Looking for friends

Char Lee wrote: Hi my name is Char Lee and I am 33. I am due on Dec 17 with my first baby and maybe last one. I know I will probably be a single parent. The father changes his mind every week regarding this baby. I have had a hard time getting pregnant over the years and now that I am I want to be happy. Is there anyone else that is pregnant or is raise their children alone. I could use some inspiration. Thanks

kit_kats_mom replied: Hi Char Lee. I'm Cary, WAHM to Katherine (20 mos) and we are expecting our second around Christmas time. We are the same age and due about the same time. How exciting!

I don't know anything about single parenting except that I was raised by my mom and I like to think I turned out pretty darn great! I'm sorry that you are having to go though any type of problem during what should be an exciting and joyus time for you. Not having a supportive spouse/SO would be hard. I don't know your situation but maybe he will come to his senses as the time goes on. I know that my DH had a hard time understanding and accepting K until she was actually out. Just a wierd first time daddy thing for him I guess.

I know that we have a few other single moms on the board though and I hope you will stick around.

alice&arik replied: Hi Char Lee! My name is Alice, 22..SAHM. My son is Arik 21 months. I was a single parent for a year and a half. Arik's dad died in a car accident when I was 3 months pregnant. I am now with my boyfriend, and Arik calls him dad. When I was raising him alone, it was tough. Trying to pay the bills, work, and take care of him. The best thing that worked for me is to just relax whenever you can. Take a few minutes to yourself a take deep breathes. Cigarettes were all that would help me. But if you have family in town to watch your baby so you can go out for a few drinks, that is such a stress reliever. I always drank myself stupid because it was a rare treat. I told myself a lot that it will get better. The first few months were the worst, there was no one around to help me. I hated getting up in the middle of the night to feed. It wears you out. But the best part is watching them grow, and it gets so much easier the older they get. Once you get a daily routine, (get up, go to daycare, go to work...) Arik got used to the routine and that helped a lot.

I don't know if any of this was helpful or not, but single parenting isn't as bad as it seems. I hope that you can work things out with the daddy. It is so important to have a father figure in their life. Arik called my daycare lady's DH dad for awhile, which was scary. But good luck and Welcome to the board, I hope to get to know you better!

jcc64 replied: Hi Char Lee! I am not a single parent, I've been with dh since I was 16 (now I'm 39). But I wanted to say hi and welcome to the board. My name's Jeanne, I work full time, and have 3 kids, the youngest of whom is 19 months.

Char Lee replied: Thank you so much Alice and Cary. I feel so alone sometimes. I want to be excited but everytime I sit back and relax I just think about the future. I do have a family (brothers & sisters) which will be there for me. I just want to be the best mom I can. I just do not get Kevin. We still see each other maybe twice a month. I do hope he wants to be involved but scared I will be doing it alone.

Alice, first I want to say I am sorry for your loss. Werid question, did you date while pregnant? I am trying but feel bad when I know I will have to tell the lucky guy. Your second baby is it your current boyfriends baby? I cant even think about a second one yet. Maybe someday.

Cary thank you for telling me the side of the child. Do you know your father? Has your mother told you anything? Kevin says he does not want me to tell the baby anything about him. I guess writing it in a journal would not be a good thing but I already have. I am writing ajournal of all the days, weeks and months before he or she comes. It gives me hope.

I should say also, I have not told anyopne yet, not work, not family and not friends. The father knows and my parents. I will probably tell everyone soon considering I am showing a bit.

Do either of you have any sypmtoms? I did earlier but now they have settled out. I feel I could be further along. My first ultrasound is on May 31. I will let you know about it. Thanks.

kit_kats_mom replied: Hugs hon. It has to be tough. The important thing, that you are already doing, is preparing and being the best mom you can be...not a perfect mom but the best one you can. That's all any of us can do.

I'm happy that you have a support system of family. I don't know what I would have done in the first few weeks after Katherine's birth if it werent for my mom. I do know that I would have probably had pizza delivered every night though if it were left up to my DH. Sometimes, they just have no clue.

