thanks for your advice ladies, I know this was like a mini novel to read. I think I will send the letter, it will be getting alot off my chest!

paradisemommy replied: yep..ita with amy and dee dee - sit down and write the letter and at the end, you can still decide on whether you want to send it. i think i personally would send it. i would try and make it a friendly note and not so much a *telling her off* type of note - just let her know of all the emotional trama you went through and how you knew that something was wrong and if she would have just trusted your instincts and done more tests. i think if you put it in a nice way then she may just be more empathetic and actually see/read the damage she has done and it may make her take a step back and look at things in a different light.

luckily, your dd came out alright from all of this - i can't imagine what you went through!!

ctymom replied: This is one topic that hits VERY hard at home.

Can I make a suggestion..... it is important that everyone find out about doctors on call. This is what I have on my site:

Choosing the Right Pediatrician


I will NEVER deal with a call group again. I will never deal with a doctor that will discount what me or my husband feel regarding our children. And I will never feel that I can't question a doctor.

Close calls like that should never happen.
Pamela

ediep replied: OMG!!! That is horrible!! I agree with the others...definately write the letter! I would send it too. It sounds to me that the doc was not thorough when examining your daughter. I am so glad that you followed your instincts.

kimberley replied: ohmy.gif how frightening. i am so glad you were persistent and got to the root of the problem. i completely agree that you should write the letter. i would even write a letter to the local paper (not mention names of course) or even a parent's group. what about all those new parents who still think a doctor's word is gospel. how many tragedies is it going to take before something is done. i am really sorry that all happened to you. grouphug.gif

momof2girls replied:
[B]
That is a great point, I also meant to say Dr's are not always right, sometimes I dont know how some of them became Dr's. I even worked for a few when I was a medical assistant.
I think that you should always go with your gut feeling. And never feel bad about questioning a Dr, I learned the hard way but I am soooo thankful she is ok, but now I have no problem asking more questions, I could careless if they think Im being a you know what.

I wrote a letter a few years ago, Im gonna send it to her she now has her own office which makes me wanna puke!

thanks for all your support!

ctymom replied:
Yeah... that's the thing that alot of people don't realize. Most people are brough up that the doctor is right. He/she should know right? I mean, it's their job. But we learned in a tragic way that this is not always the case.

Alot of doctors sit on their high horse and get upset if you question them. Which is what happened to my husband. The on call doctor made him feel like he was the biggest bother and over reacting. It was rather disgusting. Anyway... that's a whole long angering story.

Bottom line... doctors are not God, they are wrong sometimes, they don't know everything, and yes... we can all question them whether they like it or not. If they don't like any of this.... find another one that will!

My pediatrician now knows of what happened... will never use a call service. Always listens to us. We told him right up front that we are nervous parents and we will ask a ton of questions. Also to let us know if this is something he can deal with b/c otherwise we will look elsewhere.

Sorry to ramble... close to heart topic here.

Pamela

momof2girls replied:
Pamela
You are so right and Im sooo sorry to hear about your son.
I know this must have brought back some sad memories for you and I appreciate you posting, I am for sure going to give her that letter now.
I agree with everything you said about Dr's they are just people like us and my pedi knows everthing and never discounts me now

Thanks
Shannon

mummy2girls replied: This does touch too close to home with me also. U know i lost my son to a disease but the complications up until he passeday were partly the nurses/doctors fault!

I havent really shared this kind of info with you guys as it does hurt but i just wanted to share something... When jordan was in the Peds ward he was hooked up to tubes and machines. Alarms would go off and no nurse would come to see whats wrong. i would have to go out to the nurses station and drag a nurse in to see what was wrong mad.gif With the disease he had i was taught in the NICU how to give him irrigations to get the stool out on a daily basis. Well when he was admitted to the peds ward the nightmare started. one night i decided to stay while a nurse checked him and decided to get coffee after...and the nurse came in and said how do you do the irrigations? so i had to show her.HUH? now if i wasnt there he would of either had it done wrong or not at all! i think the car in the peds ward is what made him get worse. The NICU before that was fine and excellent and the PICU after the peds ward was so kind and nice... but once he hit the PICU it was pretty much too late!

I wanted to sue but no lawyer wanted to take my case. But i did write a letter to them and that made me feel a whole lot better! So even if u dont send it just getting it out on paper helps:) Good luck Dear and I am soooooo sorry this happened to you and your sweet DD

momof2girls replied:
That is so sad, hard enough to deal with what you were dealing with but to have to show a nurse to do something like that cause they did not know is awful!!!!!

We talked to several lawyers too, I did not care about getting money I just did not want to see this Dr make another stupid mistake.

I feel bad if I have brought back awful memories to anyone that reads this, especially those that have lost lil angels. My heart goes out to you. Azaria went thru hell and it caused us alot of stress and yes I am a narotic overprotective parent but she is here with us and that Im so thankful for.

