I just need some encouragement

kit_kats_mom wrote: Ok, I'm going to sound horrible saying this...I am beginning to resent being Katherine's pacifier.

I can't get this child to sleep without nursing her, she won't sleep at daycare so I have to pick her up early so she will take a nap. Otherwise she is unbearable for the rest of the day. If I am able to get her to sleep, I can't steal away. The minute I pull the nipple away, she wakes up fussing. I've tried the Pantley Pull Off to no avail. This means that my work is suffering.

I can't get anything done. I feel like she is just attached to my boob all the freaking time. I also feel like a terrible mom for saying that but I think it has it's roots in the fact that she is so tiny and all the nursing we've been doing has not "fattened her up". I had originally intended to nurse her until she is 2 but something has got to give. She's one and I keep expecting her to lessen her need to nurse and want more solids, but she doesn't. I have tried to withhold the num nums from her so that she will eat some solids but she just screams bloody murder, pitches her food aside until I get so angry I just nurse her to shut her up & save my nerves.

I don't really want her to wean, I do enjoy most of our nursing sessions but comon kid, 14 times a day? That's just ridiculious...isn't it?? Is she just a wierdo boobie addict? I know that some of it must be comfort, and I'm happy to be able to comfort her, but just holding her doesn't cut it, she must have the boobie. She tears at my shirt and asks for num-nums then pitches a fit if I don't give in.

Here is a typical day for us. I've compiled this from her "food journal" that I've been keeping to see how much she is eating. By the way, she won't drink anything but ice water from a sippy cup. She usually finishes one small sippy cup of water per day. She never just chugs it though. I've tried milk, soy milk, flavored milk, pedia-sure, juice (diluted and not), melted hagen daaz & carbonated flavored water.
7 am nurse 20 minutes go back to sleep (stay attached) nurse off & on until 9. I of course can't sleep with her attached so i just read in bed until the rest of the house wakes up.
9 am wake up.
between 9am and 8pm: 3 baby goldfish crackers, 2 cheerios (spit one out), 1 meat ravioli with tomato sauce, 1/4 c. rice cereal made with water, 1/4 fish stick w/ ketchup, 1 small jar of baby food peas, 3 mandarin orange sections. 2 bites of my strawberry fat free yogurt (she doesn't like the full fat kind), 1x1" cube of cantelope, and she nurses every 2 hours minimum for about 15 minutes average.

She is NEVER going to gain weight like that, especially since she is so active. I am really wondering weather I should just withold nursing every other time and offer her food, & just deal with the screaming? Will that scar her for life? Will I go nuts? Any input ladies? Encouragement? Anything? Is this a normal toddler diet? Even just a "you are doing the best thing for your daughter" would help. Deep down I know that, and I know that she will only be little for awile but right now I'm tuckered out and I guess I just need to hear it from someone besides my mom and DH.

One good thing that helps me a bit. My DH was able to get her to go to sleep tonight without me. he gave her a bath, I read a few books to her and nursed her for 15 minutes then he rocked her and put her to bed. She woke up an hour later so I ran in, nursed her and she has been asleep for 2 hours now. This is a first and i hope we can start doing this more. I was able to get quite a bit of work done while he was putting her to sleep and we had our first "baby-less adult time" in months.

kit_kats_mom replied: Sorry that got so darn long. I just needed to get it out. I am curious though, do you guys chuck alot of babyfood out? She has never finished a whole jar of anything...wait, I take that back once she finished a small jar of peas in one day. I do offer food every hour.

Mommieto2Girls replied: Here are some big hugs...

I don't bf so I am not much help. The only thing I can think of is you say your offering food every hour, maybe try making her wait for food till you know she is definatly hungry. I can't imagine nursing 14 times a day, I would go crazy, but you know you are giving her the best milk she can get. I hope someone can help you......

riversmom replied: Here are some much needed hugs!! I just want to take a minute and compliment you on what you have accomplished so far! You should really give yourself a pat on the back for bf your child a year to begin with. I have only made it 5 months so far and feel like quiting sometimes. We all have our up and down moments. I wish I had some wisdom to give you about getting her to eat more solids and nursing a bit less. I feel like such a novice at this myself. Rivers never latched (he was a month early and we both had every problem I have ever read about) so I pump all of his food. You aren't a bad mommy-just human! Hang in there. I think you are doing an awesome job and should be proud of yourself for taking such good care of her. You are obviously truly a loving and dedicated mommy.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Carey I think you should consult a dietition in your area. Find out exactly what she should be eating and what you could do to give her higher calorie foods. As for her nursing every 2 hours, Claudia still does this. Sometimes it's for a full nursing, but other times it's for comfort. I've never experienced this before either, DH and I thought our DS loved breastfeeding, but he didn't nurse half as much as Claudia. I guess we are lucky with Claudia because she will take a pacifier and I can latch her off and stick her pacifier in her mouth. Also could her teeth be bothering her? I know now that those back molars are coming in Claudia is doing a lot more comfort nursing and has ever started waking up during the night to nurse. I hope you find some relief soon.

