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Lucas doesn't play


redplaydoh wrote: I know I don't post much here, but find the advice to others invaluable. My oldest son Lucas (will be 4 in December) doesn't play. Comparing him to Bryan (2 1/2), which I know I'm not suppossed to do because each child is different... Bryan plays. You can give Bryan cars, legos, trains, etc. and he will entertain himself for short periods of time. He makes sounds, talks to objects and has an imagination. Lucas on the other hand looks at you with this look like, "you want me to do WHAT??? Why should I drive a car, train, etc. around??? What purpose is that??" He cannot entertain himself even for short periods. The only thing he can/will do is play games on the computer or his V-Smile. He's very very good at both these things and it just blows us away what all he can do with the computer on his own. He does play outside very well, but doesn't try to play with other children. He's in preschool and after talking to his teacher he seems to have the same behavior at school as well.
He will play if I almost coach him into each step. Something like, Lucas take the red car and drive it into the parking garage, now pick up the helicopter and land it on the roof...
I cannot let him alone for more than a few minutes without him being into something he shouldn't be into. Just last week while I was cleaning up the kitchen after lunch I told him to go play. A few minutes later I went to check on him. He took clothes out of the laundry basket, filled the sink and was wetting the clothes. I redirected him to the playroom and came back again to check and he'd climbed onto the bathroom sink, got into the medicine cabinet and smeared Vicks Vapor Rub all over himself.
Toys do not seem to interest him much at all, and really never has and we have so many for him to choose from. Another thing I think is strange, he'll work a puzzle but once he's finished it he doesn't want to do it again... ever. Once it's done it's done.
I'm just feeling so frustrated that he can't seem to entertain himself unless he's on the computer. I want him to have an imagination, play with toys, play with his brother and other kids. It's almost like he thinks he is a teenager and playing with toys is juvenile but still has the maturity of a 3 year old.
Has anyone ever gone through something similar like this with their kids?

my2monkeyboys replied: I'm sorry, I can't help with this. Have you mentioned this to his doctor? Maybe he/she has some insight they can share. hug.gif

CantWait replied: I think he's just got a different imagination then you're expecting.

My 3 year old doesn't like to play with toys to often, he's more interested in t.v., playing games on the computer, puzzles and books. Not so much a pretend person though.

If it really concerns you, talk to his ped. hug.gif

ediep replied: have you brought him to toys r us and let him pick out something...maybe he's bored with the toys at home. Sound slike he is really smart for his age, maybe he'll like toys for older boys like model airplanes or more advanced games....

sorry wish i could be more help

redchief replied: I'm sorry you're having a tough time entertaining him. He seems fairly normal otherwise. He also seems to be more of a thinker than an actor. Maybe something non-electronic that stimulates his thought processes? dunno.gif

BTW, I don't think anyone expects anyone else to post a little or a lot. Everyone has their own way of enjoying the Parenting Club and it doesn't matter a lick to me whether you're a daily poster, a monthly poster or maybe once a year. smile.gif

redchief replied:
dito.gif

Edie, you posted that while I was typing. I think that's a fantastic idea!

ETFix the smiley. Silly smiley people don't know how to spell "ditto."

Boo&BugsMom replied: Tanner is like this too, so rest assure yours is not the only one. For Tanner though, since I run a daycare in my home, he is so use to having playmates all week long that are his age, that when they leave he wonders how to entertain himself. He always asks "who's going to play with me now?". AHH!

What we have had to do is just not give him a choice. We have to tell him he has to go play in his room for periods of time so he gets use to keeping himself entertained. If he's playing on the computer or watching tv, no problem! But when it comes to general play, it's like he doesn't know what to do. He has quite an imagination too, likes to perform, and other things, but he loves being social, which is the issue. He's mister social butterfly, always making friends wherever he goes. Which is good, but it's like he can't handle NOT playing with someone. Sometimes I'll have to direct him in what to go play with, or set out 3 things and tell him to pick something. Of course he gets one on one, but when we can't give him the one on one, like when I am making dinner, I use those times to get him use to keeping himself entertained. He's been seeing these same friends for the whole 4 years of his life, so this has always been an issue when they are not around from day 1. wacko.gif

my2monkeyboys replied: Yeah, I didn't think about him maybe needing more advanced toys. Will is like that a bit. We buy him toys that are for 5yrs+ alot bc that's what he's into. Fisher Price type toys and the like just don't do it for him anymore. He loves action figures and Tranformers a lot... maybe you could get him one or 2 and see what happens? The idea of taking him to pick out a toy sounds like a winner.

PrairieMom replied: Will he play team active games like tag or hide and seek? maybe he is just not a imagination play kinda kid. Was he always this way?

redplaydoh replied: [QUOTE]have you brought him to toys r us and let him pick out something...maybe he's bored with the toys at home. Sound slike he is really smart for his age, maybe he'll like toys for older boys like model airplanes or more advanced games....
[/QUOTE]
Thanks for that suggestion. We took him to TRU and let him just wander the aisles and he became fascinated by a bulldozer and crane. So now he's asking Santa for those.

[QUOTE]What we have had to do is just not give him a choice. We have to tell him he has to go play in his room for periods of time so he gets use to keeping himself entertained. [/QUOTE]
What is the other choice if he doesn't go to his room to play?

[/QUOTE]Will he play team active games like tag or hide and seek? maybe he is just not a imagination play kinda kid. Was he always this way? [QUOTE]
He's always been this way, we even noticed him not playing when he was a baby. I may try to see if he will play tag or hide and seek. Thanks for the suggestion.

I did talk to his pediatrician and we have an appointment in December to have him tested for a variety of different things. His pediatrician thought it sounded like ADD, that he can't focus on one thing for any length of time. What I did like though, if the pediatrician thinks he does have something like this he will send him to "play therapy" to work with a woman that specializes in this and she will use techniques to help him and based on her analysis they will see if therapy alone will work or if medication is needed. So I like that the doctor isn't so fast to jump towards medication.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
There is no other choice, which is my point. We don't have to do this often, but once in awhile we do. You don't always have to give choices. Sometimes it's good not to because "that is what the parent says so and that's just how it is". Also (and I don't mean with this situation persay), giving a child choices all the time, sometimes leads them to have control. I don't mean to get off track, but giving a child choices is good, giving a child control is not, so sometimes Tanner knows that this is just how it is and he sometimes just doesn't get a choice with things.

mckayleesmom replied: He sounds like he is maybe advanced for his age and those things might be boring to him.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Ugh the older daycare kid I watch does that... "So NOW what?"

Drives me NUTS.

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