Expections from DH

bwalkerletters wrote: OK, I have a question for everyone. It seems like there are a lot of problems with your DH, so the question I have is what do you expect from your husbands?? What does it take to make you happy??

kel replied: shoes
kidding..im pretty happy..
i have a very loving,considerate,involved dh..we communicate well,he spoils me and we love each other deeply..but more than that he is involved in all the aspects of our daughters life (even the yucky bits) ..

Celestrina replied: One of the things that would make me happy is for my DH to learn to say no to Ben. That and try to remember the romance we once had.

ammommy replied: It all comes down to respect. Respect what I do and who I am and we can work through anything.

CCTandME replied: Well, I don't have a DH(just a BF), but I could probably make a list of SIMPLE things to make me happy. I'm not the least bit materialistic, so it really is just "the little things".

JessC replied: Just a fiance for me but...

I like just to get along, not fight so much, maybe help clean a little... and no lying- thats my big expection. Other than that, Chris is pretty good, he helps when he can and when he is not tired.

bwalkerletters replied: Shoes is a definite answer for women! I bet there is no woman on this board that doesn't own at least 100 pair of shoes! hahaha

CCTandME replied:
ummm..... I don't.

Mommy2BAK replied:
I don't even own close to that many shoes!

bwalkerletters replied: CCT, well, you are one of FEW that don't. You said you weren't into materialistic things, so I guess I'll believe you! haha............how much did you pay for your most expensive purse then?? I went out with a guy one time that paid 700 dollars for one. That was too much for me! She had no kids, so I guess she could do that kind of stuff! Still, 700 dollars for a purse?? I'm sure someone on here has beat that before though...........

CCTandME replied:
Ummm...... I don't carry one. After my oldest was born I ditched it. Too many things to carry. I had a diaper bag, pump, amother bag w/ a journal I wrote in everyday to my daughter and pictures of her. Now after 3 I still don't carry one. I put whatever I need in the diaper bag.
When I did carry one probably $50 was most. That was a LONG time ago. LOL!!

kit_kats_mom replied: LOL. I've had the same purse ($7) for the last 3 years. Shoes, $2.99 flip flops and a pair of keds a year. The most expensive pair of shoes I have are my black boots and even those were only $70...alot in my opinion but I've worn them for 4 years now.

Now, to your original question. I have learned to not have expectations. You usually end up disapointed since no one can read your mind. Instead, I try to appreciate what he does do, which is a lot. I create a family friendly atmnosphere at home; dinners at the table every night, family walk after dinner and a family activitiy every weekend. That makes it easy for my DH to jump in and have fun. Since I am a WAHM, I take care of most housekeeping. He is responsible for household research for big ticket items, landscaping etc and maintenance of the home such as shelving in the garage. Also, he is responsible for auto maintenence and keeping our network up. I do hope that he will appreciate what I do to keep the household running & that he will take the girls so I can get a half hour off sometimes...& he does

PascosGirl replied: Doesn't take much to make me happy. I do like attention and my DH gives me a lot of that.

AshleyRose replied: i like a lot of attention.. but then again, I am a leo and that is expected...

A&A'smommy replied: first of all I think it varys from woman to woman everyone has a different love language and different personalities! I'm reading a book right now called the five love languages and it has been really helpful to me already in understanding that what I expect from him well he probably doesn't have a clue and that what he expects of me I probably don't know so therefor when I get done with it I should have some sort of clue and communicating with my husband shouldn't be so much of chore because it will help me to understand HOW he communicates. I reccamend this book to everyone! oops sorry I turned that into a book review

bwalkerletters replied: Sounds good! Here's my promotional for a book I just read. It's called He-Motions by TD Jakes. It was written for men, but it would be great for women to read too........check into that one!

ammommy replied:
What's it about?

bwalkerletters replied: It talks about a man's relationship with God, his kids, his spouse, his father, with time in general, stuff like that............I loved it......will read it again.

~KARA~ replied: Well concidering that my Dh works 80 hours a weekI dont expect much!
I do however expect him to
1. take trash out
2. mow the yard, I cant do it this year since Im pregobut ill start back up next year!)
3. help out with the kids when he is home. &
4. Deal with his family when they are being a pain in my BUTT!!( which is often!)

