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Having a hard time - with mom's comments

mysweetpeasWil&Wes wrote: growl.gif

My mom sees Wil MAYBE twice a year, yet somehow she has branded him with words such as "lazy" and "stubborn". I'm not sure where she gets it from! How does a child that isn't even TWO yet, become lazy or stubborn? I don't get it! When he wasn't crawling until 11 months, she told me he was just being lazy. When he wasn't walking until 17 months, again, she said "well he knows how to walk, he's just being lazy". And now that he's 21 months and says maybe 10 words max (which aren't even clear), he's being stubborn she says! She used the same comment to me yesterday "well he knows how to talk, he's just being stubborn." And then she said "well he will do it on his own time", (oh thank god, she finally understands I thought), but then went on in her critical fashion by saying "but there ARE ways that YOU can get him to talk more, Rae." new_tomato.gif I truly felt like she had thrown tomato on my face through the phone!

Please...someone tell me how a 21 month old child has it in his brain to "know" how to talk, but he's just holding out for selfish reasons?? Does that make any sense to you?...because it doesn't to ME!! mad.gif A five year old can be stubborn, but I'm sorry, I can't possibly believe that my DS knows words, but heck, he just doesn't WANT to say them!! dry.gif Total BS imo.

Sorry for the vent......................

PrairieMom replied: Kids do things in their own time. Ignore her. growl.gif My theort is that the more you want them to do something, tha later they do it, just to spite you! rolleyes.gif rolling_smile.gif

ediep replied: Whenever anyone used to make similar comment about Jason I would always respond "his ped isn't concerned and neither am I"

My DH's grandmother and mom used to say things like that all the time, especially when I was potty training him...

Ashlynn's Mommy replied: Every child is uniqe in their own precious way, and they develop at their own pace. It is 1000% imposible for a child that age to be lazy or stubborn. I would kindly, and politely tell your mother, if she doesn't have anything positive to say, then please keep her negative thoughts to herself. Good luck. I hope everything works out for you. hug.gif

moped replied: ahh Rae, I am sorry. You know mothers!!!!!

My mom doesn't see Jack much and has 3 other grandchildren in her own town and it seems that she can easily judge about Jack........but doesn't really know him...I don't pay any attention. I should correct myself, she adores Jack, but compares him to my 2.5 year old nephew, which is fine.....but........

Don't worry about what others think............Wil is not lazy!

And I agree with Tara.

Jack did say about 10 words at xmas (18 months), now at 23 months he says everything, you just watch, I will bet you anything Wil starts saying what you guys say very soon. Also keep in mind that with the new baby his behavior may change....I have just heard this, I don't actually know.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Logan's been slow to talk too, Rae. And not for lack of me trying. Every time he grunts and points, I try to tell him the word and see if I can get him to repeat it. Mostly he just grunts again. And I am not about to force the issue. He'll talk when he's good and ready. My brother didn't really talk until he was 2, almost
2-1/2. But then it seemed like 5 new words a day. Our boys are fine, and if your ped isn't concerned, then you shouldn't be either. Try to ignore your mom's comments (I know, easier said than done). I am sure she means well, she's just got a very wierd way of showing it.

mammag replied: First of all, I think many boys are slower to talk. All of mine were but Kristen was speaking in sentences (well, baby sentences "pretty little baby") at 15mos. Each kids is completely different.

Could it be that she is just worried, not realizing it is perfectly fine, and she is trying to make you feel better....or herself for that matter?

Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it. Sometimes I think it is a grandparents job to make off the wall comments. rolleyes.gif I know I've heard some doozies from mil & my parents.

luvbug00 replied: hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif she's being rediculas!

amynicole21 replied: I think that's how some people try to make you feel better. She's trying to say, "there's nothing wrong with him, he's just playing you" but she has no idea that it makes things worse. My mother is the very same way. dry.gif This is the reason I don't speak with my mother often.

And by the way, there is NOTHING wrong with him.

My3LilMonkeys replied: hug.gif We are having the same issue - only I have people implying that I'm lazy because Brooke is potty trained yet. I just tell them that she'll do it when she's ready. hug.gif hug.gif

luvmykids replied: I swear there is something about the older generations that for some reason they all think every kid under the sun was walking by one, potty trained by two, and reading and writing by three. My grandmother, DH's gma, and every other woman I know in their age range tells the same version of the story of when their kids did stuff. rolleyes.gif Personally I think they're just so far out of the kid loop that their memories are shot! emlaugh.gif

CantWait replied: Well Rae, just think of it this way. You must have been an absolute perfect child for your mother to have high expectations of Wil.......ok you're right, it's total BS hug.gif Sorry she's being such a pain. sad.gif

AlexsPajamaMama replied:
My Nana is the SAME way!!

