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Gender rolls - question


Miranda1127 wrote: do you promote specific rolls and different expectations for your children based on gender? if so what and why.

MyBabeMaddie replied: I don't think I want to, Adam insists that I do the dishes every night just because "You're a woman so you must enjoy it" BS! I want Madison to know that men and women are equal and that she shouldn't take that which is why I don't do the dishes hehehe (well I do them but not when he tells me too) wink.gif

TheOaf66 replied: Jennie and I share the housework...I do dishes, I vacuum, I do laundry...I don't believe that it is a womans job.

stella6979 replied: Hmmm...the only two things I don't do, is mow the lawn and take out the garbage. Not because I feel that it's a man's job, but because Jeff insists that it's a man's job. biggrin.gif

lovemy2 replied:
Jennie can we do a husband swap - maybe you can whip my DH into shape rolling_smile.gif

Kaitlin'smom replied: nope we both do things around the house, granted I do more but there are a couple things I dont do much of that he does more, like take out the trash, or mow the lawn, I dont mow very often due to my allergies, but I will if I have to.

Miranda1127 replied:
hmmm, i was actually asking b/c i've noticed Steve treating the kids differently lately, he has taken Steven to a couple sports things like parties and stuff he and his friends have and wont take Liesy like he thinks its a boy thing or something, but now that you bring up the housework thing i'm wondering about what i do. women in my family tend to be more dominate by nature and marry less dominate men (not that Steve is submissive, just less dominate). basically all household chores are shared but the "final" decisions (on almost everything)is made by me and i pretty much take control on just about everything. now i'm wondering how this would effect the kids. hmmmmm, i think i'm just bored and going on a philosophical mission. i really don't expect a "right" answer just curious i guess.

stella6979 replied:
While I do agree that each child should get some alone time with their parents, I don't feel that there should be things a Parent can ONLY do with their son or ONLY do with their daughter. Going fishing and shooting hoops with my Dad are a couple of my most fondest memories of him.

Miranda1127 replied:
i completely agree, alone time is great but it really shouldn't be gender specific.

boyohboyohboy replied: my husband and I share all the chores, he will do anything if asked...
the boys he sometimes says, I let do "girly" things, for instants jake has a baby doll, and he pushes it in a cart, and has a kitchen set, but its what he likes to do.
I see nothing wrong with that.
My dh is a scruffy truck driver and one night after work went to walmart to get me a larger bra because i was complaining so much about the one i had, he has no issues with seperating woman and mens duties.....

stella6979 replied:
LOL! I can't even tell you how many times Jeff has gone to the store to get me some feminine products. biggrin.gif

DansMom replied: Well, we already have nontraditional roles in that I'm the breadwinner and DH is the stay at home caregiver while I work (although I'm in total traditional mommy mode the moment I walk in the front door).

Daniel takes an interest in bugs and monster trucks as well as ballet and nail polish. When we went shopping for summer sandals, he wanted to buy pink sandals with flowers on them and I inwardly balked, so I guess I do draw the line somewhere! tongue.gif But I didn't make a big deal about it---just said they didn't come in his size, and how about these other ones instead. He has asked why boys don't get to wear dresses and I just admitted that I don't really know, they just don't. As far as what we promote, DH will take him to the Demolition Derby and I'll take him to the ballet. He will take classes in soccer and gymnastics, baseball and ballet. So far, he seems pretty balanced. I'm sure when he hits school age he'll coordinate his interests with his peers.

Twelve Volt Man replied: My son will learn from the example his mom and I set, that neither of us have certain chores. If something needs to be done, it gets done by whomever can get to it first. I don't want him thinking that it's acceptable to sit on his butt when his room is a mess. I will, however, teach him to never, ever, EVER allow a woman to mow the grass, as the lines she leaves will be curvy, crooked, and there will be tall patches of grass that she missed.

amynicole21 replied:
You know we do that on purpose, right? tongue.gif wink.gif

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Yes. My son has White, and my daughters have Whole wheat.






rolling_smile.gif

Sorry - couldn't resist! I love some typos.

DH and I had agreed, when we decided that I would stay home, that as part of my role as a stay-at-home parent, I was to do as much as I could during the daytime.

But as anyone with kids knows.... it's hard sometimes to get stuff done with kids underfoot.... so I think I got the pretty easy deal... emlaugh.gif

I do most houseold stuff...not because dh isn't capable... he just isn't doing it MY way and it bugs me. blink.gif emlaugh.gif

HuskerMom replied:
I know I do that so Dh will mow instead. smile.gif Besides Dh mowed in big letters GTO in the back yard once. I do most of the cleaning and chores here cuz I don't have a job right now and Dh does.

moped replied:
We have those non traditional roles as well - so needless to say there is nothing that a man does nor a woman, we do it all. I will NOT cut the grass..........that is the only thing I don't do

redchief replied: Gender rolls? In household chores, no. We share household chores across the board. In other things, I don't think it can entirely be helped. Now I married one of the world's greatest tomboys, so I think I can talk to this a little bit, at least from the male side.

