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I don't know If I CAN go BACK to work!


jen wrote: I am having a real hard time making a comitment to come back to work after Maddy is born. First of all, I am feeling guilty for taking a 3 month maternity leave even though I planned this thoroughly with my insurance coverage etc. I have been having money taken out of my check for short and long term diability so that my maternity leave would be partially paid for. I can take up to 6 months off if I need to. So Anyway my boss is making me feel guilty mad.gif . I don't think it is right. He says his wife only took 6 weeks off and that is what most people do. I think this is a very hard and personal decision. I am a technical writer at an Architectural/Engineering Consulting Firm, and I have a ton of down time, I am rarely busy and when I am it may be 1 or 2 hours MAX of work a day hence why I am visiting with YOU ALL so much!!! biggrin.gif I don't feel like so much Play time is a fair trade out for my daughter being in day care! I am having a very hard time with this. I don't have to work, my husband makes plenty of money to support us, it would just be a little tighter. Sometimes I feel like I am being selfish because it comes down to me not having so much spending money. I don't know what I am going to do. This is much harder than I thought it would be. sad.gif

*edited to ask: Did anyone else have a great job and decide to stay home??? Or you went back to work and what was that like??

amynicole21 replied: ((HUGS)) I know your panic first-hand... I went back after 9 weeks of mat. leave and it was one of the hardest things I ever did. We really need 2 incomes, so there wasn't much of an option for me at the time. If you can do it, I would take as much time off as you can. Maddy will only have one baby-hood, and being there to witness it full time is a gift I can only dream of.

What does DH think about you staying home full-time?

momma2jenna replied: I'm at home with Jenna and I can't imagine it any other way~ but, we ARE broke wink.gif no money but now I have so much more! wub.gif

DansMom replied: Take as much maternity leave as you can. Physically and emotionally, the more time you can take the better. It takes longer than six weeks to adjust to being a mom and having a new baby. Your boss said his wife went back after six weeks, but do you know how she felt about it? I wasn't even physically healed at six weeks (I had eight weeks leave, and was glad to have that additional two weeks to prepare myself). If you are entitled to more time off, and have planned for it, he really should back you up instead of undermining your plans.

I think it's impossible to know how you will feel about going back to work until the time comes. Some women are anxious to get a few hours back from their previous identity, to be away from the mommy role, and are ready pretty quickly to do that. Other women find leaving their child with someone else excruciating and lose interest completely in their old jobs. I fall in the latter category---I'd rather be at home full-time, with just a few hours each week to myself for exercise and socializing (LOL!).

But we need my income. If I had the choice I would stop working tomorrow!

jen replied: I think as I get closer and closer to my due date and time is FLYING! We are both wanting to stay home with her! But one of us has to work! HA! Josh is very supportive of any decision I make and thinks it would be best for me to stay home with her. He knows I am having a very hard time comitting to going back to work. I don't want to leave anyone here at work hanging on my decision but that may happen. I want to have all options open until I decide what I am going to do. I think at most I would work part-time but I just don't know what it is going to be like being away from her. wub.gif

kimberley replied:

lol i am in the same position. i can't imagine someone else raising my child and the cost of daycare is more than i would make anyways.

Jen, IMHO i would stay home with the baby as long as you can. first, finding a good sitter/daycare is hard (too many horror stories make me paranoid) and if it is just going to make you and the baby miserable, then why do it? ur boss is ignorant (nicest word i could think of) for thinking 6 wks is enough for any new mom and obviously doesn't care about ur best interest.. just the company's. i have known some very successful woman who went back part time then eventually quit cuz they couldn't bear to be away from their kid(s). Good luck with ur decision.

grouphug.gif

Kaitlin'smom replied: We also need my income it was just to much to give up, so after about 8 weeks I went back. It was hard leaving her and I did not jump back to full time right away, kinda eases into it even now I only work 35 hours, so I am still not back to the 40 I was working, and I have adjusted to that. I would love to be at home with her more but right now with DH not getting rases (they froze them 3 years ago) we need my income. If that changes I will look at cutting back hours for a while to enjoy her while she is young.

Can you go back maybe part time at frist then build back up? Or is this maybe a job you might be able to do some from home?

I would take as much time as you can I wish I could have taken longer myself.

jen replied: Yes we have talked about me working at home a little bit, I think we could network that, actually the exec vp suggested this! I think my boss views me as an asset to this company. I would think he would work with me on that!!! I just don't know! I am sure in the first month they will need me to do something and be emailing me reports! LOL! So maybe if I am up to it I can get my "working at home" foot in the door! biggrin.gif

aspenblue1 replied: There is no way that I couldn't have came back to work. But I can say if there was a way for me to stay home I would do it in a second.