I know there are many good Dr's and nurses out there but people that have not had to deal with this may now read this post and go with your gut feeling.

thanks for sharing that, Im sure its not easy!

mummy2girls replied: Oh dont feel bad for posting this. When i hear thing like this with doctors makes me MAD! because doctors are hear to help and such. There are lots that are very caring and such but then there are others that dont deserve to treat people! Its like they are only there to make money!

This post touched me because his death date is approaching in 10 days. Im glad you did post because then it shows moms to be more watchful(not that we are not all overly protective anyways:) )

Coz replied: I assume since you had a $4500 hospital bill you likley don't have health insurance. If you don't, don't feel bad, we don't either. We can't afford it. The sad truth is that the xrays weren't performed as well an any other test / preventative measures because you didn't have health insurance. An old story but the bottom line here is heathcare in this country is about money, not health-care.

If you want to write a letter to the Doctor I'd drop the touchy feely crap and ask at what point did he/she decide to put money ahead of the hipacratic oath that they took @ the time of being a doctor. How many more people have to become near deathly ill or possibly die in order for them to continue to make payments on their Lexus and maintain their quality of life.

Take a look in the parking lot, it's not hard to point out which cars belong to the Doctors.

On the other hand, I believe Dr's should get paid alot of money. They have to go through hell to be a Dr and they have to be smart.... To what end tho ?

momof2girls replied: We do have insurance luckily but have to pay 25% and for being in the hospital for 21 days and the ICU for 4 her bill was over 120,000.00
I have written the letter but have not sent it yet. Its been over 2 years I will send it, I have to, this is something that bothers me all the time.

I agree Drs should get paid well

but they are only human and some of them are a Dr for the wrong reasons.

Ive heard way too many stories of neglect to totally trust any of them.
I have a great pedi now that knows why im so nervous and paranoid, he seems to understand. I still question him and go with my gut.


I really appreciate everyone's comments!

Shannon

aspenblue1 replied: I know how you feel. There is a nurse practicioner that has misdiganosed my daughter 2 times 1st time was acid reflux so she was in pain for an additional week. The second time she was so dehydrated that she was in the hospital for 5 days the same night she saw her. Everytime I call her ped they will ask me to see a nurse practioner I tell them that I refuse to see her and they always ask why and I go over the entire story again with them.

momof2girls replied:
That is crazy you should not have to keep explaining.
And it sounds like the PA does not know what they are doing.... I would not want to see them either!

sunnyH2004 replied: What a horrible situation you went through! My heart sank as I was reading your story! I don't understand why you were not allowed to sue at least for the money you spent on the hospital bills. If the Dr had treated your situation seriously your daughter wouldn't have probably gone through this. Good thing you followed your instincts. But I still feel the doctors in your practice should have been responsible for the hospital bills.

I would file a major complaint and definitely switch doctors. Maybe talk to another attorney. Of course, this depends on which state you are in and these days since there are many frivolous law suits laws are changing, which is a shame, because there are people who have been legitimately hurt by malpractice.

I hope your daughter is feeling better.

Coz replied:
Holy cr-p!

momof2girls replied:
Sad enough we sw several attorneys and basically you cant sew unless your child dies or has perm damage, Im soooo blessed that she is ok
and feel horrible for parents that have had way worse things happen.
She was not my reg pedi, she was a fill in Dr from another office... argh
thanks though I appreciate your post!

momof2girls replied:
Yes its insane when you look at an itemized bill from a hospital!
I used to do billing for some Dr's and could not beleive the charges!
its crazy!

Coz replied: Healthcare has been such a huge issue in this country for so long. The way I see it, the bottom line is the governemnt needs to take money out of something else and subsidise healthcare for us common folk. Govt also needs to start regulating pricing on services and medicines too. Since we live in such a 'capitolistic' contry it's going to take a president with some ballz to convert the health care system in to more of a socialist system. Frankly, I don't see anyone running this Sept that's actually going to do it.

I'm very scared right now, my family has no health insurnace. We applied for blue cross blue sheild in NC and were told that it will cost around $380 / mo for Me, wife and child. That's relativly cheap, but still more than a car payment when put into persepctive. We agreed, moved forward with it. After about 3 months of having our cards I got a bill in the mail for $2400! BCBS said that after putting our application through underwriting they changed our rate to $800 / mo and that's just the way it is. The increase was do to our pre-existing conditions which I assure you all are not that severe, not compared to others I know that have childred with special needs and major health probs getting regular care. Its not okay, its too much money. Who here can actually afford an extra $800 / mo ?? Not many I'm sure.

Capitolism + healthcare is not an appropriate combination and I blame the officers of the companies that run these Dr's offices, healcare companies and medicine makers. What happens to all the profits they show ? Why are they making so much profits ? This shouldn't be about profit it should be about people.


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