He has until Friday... - Mini vent

MomToJade&Jordan wrote: So it's Valentine's Day and I'm giving him until Friday before I get all angry at him and call. Not even an e-card for his kids. You know I don't care how busy he is with his new wife and new baby on the way he still has two little girls here. One who always says how much she loves her daddy. So he has until Friday.

cameragirl21 replied: have you told him his girls miss him and need him? maybe he's just an idiot...?

MomToJade&Jordan replied: Oh he knows. Tells me everytime we get on the phone (3 times since we moved here in May) that he will call more. Not sure if you know how my marriage ended, but he pretty much went from me to her without skipping a beat. Conceived a child while we were still married and finally married the girl a couple of weeks ago. There are some choice words that I usually use when I utter his name, but this is a g-rated site. Needless to say I can't wait to explain to him why his kids don't want to talk to him when they are older. I'm just not sure he gets the implications of his actions thus far. Niether of them do.

Nina J replied: He'll be sorry when neither of his daughters want to speak to him in 20 years. I hope he rings or sends a card, for Jade and Jordan's sake. Having a butt head for a dad isn't fun.

cameragirl21 replied:
idk, i hate to give advice on this because i've come to realize that it's easy to give advice when you're not in the situation but much harder to really know the best solution when you actually ARE in the situation, kwim?
but i do think you should send him a letter or an email telling him that the girls are asking about him but getting used to not having him around and that he's really running out of time to be their dad and that if he doesn't change soon then maybe you'll marry someone else and that person will legally adopt them and be their dad and he won't have 2 daughters anymore.
even if you're not dating anyone and don't see it happening anytime soon i'd put the feelers out there so you will know what his plans are, like if he ever intends to make good on his responsibiliites as your girls' dad and if not, may as well get the kids interested in other things (and other people) when they bring up their dad.
it may seem harsh but i think if i were in your place i'd want to know if he will ever come around and if you see he has no plans to then it's best to at least know where you and your daughters stand.
he sounds like a real @ss, no offense.

MomToJade&Jordan replied: Oh he is Jenn no offense taken. I've actually been thinking about doing that. Calling him and sending him an email telling him that Jade misses him and would really like to talk to him. I just hurt for her everytime she says she misses him. Jordan...well she doesn't even know him. She was what 3 months old when he made the choice to end our marriage. I am about ready to get back out there and date and I'm curious to see what happens when I do.

cameragirl21 replied:
oh, i agree, you should get back out there and date, you are very pretty.
tell your ex that you're going to find a father for your girls because as it stands, it seems as though they don't have one.

MomToJade&Jordan replied: Wow thanks Jenn.

Calimama replied:
I agree. He'll regret for the rest of his life.

kimberley replied: i'm sorry hon. i know first-hand what you are going through and the pain of watching your kid's heart break over and over. until butthead grows up, i doubt he will realize what he is doing until it is far too late, no matter how many calls or letters you write. just remember kids are resilient. with your love and support, Jade will get through this and eventually will see the light about her father. my 10yo is already there with his dad. i am around in the afternoon if u want to chat.

gr33n3y3z replied: I still live close enough to him LOL

Boys r us replied: Oh carrie ann I'm so sorry!!! One day he WILL pay the ultimate price for his actions! I don't get it, I really just don't get how you could just up and walk out of your children's lives..especially Jade, she was old enough to have developed a REAL bond with him before he left.

Paprikash replied: Just a question -- is it typical for children to get Valentine's Day stuff from their parents? Because I consider that I have a very loving relationship with my father, but I would never expect that he would give me a Valentine's Day gift/card etc., nor would I have anticipated getting something as a child.

