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High Needs Babies


CantWait wrote: What do you do with them? Anthony is sooooooo clingy, he barely lets me go pee or grab a bite to eat, never mind have any time to sit bymself. He doesn't want dad anymore, he won't lay on the floor and play, he wants to sit up and he doesn't just want to sit up, he wants me to be there with him, and when he doesn't want to sit, he wants to be in my arms. I have to to lay down beside him and nurse him for his naps, and I can't leave or he'll wake up......Help!!!!!!!!!!! What do I do? Do I just let him cry? wacko.gif

kimberley replied: grouphug.gif sorry to hear you are having such a hard time sad.gif Jacob was very clingy to me too. i think it was because i was the only constant thing in his life and i was the only person who made him feel secure. i couldn't let him CIO because that just tore me up inside. instead we found ways for me to get stuff done with him and we didn't bother trying to do anything around nap times or feeding times. he sat in one sink while i did dishes in the other, he sat in the laundry basket while i did laundry, we dusted together, put clothes away together and he still will help me with chores around the house 7 yrs later biggrin.gif Have you tried to wear him in a sling?

i had the same problem with naps and thought i was going to lose my mind. it just took time, but he eventually realized he had to sleep without me or he'd be a very tired little boy. give him a shirt of yours that smells like you, and swaddle him if you can. jade sleeps longer when she is cocooned in a blanket.

sorry i am not much help. (((hugs))) and i hope things get easier soon. let us know how it goes.

Daddy of Schnoogly replied: Iain is really high needs... but whenever he's trying to master a new skill, e.g. sitting up, crawling, and currently, walking, he becomes super duper grumpy clingy whiny needy.

The payoff is that when he finally gets it, he's really happy for a couple weeks. I hope you get that too.

Good luck.

CantWait replied: thanks for the suggestions and support. I have tried wearing Anthony in a snuggli, unfortunetly he does get a little heavy after awhile not to mention he gets in the way.

I hope your right Daddy of Schnoogly, thanks for the luck smile.gif

MommyToAshley replied: grouphug.gif

I don't have much advice, just wanted to offer hugs and support.

coasterqueen replied: no advice for you, just hugs grouphug.gif grouphug.gif

Kylie is pretty high needs and is acting exactly like Anthony. It is driving me completely batty. I am PRAYING that it is just a phase that phases out quickly. wacko.gif

KatieLeigh79 replied: Sorry to hear you sound as though your in the same boat as myself. smile.gif *comfort* I'd love to be able to give advice but atm mine is sleeping about 15 minutes a night and otherwise wants me to walk the house with him while he cuddles me and bites my neck(?) I've decided the child is becoming a vampire... I'm here to listen if you need to vent, or if you find any advice that works well for you smile.gif Not many 10 month olds want to nurse every 2 1/2 hours im guessing, im thinking my little guy is just one in a million *lol* wavey.gif

Guest replied: Actually Katie lots of 10.5 month olds nurse that much. It's not that uncommon. If you look at the nighttime parenting forum at mothering.com you'll find tons of high need babies who nurse all the time and don't sleep at night.

I'm sorry I missed this post earlier.

I used a maya wrap, and also got a hug-a-bub sling which goes over both shoulders. A snuggli is about the least comfortable carrier there is. I wish no one would register for them or get them, they're awful!!! A baby bjorn is more comfortable too and you can generally find them cheap on ebay.

Basically, you know I carried Iain around in his sling all the time until he could crawl, and then most of the time until he could walk, and I am still carrying him around a LOT. I can never let him cry alone, but I DO let him cry with DH. It drives me freaking bananas sometimes, but I just leave the room and DH can quiet him down pretty well since he has been doing it since Iain was born. He sure screams for me though!! I don't think crying in dad's arms is the same as CIO and you just gotta have 5 minutes to yourself sometimes!!

Also you all know I'm a HUGE fan of the amby baby hammock Amby baby hammocks

which are about the best baby calming device ever invented. I cannot say how much I love this thing. I wrote them a love letter and they sent me a new bag to carry the hammock in (our old one fell apart we used it so much!!) We took it to the babysitter, on our trips to Northern Cali and Oregon (on the airplane) and he slept in it until he was about 13 months old. Their service is excellent, Dr. Sears endorses them now, and they distribute in the US so you don't have to have it shipped from Australia like I did.

Also, I really recommend reading "Raising your spirited child" as it does help to understand them, and prepare for later!

One thing that really helped us is charting his nap times, and watching for sleep cues (eye rubbing, ear rubbing, yawning, slowing down). Now that he is sleeping and napping better (which took a LONG time, believe me!!!) it is amazing how much better his mood is. He's like a different kid. I know because on the days after he's slept badly he turns back into his horrible cranky old self.

