Just curious - stem off from what DH/SO does for living

coasterqueen wrote: I'm curious because I know a few SAHM in my area, friends of friends, and their husbands work awfully long hours and never get to see their children it seems like. Every WOHM I know (which isn't a lot, lol), their DH doesn't work long hours and see their children the same equal time as the mother.

I was just wondering if there was some correlation between those DH's/SO who work long hours and is it because they are the ones bringing home the pay or what.

No debate, just curious. TIA!

coasterqueen replied: Another reason why I'm so curious is I had the opportunity to debate with a former SAHM (her kids are older now and so she works) with the issues of SAH/WOH. Her DH worked terrible hours when she stayed at home and she said it was so they brought in enough income. As soon as she went back to work he worked less hours. She did regret him not being able to see the kids grow up like she did, but that's it. What I found odd is her DH worked in an office, so he had a 9 to 5 job but too travel opportunities to make more money.

My DH has had many travel opportunities to make more money but he wanted to see his children more so he passed it up.

Edit to add that we had a very lovely conversation about this subject and I learned a lot from her and she did from me.

ammommy replied: I'm a SAHM, although I did work part time for a while to get out of the house. No I just go to the gym
Dh has his busy season when he has to work a lot of Saturdays, but not many, really. He's usually home by 6 or 6:30 to eat dinner during the week.

Bee_Kay replied: My dh and I have been married for 15 years and I've been a SAHM for most of those years. It was a decision we made together.

We know we are blessed that we have the ability to make that choice, as we know many families do not have a choice.

Overall, we are glad we made the choice. Simple things like the kids getting sick at school... I am just a quick jaunt away. (speaking of, Ash came home sick from school today).
But, I also have complete respect for women that work out of the home (by choice or necessity), and they are fabulous moms and somehow juggle a hectic schedule and make it work.

But there are also SAHM that really irritate the *you know what* out of me. My DH was married to one.

Get this: When he was married to her, she didn't work, but he had to bring his daughter to daycare because all this ex did was lie around and do nothing.... and I mean NOTHING (she didn't even change her baby's diaper, that's why he had to put the baby in daycare).

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I wouldn't be able to be a WOHM. Not only b/c of the kids not seeing us, but b/c of sick time, etc. AND I would never make enough money. It wouldn't be worth it. We do fine with Scotty's salary and I love being home. It really balances out now. He does work less than he ever has and takes off more often. He never misses any school programs or anything and he rushes home if I need him here. He used to not be able to do this, but he has more staff under him now and he delegates more. Also, he takes Maddie to school in the mornings and they eat breakfast together. This is great b/c he doesn't always see her at night. The things I miss are having Saturdays off and eating dinner together every night. The extra help with the kids in the evenings would be nice, too.

Anyway, I voted "Yes" but you already knew my answer.

Sarah&Mackenzie replied: Well during the summer my DH will leave the house at 4:45 in the morning and not get home until 6:00 at night.

Bee_Kay replied: I got side-tracked off of the original question

My dh sees our children quite a bit. He has had the same job for many years so his salary makes for a pretty comfortable living, without him having to work overtime. But he does work a little overtime here and there if he feels like it.

He is home around 4:30 - 5:00 so he sees the kids for at least 5 hours a day.

kayla's mama replied: My DH and I fight about this constantly. He works in the Grocery business same as his father did as DH was growing up. Which he missed out on a lot with DH as a kid. Anyway. i told him that I want the normal life. Him home at night for dinners and the weekends for family events. His response, well I'm off during the week thats our alone time. That fine in all but what about "Family Time" after I start working again in a couple of weeks.



ITA.....I would much rather have Jason home every night and weekend even if it meant a career change and less money. But that will never happen. I was told if I want that then I could leave

OMG.....sorry I made this all about me This is such a hot topic here at my house.

ediep replied: My Dh's work hours have nothing to do with the fact that I am a SAHM. If I was working, he would work the same amout of hours, but we'd have my salary to pay for child care

mckayleesmom replied: Well...I didn't answer to either because our situation at the moment is alot different. My husband travels for his job in the army and he is gone 3 weeks and back for 2. On the 2 he is back he has to go to the office, but is usually off pretty early...like 2pm is pretty typical if not earlier most of the time...This last week he has been teaching a class...so he hasn't been home till around 4:30. Right now we are ok with this because it is only for a year...and we are almost done...only about 4 months to go...if that.