My2Beauties replied: I just expect that he treat me with respect, I agree with Cary - you should EXPECT so much from someone - something I have learned in the past year or so. Sometimes I could be a bit demanding and thinking things like how could he not know that I expect that But I have come to realize that he has no way in knowing what I expect from him since all women are different! My DF shows me a lot of attention and he shows me a good time when we go out and makes me feel beautiful every day! I am constantly getting compliments from him and that is very important

gr33n3y3z replied: I'm very happy the way my hubby is

But I have 2 pair of NB sneakers and one pair of uggs and 1 pair of dress shoes and work boots lol

mammag replied: Well, for me it's the little things also. I just want to know he's thinking of me, what I need or want, and wants to spend time with me.

As far as women being materialistic.....I'd say no more so than men. Just a matter of what they spend the money on. Of all the women I know my middle sister is the only really materialistic woman I know. To the point of neglecting her kids . But her husband is the same exact way if not more so. I think if you really pay attention you'd find that most women aren't. Especially when they have kids, we tend to put them first. If this is not what you are experiencing maybe you hanging around the wrong kind of women. Or it could be that because it is spend on things you feel are frivolous you consider it materialistic.

I have all of maybe 10 shoes (some I wouldn't wear out. ). And the most I've spent on a purse would be in the $20 range. But it's just not a top priority to me I can think of much funner things to spend $700 on than a purse.

GavinsMommy replied: Simple...

Don't smoke and waste money and your health
Go to church with me
Respect me
Do things for me out of the blue sometimes like flowers, etc.
Help me with the baby or house without me asking you to on occasion

TANNER'S MOM replied:
I am kind of irriated that my worth as a wife..and the only thing that could make me happy is judged by the price of my purse..and how many shoes my spouse has to buy me!???


Ok that being said.. What I expect from DH..is nothing less than I give.
Which is respect and hard work, trust given and earned. HONEST, and love.

No marriage is perfect and mine is far from it. We go thru stages where we don't have a pot to pee in..and times when I can buy the proverbial purse....but I know that we are there for each other no matter what..

I do expect him to be the father he should, I expect him to do a load of laundry if it needs it, I expect him to take the trash bag out of the trash can when it is running in the floor. I expect him to help w/ homework etc.

But he expects me to cook if I am home b4 him, and he expects me to take the kids to school daily and make sure lunch money is paid b/c he would never remember

And the biggest thing he EXPECTS for me is this...

That EVERYTIME he gets in my van the gas gauge will say EMPTY!

Mel

GavinsMommy replied:
I have a lot, but I could care less about shoes. Three expensive pair (for winter, in summer I wear flips) are all I need. A black pair, brown pair, and some tennies. Other than that I could care less. I have SO MANY SHOES, but I only wear three pairs. You guessed it...a black pair (which I have had for three years and they still look new ), a brown pair, and some tennies!

Edited to say....they don't have to be expensive, but I find the more expensive, the better they hold up...

GavinsMommy replied:
Wait...you went out with a GUY that payed 700 for one...or a girl??

ammommy replied:
I'm pretty sure that was meant tongue in cheek since it stemmed from an answer given

BTW, I'm a shoe hog I'll admit it. At one time I have 46 pairs of shoes. I'm down to about 14.

CCTandME replied:

bwalkerletters replied: haha.......oops! I meant to say girl! I've had my hands full with my girls this morning!

GavinsMommy replied:
Uh huh...you know it was a man!

bwalkerletters replied: No, it wasn't.....this girl was in playboy haha

GavinsMommy replied:
OH...so you're one of THOSE men, huh? Lol...

My cousin Megan was in playboy. She was in the Dec. '03 issue and has been in it again, but I'm not sure which issue it was. Megan Campbell

texasp3 replied:
Well, said! So well said I'm just going to say "DITTO!"

As for shoes and purses... please. I own one purse at a time - if it can't go with every "outfit" then it's not worth buying. And if it's not on sale for $19.99 or less, it's not worth considering. For the past year I haven't bothered with a purse at all - just a good diaper bag that does double duty.