She insists that all 7of her kids were completely potty trained by 2.
The ways of the world are differant now, they dont realize that sometimes!

hug.gif hug.gif's Rea. I know it's frustrating. Especially coming from some one who doesn't see/know him. My mom doesnt see Alex very often maybe once a month or so. She can be critical too.

ian'smommy replied: Kids do know plenty of words, but they lack the ability to form the words. He isn't being stubborn. Just you wait, all this time he is storing up words in his mind and wont your mother be surprised when he suddenly won't shut up? She will probably have something else to say by then too. Sounds like a critical mother. I have a critical sister-in-law so I know a little about how you feel. I am thankful my mother isn't that way or I'd go nuts. But I agree, if she says things like that, just tell her that since the pediatrician isn't concerned, neither are you and she can keep her negative comments about your son to herself. I hope when she DOES see him that she doesnt say these things in front of him. Not good at all if she does.

mckayleesmom replied: Well count Russell in as LAZY and STUBBORN then. He didn't walk till he was 12 months, still doesn't talk and hes 16 months.

ian'smommy replied: Ian didn't walk until he was 14 months and his speech always seemed lacking compared to some other boys and DEFINITELY to girls but now he is almost 4 and he is ALWAYS talking. It happens when it happens. My cousin didn't talk a lot when he was younger. Ian talked more than he did, and now my cousin who is 5 talks more than Ian. biggrin.gif When Ian wasn't talking as much we did sign language with him which he used becuase he couldn't form the words vocally. When he was able to say it, the sign language dwindled. And contrary to popular belief, using sign language with them before they can talk will not slow down their speech. They will not choose to sign and not talk. I highly recommend it in fact. Cuts down on trantrums because you have given them a way to communicate with you without screaming in frustration. biggrin.gif

C&K*s Mommie replied: hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif venting helps, so vent away!!

MyLuvBugs replied:
ITA! I personally think lorelei is stubborn, but DH and I are so it wouldn't surprise me. rolleyes.gif But Tara's right, the more you try the harder it is sometimes. Just let him be who he is and he'll figure it all out soon. hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Thanks everyone for the kind support! I totally needed it. My sister has three girls that live in the same city as my mom, so she's sees them probably more than twice a week. And so I always feel that my mom is comparing my kiddo to them and my parenting to my sister's. And I hate to say it, but this is my mom's first grandSON (first boy in the family period), so little does she know that boys DO do things differently than girls, at times. She just doesn't get it...even when I tell her that the ped is not concerned.

You know, the stubborn thing doesn't bother me as much, but like someone said, she HAS used the word "lazy" in front of Wil a couple times. And DH hates it! His grandmother called him lazy, but in a very mean "you're fat and lazy" type of way and he says it reminds him of that. I know that my mom doesn't mean it that way at all....but I may have to say something if it comes up again.

Thanks again for the support! hug.gif

BAC'sMom replied: growl.gif sometimes people should keep their comments to them selves. Yes, that sometimes even means OUR Moms too!

Sorry she hurt your feelings hug.gif

Boo&BugsMom replied: Maybe your mom just doesn't know how to choose the right words. Using the term lazy seems pretty harsh, but I can see that maybe she means it as "he is choosing to not do it right now". Kids are kids and they will do things only if A) they are made to do them, or cool.gif only if they feel like it. Especially when they can't communicate properly yet. I think if she would have worded it a little less hurtful, then maybe she wouldn't have rubbed off on you the wrong way. I know my mom tends to do that sometimes, especially if I am doing things totally different than how she did them. I always get the "I never did that with you kids!". UGH! I just think her memory doesn't serve her correctly many times too. I just try to read into what she really means without trying to take defense right away. Mothers seem to always mean well, they just don't think before they speak sometimes.

groovy_mommy replied: Well, I believe all moms will feel like she knows better for her being a mother a lot earlier than us.

*Wondering if we'll be doing the same thing* --> hope not!

However, maybe it's just her way to get more involved in your kid's growth. Not that she's doing it the right way but, let's try to look at the bright side.

About the talking...each kid has his own way to grow. Why don't you show your mom the PLUSES that Little WIL has. She might be just wanna be proud of her little grandson but don't know what.


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