supermom replied: I can't say I am much help in the advice department, but just wanted to let you know BTDT with Anders - I also never thought that I would be nursing until 3 1/2+ with no end in sight, but did want to let you know that with Anders it DID get better eventually, and we had to get to almost 2 yo before it did. It seemed like he was always attached and there were days I felt like you - so no, you are not a bad mommy, it is hard when someone is constantly attached with a boobie in their mouth!

to you and hang in there.

jdkjd replied: Cary-you are doing the best you can. You are the best mommy I know-dedicated to the nursing despite the lack of sleep and privacy and you know more cool songs than anyone!

I think you are going to have to decide whether YOU are ready to wean. If you really are at the end of your rope, I'm guessing that it would be a couple days of pure hell and then she would adjust. She wouldn't be scarred for life-or even remember.

If you are not ready to wean then you are just going to have to stick it out until she lets up. But you have been frustrated before and gotten through it.

So, whatever you decide remember that a bad mommy wouldn't have thought about all of this at all, she would have just done what she wanted regardless of Katherine's wellbeing. The fact that you are so conflicted about it proves how much you love your daughter and how much you are willing to sacrifice.

She may be a little small but she is healthy, beautiful and incredibly smart. You must be doing something right...and I think you are doing everything right.

Much love!

ediep replied: I don't bf, but I want to offer some to you. I admire your commitment to bf, I couldn't do it more than a week, and from what I read about Katherine, she is very smart and absolutely adorable.

If she won't take a paci or a bottle, then it seems tough. I agree that maybe you should try to let her wait a bit before offering solids. Like, for instance, at 9am when she wakes up maybe offer some cheerios and pancakes, then nurse after. Wait until 12 or so and offer something for lunch....cheese, yogurt, turkey, whatever, then nurse after.

and so on until bedtime. This is what we do with Jason. He eats 3 meals and has 4 bottles a day. I am trying to get that 4 pm bottle to be a snack and some milk in a sippy cup, but no luck yet


Anyway, you are a wonderful mommy...hang in there

jcc64 replied: Hi Carey,
I'm very much in the same boat in certain ways. Corey is very tiny, eats like a bird, she'll try lots of things, but only ever eats a few bites at a time. She's never taken more than a few ounces out of a bottle at a time. All in all, i can't imagine she's taking in more than a few hundred calories a day. And so, like you, I cater to her every demand for bf, but only at night, as I work during the day. This is my 3rd child, and the only one who I've allowed to basically hang on my boob all night long. I feel like I can never go out for a date with my dh b/c she can't sleep w/o "it". And yes, sometimes I really resent it.
My advice to you is to limit your nursing sessions during the day, either in duration or frequency. No baby needs to nurse 14times a day, even when that's their sole source of nutrition. Particularly when she's at daycare, she will eventually find another way to comfort herself when she has to. For Corey, the only other way she can sleep is motion- the sitter always has to take her for a walk or rock her. Maybe you have to force a comfort object on her- maybe a blankie that smells like you, again and again. As far as solids, I find that if I offer food less frequently, and wait till she's really hungry, usually I have more success. And finally, if she was really undernourished, she wouldn't have so much energy.
Hang in there, this stage won't last forever. Before you know it, she'll be embarrassed to be seen with you and you'll be wishing you could nurse her again!
peace,
Jeanne

DansMom replied: Hi Carey,

Daniel isn't a year old yet (he's 10 months), but I have been frustrated with trying to interest him in solids also. He was in the 10th percentile for weight at his 9 month appointment, and during the day when I'm at work he will only take 2-4 ounces of my milk from a bottle total, and nibble at things. Lately I've been feeding him solids first when he's really hungry, then nursing him about a half hour to an hour after that, and have had more success. He eats just a bit more that way, especially if I offer foods he likes more like avocado or fried potato. Still he wakes up every 2-3 hours overnight fussy and demanding. I have noticed that if I give him a shirt that smells like me to snuggle I can sometimes get him to settle back down without nursing (especially in the wee hours before dawn), and this way I've cut the actual nursing (but not the waking/fussing!) in half.

