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Last night I was livid - beyond LIVID - to the point of no return

My2Beauties wrote: Livid and mad aren't even the words, I could have spit venom. I was giving Hanna a bath and she kept saying something that I really couldn't understand. She was saying Sucker Rat or something and I was like what is a Sucker Rat, and then I realized it - she was saying "I want a cigarette" growl.gif growl.gif growl.gif growl.gif growl.gif growl.gif I am so PO'd you guys. Aunt Betty (the lady who helps Brian's grandma Thelma watch Hanna everyday) is a bad chain smoker. She is awful, she reaks of smoke and sometimes when Hanna comes home I notice that she smells of smoke. I argued with them forever to please stop smoking in front of her. Now Betty is a good person and she loves Hanna to death, I mean that is her baby and Hanna adores Betty, Betty has taught her so much and Hanna is so intelligent and they have played a huge role in her learning and development. So for that the smoking argument was always so hard for me because that was their argument back and Betty would always say well I go to the door and shoo it out the door and I don't smoke directly in front of her and this and that. When she said that last night, for some reason it just made my blood boil and the hairs on my neck raise. I was so mad. For my 2 year old to say I want a cigarette, I was so mad I almost just started crying. I have STRONG anti-smoking feelings. I think it's the nastiest habit, it is the last thing in the world aside from drugs obviously that I want my kid to ever think about trying. I am going to instill it in her brain that it's not a good choice. But with Betty smoking and then with that coming out of her mouth, reality sets in and I think OMG she is going to see Betty doing it and then what if she thinks it's ok to try it one day. I know Betty didn't teach her to say I want a cigarette, she has just heard Betty say it, but still, it makes me mad that this couldn't be more hidden from my child. I think things like that need to be done outside away from the child's view. I am at odds now, I don't know what to say to her, I mean she is such a good babysitter and she has done SO MUCH for us financially I mean if it weren't for her we wouldn't have half the stuff we have due to her loaning us money and allowing us to pay her back on her terms. She is like the nicest person in the world, she loves us and she loves Hanna. How do I say something to her without sounding overly rude? I think this is going to be a huge fight and the last thing I want or need right now is for his family to be mad at me over this. I told Hanna that it's bad and that she is not to say that word anymore and that cigarettes are dirty filthy and nasty and I said it really firm, she stopped saying it but still......she said it, she knows the word, she knows what they are and she associates them with someone she loves and adores bawling.gif bawling.gif

Boys r us replied: Yikes!!!! I'm so sorry LeaAnn! I don't know how to broach this buject with her.
But, even if she is a smoker...she SHOULDN'T be doing it in the house with a child!
Oh man..I odn't know, but you HAVE to say SOMETHING to her! hug.gif

mckayleesmom replied: I know what you mean....Leithan smokes and I hate it. He really wants to quit, but its been a struggle. First...Make sure that you know that Aunt Betty is actually smoking in front of her...Hanna might smell like cigs because of the Aunts clothes rubbing on her. Second....make sure that Hanna actually got it from the aunt....ciggarettes are everywhere and she might have gotten it from a number of things.....Do they watch tv? Maybe Hanna got it from there. The truth much as you want to sheild her from it....they are everywhere and you really can't. Hiding it from her might make her more curious as she gets older. Maybe you can talk to Aunt Betty again and ask her to please step outside to smoke because Hanna is showing interest in them and it concerns you. It might help, but kids are smart as heck these days and she will figure it out eventually anyways.

luvbug00 replied: we have lot's of smokers in our family and mya went so far as to pick up old butts and try to smoke them. But she now thinks it's gross because "papa's breath and clothes smell bad" I just kept saying smoking is bad for you. and she figured the rest out on her own.

A&A'smommy replied: hug.gif hug.gif Maybe you should tell her what Hanna said maybe that would make her stop doing it at least in front of her or ask her to wait until nap time.

C&K*s Mommie replied: ITA with **mckayleesmom** Everything she said is what I was thinking. thumb.gif

Kaitlin'smom replied: oh sweetie that would make me mad also, kinda gets you stuck between a rock and a hard place. I agree you do need to say something, tell them what she said and let them know how concerned you are. Is she tring to quit? I am sorry you have to deal with that. hug.gif

moxee24 replied: ohmy.gif I'm in shock, that she would say something like that! But they do repeat what they hear. I totally agree with you about it being a nasty, bad habit (and I smoke) it is not easy to quit, have tried several times, but the fact that you basicly employ her to take care of your DD you have the right to set the "rules" about what happens around your DD, weither you are in her home or yours. I would tell her flat out the next time you take your DD over there that if she does not quit smoking around/in front of your DD that as much as you love her and know that your DD loves her that you will be forced to find another babysitter, and then tell her the reason for it. If she truly does love you and your DD and wants to kept seeing her then she will do something to rectify the situation. Let us know how things go hug.gif hug.gif

CantWait replied: ohmy.gif I'm so sorry. Unfortunetly children all to well what they see and what they hear. Aside from swearing, that's another one of those things that big people got to watch when around little ones sad.gif

jem0622 replied: I'm so sorry that this upset you. I would just encourage you to talk about the negative effects of doing it. I would request that she refrain from leaving butts out for health reasons and not to do it in front of the kids. Lead by example!


My2Beauties replied: Thanks guys. I feel a bit better. I know that Betty won't steer her wrong in letting her pick up butts, leaving them out, or making Hanna think that smoking is a cool thing. I know she tells Hanna it's bad and stuff. I think it just shocked me that she actually said that and I wonder if she says it down there. Like I said at first I couldn't even make out what she was saying until it just clicked, she repeated it over and over. I mean Brianne you are right, Thelma (grandma) gets so many visitors throughout the day too that I know smoke as well. I know it's not just Betty so that is why I hate to even bring it up. I think I am going to casually mention to Thelma and Betty what she said and re-iterate that if she continues to say this and especially if she starts acting it out or if Betty notices she is taking a real big interest in it that I want her to refrain from smoking in front of her. I know it's hard to ask someone to go outside of their home (or mother's home, whichever) to smoke especially as cold as it is outside right now, so maybe if she goes in the restroom or goes in a room where Hanna is not playing in at the time. I have noticed that lately the smoke "smell" hasn't been on Hanna as much so I hope maybe she heard Hanna say it and has already started taking precautions. I am going to tell Thelma today what she said and maybe see if she mentions it to Betty. She probably will.

As always, thanks for everyone's advice! I really appreciate it! hug.gif

mckayleesmom replied: could be she got it from television too....I notice that they have smoking things sometimes even on kids channels.

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