5littleladies replied: I agree with everyone else-If you can stay at home then do it-at least for as long as you can. Or working from home sounds like it could be a great option for you.

I've always been a stay at home mom. It's very tight but we have learned to make DH's income stretch. I can't imagine not being home with my kids all the time. I'd be afraid of missing something. happy.gif

Jamison'smama replied: Okay, I finally have time to type a message--I was in the "had a great job" category. I planned to return to work--took all my maternity leave--3 months plus (my employers also said they would love me to only take six weeks), found a daycare, made all the arrangements, then I met Jamison--I knew almost from that moment that I could't go back to work. I was always a "career person" very set on being a "working mom" well I still am a working mom but they pay is with hugs and kisses. It was a struggle as I am a dependable person and I had said to my employer that I was DEFINITELY coming back and then I didn't. I had to realize that Jamison is my family, they were just paying me to do a job. I was replaceable there, I am not replaceable for Jamison. I am lucky in that my DH makes enough for me to be able to stay home. We made some changes but for the most part we are about the same as before but I was willing to sell our house and everything in it to be at home--I didn't care what it took.

Can you not do that job from home or at least 1-2 part time days? I am now working about 8 hours per week to keep my licensure and skills current and it is really nice to get out of the house a few evenings a week.

Good luck, it can be a tough decision but keep in mind that it is just a job--no matter how good of a job it is--they do not have your family's interests in mind--only theirs. Your family is forever. So at least take as much maternity time as you can--it's worth it!

A&A'smommy replied: i am a SAHM but i didnt have a "real" job before i had Alyssa I babysat my neice and nephew full time though! I think your boss is being selfish, and i think he is jerk for making you feel guilty this is your first baby and you have a right to want to be at home with her!! Im having a hard time about going to school next year and Alyssa will be a year old i would much rather be at home with her than go to school but i know that i need to and we will both benefit from it!!! But i feel guilty for leaving her....

MomofTay&Sam replied: I know it's so hard! I had a great job and had every intention of going back, I waited until the very last second and choose to stay home. Money is tight but I just can NOT leave him. I can't miss these first years, they go by so fast. I can't miss the new stuff everyday, I can't come home tired just to feed him bath him and put him to bed. He doesnt have a say yet so I guess it was all up to me. I do not regret my choice at all. My job is still there for me and they understand, but I work with kids so how could they not? My postion is very very very stressful, to the point where I would not be a good mommy to a one year old in the evening. I hope you follow your heart, it wont mislead you. Good Luck.

MommyToAshley replied: I was a career person, but DH and I planned and started our business when I was PG with Joshua. Having had a professional career, I have to say that no career is more satisfying than being a full-time Mom to Ashley. I couldn't imagine missing the first time she rolled over, her first big smile, her first steps or the first time she said "Mom". I just love watching her face light when she figures out where a puzzle piece goes, or hearing her silly giggle when she does something goofy like stick her finger in the middle of her cookie or stick her cup on her foot, or taking an afternoon walk and watching her pick the pedals off a dandelion. Suddenly, that career doesn't seem so appealing. I feel like I am doing something that REALLY matters. And, I couldn't imagine not being around Ashley for 1/2 of her life while I am off at an office someplace. This is just my personal opinion, everyone is different. Some women need a career in their life, and there is nothing wrong with that. And, some people want to stay home but just can't afford to do so no matter what. I think I am like Brenda (Jamison'sMaMa)... I would make ANY sacrifice in our lifestyle to be able to stay home with Ashley.

As you can see, I highly recommend staying at home with Maddy if you can swing it without your income. It also sounds like you might be able to work from home, which might be a perfect fit for you. I would try to work out the details with your boss before you go on maternity leave.

Good luck, and let us know how things go!

Kirstenmumof3 replied: grouphug.gif Sending you my support in whatever decission you make! I am a stay at home mom. But there are days where I wish I was working! I sympathise with you, it's a very difficult decission to make. grouphug.gif

Maddie&EthansMom replied: First I just want to say, that if you decide to stay home with Maddy...it will all work out. Trust me. I did have a great job. I didn't make a lot of money, but it did help us financially. I worked with wonderful people who are still such great friends. I went back to work after 6 weeks. My mother kept Maddie free of charge. It was hard going back, even after 6 weeks. Not b/c I missed Maddie, I did, but I knew she was being well taken care of. I just felt different being there. I had to pump b/c I was breast feeding and while they all adjusted to that at work, I just felt like I wasn't the same person on the job and my performance wasn't as great. I quit when Maddie was 6 months old. DH got a job transfer and was gone during the week so it was harder on me to work. Our house was on the market and we were in the process of moving. DH was making more money and I didn't need to work. It hasn't been 'tighter' since I quit. Things actually got so much better for us.

I hope everything works out and you are at peace with whatever you decide! Good Luck!


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