And shoes??!! What would I do with that many shoes? I think maybe I own a dozen, total... but most of them live with the dust bunnies under my dresser. In the summer I wear my tennis shoes and one pair of sandles. In the winter it's a pair of black boots. Again... if it can't go with everything I own... forget it. Somewhere in my closet is one pair of dressy sandles that I bought to wear to a friend's wedding three... or was it four?... years ago. I wish you could just RENT shoes. Even when I worked up the corporate ladder for a fortune 10 company it was black flats with EVERYTHING. I just bought one good pair at a time.

Gracious... I can't imagine spending time and mental energy deciding on what SHOES to wear.

Okay... enough about shoes.

moped replied: WE WANT EVERYTHING - GEEZ DON'T YOU KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL, just kidding.............

We just want respect, some help around the house, maybe a night out for dinner and not to be tired all the time!!!!!!!

But I want my cake and I want to eat it too - KIDDING!

moped replied: I would also like to add that YES I own a ton of shoes, but I also work and make some decent money, so I like shoes and clothes, but not expensive shoes and not a big expensive purse buyer either..................shoes are nice to have.

3xsthefun replied: I don't really expect to much out of my husband. I don't want no expensive car, shoes, purse or clothes. I probably get new outfit every 3 or 4 months sometimes go longer. My kids needs are more important then mine.

All I ask is he love me back, respect me, have time for just us, and help me out with the kids.

moped replied: So are we asking too much????

bwalkerletters replied: I don't think so.........buying 700 dollar purses every season of the year is asking too much! That's why I couldn't keep seeing her! haha

moped replied: mmmmmm, was expecting something more profound out of you!

bwalkerletters replied: Oh, so now my answers aren't good enough for you! haha

JessC replied:

Exactly!!! Chris hates it!

mammag replied: Also wanted to add, we women could say you guys are materialistic. What about men and their tvs, cars, guns, computers, etc. And I know, for instance, that my husband spends more on his shoes than I do mine.

Like I said, I wouldn't spend $700 for a purse but who am I to say what is important to another person? Also, if your taste in women is someone who is well dressed and put together, you're going to have to expect that she is going to have to spend money to get that way. If you don't want to spend the money, don't date that type of woman in the first place.

bwalkerletters replied: Well, I don't think you have to spend 700 dollars on a purse to look good. Of course, I do like for my woman to look good, and take care of themself. Guys, yeah, we can spend money too..........my weakness would definitely be Best Buy! I mentioned this on another post, but I had intentions of just going in to buy ONE particular CD (Butch Walker - check it out! Like that promo??) haha.....and came out with the CD, plus 2 DVD movies. I don't buy electronics regularly, though I love to check it all out!

kit_kats_mom replied: I also wanted to add that in most situations, unexpressed expectations can be really bad. For example, I am a self-procalimed neat freak. My DH on the other hand was not and still isn't one...in fact, when we first started dating, I found a mushroom growing in the bathroom that he shared with his roomate. That would have been a deal breaker if he wasn't such a great guy otherwise. That being said, I knew what I was getting myself into and I shouldn't have been suprised when he looked at me quizzically as I was hauling the vaccum out for the second time in two weeks. He was seriously stunned that I thought the house needed to be vaccumed more than once a year *shudder* We've since written down a plan of minimum tidiness that I must have in order to not go nuts and he attempts to comply.

JAYMESMOM replied: I used to expect the world of my husband. Then I got married and realized I was the one who was miserable because he wasn't what I thought he should be. Now I just want to feel he loves me and tries to do his best to help me and he does that.

As far the the shoe thing goes - I have around 40 pair. The most expensive were around $50.00. I have been eyeing some though that are closer to $80.00. The shoes I spend the most money on - last the longest. I need a different pair of shoes for my clothes when I am going out. I spend all week in scrubs and tennis shoes so I like to dress up on the weekends.

As for the purse issue, I have my eye on an awesome coach purse for 400.00 but would never spend it since I can think of a million things to do for my kids for that money. However, I would love to have just one since my husband's ex constantly reminds me that I don't have any since he used to buy them for her all the time and she got all the ones he will ever buy. So maybe out of spite, I'll buy one. Yes I know its petty but sometimes it bothers me. LOL


P.S. Thanks for the recommendations on both books - I have been meaning to get to the bookstore to buy The Five Love Languages since it has been years since I read it and the He-motions sounds like a book my non-book loving husband would read.

Daisyx3 replied: MOney LOL..

I would like my dh to be home at night and help with the kids and the house.. Other wise I'm pretty happy.