I am at a complete loss

3xmommy wrote: Okay, this post is about my husband. He's gone off the deep end it seems.

See, our son, he is five and to be honest, he's a brat. Just like most little boys. Well my husband is hard on him. Hard on him over behavior, hard on him trying to force him to learn his abc's... (he makes the boy so nervous he can't even think, let alone learn...) and the other day he told me "You know, I hate Jeremy." and I was stunned. How can you hate your own son?

And today Jeremy didnt get his way about something and said "you hate me" and DH says "yeah. sometimes."

Holy hell guys... whats wrong with him? I feel like I should run him off... wouldnt you feel bad if you were a little kid with your daddy saying he hates you?

im lost on what to do..

amymom replied: I don't have any advice. I will think and pray about it and see if I come up with anything.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: OMG! That is so sad and hateful! I would tell him to leave! Tay is spoiled and can be a handful at times but Bill or I would NEVER say and have NEVER felt even in the middle of the tantrum that we feel anything but complete and absolute LOVE for her! How can you hate a child let alone your child? I am sorry honey but I don't think it is the 5 year old that is a brat! Your sons behavior will never get better if he hears stuff like that and to have a parent say Yeah sometimes....OMG! That is the worst kind of child abuse!

jem0622 replied: He needs counseling. Honestly.

3xmommy replied: Well, yeah, that was my thoughts... I'd never felt hate towards any of our kids, even if they were stomping and screaming. Sure, I've been irritated and frustrated... but never hate. I don't know what's wrong with dh. I think really it stems to my family.

Jeremy spends alot of time with my parents at their house and stuff and dh does NOT like my family. He calls them all sorts of nasty names CONSTANTLY... and says they are the reason Jeremy acts the way he does... I think it is his fault.

my2monkeyboys replied: Does he act that way to the girls? If not, maybe it's similar to the relationship bt him and his dad? Not that that would excuse it... if he wants to say things like that in private, then that's one thing. But to tell his child that is just the absolute worst thing ever. I can only imagine how horribly Jeremy must feel. I would demand some sort of counseling or seriously consider separating. I know, that sounds drastic, but I could not allow my husband to treat my child(ren) that way, daddy or not.
I'm so sorry for Jeremy and for you... I'll being saying some prayers for your family.

Insanemomof3 replied: Ummmm that is not healthy at all. I grew up with my step-dad telling me i was worthless and that he hated me. That was bad because now to this day i do feel worthless and I feel EVERYONE hates me.

I don't know what advice to give, but I would do some serious thinking about what would be best for you and your son.

Calimama replied: Wow I would seriously look into some counseling for him. That's horrible. I'm sorry hun.

redplaydoh replied: He should've said he hated his behavior sometimes, but not him... he needs help with this issue.

Boys r us replied: That is horrible!!

Have talked to him about his choice of words and maybe coached him to explore his vocabulary for something a LOT less harsh and more appropriate to say to your child?

gr33n3y3z replied:
I agree with Nichole

But my feeling on this subject is this
If he says it he means it and that is the sad part

sparkys2boys replied: Hate is a very strong word, as much as we all get pushed to the limilts sometimes and can have anger, I can't imagine tekking a child that I hate them. That will stick with that little boy for a lifetime. I think that you need to sit down with his daddy and have a real deep discussion on the matter. And then maybe some family counselling all together. I hope that you guys can quickly resolve this before any more hurt is dealy out to that little boy..

TheOaf66 replied: wow I don't know on that one...no matter what Tanner would ever do I would never ever say that I hate him, sure I get upset with him but that is expected. I cannot even imagine saying let alone to the point where my son could hear it. I feel so sorry for your boy

jcc64 replied: Wow, I'm very sorry for you and especially your son. No child should ever hear those words. In a calmer moment, I would ask your dh what sort of response or effect he is looking for those words to have on your son. Is he meaning to damage him or destroy his self confidence, because that's what is going to happen. And about learning his letters- no one can learn under that kind of relentless pressure. Children need to feel safe and supported in order to achieve. And even then, some kids just aren't ready for pre reading at that age. Does your dh ever just sit and read books to your son? I would guess the answer to that is probably no. Kids aren't trained seals- they can't be expected to perform when we snap our fingers- learning requires constant love and positive attention. It breaks my heart to think of your little son quaking under your dh's forceful pressure.
Children aren't inherently "bratty". They become disrespectful or disobedient as a result of ineffective parenting. I would say it sounds like your dh has a very large role in this, but maybe you need to step up to the plate a little more too. Your son needs you to protect him- words can be just as abusive or harmful as physical punishments, sometimes they are worse. I would demand that your dh seek out some sort of counseling for his issues, and I would take this situation very seriously. Your son deserves that.

lisar replied: I know my kids can be brats sometimes. But I would never tell them I hate them. Lexi has told me that she hates me. I told her "I still love you though" I didnt know what else to say to her. I was stunned she knew what the word meant. We have now made that a bad word at my house. You dont tell anyone you hate them. I cant believe he said that. I am sorry you have to experiance this. If my DH told one of the kids he hated them he would be lucky to be thrown out of the house if I didnt hit him with the wrong end of the bat first. KWIM?

Boo&BugsMom replied: I don't have any advice, but I do know if that were my hubby he would be feeling the door hit his A$$ on his way out the door! He needs some serious help. Your son is already going to be scarred mentally from the hurtful things he has been through already and it will only get worse if something doesn't get better. To be honest, if this was one of my daycare clients I would not hesitate to call a social worker. That's mental abuse. Poor little guy. This is probably the reason he acts the way he does. Wouldn't you act like that if you felt unloved?