Nadya!

PrairieMom wrote: WHAT THE HECK??????

luvbug00 replied: yea...so yea......
I'm not sure where to begin..
I guess from point A huh..
After our huge fight last (monday was it?) I was crushed by him and our fight. He really just ticked me off to the point of well..he really ticked me off.
So I needed a day or so to cool off and told him to do the same.
I took a night to myself and called my therapist. (yes I have one.)
So after a couple hours hatching it out with my Dr. I knew that My bending to Jon wasn't working for me. That I need to assert what I want if any relationship with him would be possible. I was so scared of loosing him I never really spoke up.
However I didnt call him.. or text him...
finally he called me.
He came over and told me how he has been afraid of how he was feeling and being mean to me was a defense mech. needless to say I was not convinced. I said it is no excuse for what you did.
He left on that note. The next day he came over again..Mya was home and he asked to speak to her. When I came back he said I asked Mya a question that is very important to me..I started to rail into him about how he needs to run by me what he is saying to her before he does that kind of thing..He said. ok I'll ask you then..I want to come back, but not as your boyfriend. You deserve to get the best of me and that is what i want to give you..then he asked me to marry him.
I couldn't say no. I made him sign up for couples counseling. I laid down some major rules and so now we are getting married..

major craziness huh..

Our Lil' Family replied: Uh wow. I'm not sure you want to hear my thoughts on it though so I'll leave it at that.

boyohboyohboy replied: Nayda.....crazy is the word I was thinking. LOL
What happened to some time to cool off, be yourself, work on you?

Are you going to elope or have a big wedding?

luvbug00 replied: Not many people are thrilled about it..But in the end I can either go with my head or my heart.
I choose my heart.
The fact that Mya consented was THE defining factor in wither I would say yes or no.
My Dr. was also a pretty important person in this. He knows where my mind is. You all know alot about me, I spill almost everything here. usually ready for your every opinion and I welcome them.
I love all of you dearly and have always respected your opinions.
But there are skeletons in my closet too. my dr. knows them and so for me this makes sense.
anyway for the congrats, thank you. for the eyes rolling, thank you too.
it's just gonna take time for him to prove himself to alot of people. including his own friends.

luvbug00 replied:

neither.
small wedding here in VA with about 20 people.
Then off to south africa in nov. to get remarried with his family and honeymoon

my parents took it reasonably well. which i was just as worried about aside from all of you..lol

boyohboyohboy replied: Nayda I speak only as truly someone who cares and dont mean to sound negative in anyway...but as a woman who had a child in a failed relationship and married later in life..marriage is hard hard work. I know I had heard that before from women but never knew what it meant..I mean how much harder can it be then a regular relationship, but it is.

There are so many things to consider. I doesnt matter what skeletons are in your closet. Those things dont condem you to a less then fulfilling partner in life.
From your side of the stories on here, Jon has been less then a giving, loving, equal partner, that you and your dgt deserve.

Do you think it might benefit you both to go to marriage counceling and stay engaged for a while? There is no real reason to hurry into signing a piece of paper that makes you legally married is there? If he is willing to get married after all this time after saying he didnt want to, whats a few more months and some good solid counceling to stabalize your foundation?

There seem to be some issues you both might benefit from working out together. I think they seemed important to you when you mentioned them on here before and if you dont take care of them, they will come up again.
Mya wants you to be happy, so of course she is going to say yes to a marriage proposal. She wants the happily ever after family as much as you do. I think it might benefit her too, if you and Jon could find a way to wait and go to counceling together..

I again dont mean to sound negative or harsh. Or rain on your parade. I just thought it was worth stating. FWIW

my2monkeyboys replied: Congrats on the engagement!
I wish you all the very best, and I do hope you'll heed the advice given to do a longer engagement time and use it to do the counseling and such before actually signing that paper. This will give you both a much needed period to work out things that need to be dealt with before the marriage takes place.
I am excited for you, though, and pray this will be a "happy ending" you and Mya deserve!

luvbug00 replied: Stacy,
thank you for your honesty. I agree marriage is going to be hard work. Dating Jon has been hard work. He has come a LONG way from when I first met him. He still has a long way to go. I don't think he will ever be what one would consider a conventional partner. However he is trying. I dont often praise him as I should. Obviously there is good there for me to even be in a relationship with him.
Issues are definitely there. I don't or wont sugar coat that. That is why I demanded the counseling with me. I know if I sent him alone he could BS his way out of whatever they tried to get out of him. I know all his secrets and so there is no way to pull the wool over my eyes, and i told him I would out him the second he tried to get out of facing something difficult.
This forces him to face himself. with my support.
As for how soon..well it's a lot sooner then November. No particular reason..

