My mum is out of control - and has chucked my sister out the house

Josie83 wrote: Okay I am going to have to br eally quick when I write this as I have to go home. But I can't believe what my mother has done. A lot of you might know that the relationshp that I have with my mother is not the best, mainly because of the fact we're Catholics and she wasn't majorly impressed when I sarted sleeping with Jason and when I got pregnant. Anyway, she tries to keep me and my little sister Maria apart for this reason. Well, Maria's been sleeping with her boyfirend for a few months now and she thought she might be pregnant because she was a few days ate, I told her to do a test and so she did (it was negative by the way). Well she threw the test in the bathroom bin but my mum found it . . . when she confronted Maria and the truth came out my mother told MAria that she couldn't believe that she was turning into a little slut like me and that she didn't want another daughter having a baby at eighteen. She told MAria to split up with her boyfriend or she would be thrown out of the house. She apparently kept saying she doesn't want MAria ending up like me. Maria said that it was ridiculous and she wouldn't split up with her boyfriend so she's been chucked out and is staying with us for a while. My sister is so upset and rightly so! I can't believe that my mother has done this. I'll try and update you when I can. My mother is just SO screwed up! xx

mammag replied: That stinks! Well, at least your sister has you to rely on. She's lucky to have you.

I've got a similar pshyco mom so I know how it feels.

DansMom replied: Your mom is very set in her ways, that's for sure. I don't know what I would do in that situation. Your sister is lucky to have you to turn to. I can see your mom's worry about pregnancy, but she expresses her worry in such toxic, unhelpful ways. Maybe you could talk to your sister about birth control and the difficulties that go along with the joy of being a young parent. By the way, as young parents go, I think you are a brilliant role model for good parenting and a healthy relationship. If you were my daughter, I'd be showing you off

maestra replied: I'm curious, how old is your sister?

And I agree- she should be showing you off!

Maybe a better way of deterring pregnancy would be to show her how hard it is to be a parent, especially when you're younger ( not that you or I would trade it for anything!) rather than saying these things and alienating both of you.

A&A'smommy replied: GRRRRRR I literally felt the anger I can't believe how horrible she is being towards both of you!!!! ((((HUGS))))

Josie83 replied:
Well, I don't know about that! But thanks you so much Tracy that just about made my day. I don't know what my mother's problem is, but she doesn't seem to lok her daughters very much Oh well. My sister is 18 by the way. I have spoken to her about birth control, she does know but at the end of the day it was just a scare and she was just testing to clarify that she wasn't pregnant (she isn't!). I know that being a mum at 18 isn't ideal but at the end of the day its NOT the end of the world. I hate the notion that just because you're young you're going to be a bad mother. Not that I don't understand why my mother is disappointed that Maria had to do a pregnancy test, but at the end of the day this boyfriend is the first person that she has slept with and she thought about it a lot and is taking orecuations etc. She just has such a negative way of dealing with things. Its so strange because my older sister has only ever been with her husband (who she has been married to for a long time and has three children with) and I have only ever been with Jason, yet my brothers aren't particularly moral and she thinks the world of them. I dont know what the matter with her is! Maria is staying with us for as long as she wants, but I still think this is so hard for her. I don't see how my mother thinks she is being constructive doing this. Anyway, thanks for your words everyone xx

Boys r us replied: Good Lord!! What is wrong with that woman!!!!

No mother WANTS her daughter to get pregnant at 18, unmarried..but it happens and I wish for one second that your mother can see that Cassie is a beautiful gift GIVEN TO YOU [and her] BY GOD, not an embarrassment or a sin!

Josie83 replied:
Thanks Nic. I honestly don't know what goes on in her thick head. A lot of the itme she tries to lay the blame on her being a Catholic (ie no sex before marriage) etc, but in the Bible it quite clearly says judge not lest you be judged does it not? She clearly has a problem and usually that problem is me. I don't likeher around Cassie any more and she wonders why! She really is just so negative xx

Boys r us replied: Josie, have u ever tried just u and your Mum going out to dinner and talking? You know, like at a time when nothing is wrong..there is no hot blood beteen you for the second, just callng her up and saying,"Hey..can u meet me for a cup of tea or for lunch?"

And then telling her something to the effect that,"You're my mum and I'm your daughter and I know we don't always have the best relationship, but I really would like to work on it! I think we've both said and done thngs that hurt the other, I know me getting pregnant out of wedlock was not your ideal wishes for me and I know that hurt you and disappointed you, but Cassie is 3 and she and I both want her to have her grandmother in her life and no matter what mistakes I have made, she certaily isn't to blame for any of them and I really wish we could get past this horrible hang up we have with one another and even if we can't have a great mother/daughter relationship..at the very least we could be pleasant around one another for Cassie's sake!"

I don't know Josie..it just seems a pity to let this go without even addressing it.

Maddie&EthansMom replied:
I TOTALLY AGREE!!!! I'm sorry your mother is acting this way towards you.

Josie83 replied:
Thanks for these suggestions Nichole. Believe it or not I have tried building bridges with her. I really wanted to make it better with her (even though i don't know why we are like this in the first place) when I first had Cassie, but she didn't want to know. She's very cold towards Cassie and I don't think that that is something that Cassie needs. Every time I see her she is so negative towards me, and I am tired of trying to please her and do what she wnats. I don't think i could ever do anything right for her. I don't think I realy need her anyway, i have a fantastic husband, two lovely sisters, a best friend, great inlaws and of course my beautiful baby, so I think I am fine without her. Maybe one day we can try and make it work but I don't have the energy or inclination right now! Thanks for your sugestions though, it means a lot that you're thinking of me xx

gr33n3y3z replied: Josie
I know of ppl. like this no matter what you or anyone does its not right its always wrong.
Just hang in there and help your sister get through what ever you must do and always be there for her bc she will need you at some point in her life and you know she will come to you for help.
Keep tough and understanding.