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I'm so angry at him right now - Long, long vent.


coasterqueen wrote: I am just so friggin' angry at my husband now I just want to kick him out the door. sad.gif

It started when he was invited to a bachelor party out of town for this past weekend. Ok, I REALLY didn't want him to go because things have been rough around here and I was afraid not to have someone here in case I couldn't handle Megan in the middle of the night, BUT I told him he should go. Of course he really wanted to go too. So that's the beginning of things. He was to leave Saturday mid morning and be home late Sunday. Ok, well Friday night Megan was in so much pain and screaming non-stop all night long and I finally lost it and had to wake him up. He sat with Megan for ONE hour til she fell asleep and brought her to bed with me. Well she was up several more times with me after that. Then at 6 am when Kylie woke up instead of taking her into the living room so I could get some sleep he let her sit on the bedroom floor watching cartoon, which she jumped all over me. I got upset at him and he was like "what, I'm trying to sleep, I didn't get much last night". UMMMMM, what about me????

So then he gets back from this little long distance party yesterday. He doesn't say anything to me like "how did you all do" or "were you up all night" or anything. I finally asked him how his trip was and he told me it was fun and what they did. What they did made me even more upset. He promised he would not go to the strip clubs. I don't mind them usually but recently I've been down and I just didn't want him to go because yes it would make me jealous right now. He said he wouldn't he'd just go to the casinos instead. So I gave me 1/2 of my spending money since he was going to stay at the casino so he had more money to gamble. WELL he did go to the clubs. When I asked him why he didn't really respond with anything and he said that I was just jealous and that all he did was look at pretty naked woman, what man wouldn't. sad.gif

THEN last night he was cooking Kylie some dinner while I was feeding Megan. He apparently let Kylie pick out a can in the cabinet and let her hold it (which I never let her do because she's so clumsy, bless her heart, I didn't want her to drop it on her foot). WELL she dropped the can on her big toe and it immediately turned black and blue. Kylie was in so much pain. I told DH we should take her to the hospital to get it x-rayed but he thought that was obsurd. He just didn't want to spend all night there because he only had 6 hours of sleep the night before..he didn't want to lose anymore. So of course he SAYS he was up all night with Kylie, which I don't believe because I literally was up all night with Megan and I only heard him get up once. So he took off of work so he could sleep in since he was up all night. HUH? Sleep in??? What's that?? So he takes off of work to sleep in while I've been up since 11:30 pm last night with no sleep at all. I'm sitting her now STILL trying to get Megan to sleep (she's in her swing for the moment).

I have tried talking with him telling him how insensitive he's being to me. He was never like this with Kylie. He just tells me he's not, but if it will make me shut up he'll try harder. dry.gif Yeah, he tries as long as it doesn't affect his sleep. Don't get me wrong he'll get up when I need him but he'll make sure he gets the sleep he missed somehow. Doesn't he understand I'm not getting any? Doesn't he see the horrible bags under my eyes? I don't get to sleep during the day when Megan does sleep because Kylie is either awake or I have to do my work for my job and he knows that.

I just really really hate him so much right now I just want to change the locks before he gets home. I never thought I'd feel this way becuz I always said there was a way to work things out. There's more than just this going on but this seems to be the icing on the cake for me. I'm just so tired of him when I tell him how I feel and he says "I'm not acting that way or not making you feel that way" like I'm stupid and don't really feel that way.

Sorry I just needed to vent. I swear there is more drama in my life than I ever really bargained for. sad.gif

mammag replied: Oh Karen, I'm soooo sorry you are going through this. I wish I could say something that would make it all better.

It's crazy because as far as women have come some men (most that I know of) just don't get it. I dont know any better way to say it than that. They just don't know what we do....I mean, they know but it doesn't seem to register in their brains somehow. It makes you want to just shake them and say "do you see what I'm going through? Do you care that I'm physically and mentally exhausted?" Maybe you should sit and talk to him and let him know the extent of what it is doing to your feelings for him. Men don't realize that sometimes their lack of consideration and empathy affects the relationship.