Bee_Kay replied:
Same here. He doesn't work any more hours to compensate for me being a SAHM.

Even though my children are getting older and could be somewhat self-sufficent, I just feel better being here when they get up and when they get home from school.

I suppose there may be people that wonder why I continue to be a SAHM, but the way I figure.... we don't depend on anyone for anything, so it's really none of their business

coasterqueen replied:
I guess I'm confused by your post. Your DH won't let you work so you both can be home the same or what?

coasterqueen replied:
Oh and I totally agree, it's not my business or others . This was brought up in our conversation yesterday. The SAHM I was talking with chose to go back to work when her kids were self-sufficient because she wanted to "brain stimulation" as she called it . I asked her what that meant and if she couldn't get that stimulation at home. Her answer was that she just wasn't disciplined enough to do things that would stimulate her brain and being in the workplace forced that upon her.

Heck, I told her if I was a SAHM and my kids were self-sufficient I'd find MANY things to do stimulate my brain - volunteer work, going back to college just to further my brain knowledge instead of going back to work.


Like I said I am not trying to start any kind of debate or asking more than a yes or no, but it seems people feel compelled to explain more. It was just a very enlightening conversation yesterday and I was just curious what it was for those SAHMs here on the board. When you spend 12+ hours with a group of people in one day trying to run an event, drink, have fun it's nice to have conversations that expand your horizon and that is what it was yesterday for me.

kayla's mama replied: Jason wants me to work. He just doesn't have a set schedule and is hardley ever home on the weekends for family things or at night for dinners.


What I meant by that was I want a husband who is home at night and the weekends. EVERY WEEKEND!!! He told me that if you want the normal life then marrying me was a mistake because I did this before we were dating... and that maybe I should leave him if that is really what I want.

Hope that clears it up for you, sorry if it was confusing.

coasterqueen replied:
Ah I see. I get it now. Thanks for the clarification.

C&K*s Mommie replied: Lately the girls have been getting up a hr before Chris leaves for work, so he spends time with them then, and he is here when they come home on my class nights. Usually 2-3 Weds out of a month, he takes his scheduled "off" day off- we spend it together as a family. Sunday is also our family day. While he works long hours, we more than make up for it by spending quality time together.

ETA: Chris would love to drive trucks long haul again, but we plan to wait until the girls are grown and we can do it as a couple. He would miss the girls terribly if he went back. He is always looking for another job opp in order to spend even more time at home. He also plans to go back to school in '07, for his dream job, so he is taking it day by day.

Bee_Kay replied: RE: coasterqueen

I don't see this as a debate at all.

I was just explaining my personal situation because I know that SAHM and WOHM is such a stupid thing to debate (viciously I mean) over. There have been people, over the past few years, that have asked me why I don't go "get a job".

Also, my comment about "nobody's business"... wasn't pointed at anyone (especially at nobody here). Just people in general

But, the point I was trying to get at is.... SAHM get judged just as harshly as WOHM, in different ways.... and I just think it's a rotten thing of some people to do (unless the person is like my DH's ex )

Some people, that do get into heated debates, just simply can't find something new to b*tch about so they drag up the old SAHM/WOHM debate (definately NOT pointed at you!!!!)

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I am a SAHM, and my Dh doesn't work long hours right now, he has a regular 8-4:30 office job. He is gone 10 1/2 hours out of the day because of commuting, though, AND if he wasn't on salary and could work overtime and get paid for it, he would. Every once in a while he has to stay a bit late and it drives me nuts because he doesn't get anything extra for it. Right now he's kind of biding his time hoping they fire his old supervisor in the shipping dept. where he works so that he can take that job. It pays so much more than what he's making now and we really need more money. It would have some mandatory overtime.

He doesn't want me to work out of the home - and I really don't want to either. He wouldn't mind if I could find something I can do from the home though. The tricky part is finding something legit that wouldn't take me away from Andrew.

5littleladies replied: I didn't vote on the poll because I'm a SAHM but my husband doesn't work long hours. He works 7-3, Monday through Friday. We make sacrifices in order for me to stay home-We have a small house, drive a used car, etc. Dh has had the opportunity to move up in his job and make more money but that would involve him going to evenings or nights for awhile and he would see us less so unless it was absolutely neccessary we aren't willing for that to happen. So we save wherever we can.

