Is it wrong

Maddie&EthansMom wrote: For a married woman with 2 children to hang out with a newly divorced father of 2? There are frequent phone calls and playdates (with the children) several times a week.

Just wanted to know your stance on this

gr33n3y3z replied: why not
unless he trys to make a move on you then I would just stop lol

kit_kats_mom replied: I don't think it's wrong at all. In fact, I go out of my way to say Hello and be friendly to the dads that I see out with their kids during the day. There are actually more SAHD's now and I think their kids deserve playdates as much as any other kid. I've seen other mom's kind of scorn them but like Lisa said, as long as the convo stays mainly about the kids and doesn't get into "forbidden" territory, then it's fine....well, as long as the DH doesn't have a problem with it.

I might add that I come to this from a slightly different viewpoint. My favorite uncle was divorce when his kids were 10 & 13 (the wife cheated with the married pastor of the church) and the courts basically told him to pay child support but they didn't really support him in trying to maintain a relationship with his kids. He joined a group as one of the founding members to fight for fathers rights in Indianapolis. His relationship with his kids has suffered anyway but it wasn't due to his not trying.

5littleladies replied: I guess I wouldn't say it's wrong, but I do think it could be dangerous. It really depends on the people and the circumstances. I couldn't personally do it-I have a tendency to get too involved in situations involving people of the opposite sex, but I guess someone else could. If he is newly divorced, I would be concerned with his need to fill a void and it happening in a wrong way. I don't know, I guess in general, I probably wouldn't do it.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: This isn't me, btw. It's a very close friend of mine. I'm pretty sure she has a crush on this guy, but he is about 6 or 7 years younger than she. She would never be so foolish to pursue it in anyway, but I think she loves the attention she is getting from him. Her DH is gone a lot...he travels. And some of the comments she has made to me lately just have me a bit concerned. She's changed a lot, but maybe this is good for her. When I talk to her she speaks of him more than she mentions her DH and children. The kids are always around when they are together...at least I think they are.

I don't know...it's just kind of been nagging at me lately and I can't put my finger on it. I'm trying to stay out of it. I don't ask questions and I'm not being judgemental b/c I want to be a friend...I just wanted some more opinions....maybe I'm being too square. I tend to be that way sometimes.

Maddie&EthansMom replied:
Yeah, I'm the exact same way and I tend to think it's playing with fire. This seems very out of character for her personality, too. She's just not a real outgoing or friendly person at first, kwim? It takes awhile for her to warm up to you.

gr33n3y3z replied: Oh in that case heck no its not a good idea at all bc she is looking for something and so is he thats bad news

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Yeah, by the way she talks she's already emotionally invested in this relationship. She's never denied it, either. And her DH is not comfortable with the situation...but that's a whole other story in itself.

What a mess. Should I stay out of it? I'm not one to confront people on these kinds of things.

MommyToAshley replied:
I was going to say the same thing.

gr33n3y3z replied: yeah its best you stay out of it and let her hubby deal with it
Its sad

MommyToAshley replied:
I would probably stay out of it. It sounds like she knows what she is doing and knows it is wrong, but probably doesn't want to hear that from someone else. I would probably tell her that you don't want to know the details of her relationship with him unless she wants to hear your opinion about the relationship. But...that's just me.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Thanks guys for the input. I had a feeling I should just let it go and not say anything. Afterall, I'm not responsible for her actions. I don't know why it was bugging me so much.

MommyToAshley replied:
I understand why you would be conflicted. On one hand,she is your friend and you want to keep her from making a mistake. But, then I can see how you would be the one getting hurt in the end if you get involved. Not a fun situation to be in.

ZandersMama replied: hmmmm tricky. even with good intentions, when two people are feeling lonely........................ not a good situation me thinks.

