HE LEFT ME PREGNANT - please someone help me :(

needhelp wrote: hi everyone, i'm new here my name is Tammi i'm 23. i don't really have anyone to turn to about my situation so if anyone can help me the least bit i'd really appreciate it.. i just don't know what to do i really can't decide.....

I'm about 12 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend of 10 months just left me I'm pretty sure to be with another girl. I am in so much emotional pain right now, I just had an abortion with him a couple of months ago, I promised myself never to do it again. The problem is, I have a loving exboyfriend of 3 years who forgives me and wants to be with me but the thing is he would be too heartbroken for me to be with him and have someone else's baby. He has a good job, a house, always there to support me when I need someone.

If I keep it I will have to worry about finances with my now exbf he owes me over $2500 dollars, he has stolen from me, he has no job and has a BAD side job, i mean not even legal so it's not a good situation for me. I am so lost i don't know what to do... I thought everything was going to be fine. Besides since i just had an abortion a couple months ago i'm worried that it would hurt me phsyically some how since it's still like... i don't know.. recovering. Someone please help, any words of advice or encouragement... anything

DVFlyer replied: A lot going on in one post. One thing is clear to me, though, you need to focus on YOU and how to support yourself, not rely on an ex or anyone else. The abortion topic is very sensitive, especially around a parenting site. If you can't afford a baby, there are other options like adoption, but no one here can make the decision for you.

No matter what you decide, you need to get your life back on track. Use birth control from now on until you are more stable- emotionally, financially etc. Don't get back together with your ex or anyone else for that matter.

But something tells me you already have decided what you should do, you're just looking for validation of your feelings.

Best of luck.

1lilpeanut2love replied: I would say 'Please, please, please don't have an abortion.'

Having a child brings love and joy to all those involved.

Everything happens for a reason.

Good luck!!

1lilpeanut2love replied: You don't necessarily need lots of $$$$ to have a baby. There are many programs available to help you. Food stamps, wic, etc.

I wouldn't punish the baby for your choices. It's not his/her fault.

HTH.

1lilpeanut2love replied: I feel really bad for you. I hope all works out well for you!

Bee_Kay replied: I agree.. that's a whole lot of info in one post.

Number one, have you considered adoption?

Number two, have you talked it over with the ex-bf of 3 years? Does he know you are pregnant?

b&bsmom replied: I agree you need to focus on you. things do happen for a reason and you need to focus on all your options and what is best for you and this baby. You need to support yourself and not depend on others. Good luck to you.

ilovemybaby replied: It sounds like he actually did you a favour (I know it doesn't seem that way) especially if he had an illegal side job.
You will be ok! Have this baby and talk to your ex boyfriend. He might not like the idea of a baby that is not his... but he would grow to love him/her.

DVFlyer replied:
I understand what you are trying to say, but your statement is too broad. For you and people you know, maybe, but not for everyone.

DVFlyer replied:
No one other than the ex can know that. She's obviously very emotional right now and should not be lead to think someone will love a child that isn't theirs when we don't know / aren't that person.

kimberley replied:
well said. i agree.

na81 replied: I am sorry that you are going through this! I hope you are able to find help and support that you need on here! You are going through alot right now. I can't tell you what to do, but I would say that you need to take some time to yourself and try to sort things out. Having a child is a lot of responsibility and if you don't think you will be able to handle it on your own, maybe adoption is a good choice. Don't depend on someone else, sure, it may be scary and hard, but I think right now it may be better for you! Sounds to me your ex did do you a favor, he could have gotten you in serious trouble if you were around this "illegal stuff". Do you have any family around? Family can be a wonderful support group. I really don't know what to tell you that will make you feel better. I am here if you need someone to talk to- feel free to PM me anytime! I hope everything works out!
Nicole

mckayleesmom replied: Well...Im sorry this is happening to you. I really think that you need to leave the relationship options alone for right now. You really need to concentrate on yourself and where you go from here. Do you keep the baby, put it up for adoption or what. Its nice that your ex forgave you, but you also broke up with him probably for a reason, so who is to say that you won't break up with him again, only now there is a child involved. I really hope you sit down and clearly think out what you are going to do without bringing men to take care of you into the picture.

redchief replied: I agree with the moms who've spoken before. Your main concern now needs to be getting your own life on track. Motivations for getting involved in any relationship right now are suspect, you must admit. I think you need to involve friends and family in your decisions; not romantic interests, at least at this time. I'm sorry you're feeling so lost and alone, and I certainly hope you can find your way through your decisions and be able to look back on this time in your life as the time when you took charge and became independent! Good luck to you.


Edited for bad spelling.

ashtonsmama replied:

Good luck hun...I know it's hard, but I hope that it all works out...it will!