There are times when I like to see my favorite girls in traditional female rolls. That doesn't mean I don't think they should do whatever it is that they want, in fact Katie's pretty tomboy-like too. But I must admit that I really like it when they dress up in traditional female garb just to be pretty. I don't think that you have to be masculine to do traditionally male things. I think there are girls who can do automotive repairs as well as any guy, in fact I know a couple women like that. I must also admit that, at least in my perception, I think it's easier for women to cross into traditional male rolls than for guys to "go the other way." Before anyone gets their hackles up, I mean that for instance, it's demographically difficult for males to work in nursing, nannying, preschool teaching, administrative assistant and other traditionally "female" careers.

By the same token I believe it's also as difficult for women to be successful in such traditionally male careers as police and fire fighting, plumbing and other construction trades simply from the physical strength angle. Unfairly though, it also seems that women still get the short end of the career stick in areas like corporate administration, politics, surgery (this is a real weird one to me - very few female surgeons out there) and piloting (how many female airline pilots do you know?).

It's nice to see equality in some areas such as teaching, medicine (generally), customer service and science. We still have a long way to go in some areas, and I think we also need to acknowledge that some genders are by their nature better at some things than the opposite. Let's face it, males as preschool teaching nurturers would likely raise eyebrows in most communities. Many women simply don't have the physical size necessary to perform some tasks, and men don't have the patience and where-with-all to deal with every cranky person that comes down the road. Women are definitely better, in my opinion, at calming down people who are upset.

I've taught these things to my children, not as truths, but as things I believe to be true, and they know the difference. I'd like to see the world change in some of the traditional expectations. In others, I think it is what it is.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: We're pretty traditional around here, but not because one of us feels it "has" to be boys do this and girls do that, it just sorta fell into place this way I suppose. It works for us. But its not to say DH can't handle the laundry or I can't mow the lawn...we share the a lot of the housework, but for obvious reasons...I do the majority of the housework, he brings home the paycheck, he does the yardwork and finances, I do most of the child rearing.

I want the boys to have equal time with both DH and myself to learn what makes each of us unique. Not by our gender, but just by how we as individuals can do certain things. Never do I want them to feel ashamed for doing something society feels is traditionally a women's role or NOT being able to do something that is seen as more a man's role. I'm not the type to fight my parents when they buy the boys only balls and trucks, there is no harm in it, but I will always encourage my kids to think outside of the box and to give things a shot even if it seems nontraditional. Its all about teaching your kids to be individuals I suppose, a good human being that is, not just a label as girl or boy...if that makes any sense.

indywndy_04 replied: I had to comment on this for sure...I think all of you women will want my husband after I speak...

I do nothing...not because I dont want to, but he is WICKED OCD and he does EVERYTHING. He helps the kids with homework, fixes stuff for them, fixes all meals (including breakfast before school) cleans the bathrooms, kitchen, vacuums, does all laundry, washing and feeds dogs....washes my car and keeps it cleaned on the inside, mowes, has a lawn mowing side job for fun with our 15 year old, the list literally goes on and on. I try to do stuff and he tells me "no, honey, I will get that" So, heck with it I say...carry on Mr OCD!!! Have at it. smile.gif

I do get my children to do chores though, they all have to clean their rooms, make beds before school or before doing anything, clean their bathrooms, take out trash, pick up dog mess outside (poop) etc etc. No gender specific for any of them. They just have to get it done before Mr OCD does it! hee hee

Jackie012007 replied: Carl and I are pretty good about sharing the load, especially since I've returned to working. There isn't any one chore that either gender does, we just do it when it needs to be done.

My3LilMonkeys replied: We don't push traditional roles at all really in our house - DH does most of the laundry and dishes, I do most of the vacuuming/dusting etc. We both take out the trash and do minor repairs around the house. We let the girls do "boy things" if they want to - Madison loves it when daddy plays football with her!

TANNER'S MOM replied: I am border line on these traditional roles. Dh helps around the house, he does dishes and cleans when he is home from work. But then I might be outside mowing the yard, feeding horses, haying. Doing mens work right beside them.

I think our girls spend time with Dad fishing and riding four wheelers and love it..when the boys spend time with me shopping they don't love it quite so much.

