Honest opinions please - How would you have handled this?

luvmykids wrote: I need truly honest opinions here, I am very curious about a situation that happened this morning and how you would have dealt with it. I'm not going to say yet what went down because I don't want to influence anyone, just want to know what you or the other parent would have done.

This morning Macie somehow got her hands on a bottle of ketchup and made a giant mess on the carpet in Colt's room (which is still slightly orange, can't get it all out in spite of the 4 hours I spent on it). From what I understand the bottle was already there, she didn't get it out of the fridge so that has nothing to do with it ...just want to know how you would have disciplined yours for something like that.

What would you do about the initial offense?
What would you do when you asked how the ketchup got in there and thought the child was lying?

She's 2.5yrs old if that helps in your perspectives.

TIA

gr33n3y3z replied: the one who got it out would be the one in trouble

luvmykids replied:
And would she have gotten off scott free, or would you have also disciplined her in some way? In case it isn't obvious, Dh and I had a huge disagreement over this one this morning and honestly if I'm wrong I'll admit it but don't think I was.

Side note-DH said to the kids that he knew the bottle had been there since yesterday, so if he saw it yesterday why didn't he pick the stupid thing up and put it away? Then this aaaaaaall could have been avoided!

luvbug00 replied: I would tell mya that what she did was wrong and made a big mess. Then she would serve her time in time out ( 2 .5 min. As per the age)

mammag replied: Well, first I probably would have done a little bit of frustrated noise making

Then I would have asked who left it out and if no one would admit it, the whole lot of them would be helping to clean it up....including the 2.5 yo. I would explain that she made a very big mess and Mommy is very sad because the carpet is messed up so she needs to help clean up the mess.

Then later I would probably discuss with the kids why they need to put things away when they use them and explain to dh that if he sees something amiss he should deal with it (either telling the kids to put it away the night before or putting it away himself.


I don't think anyone would have gotten in a lot of trouble because it sounds like a series of mistakes that let to a 2.5 doing what 2.5's do.

My3LilMonkeys replied: Well, if it had been Brooke who is also 2.5 - I know darn well she knows better than to make messes like that so yes, she would have been punished. I would have told her that it was wrong, and probably made her sit while I cleaned it up (and also help a little).

The person who left the ketchup out would at least be talked to about it in my opinion. I also personally would have had some not so nice words for my DH if he saw the ketchup bottle out a day ago and never bothered to put it away.

Edited to clarify: you said you spent 4 hours cleaning up the carpet - just wanted to specify that I wouldn't have made her sit for 4 hours, just for a few minutes.

gr33n3y3z replied:
well its like this if it wasnt there in the first place she wouldnt have been in it
But then again yes she did make the mess so I would punish them both by making them help clean it up and explain why your upset and off to the room they would go after they helped clean it up.
Like someone said above if no one admitted to having it they all would get punished.

But then if Dh did see it yesterday and didnt pick it up I would yell at him too LOL

MommyToAshley replied:
Ditto what she said.

redchief replied: Did DH get a timeout too?

Honestly I would have had a hard time laying this one on Mya. I would have made her watch how difficult it was to clean it though... That would be punishment enough.

BAC'sMom replied:
I totally agree

CantWait replied: For me, the one that got it, and the one that made the mess would have been helping to clean it up. That would have been punishment enough.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Well I'm sorry - but if DH openly said that he knew the ketchup bottle was there since last night... I would have shoved the child, the ketchup and the rags in his hands and told him to deal with it, because if he'd put the dang thing away when he saw it, this could have been avoided. And I would likely have used quite a few choice words not suitable for this forum... I have quite the potty mouth when I'm angry. Especially if it's a circumstance of his stupidity.

Of course I would have been angry at the child too... My EMilie is 2.5 and she understands pretty darn good what is not appropriate behaviour. So a 2.5 year old is a 2.5 year old... but they're still not "innocent" - they're pretty aware at that age, and she would likely have gotten one of the rare spankings I give them when they've really done something unbelieveably wrong.

And any other participants in the smearing match would have been strung up like the others.

With my temper... I likely would have ripped out the dang carpet once I realized the stain isn't going away... and made dh labor to put a new one in, or other flooring.