A&A'smommy replied: first of alll

CONGRATULATIONS!! This should be a happy time!!

Secondly as far as everything else goes, you guys have had LOTS of ups and downs and you guys have broken up several times but you always end up back together. Marriage is HARD and if you guys can make it through all the break ups, hard times and everything else you have been through than you can make it through the other stuff. You just gotta make sure that you aren't going to break it off again that next time you guys come to a hard and a hard place instead of walking away from each other working it out. I believe you can do it. And your smart for going to couseling BEFORE you get married. Congrats girl!

coasterqueen replied: Congratulations, Nadya. I wish you both the best and truly hope it works out for you. I cannot comment more than that, because you know what? Ryan and I will have been together for 19 years this coming August. We will have been married 14 years at the end of this month. We had 5 years of an engagement. We have had a lot of rocky times, some times that well....we are amazed we are even still together because there were some downright AWFUL times, we've had wonderful/happy times, and sad times. Our relationship has always been up and down, mainly because of my irish/german personality and his italian personality. But we love each other more than anything in this world, are soulmates for life no matter what happens, we are parents, lovers, best friends and still we have our rocky times. We've even been "separated" for a short time, and many more issues that should have destroyed our marriage, but has made us stronger in the end. I know your relationship with Jon has been a rocky one, volatile at times, but I hope it works out for you as it has for me. No matter how hard things get, no matter how much you want to give in or he wants to give in, marriage is work and marriage (to me) is for life, so go with the flow and don't give up...either of you!

PrairieMom replied: I have only a few things...
just in case you were talking about me about the eye rollings, I totally wasn't, its a surprised face. Just in case. Didn't want hurt feelings.

Ok.
#1. I don't know everything that has been going on, I'm not there, and I don't KNOW either one of you, so I will take you at your word, and if you know that this is the best move for you and Mya, then by all means, nothing but love and support from me.

#2. you know, I was pricing tickets out there for this fall, to visit my sister again. If I am there, can I invite myself to your wedding? (only partially kidding. It would give me an excuse to treat myself to a little vacation)

coasterqueen replied: And Nadya, I'm not sure anyone can say they don't have "issues" in their marriage or relationship. Boy do we have our issues, me moreso than him, is probably true , but IMO if a relationship is "perfect"....it's not really perfect and quite boring. So I don't think you are alone in having "issues"

gr33n3y3z replied:
Well Said and
Congrats Nads

ZandersMama replied: congrats i hope everything works out great and you have a long and happy life together, i saw "diapers away" over on fb and thought you were pregnant?

Our Lil' Family replied: I apologize, I think I responded a little too quickly. CONGRATULATIONS Nadya! I think Jess said it well and I hope the counseling will help you so that you are both able to handle conflict in a productive manner. I wish you two the best and I look forward to hearing all about the fun details of wedding planning!

mckayleesmom replied: Congratulations and good luck Nadya. I hope that you guys work out your differences so you can have a happy life together.

luvmykids replied: Well alrighty then LOL! I'm with everyone else...can't think of anything that hasn't already been said so having said that, CONGRATS

msoulz replied: All the best to you and Mya. I certainly hope Jon turns out to be the best!!

Danalana replied: Congratulations on your engagement! I know very little about your relationship, but I do wish you the very best.

MommyToAshley replied: Congratulations!!!!

A&A'smommy replied:
that was suppose to say "a rock and hard place" lol Autumn walked in and started trying to get my attention.. .which she got

luvbug00 replied: Thanks everyone. I know ur concern is purely out of love. I'll keep u all posted on the plans!

ediep replied: congrats to you Nayda! Wish u a lifetime of love and happiness

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Congrats! May all the mountains you have hardships climbing over give you the most wonderful views you've ever seen.

CantWait replied: Congratulations!!! I wish you nothing but the very best

MommyToAshley replied:

Calimama replied: Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

youngmomofone replied: congrats and good luck with everything

~Roo'sMama~ replied: Oh my gosh! I was only gone a week... what else did I miss?! Congrats Nadia! I this Jess said it very well too and I wish you both the best!