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
My dad was a long haul truck driver until I was a teenager, and it was HARD. He was gone from sunday night until friday night every week, and I cried every time he left. Once when I was little he came home and I didn't know who he was. When he finally quit we didn't have as much money but it was still so much better - but by the time he did quit I was a stand-offish teen and we never really developed a close relationship.

coasterqueen replied:
Oh no biggie. I was just simply stating you don't have to explain anything to me because this isn't a debate or a bashing of either parties.

coasterqueen replied:
I think you missed the point about the poll. For me I was curious that if you are a SAHM whether your DH works long hours or not. Just a yes/no, but then I did go on further in my thread to say I wondered if there was any correlation between long hours and only one income.

So since he doesn't work long hours your answer would be no, I'm guessing.


I'm thinking I didn't state my poll correctly.

Maddie&EthansMom replied:
Exact same here!

5littleladies replied:
Ok-sorry. I understand now.

luvmykids replied: I'm a SAHM for many reasons,
1. DH does work all over the state and *ideally* that way we could travel with him (that was before I realized what a pain it was to pack everything up all the time!)
2. I can't get all of us ready and out the door earlier than 10am
3. We are blessed to be in the position that I can
4. It was always my dream

DH doesn't work long hours but he's out of town a lot, so it's basically the same scenario as one who does. Right now it's by choice, he's got a lot of work in this one place and we'll probably eventually move there, but we JUST moved in December and signed a year long lease. Even if we could get out of it, I don't want to move there unless/until I know it won't be a repeat of the last time we moved to the small town he was working in, away from friends and family, only for him to start work in yet another town and never be home anyway. If he's gonna be gone all the time I want to be close to my mom.

Bee_Kay replied:
LOL!!!! OMG do I read into things..... and ramble on and on

Well then...

Then my answers are no and no!!

kit_kats_mom replied: I didn't vote since we have an odd situation at home.

DH works from 6-5 M-F but as an IT guy he almost always works after the girls are in bed. Generally from 9-11 or so doing stuff remotely. He's home on time most evenings to help with the girls and he's very involved (thank god!). He also comes home for lunch most days which is nice.

He is starting to travel more with the opening of a few more offices but most of them are just one overnight once a month. Every other month he has to shuffle off to Buffalo for a few days though.

I work at home and he knows that with both girls here 24/7, I cant' get much done so he usually takes kid duty after dinner so I can work for a couple of hours. He takes them to the grocery store, park, on walks, to the free zoo (pet store) and he gives them baths and does story time most nights.

I think that if I worked outside of the home, the only differences would be that the house wouldn't stay up to my standards so we'd have to pay for a weekly cleaning service rather than a biweekly & We'd probably all be fatter since I do a lot of meal planning and I try to fix healthy stuff

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
Lol - I thought the same thing so I didn't vote either. So you're not the only one Jen, if that makes you feel better. Probably not considering we both know how my mind works.

coasterqueen replied:
OMG Cary I had to laugh at that one. That's good. Never thought of it that way.

MamaJAM replied: Yes - my DH often works long/strange hours and I'm a SAHM.

MyBlueEyedBabies replied: Dh works 8 hour days 5 days a week...strange days but that's no big deal. This year he is on days so 6:30-2:30 and he is home to open the kids doors after naps. Last year he worked swings so he would spend all morning with the kids and leave straight after lunch.
I did rescently start working from home but I do that during nap time or after bed time. and some afternoons when dh is home...It was more for extra me $ than anything else

3_call_me_mama replied:
ditto


he works 8-4 or 9-5 depending on what i need him to do Sometimes he travels but that is part of the job, not an extra. And he doesn't get paid extra to do it (well mileage but not bonus or anything) SO i'm a SAHM and he doesn't work long hours . Although he is gone a long time (teh commute is long) 7-5

CosmetologyMommy replied: I am a full time student getting ready to graduate VERY SOON(YEAH!!!!!!!) and after graduating I plan on working part time, probably 2 nights a week because I LOVE what I do and will be a sahm too. DH works from 7:30am-5:30pm and is also on call twice a month. He is a maintence HVAC tech and when someone's heat is broken he has to leave, no matter what time and fix it!

gr33n3y3z replied: I answered no
But I only work 4 1/2 hours a day from 8:30am until 1
And my kids are older the youngest is 12 and I work in her school.

But when the kids were younger and Ed worked long hours I was a stay at home Mom

~~*Missi*~~ replied: very happily a SAHM!
Can't wait to have a house full of kiddos to watch and teach.....