I AM SO.... - vent, really long
moxee24 wrote:  Well I should start with a little back ground, to make it easier to understand.
I have been married for almost four years and have a wonderful DS that is 15 1/2 months old and am awaiting the arrival of new baby in December. I haven't had "the perfect" marriage, who has? It started out really good, then started to go down hill, starting by moving shortly after we were married and then got even worse when i found out that i was PG (he never wanted kids) we lost the baby when i was 4 1/2 months PG. Then i got PG again and things were worse then ever, He wanted a divorce and didn't want to even try anything ie:counsling. He can be very stubborn and hard-headed (what male can't?) well we eventually talked about things and started trying to work things out. Then he flaked out and refused to come to the hospital when i had DS. He only came to pick me up when they said i could go home. I should add that every time i have gotten PG i was on birth control or we were using protection, all three times were an accident...ooops. Guess it was meant to be.
After we brought DS home things started to get better and then he lost his job and had to take another one for less pay which resulted in the loss of our home and alot of debt. I stayed with my parents and he stayed with his while he looked for a job. (both sets of parents live in different states) This hasn't made anything easier to try and work it out. Well, he found work, good pay and benefits, so DS and I move in with his mom and him until i could find work and we could get our own place. At that point he had already been there for 3 months. Things were going ok after i got there i found work and my MIL was babysitting DS while we worked. THEN i found out that i was PG. The SH** hit the fan this time. He told me i had three options...1)adoption...2)abortion...3)divorce. In that order. He was not going to take on the resposibility of another child he never wanted.
Ok i can understand the shock...but WTF!?! How can he be so cold hearted? Well, being the kind of person that doesn't give up easily, i gave him sometime to think about it and he came around, started to get exicted about having another baby, or so i thought. He started speanding more and more time away from home when he wasn't working, with no remorse what-so-ever. That was the last straw! I couldn't stay anymore. I pack up DS and myself and headed back to my parents. We talked and decieded that it wasn't going to work and we would get a divorce. We both were in total aggrement on how to split everything and how to do the visitations for DS and child support for both children and everything.
We talk on a fairly regular basis and we have been talking alot more about what went wrong and how and how we might change things and so on. We have gotten to the point that I agreed to come back after the baby is born and we are going to try again. He has been sending/bringing me money for DS and coming to visit DS and me. We have been getting along alot better since the seperation and have both agreed that maybe thats what we needed, was some time apart.
OK... if you are still reading this thank you for hanging with me, here is the real point of this post.
I talked to him last night and he told me that he was not going to be able to bring me money for the next two months, he was going to have to send it to me. I was like ok, no prob. I asked him why he couldn't bring it to me, thinking it was because of gas prices or something (he drives a firebird and we are 300 miles away from each other). He tells me "He has a damn good reason why" and i so ok what is it? He says that he can't come down because he just spent $4000 on a motorcycle and won't have any extra money. I LOST IT!!! I asked him "how the F*** is a STUPID motorcycle more important then taking care of your SON?!? And what am i supposed to do for the baby on the way?!?! I don't have anything!?!?!"
All's he would say is that he got the opportunity of a lifetime and didn't want to pass it up. That it was one of his life's dreams and that i should be happy for him.
We argued for awhile longer before i couln't any longer and told him i was tired and needed to go to bed (it was almost mid-night) and then he had the gall to try and tell me that he loved me and DS and he was just trying to something that would make him happy.
Now i don't know what to do. I love him and want to be with him (he's the only one i have ever been with). But i can't be with someone who is SO irrespossible and selfish. But i really can't picture my life with out him.
PLEASE I NEED SOME ADVICE!!!!!!  
~KARA~ replied: If it were me Id divorce his *ss!! My ex husband was the same way(except he wanted kids) and I divorced him. You can do better and you can find someone to love you and your kids.
He has his priorities all messed up and needs to GROW up!!
 to you!!
moped replied: Sounds to me like you deserve way better than you are getting.......move on I say! You can find someone who loves you the way you should be loved.
MyBrownEyedBoy replied: As hard as it may be, move on. You deserve better. And while you're at it, get a good lawyer because that jerk owes you back child support and you need it in writing. In the mean time, see if you have any consignment stores in the area. They have good baby things for pretty cheap prices. Good luck.
mckayleesmom replied: DIVORCE LAWYER....get one.....This man cares more about a motorcycle then putting food and clothes on his child? Do you really seriously want him around? Do you really want to be with someone who resents his own children? He needs to grow up and in the meantime...there are alot of MEN that are willing to step up to the plate. I know you say you love him and can't picture life without him, but in my experience...when I chose to give birth to my children..my life became centered around what was best for them..not myself...kwim? They don't need to be around a father that resents them and uses that resent to buy really cool things for himself and not feed them. Being a daddy is forever..not when its convenient for him to get something out of it.
moped replied: It also broke my heart to read that he wouldn't be there for the birth of your son and only picked you up at the hospital when you could go home - That makes me heart break for you.......sorry that we are sounding harsh but you could have SOOOOOOO much better
punkeemunkee'smom replied: My mouth fell open when I read that he wouldn't come to the hospital when you gave birth! What a SELFISH person! I know it is not easy to think of but MOVE ON he may be the only thing stopping you from finding someone who will love you and support you the way you deserve!!!
