I'm not sure what to think of this...
mummy2girls wrote: So Aron called... We were talking about child support and he says i should only have to give you 100 a month because of your raise and now that your married. I said... well by law you have to pay child support until Jenna is 18 yrs old not matter if im married or not. Or you give up all rights to Jenna and let marcus adopt her then you dont have to pay anything again. He said Im not giving up rights... well actually fi you gusy are serious i will be more then willing to sit down and talk about it. A big part of me is saying do it, ask him. but a part of me is saying well shouldnt that be Jenna's choice? But with what aron is doing right now and into im not sure if jenna should choose at this age. So a part of me is saying wait until she is old enough to understand and let her choose...
lisar replied: Thats a tough decision. I am not sure about that. My situation is completely different. I am not sure what I would do in yours.
Its harder because Jenna actually knows him.
mummy2girls replied:
yes i know. And my thing si and has always been.. she has every right to be a part of her daddy's life. and see him and so on. I have no right to interfere with that UNLESS something happens that amkes jenna in harm. So thats why its hard for me to make that choiuce as that should be jennas. I am at a loss
lisar replied:
I think that right now with his situation you can stop him from putting her in harms way by not letting him see her and things like that. As far as the adoption goes, you cant do it without his consent. (well here you cant I dont know about the laws where your at)
If it were me, I would wait a few years and let Jenna make that decision. Either way Aaron is always gona be her father. And she knows that he is her dad. If you do it now Jenna could hate you later for it especially because she knows him.
And this is just my opinion.
When I was asking about the adoption with Lexi on here, I got alot of negative things said that were hurtful to me on here. Just to warn you.
mummy2girls replied:
i see what you mean and i think that is what is holding me back... I want jenna to make this descion ... Yes you need his consent here too... i want jenna to make the descion in if she wants to be a part of his life or not...
cameragirl21 replied:
Just wanted to say that I'm sorry if anyone said anything hurtful to you about this because obviously you are doing the best you can for your daughter. If her biological father won't even meet her and if I recall correctly, you had said that you tried repeatedly to get him to meet her then why can't Lexi have a dad in your DH? Just don't see why people would have a problem with that.
My take on this matter is pretty simple and maybe too simplistic so take it for what it is--the way I see it, if a parent is willing to sign off on his/her rights or is even willing to entertain the idea, then s/he is not 100% on board with being a parent therefore the decision is already made, at least somewhat. If Jenna's dad is willing to sign off his rights to her then it's never really going to be Jenna's decision because her dad already made that decision, kwim?
mummy2girls replied:
i agree. my thing that im worried about is this... I give up the rights and when jenna is old enough to understand she will hate me for doing so. But if i let jenna decide then she is the one making the descion to have marcus more of a dad to her then aron. yes aron pretty much will make the decsion on it but i think jenna needs to make it as well. Marcus is and has been more of a dad to her then aron. and marcus has only known jenna for 2 years. Its hard:(
cameragirl21 replied:
If Aron wants to sign away his rights then the decision is made, unfortunately. Personally, and it's hard for me to say what I'd do in your place because I'm not in it but I think I'd probably want Marcus to adopt her because it seems Aron may be inclined to get into trouble that may put Jenna in danger. I'd ask him, though, if he still wants to hear from her and meet her when she's older because the fact that he's her bio dad will never change and signing away his rights today does not mean that in the future, if he and Jenna both want that they can't have some kind of relationship.
luvbug00 replied: First of all i'm a little confused.
If he said it in a passing whim i wouldn't take it too litterly. He may just be having a moment of fusteration about the money. He may take it back later. May never sign off on it. I would just leave it be. If he mentions it again, make him aware of what it means in full. Don't push it. If it is somthing he wants to do for real, he will say to you on his own that he wants the adoption to go forward. I do think it is unfair for you to say to him well "if you don't want to pay then give her up."( i get that he can be fusterating, Brad has been the worst with child support in the past and no the brightest when it comes to parenting ) This shouldn't be up to Jenna and it would be very unfair to put her in that position. If you want her to resent you then that is a sure way to do it, she'll blame you for making her choose. ( i was warned about putting mya in that position durring our coustody thing, concerning who she would live with and told NOT to do it.) IMO in all seriousness this needs to come from Aaron to let go of His rights, his daughter.