Is this a tradition for most children, to get Valentines from their father? And is it a tradition in your ex-husband's family? I'm just asking because traditions do differ and even for the most loving fathers it just might not occur to celebrate this holiday with their kids.

luvmykids replied: He just doesn't know what an a** he is, does he? I really wish he'd at least have called. I'm sorry, give the girls lots of extra hugs and kisses

TheOaf66 replied: I hope he wises up

C&K*s Mommie replied: It was said best above... he's an a*s!
I am so sorry for the anguish Jade must be feeling for the absence of her father.

MomToJade&Jordan replied:
It always had been that way in my family. My Mom always gave us a card with chocolate or other things (and still does ). When we were married we always got Jade something for Valentine's Day. I think I'm just getting fed up with him ignoring the 2 children he all ready has. Yesterday just set it off. On one hand I feel like I have to make sure he doesn't ruin the relationship he has with the girls and on the other hand I'm like oh well it's his loss for being a whole bunch of words I can't type out.

MomToJade&Jordan replied:

moped replied: Oh I am so sorry - he will regret it someday - you know it!!!!!!!!!

moped replied: Does he see much of the kids Carrie Ann??

Paprikash replied: I'm really sorry, sweetie.

MomToJade&Jordan replied:
He hasn't seen them since we left Maryland. He's in the Air Force and probably could have taken leave to come see them, but hasn't. He said he was going to come in Jan, but decided they weren't because they felt she would be too pregnant for the trip (something I understand). From what I understand he is trying to get stationed in Georgia somewhere which would put them closer to us, but he still has at least 2 more years where he's at. I guess are going to try to have them for a month out of the summer. Then they will go to my MILs. I guess we will just see how it goes.

hopefulmomtobe replied: My ex is terrible! He has been locked up 2 times for harrasment towards me and now he is interegating his children every time they go on what goes on at our house. He is married and has a child with one on the way - 4 weeks after me actually but is OBSESSED with what goes on in my life!

Anyway - He has not called his children since he was last locked up in 2-06 and never sends them cards or anything. But, he does see them every third weekend as long as I take them to him halfway as we live almost 300 miles apart. I really wish he would just sign over his rights, he is no father to them anyway!

I feel for you! I go through this daily, my kids are older and have grown very tired of him and his ways!!

Cece00 replied:
I dont think what he is doing is right, either, but I just wanted to make a point here- no one can legally do a stepparent adoption without the consent of the real father OR consent of the court, which is only given if certain standards of abandonment are met, and not calling and not seeing one's kids is not always abandonment...usually there has to be a long history of non support (child support). I'm not saying you are looking to replace their dad right now or even do a stepparent adoption, I'm just saying that the law works this way, its not nearly as easy as ppl would think.

Now, that being said-

I think your ex husband is an @ss. I think its despicable to cheat on your spouse (seriously, I think it should be punishable by jail time), let alone to get your mistress pregnant and then marry her and abandon your 2 children created in the marriage. I think its very sad that he isnt paying attention to the girls.

However, I would not bug him about it. My ex is good about seeing our kids (very good, actually) and even calling them, but even when he wasnt or if he decided to change, I would not be all over him about it. IMO, that usually just pushes them farther away OR it does nothing b/c they dont really care (it seems like this is the case with your ex) in the first place. Obviously he made his decision and it has consequences and he will have to live with those in the future. He is going to do what he wants to do, and it may be better that you do nothing rather than jump his butt about this & him making some half hearted attempt with Jade and then just backing off again...that could just make it worse for her.

This is just my humble opinion, though, and I want to wish you luck with this situation. Its a tough one, and I really feel for Jade.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Customary or not, a father that doesn't see his children very often is obligated, IMO to send a card/gift at every occassion. His problem is more than just 'not celebrating' a certain holiday. His problem is that he's a selfish pig that only thinks with one part of his body.

Carrie, I'm with you...I can't type the thoughts that are spewing out of my head right now. He has no idea what he's giving up. Why should you have to remind him of this???

I'm THRILLED to learn you are considering dating again! You deserve so much happiness and so do your girls. I hope you find Mr Right waiting around the corner.