Katherine is so lucky to have a mom like you! You've done a great job, and all I can say is to hang in there. Keep trying the technique that worked where DH comforts her to sleep after nursing. She will eventually outgrow the desire to nurse---it can't go on forever!

coasterqueen replied: I don't know if you mentioned this or not, but after you pull your nipple out and slip away have you tried putting a paci in her mouth after that? Maybe she won't even notice when she's sleeping. Just a thought, but I'm sure you probably already thought of that.

Just know that this is a short time in your lives and it will be over sooner than you know it. I know it's easier said than done, but it's true.

MomToMany replied: Sorry you are having such a hard time, Cary! I know I've felt that way at times, too. But then Hannah's attitude changes, and it gets better. I get so frustrated, too, when she has the boobie in her mouth all day long. And when she wakes up as soon as I want to go to bed- that really gets me upset, especially when DH just goes to bed whenever he feels like it.

Here's a couple links from Kelly's site; the top one is for nursing toddlers nutrition, and the other one is ideas for weaning, if that's what you decide to do.

http://www.kellymom.com/nutrition/toddler-...ds.html#howmuch

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/index.html

Congratulations for nursing her past a year! But if you're not enjoying it anymore, she will pick up on those feelings. But it's your decision to make. Hooray for your DH for getting her to sleep without you! That would be a rare event in our house, too.

Good luck with whatever you decide, and keep us updated!

kit_kats_mom replied: Thanks guys! That's why I love this board. I haven't had much free time to post responses to anyone lately but still, when I need a boost, you are here to listen and offer encouragement. I can't thank you enough. I'll try some of the tips you ladies have offered. I don't want to wean her yet so your encouraging words & an attitude adjustment on my part will get us through this rough patch. I do suspect that teething pain may be a contributing factor right now. I think I'm going to print this thread out and look at it when I start to get resentful.

mckayleesmom replied: Maybe you can try having your husband offer her the foods and you stay in another room. Maybe she will take it if you are not around to give her what she really wants..KWIM? When she sees you and shes hungry she imediately wants what she is use to. If he offers it, she knows he doesn't have what she wants.

kit_kats_mom replied:
Ahhh, it's all in the research.

http://songsforteaching.homestead.com/index.html

this is a great site for educational & fun chants and songs. I try to pick one or two a week to do with K. If she really likes it, I'll keep it around and sing it every once in awhile. Right now, she is really into hand play. "I'm a little teapot", anything with clapping etc. Basically the more foolish I look performing it, the more she loves it.

CantWait replied: Big hugs to ya. I know what it's like to be used as a human pacifer, and it's not fun. Don't feel bad for wanting to have a little more "adult time". I really don't know what to say, but just wanted to offer you a shoulder.

MomToJade&Jordan replied: Cary you are a great Mom. I know what it's like to be a human pacifier. Jade decided at 8 1/2 months that she didn't want me anymore. I was also becomming uncomfortable so it was time. I wanted to nurse until at least a year, but that didn't happen. Even when Jade was nursing for nutrition she never nursed 14 times a day. I think the suggestion of DH trying to offer the solids instead of you is a very good idea. Katherine knows that you have the stuff she wants and so she will protest until she gets it. If DH feeds her the solids you might have better luck. I know that you are worried about her weight, but you shouldn't be. Katherine is fine. From what you have told me she is a vibrant little girl so she is getting the nutrition she needs. Remember though breast milk digests quickly and that also might be why she nurses so much. As for the nursing to go to sleep that is probably why you can't get her to sleep in her bed. A baby is going to remember the last thing they were doing before they went to sleep. It took me a while to get Jade to stop doing this, but she eventually did it. Katherine is so used to this by now it is going to be a hard habit to break. With Jade I would nurse her until she would fall asleep and the next night I would nurse her until she was almost asleep and then so on. She still gets up at night and sometimes if something is really bothering her I have to bring her in bed with me. I always make sure that she puts herself back to sleep. I wish I could offer you more advice. Jade used to be a lot like Katherine but she grew out of it. Eventually K will do the same. Keep doing what you're doing and if you feel it's ready to wean then you know I am here for you either way. No one said this mommy stuff was going to be easy. My mother once told me that it will always get better not easier, but better. You have got yourself a beautiful, sweet little girl. I hope things get better for you.