JP&KJMOM replied:
I agree with this to Monica.

DVFlyer replied: I see where your husband saw the bottle laying out, but I didn't see WHO left it out. I see two (three if you count your husband) people who need to be in "trouble". The one who left the bottle out and the one who made the mess- if it was two different people, of course.

I would have made sure the child who made the mess knew what they did was wrong and made them help me clean up the mess (not for 4 hours... just get them to put in some effort). Even if they didn't leave the bottle out, they should know that it's not ok to make a mess on the carpet.

The one who left the bottle out would be in trouble for that "offense"... but not for the carpet. I would make them understand that their actions caused it, but it is not their fault the carpet got soiled.

If someone leaves crayons or markers out and someone else uses them to mark on the wall, the one who left them out is not to blame for the marks on the wall. The one who did the marking is at fault for "that" incident. The one who left them out is at fault for leaving them out... and only that.

AlexsPajamaMama replied:
I agree

luvmykids replied: Thanks everyone, you mostly summed up how I would have handled it but since DH found the mess he took it upon himself, which would be good except I feel like he went waaaaay overboard .... he spanked her, fine. But then when he asked her who got out the ketchup she said Colt (which I believe, since it was in HIS room) and he started screaming at her for lying and telling her not to lie ... ok I have a problem with that! First, I really don't think she was lying, and second, screaming in a 2 year olds face, IMHO, totally changes the result, all that did was scare her and make her cry and eventually lose sight of the whole issue.

The other problem I had was him telling her to sit there until she figured out how to clean it up, she should have to help, yes, but sorry I actually prefer that she "help" me rather than even attempt to do it herself, bigger mess!

The whole thing was way out of hand and finally I couldn't stand it anymore (after about 20 minutes) so I called him out of the room and told him I'd handle it from there (NOT in front of the kids) and he flipped out on me for undermining him.

I did make a very strong attempt to leave it up to him but it was getting ridiculous with the screaming, repeated spanking, and making her sit there. Especially after I heard him say he'd seen the bottle there the day before ....

Just wondered if he really did go overboard or if I was just being a softie.

JP&KJMOM replied: Monica I absolutely think you did the right thing. Although I doubt I would have let it go for 20 minutes.

I agree with you there.
Glad you stood up to him and stopped how he was reacting. sweetie and know that you are a good momma!

AlexsPajamaMama replied: Not a softie IMHO!
You are a GREAT Mommy Monica!!

I know with my experiences with a DH and a two year old...Dad often forgets he is only two and expects more than Alex can even comprehend.
Like lieing...does a 2 or 2.5 year old really understand what lieing is. And why tell her to sit until she can figure out a way to clean up the mess.

I know and you know that screaming doesn't get much accomplished and that repeated spanking is just being a little more aggresive than need be.

Sometimes they handle things differantly than us....but it's the only way they know how to handle it.

Boo&BugsMom replied: I believe in spankings. I think a child at this age knows right from wrong. Are they curious? Sure, but they know. I would have made the mess maker clean up the mess as well, and probably taken some things away, like tv time or something. I'm not at all nice about punishments. Notice I said spankings, not beatings! And not repeated spankings either.

And yes, I think a child who is 2 is capable of lieing. Too many people don't give children enough credit for their smarts! If you don't nip lieing in the butt it will only get worse. However, yelling at the child will not solve anything. If you know she is lying, then having a talk about lieing and setting down consequences for future lies would be more appropriate.

redchief replied: I'm not going to get into the spanking debate here because no one's mind will change one way or another in it. I'm not real crazy about yelling at a two year old though. I look at it this way... we're trying to teach our kids right from wrong, so what's the message. A two year old sees a twenty/thirty something man bellowing in her face, what's she going to actually hear? Likely the only thing she'll hear is her own heart trying to beat it's way out of her chest in fear.

Fear of punishment is one thing... I think the kids should have a healthy dose of that. I never want my kids to afraid of ME, the dad, though. That would break my heart in a million pieces. And I would be the only one to blame.

C&K*s Mommie replied: I agree with this from Jeanie. I agree with what you did Monica, I would do the same. And I agree with Ed's last post about not yelling at a child, and being heartbroken because they are fearful.