Yes, I do know my dad. He actually lives about 2 hours away. He lost track of us when I was 2 and I finally tracked him down when I was a teenager. We met a few times but he has some mental problems and needless to say, the relationship was strained. A sullen teenager + an alcholohic, manic depressive = not very lively conversations. Anyway, I didn't seek him out and neither did he seek me out. I did call him when I was pregnant with Katherine to find out his families health history and to let him know that he was going to be a grandfather. I've sent pictures of her and emails but I have never heard anything from him. As far as I'm concerned, the ball is in his court and if he doesn't take it soon (I believe he has cancer now), it will be his loss. I miss knowing him and I probably have some sort of intimacy issues as a result of not having a dad but I still think I turned out ok. My mom only talks about him if I ask. She never bad mouthed him but she never voluntered info either. They were both very young.

I think a journal is a great idea. I've actually started writing one most nights. It is just cathartic to write things out. Problems rarely seem so large when you see them reduced to a few scribbles on a piece of paper ya know? It also helps me keep track of the sweet things that Katherine does/says and the new baby will probably really enjoy all of my rantings about morning sickness, weight gain and nursing his/her big sister while pregnant. I picture the two kids squished up in my closest one day, reading my journals while I'm at work and just howling with laughter.

I...should I say DH has a big mouth and everyone we know is aware of the Chrismas baby. I would have been more comfortable waiting unitl I was out of the dangerous period before telling anyone but our friends are great and very supportive. I've not told anyone at work yet though. I work from home so I can hide it until the holiday parties start up if I want too. However, I'm working on a written plan to give to my boss about how I can accomplish my work during my "maternity leave"...which I don't really get since I'm a permanent temp...but that's another rant.

Good luck hon. You've come to a great place with tons of wonderful caring women. Feel free to come here to rant, share your excitement, bounce ideas off of us etc. You will get a lot of feedback and usually some pretty good suggestions too.

alice&arik replied:
Sorry you must have misunderstood me, I am not pregnant...LOL! I only have the one. No I didn't date when I was pregnant. It was hard for me to get over his dad. I think the first time I dated after he died, Arik was 6 months old. Wow that was a whole year, i am just now realizing! I guess I didn't get out much to meet anyone. I don't know what I am going to tell Arik about his real dad, I saved some of his stuff that I didn't tell his family I had. They came to my house we were living at and took everything. But I figure when he is old enough, he should know, but that won't be for a few years, til he understands it.

Good luck on the ultrasound, they are so fun!!

Char Lee replied: Hello, thank you once again. This site does seem more helpful to me . I was on the "babynet" but it seemed like everyone had friends and no one wanted anymore. Dont get me wrong I do have friends but right now until I find out things are fine with the baby I need to keep it to myself. I should tell all of you that I live in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Here I working in an Accounting Firm where I am self employed. Which means that I also do not get maternity leave. Money does scare me but I have been on a strike budget for years even after I got extra money coming in. So I think I will be fine. The only thing I worry about is child care but that can be fully worried about after the baby is born.

I do hope that if me and the father are not together after the baby is born that some day he will decide to see he or she. He has two children of his own and one step child. All ranging from 13 to 18. I know someday these children will want to meet he or she. (I really need to know which it is he or she). Like you said it is in his court. i will do anything I can to make him realise what he has here. I think his problem is he is scared that he may not be able to date again.

Here is our story: In October '03, we met. We talked on the phone for weeks ahead of time and then met. During the first few months it was like we were in a fairtale. We wanted to be together always. He has a fedish with pregnant woman. They turn him on. Anyhow, he started to ask me to have a baby with him towards the end of December. I was scared. I still thought I did not know him as well as I should of. In January, I was sick alot, but but the end of the month I seemed to get better. When I seen the doctor she said that there was traces of a baby but that it was gone now. This was hard for Kevin to hear. For me, I have been through it too many times to grieve everytime. Then he pushed even more. By February, I felt the same that we should try to have a baby. Now that he found out I am pregnant, he says he is the donor and did it for me. He knows how much I wanted a baby. Which I did but with a father. We still see each other on weekends and he seems to be into the pregnancy but before I go home he always adds, you are a single mom now. I do not get him. I want to keep being friends with him for the baby. With asking him for money, well he pays his ex wife a bundle and told me he doesnt want me to screw him with money. All I can hope is that someday down the line I can ask him if I can stay with him while off from work and he will find the situation good. I do not want to force him to pay me. But I do want him there for the baby.