Boo&BugsMom replied: If it were my friend I would be honest and tell her to stop getting together with him. If you at least tell her what you think, then you at least know you tried instead of not trying at all and then wondering down the line "what if I...". I think a good friend would talk to her. I'm not shy about telling the truth. I think the truth needs to be told that what she is doing is not right. If it did'nt involve any feelings, that would be different, but she is deliberately having an emotional affair, regardless if it gets "physical" or not. AND, if her hubby is against it, then it's really wrong of her not to consider his feelings. It's a recipe for disaster, and it's not fair to THE CHILDREN involved if something were to come of it. I can't stand it when people don't take their marriage seriously...and people wonder why this world is the way it is...lack of morals. I'll get off my soapbox now...

luvmykids replied: We have a dear family friend (male) recently divorced, our kids are close and his is like family. BUT I'm pretty careful about the situations we are in together, for one I wouldn't want to cause anyone to question the relationship, and two, I think even a "friendly" intimacy is wrong in those situations and it can happen so quickly you don't see it coming.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
ITA with Dee Dee here. Your friend sounds like she totally knows what she's up to. She is obviously letting flattery get the best of her, which I have to admit, we've all BTDT...at least I know I have. But some of us are smart and know how to get out before it goes too far. She apparently hasn't figured that out yet! And personally, I don't think you should tell her unless she asks, kwim? Does she ask your opinion about it all?? If so, tell her the truth and then let it go. Good luck...that's tough.

I think it's always good to be honest, but you just have to be careful that your honesty doesn't come off as more of a judgement, kwim? I have guy friends which DH doesn't think twice about...but my best friend thinks it's completely wrong to have male friends when you're married. So in this case, I feel like she's judging me more than just offering her opinion. Does that make sense? So just be careful.

A&A'smommy replied: here is my point of view coming from a little experience (very little) when you don't get much attention at home (even if its just because he is gone) its VERY hard to not be depressed a lot (and you may not have EVER noticed it before not because you don't know her or whatever but because it CAN be hidden) and not REALLY want something or someone to fill the void now I will definitly say she is going the WAY WRONG with it, but what I'm trying to say she is probably feeling VERY good about her self and starting to feel that "spark" again. I think maybe you should ask her how she is REALLY doing lately and see if she opens up to you and will allow you to give her some advice or some sympathy or both just let her know you care about her and maybe talk her into talking to her husband about it... now I could be totally off but that is what it sounds like to me.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Married woman here. One of my good friends is a male who is in the middle of a fairly nasty divorce. I do like to get together with him, we meet at Artic Circle and let the kids play on the playground and catch up. While I think he's a cutie and I love talking with him, that is as far as it will go. The both of us have been cheated on and know how it feels so even if the interest was there it wouldn't happen.
However, I do feel as if your friend may be in over her head. But I think you should probably keep your distance from the issue. She isn't ready to hear anything that she's doing wrong.

Boo&BugsMom replied: I just want to add that when it's a common sense issue (possibly cheating, feelings for someone else, etc.)...it is not judging when you open your mouth about it. If there were not any feelings involved, I'd say it wouldn't hurt, but the fact that she has obvious feelings that are WRONG, someone needs to point her in the right and MORAL direction.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Thank you, Jennie. I appreciate your input. I haven't spoken to her in a few days, but next time I speak with her I'm going to jokingly ask her if she has developed a crush on him (if she mentions him in the same way she has been). I will see what she says and if she gets embarassed or fumbles. And I will simply tell her to 'be careful'. I think that would say enough. She's definitely leaning on him for comfort, reassurance, etc and I think that is wrong. I think that is our husband's job (or maybe a close girlfriend) But like I said, she is playing with fire.

Our Lil' Family replied: Yeah I definitely think she's looking to him for what her husband isn't around to give her, and I don't mean sexually. For woman it's all about emotion, we all know that. That being said I think that it's wrong. If it was me and it was a good friend I'd definitely caution her and leave it at that. It sounds like her DH knows so she'll probably be questioned by him, unless there's more to this story. Anyway, good luck with it, I hope you can find a good way to pass on to her what is on your heart.

Oh, and the reason it's been bothering you is because you know it's not right and she's your friend......you're a good friend for caring!

Boo&BugsMom replied: I also have a great friend who happens to be male. He has been one of my best friends since high school. He is married, although lately his marriage seems to be going through some struggling times. Do we get together for coffee, etc? Sure, when he's in town, even a few times without my husband (gasp!). Do I have feelings outside of our friendship? NO! There is the difference, right there. If anyone has "feelings" for someone outside of their spouse, it will turn into nothing but disaster if the relationship continues. Even the most God-fearing moral individual can go stray, but it's up to that individual to use their common sense and judgement and put their marriage above anyone else. Lust (which is what this is) can be powerful, and if left alone for the evil powers that be, it can be disasterous!