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Mom wants me to visit a WHOLE month - How do I tell her NO nicely


CantWait wrote: She called me up today and thought it would be great if I came back to Toronto with her after she came to Edmonton for the rest of the summer. That's almost 2 months. Problem is I have the dog, my son and the baby by that time and there's way to much to travel for that period of time. She doesn't seem to understand the hassel it will be to travel for length with everyone. How can I make her understand it's just not doable? huh.gif

MommyToAshley replied: Can you invite her to come stay with you. With a new baby, maybe you could use the help.

CantWait replied: she's already coming down for nearly 2 weeks around the time the baby will be born. Unfortunetly that's all the time she's allowed off. HI HO HI HO it's back to work she goes.

momofajcl replied: Just put your foot down and firmly tell her, in a nice way of course, that you can't come back to Toronto with her. That you'd love to have her for those 2 weeks when the baby is due but after that you need to get settled with your new family member and any traveling would just add more stress and you don't need that! When the baby gets older, then maybe you can take a trip to see her in Toronto but right after the baby is born is just too soon. Good luck! She's not one of those mother's who argues everything you tell her is she??? LOL! Let us know what happens thumb.gif

CantWait replied: well momofajcl, I tried talking to her on the phone today and tried explaining that it's too much to go down for so long, and I have a lot of reasons (the dog, wayyyyyyy to much luggage, my son will be away from his friends for too long and will have nothing to do while she's at work etc.....) but she won't have no for an answer.

I think I might just cave in and go, just to make her happy, I'll be miserable, but I really don't feel like arguing with her. I'll probably only go down for a couple weeks though. dry.gif

KatieLeigh79 replied: Wish i had family that "wanted" to spend time with the new little one smile.gif - My mother isn't living so i don't have my side of the family to worry about and wanting baby time (my father told me to call him the day after the baby is born, he didn't do well with my brother and i in the hospital & delivery so he doesn't want to see any of that) And his parents put their house up for sale 3 weeks after we found out we were pregnant and are moving to Flordia now, so they won't be around for to much longer either, they live right down the road though so i was really hoping she would be around to help for the first year if we needed it but they just don't want to live in MI anymore - so its totally opposite sides from what your on smile.gif .. I would love having someone willing to do something of the sort but maybe just explain to her you'd like to only stay a few weeks (1 or 2 at most) because you want the baby to be more comfortable and accustomed to living enviroments at home and not mess up the schedules for the rest of the family to badly.

CantWait replied: DH and I have decided.
I am NOT taking the 3 day drive down with her and my son and the baby and the dog in a tiny little bitty car and all the luggage (DH thinks this is a little crazy also).
I AM taking a plane down, either just after she leaves, or when DH comes home on his leave(he gets three weeks off in the middle of the tour).
I am NOT staying for a month, but AM staying for a couple weeks.

This way I'll be able to see and my family and they'll be able to see the new little one, and it should make my mom happy (if it doesn't, oh well, too bad).

<wiping hands> whew!!!!!!!!!!!

KatieLeigh79 replied: Yaee! At least you put your foot down tongue.gif - now someone needs to give me lessons smile.gif Im way to overly "nice" to everyone and always try to be sure to keep them happy over my well being..

Hillbilly Housewife replied: DH and I read this awesome book last week - Toxic In-Laws by Susan Forward - it taught us how to passivley put our foot down and to step away from the situation. It taught me how to laugh at situations that normally would get my blood in a boil. Really helpful - it's about in-laws, but it helped me and DH a lot with our OWN parents.

Most importantly, it taught me how to say NO without feeling too badly.

MommyToAshley replied: I'm glad you found a compromise that will work for you! You don't need stress now or after the baby is born. And, it may work out for the best, at least you will have some help with the baby while your DH is away. Maybe you will even get some rest???!!!

momofajcl replied:
I wonder if this was the book Oprah had a show on years ago...I just remember her looking into the camera and saying that if anyone can't take "no" for an answer...they are trying to manipulate you and don't let anyone manipulate you...or something to that effect anyway. LOL!

CantWait replied:

LOL I haven't put it down yet, still gotta find the courage. blush.gif Geesh I feel like the cowardly lion.

MommyToAshley replied: I am the same way with my parents. I don't always agree with them, but change my schedule or do things their way just because it is easier than confrontation. LOL So, I guess that makes us a pair of cowardly lions.... a few more of us and we'll have a pack. LOL. rolling_smile.gif

DH isn't that way... he'll stand up to his parents but doesn't need to very often. He probably doesn't need to because he will. LOL


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