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I need some parenting tips...... - please!!? (kind of long)


Farelle wrote: So we checked out another pre-school today and while talking to the director, she made me feel like I had just won the "lousy parent award"...ugh! sad.gif
We were discussing Andrew's reluctance to follow directions. I strongly believe that he IS listening to what I tell him (bc he sure can repeat "the rules" back to me; no hitting, no spitting, no pushing, etc) but he just DOES not do what I ask when I ask. For instance...we went to get pumpkins yesterday and when we went into the little farm stand/store at the place I told him before we walked in NOT TO TOUCH things. No sooner are we in the door that the little one (his brother) starts re-arranging all the apples to his liking.....Grrr! But he's 1-1/2. I tell not them both not to do it and he just keeps right on doing it........ growl.gif So then I physically take them both away from the apples and then it's touch touch TOUCH!! Everything in the store. Not that there was anything so important in there, although there were a couple of glass item, which he DID pick up, but to me, no touch means NO TOUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! growl.gif After 2-3 times I took him by the hand and outside and got right down and in his face and re-explained to him NOT TO TOUCH!!!!!!!! I followed it up with a if we go back in there and you do it again, we're leaving the pumpkins here. So back in we went and he was better about the touching but then we had another issue.....which I won't even go into.
But here's my problem. I just don't know what to do when he doesn't listen to me. I've tried time-outs', but how often do I do that? EVERY time he doesn't listen to ANYthing I ask? Or just when it's something really important? If it's anytime then he's going to be in a time-out ALL day long. I've tried the 1-2-3....which sometimes actually works, but other times I say 1 and he says 2...... growl.gif , like it's a joke. I've tried yelling (not my favorite) and being as patient as I can be. I talk to him all the time about his behavior and why he should do the things I ask him. Sometimes he listens very well during our talks and sometimes he doesn't listen at all.
I know it's partly the age, we skipped the terrible 2's and went righ to HORRIFIC 3's.
Sorry, that was soooooooo long. But if anyone can suggest a more effective way to get him to do what I am asking, I am all ears!!
Thanks!! Thanks!!! Thanks!!!

moped replied: I find the 3's much more difficult than 2 for sure - and I don't think any 3 year old child listens no matter what. I have learned to pick my battles because if I didn't it would be a struggle all day long. Important listening things get actions, but the other things I have to decide fast if it is worht it to me and him!

I know it is hard some days, but they are jsut testing boundaries and seeing what they can and can't get away with.

My best advice is if you say you are going to do soemthing - do it! If you touch the apples one more time we are leaving - if he does touch, then you leave. You get my drift? Consistency is key, it might take a while but eventually he will know you mean business!

hug.gif hug.gif

PrairieMom replied: If you can find a way to make your child listen, please please let me know.
I feel your pain. I think that children at this age just don't obey, no matter what. Ben is the exact same way.
I can't get him to do a single thing I ask him to. banghead.gif banghead.gif banghead.gif banghead.gif banghead.gif banghead.gif banghead.gif
A few tricks I have tried are, after asking him to clean up his toys at least 10 times, and being ignored, I threatened him that if I had to ask him again, I was going to get the garbage bag and put his toys in it to give to another child that would take care of them, then when he ignored me I went and got the garbage bag. He sure started movin when he saw me coming with it! rolling_smile.gif One of these days tho he is gonna call my bluff, and I will have a whole sack of stuff that I will make him take to the good will. It will rock his world, but I can't back down then expect him to take me seriously. sleep.gif

The other thing is I will give him a piece of gum when we enter a store. (he LOVES gum) the rule is you have to behave, keep your hands to your self, no begging for toys, no wining. and no extra chances. the first time the rule gets broken, the gum gets spit out. He usually does pretty good with that.

gr33n3y3z replied:
I agree
Consistency is the key to little ones period.

Boo&BugsMom replied: One question and one peice of advice. Question...do you follow through with your punishments? That is SUPER important. Even if the consequence seems harsh, follow through or they wont take you seriously. Advice...when setting rules make the rules out by telling them WHAT to do, not "not" what to do. Example...instead of saying "do not touch", tell them "keep your hands to yourself" or "keep your hands at your sides". Children are more responsive to rules that tell them what to do and what is expected of them, aside from what is not expected. Make sense? Also, make sure you praise them when they are good, and most importantly stay calm. Kids are going to test...over, and over, and over. And they will do things for negative attention, which is why it's important to praise them when they are good so they will seek out the positive attention. hug.gif

ETA: and I agree with Jen...3's are the hardest and way worse. Forget the terrible two's...more like the terrbile three's.