I hope things settle down with Megan soon so you can get your rest and hopefully be able to deal with the relationship when you are less stresed. grouphug.gif grouphug.gif grouphug.gif

TANNER'S MOM replied: Awww Karen.. I am sooo sorry. I am telling you marriage and babies are hard work. I too have felt this way.

Two babies are hard to manage, it is different then one. And with Megan your nerves are stretched. Don't feel bad and guilty we all have these feelings. I can remember sitting and crying when my babies wouldn't shut up.. I know shut up isn't nice but it was how I felt.

My ex DH slept and he never got up. I remember one time I called my Dad at 2 in the morning and he came and danced and rocked my baby as I cried and DH slept..

I just want you to know that a colicky baby does really take it out of you. And I understand your feelings. DH does need to step up alittle bit. And you need to take a few minute to yourself and decompress. I know that it is hard. But make him watch the kids of an evening and go for a short walk. Just to decompress and clear your mind.

I am feeling for you.. I have been there. And those dang DH's dont get it sometimes! lol

Love Ya and it will get better..

Mel

Boys r us replied: I'm sorry things are going so rough for you!!!
We all need a break in the beginning, especially when there are TWO kids.
I know when B was born, we sort of went round and round with that issue for the first couple of weeks. Then we decided to take rotating nights on the weekends and while I was off on maternity leave for the first 3 months, I got up during the night on weeknights. Then when I went back to work, we implemented rotating shifts each night so that neither of us would be up all night.

As for the strip club, I no this is no conselation for you, but he probably felt pressured by his friends to go do what everone else was doing....I know he's a grown up and should have stood strong to what the two of you agreed on..and I also understand how it makes you feel right now, where as, 6 months from now when you haven't just had a baby and aren't feeling out of sorts with your image, it might not bother you. A similar situation happened with Rick and I. I mean I had paid for lap dances from him before, but after I had Brae, he went to a bachelor party and got a lap dance and I was livid, he didn't understand why..since I'd let him do it before. Men just don't think the way we do.

I'm sure ya'll will get this all worked out soon!!! (((HUGS)))

DansMom replied: Big, gigantic hugs, Karen! grouphug.gif There's a lot going on. He's being an insensitive, self-centered jerk, and you're exhausted and possibly have baby blues on top of that. The combo is just really bad. It's got to be a stressful time for both of you, and instead of supporting each other and communicating and listening, you're kind of going to your separate corners. Or at least he is going to his corner (sounds like you're trying harder than he is---it bugs me that he's discounting and invalidating your feelings and being passive aggressive about getting his needs met). I really have been there, though not with the added stress of a second baby. You both need to de-stress somehow. You especially need some sleep. Maybe if you say something like "we're both just so exhausted and it's hard to be there for each other", in some way opening the door to mutual recognition of the difficulties you share, then he might soften up a bit and be less defensive. I'm sorry you're going through this.

ian'smommy replied: So sorry to hear that. I certainly understand why you would be upset. Some of what you say sure sounds familiar. My DH tried to catch up on sleep when he is tired. He refuses to get up in the night with Ian if he has to work in the morning, which to a point I understand. He is gone 11 hours a day and is on his feet the whole time at work. That can be tiring. But I get tired too. I may not leave the house to work, but I work around here, whether I'm healthy or sick. When he is sick he gets a sick day to recoup. Us women don't. One day he came home from work when I had a horrible cold. I was miserable. He was tired from a busy day but my head was killing me and I asked if he could make supper for me so that I wouldn't feel lightheaded in front of the stove. He said he'd rather not because he was tired. dry.gif Well guess who ended up fixing it? I was so upset. When he is sick he expects to be catered to, but when I was feeling horrible, he couldn't make a small sacrifice to make a simple dinner. It always seems like he is watching out for how he feels and forgets that I need a break on occasion too. He will come home from work and nap on the couch. I ask him to please not do that. I tell him I know he's tired but Ian hasn't seen him all day. I don't want his memories to be of daddy sleeping all the time and not spending time with him. I said I can't sleep every time I feel like it when I'm tired. He says, "yes you can, you just choose to read instead". dry.gif When Ian isn't sleeping I don't sleep. I CAN'T sleep... Not through the sounds of him playing. And even if that wasn't the problem, I would be afraid that something would happen to him. I will only nap during the day if Ian does. That is rare anymore. And of course, DH says that is my choice. It's so frustrating. We only have Ian right now but DH wants another baby. I actually turned and said, are you insane? Withthe problems we are having and how busy and isolated I feel already, that will only make things worse. We have so many things to resolve before I can handle another baby. I don't feel like I get enough help with Ian as it is... To not get enough help with 2? I think I'd snap.
Anyway, as usual, this turned into my own vent. But I wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in the fact that your DH thinks about how he's feeling and forgets about you. When I pointed that out to my DH he said, "so because you don't get to do certain things, I should do without the same things?" Well, yes on occasion. It'll show a little compassion I think. I sure hope things get better for you. grouphug.gif