BTW- You say you were in agreement on how to split stuff,visitation,etc. If he resents the kids so deeply I would say he doesn't get to visit them!
ions_momma replied: I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this! That is so terrible that he wouldnt even come to the hospital when you had your son. I know it probably isnt what you really want to hear but I think you should get a divorce! You deserve so much better than that! The visitations would be a good idea, but if he didnt want kids to begin with, why should he even get to see them? I think you should just continue with the child support. Oh and buying a motorcycle instead of helping with things that your son and your baby on the way needs is totally irresponsible! It sounds as though he cares more about himself than his own child and neither you or your two children need to deal with that!
3xsthefun replied: I agree, move on! You could find someone so much better for you and your kids. He is being very childish & shelfish. 
I'm really sorry you are going through all of this.
MM'sMama replied: What a selfish JERK!!!! I'm sorry but that really makes me mad. Swweetheart you and your babies deserve SO SO SO much better! If it were my I would tell to stick it where the sun don't shine and get a divorce. But at the same time I know what you mean about wanting to be with him.
Honey if you need to talk at all ever feel free to email me anytime at KarahD2003@yahoo.com I hope thigns get better for te best for you and your little ones.
Insanemomof3 replied: Ok honey. You KNOW that I have 'tried' to keep my mouth shut and not say too much, but now, well I am going to open it. (BTW, she is my best friend and lives only 2 miles from me hehe)
He does NOT deserve you. You deserve better than him. You are ALWAYS making excuse after excuse for him, ie...it was his dream, or he needs to do this to be happy. NO MORE. You need to STOP thinking about what HE needs and concentrate on you and your kids. I understand that you love him, I understand trying to keep a marriage together. Believe me, I do. But you can't just stand by and let him be the irresponsible selfish person that he is! How many times do you have to be kicked?
I understand that he is the first person you were ever with, and the only...BUT. You are a BEAUTIFUL person. You need to let go of your insecurities and realize that hiding in a marriage you are miserable in (I can see that) is not going to help you. Or your kids. You will be teaching Kyle and the new baby that it does not matter how their spouses treat them, that they need to sit by and take it. That they can't figure out what to make them happy. Make sense?
I love you. You know that. But now, you need to be happy. You deserve it. The kids deserve it. Take time to really think about what you deserve.
gr33n3y3z replied:
I agree so much with this
(( hugs ))
Whitney&Candace'sMommy replied: I definatly would not get back with him, ever. You deserve better and so does your son and your unborn baby.
You will find someone much better instead of someone who's so selfish..it makes me so mad someone can be like that
good luck to you sweetie, i hope things work out
moxee24 replied:  This is "the mom" speaking...
Thank you all for what you are saying.Her dad and I have been telling her that all along, some of you used a lot more politically correct terms for the#*@+!! than I do. He is nothing more than a sperm doner. She has way too much going for her to be playing mind games with the S*B. The only thing he has contributed to this marraige was the beautiful grandson that I watch running around being so cute and the one to come. Too bad he is missing out on so much. Keep up the good advice ladies and thanks for being there for Jaimie.
CantWait replied: I think you know what to do. It's abvious that you've been through H**L and back with this man, and he's just not giving at all. If he didn't want children he should have gone to see a doctor and got himself clipped. I've been seperated, and I know it's hard, but after awhile you get use to it, and you'll find that you can do it on your own. It sounds like you got some great support from your mom, so you'll do fine. Kick him to the curb for good. 
Insanemomof3 replied: You guys are WONDERFUL. Although, Jaimie, I have been telling you this for 3 years now. Maybe NOW you will listen with everyone agreeing????
brad29phxaz replied: Yeah somethings wrong if he wouldnt come to the hospital when your first was born. That is grounds for leaving him right there.
I know its easy for us to say leave him, but there are guys out there
who will love you and your kids all the time through anything.
Ive noticed with my own relationships, if we "take a break" from
eachother, and things get better, it only lasts a short time.
Real love never needs a break! Especially if kids are involved.
Boys r us replied: See ya bye! That would be my answer..and who knows..maybe a year or two from now he'll grow up, once he realizes he has to and that you're not going to stand for it!! Right now HE KNOWS he can treat you this way...and only you can change that!
Men like this are like 4 yr old kids they're going to do what you let them get away with! Tell him you deserve better and you would rather be alone than with someone like him b/c it doesn't hurt as bad when you have no one to expect love and help from than it does to have someone who should be providing those things for you and just chooses not to!
Sarah&Mackenzie replied: I agree with everyone!! You need to move on and find someone to love you and your kids!!!! It may be hard, but it will be better in the long run!!!
moxee24 replied: Thank you everyone for your advice. I know this is what I need to do that is why i left in the first place. It is just so hard to keep doing it. What makes it even harder is that he is the only income that I have for DS. I don't have a job and have the feeling that if I were to start looking for a job right now I wouldn't get one (starting to show that I am PG). So I don't even have the money to think about filing for divorce. I was hopeing to be able to wait until after I have the baby to do it, so that both children will be in the papers and I won't have to go throught the hassle of having to change them later, which would cost even more money. Thank you again for the support it means alot to me.
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