CantWait replied:
I tried that garbage bag one Tara and it so didn't work... growl.gif growl.gif mad.gif

Let me tell ya, 4's are a little better then 2 and 3, but not much.

Hang in there. hug.gif hug.gif

PrairieMom replied:
really? did you actually carry it out to the end and take the stuff to the good will?
I know that day will come, and I can just imagine the breakdown he will have as he is taking his bag of toys out of the van and leaving them at the drop off. It breaks my heart just to think about it.

luvmykids replied:
It works here. Only had to do it once wink.gif

Ditto to everyone else, three is a HARD age and consistency is everything. DO NOT make statements you are not willing to make good on. Hang in there, this too shall pass, but you definitely have to buckle down now or four won't be any better wacko.gif

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
I agree to this. Instead of telling him what not to do, tell him what he can do. For example, instead of telling Wil "Don't run" when he is near a pool, I say "walk please". Somehow it gets their attention. Probably because our tone is more uplifting, like they are doing something good instead of being bad. It's not easy. I find myself yelling a lot of the time and I hate that. But if I catch myself, get down to their level, talk in a "I'm in control, I'm relaxed" voice, my kids seem to listen a little more.

Farelle replied: To answer your question....ugh......I KNOW that I sometimes don't follow through on things. I have to set my rules for him and when I am going to use a punishment and stick with it!!!! It's just so hard sometimes bc I feel like some days he would just be in an ALL day time-out. I will definitely try telling him WHAT to do rather than what not to do.....maybe that will work. We did ok today I tried my best to keep my cool....but it's sooooooooooo hard!! On top of the not listening he is just such a big whiner and still cries soooooooooo much!!!! I really have absolutely NO patience for that at all anymore. I can't even think of a "happy place" to go to when that starts! Does anyone else's kids whine? It's maddening. I think even the most patient parent would go bonkers! wacko.gif I don't know how ot get the to stop either?? I've tried over and over to tell him just to ask for help or to use words instead of crying but the crying and whining goes on and on and on and on........ bawling.gif
My friend told me that her daughter was a completely different kid when she turned 4 (for the better) so if I can just hang in there for the next 6 months...... emlaugh.gif

Boo&BugsMom replied:
When he whines just say "I can't understand you when you whine, please talk to me like a big boy". It wont stop it completely, that is something they have to grow out of, but it will lessen if you get him to understand you wont listen or talk when he whines.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I completely agree with whoeer said to tell them positiely instead of negatively.

The subcionscious doesn't really register the negative anyways... so do not touch becomes do touch... lol

We don't use No a lot around here...and the kids know that when we DO use No, it's pretty serious.

Consistency is key. Take him places when you have a bit of time to kill.,... set the rules - walking, hands to yourself, etc... and the minute he breaks them, tell him that the minute he breaks another one, there will be a consequence. Have him hae a time out in a corner. I'd say then you can leave... but my 5 year old has learned that if he wants to leave somewhere, he pitches a fit... so now I just take him to the bathroom, and we keep on trucking after he's done with his fit. rolleyes.gif

indywndy_04 replied: My belief is this.....the kids do not know the difference between 'important' things said and 'not important' so I feel that you have to give the same rule for any and all things he does not listen to. I would put him in timeout each time until he starts to get it, he will start going in there less and less. (I love Nanny 911). That is what she does, BUT she also does the cute little chart that gives them stickers for things they DO right and you can never ever take away those things that are done right. They get rewarded and it stays...even if 2 seconds later he does something wrong...never take away from the reward chart but face what he did wrong with a time out. It will take time, but it DOES work!

Best of luck!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Wil is a huge whiner and cries at just about everything. If he can't get his shoes on by himself, he whines and throws a fit. If I try and help, he whines. If I don't help, he whines. It's never a win win. So I really have no answer to this issue. It's part of being 3, I think. Whoever came up with the term "terrible two's" was so wrong, three is definitely worse in our house! rolleyes.gif

hug.gif Hang in there. hug.gif

moped replied: I have always ignored whining and honestly Jack doesn't whine anymore because knows it will get him nowhere - if it is petty whining I will imitate him and that drives him batty - LOL.....but serious whining gets him nowhere with me!!!!!!


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