Schnoogly replied: Oh I'm so sorry! We're pretty much in the same boat, somewhat lessened by the fact that he gets so many bottles. He drinks at least 8 bottles a day on top of nursing--so if he were EBF he'd be nursing around the clock. I still can't interest him in solids, so I don't have any advice there.

But on the sleep as hard as it is you probably need to get DH to try to get her to sleep at night. It is going to be really really hard the first few times, but I think the fact that my DH did this from the very beginning so I could sleep in the evenings is what has made it better for us. He can try everything, bouncing, rocking, music, dark room, you know the drill. But you need to be at least in another room if not out of the house completely or else she'll SMELL you and want the nummies.

Iain still nurses on and off all night long but at least I can get some break when DH gets him to sleep. He can't actually sleep without me yet, so I don't have advice there either! I think the pantley pull off only works when you start them YOUNG! I did this from about 4 months on, and it seems to work only if he's in the mood.

But don't you wish they would just take a freakin pacifier once in a while??

jcc64 replied: Can someone please tell me what the Pantley pulloff is?

MommyToAshley replied: BIG HUGS TO YOU CARY

Ashley still nurses every two hours during the day, but she doesn't nurse at all at night. I couldn't imagine if she nursed all night long too. So to you for making it past a year.

I agree that a lot of it may be comfort nursing. Maybe try to distract her by doing some other activity with her and stretching the times between nursings. (This is easier said than done...trust me, I had to try this with Ashley and it is not easy). Another idea is that she might just be thristy... have you tried offering water or juice in a cup. It is not filling and she would still be hungry at mealtime. I guess my thought is that if she is not so full from nursing, maybe she will try other solids. I would also recommend table food over baby food. Ashley didn't start eating well until we introduced table food, which is also the time she started sleeping through the night.

Have you introduced cow's milk yet? I have been trying to get Ashley to drink milk but she doesn't seem to care for it too much. But, if Katherine will drink cow's milk, that might help some too.

I don't know if I have been of any help, I probably haven't said anything that you haven't already tried. But I just wanted to say again that I admire you and you've done such a great thing for Kat hanging in there nursing like you have!

Schnoogly replied: The pantley pull off is from the book the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. She calls it "Pantley's Gentle Removal Plan"

And I quote:
"When your baby wakes, go ahead and pop his pacifier or his bottle in his mouth, or nurse hum. But instead of leaving him there and going back to bed, or letting him fall asleep at the breast, let him suck for a few minutes until his sucking slows and he is relaxed and happy. Then break the seal with your finger and gently remove the pacifier or nipple.

Often, especially at first, your baby then will startle and root for the nipple. Try to very gently hold his mouth closed with your finger under his chin, or apply pressure to his chin, just under his lip, at the same time rocking or swaying with him. (Use your key words if you have developed them [this is in another chapter]). If he struggles against this and roots for his pacifier or bottle, or fusses, go ahead and replace the nipple, but repeat the removal process as often as necessary until he falls asleep.

How long between removals? Every baby is different, but about ten to sixty seconds between removals usually works. You also should watch your baby's sucking action. If a baby is sucking strongly or swallowing regularly when feeding, wait a few minutes until he slows his pace. By paying attention to your baby's swallowing you can also tell when you have had a letdown. You can try to get your baby to release at that time, but you'll need to stop the flow of milk with your hand, or wait a minute for the flow to subside. Usually, after the initial burst of activity, your baby will slow to a more relaxed 'fluttery' pace; this is a good time to begin your removal attempts.

It may take two to five or even more attempts, but eventually your baby will fall asleep without the pacifier or nipple in her mouth. ... The most important time to use the Pantley's Gentle Removal Plan is the first falling asleep of the night. Often the way your baby falls asleep will affect the rest of his awakenings for the night. ...within ten days, as you gently break this strong sleep association, you should see a major reduction in the number of your baby's night wakings." (127-129)

paradisemommy replied: don't be so hard on yourself
you are a WONDERFUL, AWESOME mommy for hanging in there as long as you have. i know exactly how you feel because taven is the same way. i notice though that if we are out running errands, then he doesn't nurse as much as if we just hang out at home all day..
sorry - i'm no help...i'm just a big paci too...but i can give you more hugs...

Jamison'smama replied: I can relate--so lots of hugs to you!! Jamison mostly does this at night but I KNOW it will get better---!!

Lots of hugs!!