So that is my story. I will need some good friends. I still have heartburn like crazy and so tired that I feel I could sleep for hours which I dont. I am not nausaous anymore, which is a benefit. I cant wait to see the baby on the ultrasound. Should I get a picture of it? What is your opinions on finding out the sex? Thanks guys.

Char Lee replied: Sorry girls wanted to try this - never used before

<a rel="nofollow" href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://lilypie.com/days/040915/0/0/0/+10" alt="Lilypie Baby Days" border="0" /></a>

Char Lee replied: Not sure how to get the baby ticker to be at the bottom of my replies. Can anyone help me Thanks.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Welcome to the Parenting Club! I admire your courage to be a single mom! I admire all Single Parents! Raising a child isn't easy, but doing it alone must be so hard! My name is Kirsten wife to Mark and mom to Emily (9), Spencer (7) and Claudia (20mths). This community is great and offers a lot of support!

TLCDad replied:
Hi Char Lee! Welcome to Parenting Club.

To use signatures and all the features of the website/message boards you need to register. Its free.

You can find the registration link at the top of the forum or off our home page.

Char Lee replied: I hope I figured this out now, Thanks TLCDad.

coasterqueen replied: Hi Char Lee. Welcome to the board! COngrats on expecting a little one .

MommyToAshley replied: Hello Char Lee and Welcome!

If you are looking for friends, then you've come to the right place.

Congrats on your pregnancy. I am sorry that you are going through such a stressful time righ now. Be sure to take some time out to relax and take care of yourself for your baby!

I am looking forward to getting know you and your baby better!

Char Lee replied: Dee Dee, Ashley is so cute. You definitely have an angel there. I hope I get a little girl. But I will take a boy also. For a girl I like the name Grace. Do you know of another name to go with it. I tis my grandmothers name and I want to keep up the tradition of it. Thanks

paradisemommy replied: Hi Char!!! I've been kinda MIA this week cause I'm on active duty for my annual training (i'm in the air national guard) so i've been lurking but not posting!! just wanted to say hi. i'm tammy, married to keoki and first time parents to taven. i'm not a single mom - but got pg, married 4 months later then had him 5 months later..i know how frustrated and sad you must be that the father is being such a turkey. this place is great and you'll find lots of great people here! i look forward to getting to know you better and to be here for you during your h&h 9 months!!

Grace is such a pretty name!! Hmmm middle names...

Eve
Elizabeth
Anabell
Analise

I'm kinda brain dead..too many long hours..I'll keep thinking and get some more too you!!

Char Lee replied:
Thanks Tammy, it is working out and I am trying to stay as positive as possible for the baby. I love those names. Actually Elizabeth is good. See Grace is my grandmothers first name and Elizabeth if was he mothers name. Keep them coming i do have 7 moths to decide. I guess I should find out if it is a girl or not. Also spellings for Grace.

Gracee
Grayce***
Gracye
Gracie
Grace

CantWait replied: Hi Char Lee, and welcome to Parenting Club. I'm Marie, 27 SAHM (in Edmonton) to Robbie, 8 years and Anthony 10 months. I'm not in the same situation but I wanted to say hi. Can't wait to hear about your pregnancy. Wishing you H&H 9 months

Char Lee replied: Hello I fined there is alot of very caring and supportive people in the world. That is is a very good thing. Thanks. Next update will be at my U/S, unless of course something comes up that I need support for. LOL

aspenblue1 replied: Hi and Welcome!

Congrats on your pregnancy!