I feel horrible.

Crystalina wrote: Especially with the posts on here lately about people losing their babies. I just have this bad feeling of dread like you wouldn't believe. Not dread as far as something happening to the baby now or after it's born but dread of the baby period. DH wanted the baby more then I did in the begining and I warmed up to the idea and really wanted it and I still do but I just feel like I had it really good before this. One boy, one girl. Evan may start kindergarten next year and if not he's going to be in full day preschool and I was going to get the house in order and work out and find myself after 7 years of being mommy 24/7. I wanted to volunteer at the kids' school more also. It's hard now because Evan only has pre-school for 2.5 hours but once I had them both in full days then I would have the time to be the PTO mom that I promised Izabella I would be next year. Now I won't be able to do anything like that for her for another 5-6 yrs and by then she won't want me to hang around her school.

I'm sure this will pass because I don't *not* want to have this baby but the looming dread of starting over again...it just feels like I'm taking away from the kids that I already have.

I'm sure it's just freakin' hormones.

coasterqueen replied: I'm sure when your little baby is here you'll feel better.

All the feelings you are feeling are the reason why I decided two was enough. But if I were to get pg unexpectedly I'd still feel the same feelings, but once I held my baby I think they'd go away.

Boys r us replied: Ohhh Crystal..boy have I ever been in your shoes! When I had Braedon, Tanner was 6 and our life was good..we did any and everything we wanted to do..nothing holding us back from living life tot he fullest. Braedon came along and it really changed a lot in our lives..but the pros far outweighed the cons. Yes we had to change a lot of things within how we were used to living our lives in a carefree sort of way..but it was good! We had a new baby!!! Then I decided I wanted another baby and Rick was on baord and we began trying..I had 2 losses and so when I di get pg with Allie and things progressed out of the first trimester, the realness set in! And don't get me wrong, after having lost 2 babies right before..there was NOTHING I wanted more than to have this baby! But reality struck and I began to realize..things again were going to change..when she arrived, I had a 5 yr old and an 11 yr old...WTH was I thinking starting over when I'd been so close to a little more freedom??! In fact, if you dig back far enough..you'll probably find some posts exactly like yours in this section written by me! What was I doing to my kids? to my marriage? to me? But you know what..a sibling is the best gift you could ever give to your children, especially children who are older like yours and like mine were..b/c they're old enough to appreciate the miracle of a new baby. Each new child I've brought into this world has brought with them 9 months of worry about how they were going to change my life...and each time, the moment I looked into their eyes for the first time, the tears of pure elation and love streamed down my face washing away any fears of negative change! You will be fine!! You can still volunteer at the school! I still do...My job is to be MOM..and that doesn't just mean I have to stay home and care for the baby, it means..being a mom to my older kids as well even when they aren't at home. So Allie goes to the sitters at least 1x a week and on the days she goes, I go get pedicures or come home and sleep in a little more or go shopping in the morning and then I volunteer at the school the 2nd half of the day!

Your fear is normal..

Crystalina replied:
Thank you Karen.

I'm sure your right about everything and I'm glad I'm not the only one who's felt this way. I never felt even close to this with Izabella or Evan. There are days when I'm really excited about it and days when I dread looking at the baby stuff in the store. I hope the feeling goes away soon because I really feel terrible for feeling this way. It's not every day though.

And since it's still so early in the pg I would feel so so bad if something were to happen to the baby after having this dread.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I think if I were to get pg right now I would feel the same way. There's no shame in how you feel. Your feelings are your feelings and that doesn't mean you don't want nor love this baby.

Crystalina replied: Thank you guys. I'm sure some are probably reading this thinking I'm being a selfish *&$# and I do love this baby already. I'm just worried about the change. My house isn't even baby proof anymore.

gr33n3y3z replied:
Its been such a long time since I had a baby heck my baby will be 15 next month

my2monkeyboys replied: I know exactly how you feel. I have short moments like this myself, even though I've been wanting another baby for a couple of years now. This exact timing was kind of a surprise, but overall I've been wanting another.
I keep feeling that Will will somehow lose out on some things, be it time, attention, whatever. And I guess in reality he will, but I don't think that has to be a bad thing.
I agree with Karen - I think it can be a normal thing to go through, and I think it will all fade away once the baby is here. Sure you'll have to change some things around, but in the end it will all be worth it. I think what she said about being a mom to ALL the kids is right on target. As long as you (and I) be the best moms we can be to our other children as well as the new babies, then everything will work out just fine.