mummy2girls replied:
no you read my post wrong and i probably wasnt too exact on my owrds either or made sense as i was telling teh short version...... I am not going to go up to jenna and say do you want marcus to adopt you. I want jenna to come to me on her own and say i want nothing to do with aron i want marcus my dad.. I know she will resent me if i did it the other way. And he didn't say it in a whim or passing.. and i didn't either. and i didn't ask him. This is how it went( i should of been more specific...oops) ... Why do i have to pay you 300 shelly why not 100 expecially because you make alot more than me now and i am struggling with my bills. I said even though i am married or not you are legally responsible to her financially until she is 18. he said well then ill give up my rights and marcus can adopt so i dont have to pay. exactly aron that is what will happen, if you give up all rights you dont have to pay. I dont want to give up my rights i was kidding, actually shelly if you guys are seriously wanting it i will be willing to sit down and discuss it. And its more than frustration of what he has been liek and child support, He now has an addiction to crack, pot and other forms of drugs. he has been interrogated by the police and detectives because the dealers or whoever he owes money too said if he doesn't pay up they go after his kids... YOU RISK JENNA'S LIFE you don't see her!!!! plain and simple! And he confessed that he has been dealing drugs and supposedly stopped though. he was selling hard core drugs too. So that is not what jenna needs in her life BUT again i want her to make the desicion that she doesn't want aron in her life. Ill never ask her or bring it up to her ever! My sisters girl has a bio father that is the exact as aron, selled and used and he became nasty so it took until my niece was 10 when she walked up to my sister and said i dont want anything to do with my dad jason( her step dad) is my dad! my sister didnt ask her ever if she wanted that, she continued the visits and such my niece found out on her own and that is now the past.
Crystalina replied: I think you should take it into consideration but not without consulting her on it. And even then she may not understand what she's agreeing to either way. I would just tell him if he refuses to pay he'll be going to court. Let them decide. Then, years from now if he still wants to give up rights she will be more able to understand just what he's wanting.
lisar replied: Shelly you will make the right decision either way it goes. Your a good Mom, and you will do what is best for Jenna.
A&A'smommy replied: I'm sorry you guys are dealing with this!!
mummy2girls replied:
im not goign to straight out ask her I want her to make the descion on her own!
luvbug00 replied: ohhh I see.... ok, well then just report him if he doesn't pay or if he is stuiped enought to come to visit high. which i think is the most likely senerio and with his visitation so limited right now i bet they'd pull his contact compleately, the he will probaly offer up his rights.
I'm sorry your going threw this nonsence he keeps shelling out to you.
Nina J replied: Its a tough situation.
IMO, if Aron can throw that comment out there (about giving up his rights to Jenna), it is clear who would be the better 'father' for her; Marcus. There is no changing who her biological father is, but there is much more to being a dad than just providing genetics. I can say with 100% certainty that Chris would never even mention giving up the rights to our children, no matter if he had to pay $1,000,000 a month to be their father.
I am sure Aron loves Jenna, but I can't help but feel a little shocked that he would even consider the possibility of giving up his rights to his own child.
Aron seems to have a lot going on in his life, and Jenna is quite young. She knows him, too. Plus, in 10 years Aron might have changed. I would be hesitant to allow him to give up his rights because you don't know what is going to happen in the future.
Good luck, though.
mckayleesmom replied: Honestly....if my childs father was into drugs and putting his own life in danger as well as my childs...I would take him up on his offer. Just because Marcus adopts Jenna doesn't mean that Aron isn't her dad and he couldn't have a relationship with her in the future when he is at a better place in his life.
This way I would have complete control over wether or not he see's her based on his lifestyle at the time.
I don't think that you can ever just cut him out of Jenna's life because she is old enough to know who her daddy is, but I would jump at the chance to have full rights to her so that I had piece of mind and the ability to stop contact at times when he isn't at his best.
Insanemomof3 replied:
At the same time though, if you DO allow Marcus to adopt her and Aron gives up his rights, Jenna will still have a decision to make later in life. She can choose later to allow Aron in her life. The decision really goes either way. You need to do what is best for Jenna. She will love you no matter what as long as you are honest with her.
luvbug00 replied: I was thinking more about this last night..
i'm in compleate agreement with this statement.
Also i was thinking she is a child, every child has moments of anger or somthing tward their parents where they say they hate them or never want to see them again. What if she does say it one day and doesn't truely mean it. Mya is 8 and tells me all the time how she hates to go to her dads house and is only there for tyler and her hermit crab. If he had offered the same to me i still wouldn't take him up on it .
Mya and Jenna are children and are not capable of making such a big desision at their ages. In our state when a child turns 13 they can say i want to stay home and they are not legaly obligated to go for visitation. When Jenna hits that age and starts to express no interest in seeing her father is when the topic might be returned to conversation. until then it is just too risky to persue IMO.
mummy2girls replied:
yes that is what i am tryign to get at but it just doesnt seem to be getting through... I am not goign to ask her now or pursue it at this age BUT if she at age 11 or older says this then yes i will do what she wants. Its her descion on what she wants with her dad not mine. Who am i to make that desicion. I was going to but i know its wrong and I know she needs to make it. Im not going to sit down at age 11 and say ok jenna do you want aron in your life? I want her to go up to me and say she doesnt... heck she even is telling me now lately she doesnt want daddy to come over to see her. I think she is too young to make that choice... But because of thsi whole drug thng now and her in danger he cant see her until i know everything is ok. he can call but thats it. Anyone can call em a bad momf or doing this but to be honest i am not and i am doign this for jennas safety.
luvbug00 replied: First I don't think anyone is calling you a bad mom. You are obviously very passionate about your family and their safty.
Again i hope he cleans up his act. Stay strong
mummy2girls replied:
oh i know no one did. i just thought i would throw that statement out before someone does because i sense it coming soon
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