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Hubby Confuses Me :( - Well more then normal....


KatieLeigh79 wrote: Okay anyone mind explaining what he's trying to say to me? smile.gif Cause he flip flops so much on opinions and what not I'm to the point of giving up trying...Todd wants to try again in Nov, I'm not sure I could handle two with as "high needs" the first is but I'm assuming if we worked him into it within the 9 months it would be okay... just thinking I may want to wait a few more months but if that happens then we probably never would have another because his response to me was "well I don't want them to be to far apart, if you just want to have John I'm fine with that to" And come normal bed time Todd turns the TV off leans over to kiss me, so I respond and give him a peck on the lips - neither of us ever try to get anything more out of one or the other atm, so he gets up out of bed and storms off mad, comes back lays down on his back and stares at the ceiling? So I was like "okay what's wrong" (we seem to play this game a lot) and he keeps telling me nothing, so finally I roll back over to sleep and he tells me that I pushed him away and that made him mad - he never wants anything from me any other time, so how should I have taken it?! I seem to be raising two children already between him and John and I'm so at a loss, sure I want another baby but the first still won't sleep without being held most the time and I wouldn't know where to begin to get ready on a second...

Any advice, cause I'm about to find a very large stick and start swinging! wacko.gif

Boys r us replied: Ahh!! Sounds a bit chaotic!

I think the two of you need to sit down at a time when you can both devote your full attention to this. Don't wait for one or the other to bring it up, instead make a date to discuss it.
You need to be prepared to explain to him WHY you feel like you should wait a little while before trying again...but you also need to be prepared to listen to what his reasons are. Both of you have to go into this with an open mind.

My2Beauties replied: Oh hon, just wanted to give you (((HUGS))) right now. Sounds like you need plenty of e'm! I think sitting down and talking about it in a civil manner is a good idea. Lots of couples go through this so don't feel alone. If you need to talk,we're all here! If you do decide to have "the talk," let us know how it goes.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Hmmm I think you and your DH need to sit down and have a really good talk! Sounds very confusing! Good Luck and let us know how it goes!

KatieLeigh79 replied: Thanks guys smile.gif It just is better to have outside opinion as we really have no friends in this neighborhood (at least none that I would tell these things to *lol) I do see his side at wanting them closer together (my brother and I are 5 years apart as are he and his) but I guess I just don't understand the time line as in making it sound that if I don't do it when he wants it wont happen... Will let ya'll know how it goes blush.gif

Kaitlin'smom replied: I was also goin to say a talk is much need.......glad you are going to do that, he sounds a bit confused on what he wants.....good luck let us know how it goes

coasterqueen replied: I definitely think you two need to sit down and talk about it.

I know Dh and I swayed back and forth on whether to have another baby. We never imagined that we were going to have such a spirited child that we weren't sure if we could ever go through that again. We love Kylie more than life itself but she drains the life out of us too. There for awhile we both thought we'd just be content with one child even though we had always wanted two. It took a lot of talking to decide when we'd try for #2.

Good luck. grouphug.gif

KatieLeigh79 replied: Well I brought it up to him this afternoon, he was at lunch at work so I was talking to him via MSN, and he basically told me he DOES NOT want to wait until John is 2 to start trying again, when the neighbor woman told me with as high demand as he is I should wait until he is at least 2... My son refuses to sleep unless I rock him first, won't feed himself and still doesn't know how to play alone very well. I'm just afraid that if we do have a second he won' t know how to handle himself and I will get so run down I won't be able to handle it. Just don't understand why he doesn't see my side as I'm the 99.9% of the time care giver in the household and you would think you'd like your wife to keep what little of her sanity is left... Going to sit down tonight and try discussing it again and see where it goes, just makes me wonder if #2 is a good idea at all if he's that unwilling to wait a few more months so we can see if J.R. starts doing more on his own...