luvmykids replied:
I think your feelings are completely normal but had to add, of course things are harder with another baby but I take Macie with me to all the PTO stuff, and another mom brings her 1yo. Yes, it's harder but just wanted to give you hope that you don't have to put it off that far...and you might find you enjoy doing that kind of stuff with your sidekick

I completely freaked out when I was pg with Macie, literally...I laid on the floor curled up in a ball and cried for hours and hours for the first month. You'll turn the corner

Crystalina replied: Thanks.
I feel a bit better after eating a hot dog. I am so weird lately.

MyBabeMaddie replied:
I don't think you are being selfish AT ALL! Even though I have never been in your shoes I can imagine that would definitely be something going through my mind. It will be worth it in the end i'm sure. Babies (although stressful) bring happiness!

grapfruit replied: Nichole you made me cry. Crystal I can't imagine your fear. But I'm not even pregnant and we're expecting to start TTC in Oct and although I REALLY want to get pregnant every now and then it hits me how scary that is. What if I mess them up? That sort of thing.

My BFF had a 3rd and she said this one is was "for them", more of a blessing then they could ever imagine. Even though they're really busy w/the other two, they said some how they've been able to enjoy her more. Not that they don't love the other 2 just as much....this isn't coming out right LoL. Basically she was SO scared b/c she was able to go to the grocery store easily and bam, back to square one. BUT it wasn't even as bad as she remembered.

Ok, done rambling. Just hugs now

mommy~to~a~bunch replied: I've had moments like that with each one after the first. You do feel a little guilty about not being there for the other kids, but I think siblings are more important in the long run.

My3LilMonkeys replied: I know exactly how you feel - I had a lot of the same thoughts when I found out I was PG. We only wanted 2 kids, we were done with diapers, we had just enough room for everyone, then boom! It's all messed up. The feelings went away pretty quickly for me and now we're all very excited.

HuskerMom replied:

A&A'smommy replied: What your feeling is NORMAL!!! It will get better once the new baby is here!!!

Sam & Abby's Mom replied: I think your feelings are totally normal. I mean, lets face it -- babies are ALOT of work. I'm sure everyone has wondered 'why am I doing this to myself/us?'. LOL It will pass and in a year from now you will wonder how you EVER managed to live and love without baby number three in your life. Hang in there and keep those hotdogs onhand.

MoonMama replied:

My2Beauties replied:
Nichole that was beautiful and Crystalina I think she says it all.

Crystalina replied: Thanks everyone. I still have times when I wake up and dread the "pregnancy" thing. I sometimes just try and not think about it ( ) then there are other times when it's not so bad. I've been sleeping a lot. I'm 9 weeks now and still have not been to the doctor. I will probably feel better after I see the us on the 29th. I still can't believe I can't see the doc until then.

my2monkeyboys replied: Why won't s/he see you until then?
Glad you're starting to feel a little better. I'm sure it'll really get better after the all of you get to ohh and ahh over the u/s, too. Every time I get ill I just think of that little heartbeat and it makes it not so bad.

abunky replied: i can understand how you feel...i try not to let the bad feelings or thoughts take over me because if it did i could never move on ,

Danalana replied: Crystal, I know I only have one, and I wanted him more than ANYTHING....but I did have those feelings every once in a while. Just fears of how my life would change--not being free to do whatever I wanted anymore, etc. And I was right about that. I can't believe I took for granted how easy it was to just leave and go somewhere But gosh, I wouldn't trade it for anything! I know it's not the same, since I don't have older kids, but I just wanted you to know that I think every pregnant woman feels a little apprehension, even though it might be fleeting.

lisar replied: I felt that way when I had Raygen. It was the whole idea of starting over again. It went away the feeling did. I am sorry you are feeling this way.

Crystalina replied:
The nurse I talked to said it was standard to see me at about 10-12 weeks. That must be something new though because with my other two he saw me within a day or two of me calling him.