So I don't have much more advice than it really will get better, I promise!! About 6-12 months were really the worst for us, his naps became even more horrible and he would NOT go to sleep ever without tons of motion and carrying. Nights were awful then too, he woke every half hour. Cosleeping is the only way for these kids, I say that not just as an AP type but out of sheer practical necessity. Going into their room or over to the crib 10+ times a night is just impossible, you'll kill yourself.

But I really could tell a difference in him after 1 year. He just got more mellow. He started eating finally, sleepng a little better, got a little less clingy (though he is still super sensitive and clingy, just not as bad). He can stand to be in the car for 15-20 minutes without a complete meltdown.

There are some great links on the PP high needs board, here is the link:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-pphneedsbaby

Guest_Schnoogly replied: Sorry that was me!!

CantWait replied: Thanks for your reply. I just wanted to let you know that things in some ways are getting better. Anthony will now play on his own, he'll go for a stroller ride, and can sit in the car for a 15-20 minute ride. However, yes he still nurses every 2 hours on some days unless we're in a new atmosphere, and that's while eating solids (sometimes he's just taking a few sips):wacko:and he can't fall asleep without nursing. He isn't very comfortable with dad, so he pretty much is with me all the time, although I do leave him for a hour or so to do things on my own. I do need my sanity rolling_smile.gif although my behaviour contradicts this. He still isn't taking to a sippy, whatever...the time will come I guess (RIGHT???) LOL. Right now I think he's going through separation anxiety, he's waking up a lot more at night (he was pretty much sleeping in 6-8 hour stints, I was lucky in that way), and screams for me when he wakes. Naps are still with mommy. I should post a pic of what it looks like, it's kinda cute, but nothing gets done tongue.gif I've come to the realization that even though I'm suppose to go back to work at the end of next month, whatever. It's going to have to wait. DH isn't thrilled with me bf still, he blames me for Anthony's "SPOILEDNESS", he won't try and give him a sippy, and sees nothing wrong in letting him sit and cry byhimself sad.gif So my conclusion is that Anthony is still a baby, he needs me, and if things have to wait and don't get done, then whatever. By the time he's a year old he might understand more and that's when I'll start working on it more.
Thanks again.

MommyToAshley replied: Marie, I am glad to hear that Anthony is getting better and will play on his own some. I think you are doing all the right things! He is thriving, is healthy.... he just loves his Mommy! wub.gif Hang in there, it will get better!

Ashley nursed every two hours until she was a little over a year old. Then she started cutting back and eventually went downt to only nightime, then weaned at 17/18 months.

As for your DH's comments... I think all Dads think that. My DH is absolutely wonderful with Ashley, but he still thinks that I spoil her. Maybe I did just a little, but I have to say that I agree with you, when they are babies there is no reason to just let them cry. Just think of everything that they have had to deal with... going from the womb to this scary world, all the milestones they've hit, teething, learning to sleep on their own... I think I would want MY MOMMY too!

(((HGUS)))

kimberley replied: grouphug.gif i am glad things are getting a little better. i know it doesn`t help when DH doesn`t support your parenting style. it is an uphill battle alone but it is worth the fight for Anthony`s sake. hang in there, it does get better. Jacob was a nibble nurser for 13mos and he started solids at 4mos. the nice weather is coming and you two can spend more fun time outside so maybe that will distract him from the constant nursing.

i meant to ask you, did you ever talk to that lady with the baby and dog? i hope you did. it is nice to have someone close by. and is DH getting that job? maybe some time away will help him appreciate things at home more kwim?

((((hugs)))) you are a great mom doing a great job for your boys! don`t forget to pat yourself on the back once in a while!

Guest_Schnoogly replied: Yeah, you are a great mom! It seems to come in waves. It will be bad for a while, then get a little better, then get bad again. It's like 3 steps forward and 2 steps back, all the way.

I bet your naps look like ours. Iain still naps on my chest a lot. And didn't take a sippy cup until 14 months! (but he would take a bottle)


You can't spoil him! Not responding to his needs is just going to make him clingier. It gets better so slowly, but it really does. I enjoy Iain so much more now than when he was a baby. He has changed so much since he turned 1 year. I don't know how I survived, but I did, and you will too!

CantWait replied:
blush.gif No I still haven't talked to that girl. I actually haven't seen her outside since the last time. However I do know where she lives. It's just down the street from me. Maybe one day. As for that out of Country job, another base got it so the story goes right now. However they MIGHT be taking a few guys from here, so not all is lost quite yet. Thanks for asking smile.gif

CantWait replied:
Yes you're right, it certainly does come in waves. Right now is one of those bad ones LOL rolling_smile.gif Nap time here is nursing to sleep and then lay in moms arms untill he feels like waking up. If ya put him down, he's waking up and he's cranky. I say nap in my arms cause I don't need the extra crankiness tongue.gif He still won't take a bottle or a sippy really. He'll take a couple sips and then that's all he wants to do with it. Thanks for the support. I'm glad things are going better for you now wub.gif


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