Alice replied: Aside from "the talk" with your husband, why not work on getting your son into more of a routine so you can be a bit more rested, and maybe open to the idea of another child soon? (OK-- we don't know each other, so there may be a whole lot of history I don't know here. Forgive me.)

I'm assuming you've tried all the typical things to get John to sleep on his own... classical music (Baby Einstein is great!), some warm milk befoe bed, a predictable rountine, a story, introducing some sort of a comfort item (blankie, stuffed animal, etc. If you're going to try this, PLEASE buy 3 and rotate them. You'll be happy you did.)

There's a method out there called the Ferber Method. You can find out about it online or at your library. I know practically nothing about it except that it involves gradually giving your child more and more time to "cry it out" (but in increments of like 5 minutes-- nothing like a hour) to adjust to not being held. People rave about it. It may help.

And, because I'm a BAD mom, I frequently put on a video in my daughters' room at bedtime. (The VCR is in there because I do a lot of tutoring and the sitters use it.) But when Kira is having a rough night, I sometimes put on a video and turn off the sound. I don't know whether it's the light or the sight of Elmo, Barney and crew that comforts her, but it always works.

None of which solves the problem with your husband, but may make the discussion more plausible.

Hope something works!!

KatieLeigh79 replied: We have tried the cry it out - after 12 hours of crying (of course with me trying to calm him in bed all night) I couldn't handle it anymore that was a totally sleepless night. He has 5 things in the bed he rotates between, and just today for example as to nap time he only slept 40 minutes on his own at four attemps of naps throughout the day, refuses to eat as always (have had his ears etc checked constantly the Ped. said its him testing his limits) so he is also going on 2 bites of food again today. He is so overtired all he wants to do is cuddle and will only sleep in my arms if I'm rocking him, won't feed himself because he's to stubborn and would rather play. I think part of it was being born with reflux, colic and jaudice and we had 2 weeks seperation at birth where he couldnt nurse so that set us up for 11 months of trouble with it before he was forced to give up at biting through my nipple... people tell me he may just be more "needy" because of the rough start and because he seems so free willed - Todd thinks that if I get pregnant he will realize he can' t be the only and that is what he needs - don't get me wrong I love the idea of another, but waiting until May instead of November I figure then that way I can be sure he is 2 and hopefully a little more adapted at being a "toddler" maybe the way to go, but then I dont understand why Todd isn't willing to just give us a few more months at getting him more adapted to being a "Big Boy"... forgive me for rambling, been a rather testy day here with him again and by 4pm im wishing I would have at least gotten an hour to myself since 7pm the previous night... Is it possible though if I go ahead and try this like he wants John will understand he has to do more on his own, or would I just end up in the rubber room? wacko.gif

Alice replied: OK- totally different approach:

Are there any teenagers in your neighborhood you could hire as "Mother's Helpers?" I'm not suggesting you leave John with a stranger, just that you pay a teenager to come over and play with him while you have a little down time. You can shut yourself up in your room and veg out-- read a book,take a bath, watch a movie, do your nails for an hour. John might like it because it's a new face (although you might have to ease into it... have all 3 of you play together at first until he's used to the MH.) And it might give you enough of a break that you can see daylight. My regular sitters (twins) started off as MH's while I tutor, now they watch the kids anytime.

It might give you the sanity break to think about where you want to go.

Good luck!

KatieLeigh79 replied: You know I have never thought of that smile.gif May look into that, the last girl we checked into for daycare wanted 10.95 an hour and she was only 15 needless to say we didn't get a night out after hearing those prices with me not working! There are a lot of younger teens in the area though, no one I would trust alone with him but that sounds like a wonderful idea! (Took me 4 hours to get him to sleep tonight again, any help would be a blessing!)

A&A'smommy replied: ((((BIG HUGS)))) Ugh that has me confused it sounds to me like he doesn't really know what he wants... I am probably wrong but it sounds kinda like that. And maybe on the pushing away thing he wants you to start "something". I would definitly sit down one day with NO distractions and have "a talk". Good luck if you decide to do that!! ((((HUGS)))


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