JAYMESMOM replied: I am so sorry you are going thru this and beside the colicky baby - I know what you mean. But the one thing I have realized is simply - men don't get it!!! I have had to stick my foot down many times to get him to do something. It is not that my DH won't he just assumes I am fine and will do what ever needs to be done.

You need to hand him your children and go out. He may get angry and p/o but he will get over it. You defintely need to take time for yourself. I don't care if you go to a friends/relatives and take a nap.

You are going to wear yourself out and then you will be of no use to yourself.

Men's idea of being up all night - is not women's.


Defintely sit down with him and have a talk about what your roles need to be. He needs realize that as a SAHM of two (one having colic) you are under a lot of stress. Set a time for you to get away or sleep in. My husband and I have a rule - the first one up in the AM gets a nap - the other does not. Plain and simple - usually he chooses to sleep in the extra hour or two. I then take a 3 hour nap. It is hard sometimes knowing there is housework, homework, etc but I know I have worked hard all week - in the middle of the night - last to bed, first one up that I deserve the break. The house may be trashed when i get up but I make him clean up his mess. (Yes I nag him till he does it)

Men are like children - they have to be made aware of things that need to be done. They don't go looking for it.

I hope you can get some sleep and that the kids will give you a great day today and take lots and lots of naps. And still go to bed early.

kit_kats_mom replied: Karen, I really wish I lived closer so I could smack some sense into that DH of yours. It sounds like he's just not being very understanding. I agree with Tracy about possible baby blues too. You really need a break and he needs to step up.

A colicky baby, high needs toddler, trying to work part time etc would take their toll on anyone, even someone with a ton of support from their DH.

I can totally understand your anger about the strip club too. It's really hard to take Dh looking at other women when you are not feeling your best (I personally find it disrespectful even when I'm feeling super sexy but that's another story). He is just not taking your feelings or well being into consideration and he's going to get a rude awakining when you end up hospitalized with exhaustion and/or a nervous breakdown.

Stories like this really make me appreciate my DH.

A&A'smommy replied: You poor thing I feel horribel for you if I could I would come stay with you and I would stay up with Megan while you got some sleep!!

I REALLY hope that your dh starts being more sensitive towards you, this is a ROUGH time for you right now (((((BIG HUGS))))) I wish I had some advice for you sad.gif

moped replied: I am so sorry - this is not what you need right now Karen - men jsut don't have a clue how hard it is for us............................SORRY

amynicole21 replied: Karen, I'm so sorry he's being like this. What a jerk sad.gif You really need to get some rest, and he's not doing anything for you. Yelling isn't doing anything anymore - it sounds like you need to try something else. If it were me I would force the issue of sleeping by saying, "your turn, I'm going to bed and will not get out for another 3 hours. Deal with it." But, maybe that's not the best thing to do... I wish I had some advice, but I'm just as tired as you are these days. sad.gif Hang in there, sweetie!

kimberley replied: grouphug.gif grouphug.gif grouphug.gif i am sorry he is being such a selfish jerk. hang in there hon.


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