But I do believe in Men being Men, and raising their sons to be MEN, who are god fearing, bread winning, doing anything to take care of your family kind of men. I think children learn from example. If Dad loves to be a man, but still paints Sissy's toe nails and helps Mom with supper that is the best of both worlds.

My daughters also see that how a man should treat a woman, (most of the time) but they also see how hard a woman's work is. How a woman can have the same take care of your family no matter what mentality. I think we have the same goals for each sexes but just go about it differently.

I have no problem teaching my sons to be MEN, and my daughters to be Women, in any way that it comes.

Boo&BugsMom replied: I am a very traditional old fashioned person, but I don't see the need in pushing those roles on our children. When my boys move out of the house I want them to be able to take care of themselves properly and the only way to do that is to teach them to cook and clean as well. Like Mel said though too I also agree with..."But I do believe in Men being Men, and raising their sons to be MEN, who are god fearing, bread winning, doing anything to take care of your family kind of men.".

At our house I do the majority of the cleaning and housework, but that is also because I am home and because I like the traditional roles myself. Hubby helps a lot though too, and I also take on some more grunt jobs at times. It depends.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Don't let him fool you...he helps, but he doesn't do the majority...

Don't get me wrong, he's wonderful, but don't let him make you believe he does ALL what he said all the time. happy.gif

TheOaf66 replied:
wow, thanks for making sure I don't look TOO good blink.gif

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Oh stop it...you know as well as I do that I do the majority of the housework. tongue.gif

jcc64 replied: Ed said it best for me.
I have been a little horrified to discover that my dh has some pretty caveman like tendencies where my 4 yo dd is concerned. She desperately wants to learn to play ball like her two older brothers. So I got ahold of a teeny metal t-ball bat (granted, she is only 32 lbs still and is the size of a 2.5 yr old, but still) and started teaching her how to hit off a tee. Well, dh grabbed the bat away, exclaiming that she was going to injure herself with it. He thinks she should use a plastic toy bat instead. EXCUSE ME?! I don't recall that kind of concern when the boys were little. He can't stand to see her cry or to be upset- in short, he treats her like a decorative object at times. Ugh. Coming from a serious tomboy, it makes my skin crawl.

Cece00 replied: We're pretty traditional around here but we dont encourage strict roles for our children. I stay at home, so I do most of the housework. But DH helps with some housework, and I help with some of the outside work. My boys will play with some dolls & a kitchen, and my daughter loves trains and balls. We will encourage our kids to do whatever they want to do, not just what are sometimes considered usually "gender specific roles" (ie girls being SAHM's, nurse, teacher, etc), especially for our daughter. I dont let my boys wear girls clothing, and I dont let my daughter wear boys clothing, though.

luvmykids replied: As far as DH and my roles, I guess I'd say we're modified traditional emlaugh.gif He is the breadwinner, I stay home with the kids but I also work for our company. He doesn't do a lick of housework but I do some "guy" stuff in the sense that I do most of the outdoors stuff too with the horses and all because he's usually out of town most of the week.

As for how that translates to the kids, I don't think they see it yet as a gender thing, just a whoever can take care of it does thing. But I think they do look at him as "the man", although with me they have a broader view since they see my full range of mucking stalls and unloading hay to wearing a dress and wearing make up.

BUT when it comes to gender roles for the kids, DH has a double standard although I don't think he intends to do it. He does very manly stuff with Colt and doubts the girls' ability to keep up, but they prove him wrong a lot because they both have a streak of tomboyishness. He's kind of gotten over it with my SD because she's an outdoorsy kind of girl too. Colt went through a phase of wanting his nails painted when the girls did theirs and DH had a total fit, but it's ok for the girls to do boy stuff.

I'm less traditional for the simple fact that the kids are with me all the time so with me they do everything and gender doesn't come into it.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Scotty is ultra traditional when it comes to running a household. He thinks men and women have certain 'jobs' and clearly my job is running the household and raising the kids while he works a million hours a week to bring home the bacon. It works for us, though. And he doesn't like for me to work out in the yard...unless I'm planting something. Yardwork is his only hobby and he enjoys it. As far as the kids go, they will both have the same chores, just switch out on certain days. wink.gif

msoulz replied:

LOL, that is the one thing that is pretty clear here - he mows the lawn. My theory on lawn mowing is if at least 90% of the lawn is shorter than when I started I get an "A". I like to mow a big square in the lawn, start by running around the outside and just keep going around and around until I get to the middle.

(Is your skin crawling 12-volt man???) tongue.gif

Otherwise, whoever can do what needs to be done does it. Oh, another exception, anything to do with bugs is HIS job!! blink.gif


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